NOTE: For anyone reading this that isn't a new viewer to the story. I scrapped the old version (three itty bitty chapters) and am now re-writing it. Here is the first chapter. The second is at beta's and will be posted soon. Hope you enjoy it!
Rose held her breath for a moment. Unsure for a split second if she should lie or not.
"I... I am, actually," Rose admitted, almost hesitantly.
This was the Doctor and with him, one could never tell how he'd react to something, especially something like this. She swallowed hard, trying to dispel the growing lump in her throat. In the seconds that followed, waiting for his reaction, she steadily grew more and more worried she'd made a mistake and shouldn't have told him. Jackie, her mum, had suggested (ha, when does Jackie ever suggest anything?) that she not tell him. Why should she, Jackie said, since it wasn't like he was even in the same universe as Rose, so there was no way he could even be with her. Rose wasn't stupid though. She realized what her mum left unsaid - that even if the Doctor was in this universe, the chances of him still being there for her, was unlikely.
Rose knew her mum was trying to be supportive in her own way, but many times in the last few days, she had to leave her in the living room or someplace similar, still ranting about the Doctor, to go outside just for the silence. She still hadn't come to terms with the fact she was in pregnant and not just pregnant but pregnant with a time-lord's baby, whatever that meant. That's what scared her, the 'whatever' part that she had no idea what it entailed.
She gulped and waited for his reply, listening to the waves of the water on the beach. She knew if she turned she'd see her father, mother and Mickey waiting for her to support her when she was finished. She was glad, though it also made it harder in some respects, that there were others there to bear witness to whatever happened.
The Doctor stared at Rose, speechless. He was rarely at a loss for words, but right now he wasn't sure what to say. It couldn't be his, could it? They had only been together that one time... It was still possible of course, but he didn't even dare hope.
"Mickey's?" he finally managed to ask, hesitantly. It would make sense. The two of them had never officially broken up as far as he knew. Now they were together in an alternate universe. It would make sense for them to rekindle their relationship, wouldn't it? Plus, Mickey was a good man and Rose deserved that.
Rose wasn't sure why she was surprised at the Doctor's assumption that the baby was Mickey's, after all, the two of them had been together at one time. She should have realized he'd make that natural leap and not even because Mickey and she used to date, used to being the important word. No, she shouldn't have been surprised because that's the way the Doctor's mind worked. As if he simply couldn't accept the obvious truth and instead had to find another possible solution.
"I... No. Mickey and I have been over since... long before you and I and that... night," she said trailing off. Rose shifted from one foot to another.
"I know it really doesn't matter in the end, since you're over there and I'm over here but thought you should know... in case it mattered at all," she said, her voice cracking at the end of the sentence. Everything she didn't say was there too; how of course it mattered, how she was so alone even if she wasn't, how she missed him, how it was unfair and so much more.
The Doctor blinked, stunned. It was really his? The hint of a smile crept onto his lips, before the reality of their situation settled in. She was in another universe. No, they were in another universe. His Rose and his baby!
"Mine," he mumbled absentmindedly. "Another timelord." His hearts started to beat faster at the thought. He finally wasn't alone anymore. Yet, at the same time, he was.
"But I won't be there. I can't be there." He blinked once more, this time to get rid of the tears that were starting to build. He wasn't going to cry! Not now! He had to stay strong, for Rose. They only had a few moments left together. He couldn't lose it now.
Rose nodded slowly.
"I know," she said in a whisper.
"I know," she said again, this time stronger.
"I just thought you should know. I didn't want you to go through life thinking you were the last one anymore when you weren't even if you can't be here with us. Did I do the wrong thing? Should I have kept it to myself, Doctor?" she asked though she knew if he told her that she should she might actually burst into tears. In the few weeks since they'd gotten stuck in this universe her hormones had surged into overdrive. She had no idea what exactly went into having an alien baby but if her mood swings were anything to go by, it was going to be a long nine months.
The Doctor went back to staring at her.
"What? No... no, of course not," he quickly answered. No matter how hard it would be to go on, knowing that he couldn't be with his child, it was definitely better than not knowing.
"You did the right thing." He sighed, not knowing what else to say, or better what to say first. There was so much he wanted to tell her, so much he never said, never even admitted to himself. This was his last chance, his only chance to do so. He briefly glanced at the clock on the TARDIS console. Only a few seconds left. It was now or never.
"Rose... I... I love you! And if there is a way to get to you safely, I will find it. Somehow, someday, I will get back to you... both of you," he promised as the connection started to flicker.
Her heart seemed to swell. For a moment she thought she might have a heart attack.
She put her hand up in the air, as if she could touch his face, though of course she couldn't since he was just a projection.
Tears spilled down her cheeks and fell into the water that mixed with the sand beneath her feet. A kind of irony and symbol of their ... their what? Their love? Their relationship? The waves bring the sand in and then take back out, the small grains never staying in one place. Perhaps really, it was more of a perfect metaphor for the Doctor who never stayed in one place too long lest he actually start to feel.
Rose smiled.
"I love you too," she said, as she watched the man she had grown to love over the time she'd traveled with him start to flicker and fade. It hurt much more than she thought possible.
She'd thought she'd steeled herself against it, knowing that it was coming, that there was no hope of any other possible outcome. The reality was far worse than what she'd imagined though.
As he faded away, her heart felt like it was being shattered into a million pieces all over again, just like the day when they'd been torn apart by the two universes.
"I love you too," she whispered once more, one last time, trying to commit his image to memory so that she could forever keep him with her, not just for her but for their baby one day.
Hearing her words, a tear slipped away, running down The Doctor's cheek. The next moment the connection broke completely and all he could see was the TARDIS around him. He looked down sighing, and leaned against the console, unsure what to do. A part of him wanted to get to work right away, try to find a way back to Rose and his unborn baby. Another wanted to just sit down and swallow in self-pity. It wasn't fair. He had been alone for so long, and now, just when he was about to have a family, it was taken away from him. As if his time with Rose wouldn't have been short enough. Humans had such a tiny lifespan in comparison to timelords. He would have lost her sooner or later, he had always known it. He never would have thought that it would happen this quickly though, and under these circumstances. It just wasn't fair!
Before the Doctor had a chance to make up his mind about what to do something materialized inside the TARDIS. No, not something, someone... a bride.
"What?" he mumbled, startled. This just wasn't possible. Nobody could get into the TARDIS like this!
