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Suggested Listening: King and Lionheart by Of Monsters and Men

Touch of White

Part II: Longing

Ushijima carefully treaded into Kagome's room. The sun was only just barely beginning to peak. He'd decided to return in the morning to check up on her. Try as he might, he could not get the image of her lying sick in bed out of his mind. This would be the third time this year. Was it another flare up? They often occurred in intervals of three before expounding into a severe onset. A sinking feeling settled into his stomach. He hoped not.

The young man casually slid his jacket from his shoulders and hung it on her desk chair. She was awake, but just barely. He didn't want to cause her any more stress than necessary. For now he'd keep this visit brief. He'd have more time after the game.

"Toshi?" Her voice was weak in comparison to yesterday. She was usually a slow riser in the mornings, so he wasn't sure if it was exhaustion or illness that caused the change in her tone. Regardless he snapped to attention.

"It's me." Ushijima came to a stop at her bedside. The young woman lifted her hand. Her palm splayed out towards him, reaching for him much the same way they'd always done at the top of the shrine's stairs. He carefully took hold of her hand, curling his fingers loosely around it.

She was still too warm.

His brows furrowed in concern. Her fever hadn't broken during the nigh. This would make it the second day that she was sick. He'd have to be more careful in watching her. Had she pushed herself too much with Nekoma's Volleyball Club? Kuro was usually extreme in watching for her, but had he been too distracted with the Spring Tournament? His brows knotted together even more steeply. This wasn't good.

The young man sunk carefully into the spot beside her. Much like the previous night, she sat up enough to rest her head upon his shoulder. He felt the brief inhale and exhale of her breath upon his neck. Warmth and the taste of salt flashed in his mind before he could shut it down.

"Sorry, I don't have much energy today." A kind smile spread across her lips. "Kaa-chan said that I couldn't leave bed today." He felt her index finger rub circles over his knuckles absentmindedly. He returned the favor with his thumb. It was the reassurance he didn't know he needed. "I wanted to go but it looks like I'm under house arrest today." She sat up to tip her chin up towards him. "I'll still be cheering for you, 'kay?"

Ushijima nodded once, "You always do." She wouldn't be there. That thought ran through his head more times than he cared to admit to. He wouldn't hear her cheering. He wouldn't be able to see her face. Nor would he be able to feel her as wrapped around his middle after their victory. He leaned down and pressed his forehead to her shoulder wordlessly. He'd have to imprint this in his memory for now. That way he could carry it with him through the game.

"One time?" The young man asked softly. She already knew what he was requesting. In all their years together, Kagome had made a habit of sending him off with a bright grin and positive optimism. He'd never been the type to doubt himself. It was just that her enthusiasm always seemed to give him the extra boost of confidence he needed. Today was no different.

"Good luck, Toshi." She brought her free hand to rest on the side of his face affectionately. "You know I believe in you." Ushijima sighed. He couldn't misunderstand. This wasn't an act of romantic interest. She already had someone that she was dating. He couldn't cross that gap. Especially not while she was ill.

His eyes closed as he took in her scent. This was as close as he could get to truly holding her. So he'd take the opportunity as far as he could. His other palm cane to rest over her wrist, trailing his fingers along the softness of the skin.

Sometimes he wondered what it'd be like. Touch was common place in their relationship. Kagome used it as a means to feel connected with other people. She held hands with her friends frequently and he knew her to be quite affectionate with everyone she was close to.

That didn't stop him from wanting their connection to be just a tiny bit more special though. He'd seen a few guys revolve in and out of her life as her significant other. Thus far Kuro was the only one to last so long. He brushed his fingers over her wrist again. What would it be like?

"Toshi, you feeling nervous?" He felt more than heard her words. The captain sighed through his nose. He wasn't nervous about the game. He was certain that victory would be his on this day. But that didn't stop the edging of concern he felt whenever he saw her like this. Her skin had become so pale. Her limbs felt weak beneath his touch and he knew that she was drawing to the end of her energy to keep up with this conversation. His eyes moved to her clock. Plus, he too was running out of time.

"Not really. I should go, though." Reluctantly he withdrew his hands.

Kagome met his gaze as he moved back into a proper sitting position, "I'll be rooting for you from here." Her smile grew impossibly warm.

He wanted to stay.

"I know you can do it."

Ushijima gave her a small but brief smile in return. Before he stood, he tilted his head and pressed his lips against her temple affectionately. It'd be the only time he could do it. So do now he'd take that small chance. He withdrew slowly, taking a small amount of masculine pride in the flush that crossed her cheeks. That time it wasn't related to the fever. It'd been him.

"Get some rest." With that the young man dawned his Volleyball jacket and made his way out of the shrine. He had a game to win.

How had he missed it? Ushijima trudged back up the stairs of the shrine. He'd been so confident. He'd had so much faith in his own abilities, but he missed the opponent that had been standing right in front of him.

He'd lost.

They hadn't even secured their position in the Nationals, but were defeated by upstarts in the Miyagi Prefecture. The crows of Karasuno had earned their wings and now he was left with a dawning reality.

This had been his final game and Kagome hadn't been able to attend. That thought hit him harder than the defeat itself. He wanted to see her. Even for just a few minutes. He needed to see her.

All of his life he'd been her pillar of support. She'd gone through so many rough periods between illnesses and bullying. She fought hard just to be where she was today, but every now and then she required his support to help her get moving again. Now, he suddenly felt the urge to feel the same.

The whole game the image of her lain sick in bed with her hair fanned across her pillows haunted his mind. He'd seen her at her worst. The last time her fevers persisted for this long was in her final year of middle school. Before hand they would break intermittently.

He needed to see her.

Perhaps if he just saw her face, then the bitterness that ate away at him would dissipate.

Ushijima crested the top of the stairway. She wasn't there. Silently, he made his way through the shrine and up the familiar staircase. He bypassed the walls lined with pictures of their memories together. Was she still sick? His feet carried him faster.

The captain briefly paused at the threshold of her door. He lifted his hand and rapped at the wood twice.

"Come in, Toshi." Came Kagome's quiet response. She knew that it was him. Maybe by his footsteps or by his timing; all he knew was that he was glad for that much.

Ushijima cracked the door open. She was no longer laying in bed like she was this morning. Now she was dressed in her favorite pair of sweat pants and tank top; perched at the edge of her desk.

She smiled at him. This one was just as warm as the others but it was twinges with something bittersweet.

The young woman pushed herself off of the desk. She met him halfway across the room. As he stretched out his hand to take hers, she opened her arms to wind them around his neck. His eyes widened at the small amount of force she used to pull him down to her.

"You did good." She pressed her lips against his ear, whispering the words she knew he needed to hear.

He closed his eyes. Instinctively his arms went around her tiny form; nearly engulfing her completely. In this instance the gap that separated them was temporarily lifted. He pressed his face into the crook of her neck. He wasn't used to this. Not the defeat or such a physical show of comfort. It was refreshing in its own bittersweet way.

The first thing the captain noticed was how significantly cooler her skin seemed to be in comparison. Her fever had broke. Relief flushed through his system at that realization. She'd be fine.

"There's still more games, you know." He felt her hands massage at his scalp. His grip on her grew a bit tighter. "We're going to the same college after all."

That time he couldn't help the small smile. Judging by the way her hands trailed through his hair, he assumed that she could feel it too.

"That we are." Ushijima chose to respond. The results had come in just a couple of weeks prior. They'd applied to several colleges and he'd bee granted a scholarship based on his prowess in Volleyball. They'd both gotten accepted to the same university. While he was going to continue to pursue his passion in the sport, Kagome was attending to pursue her dream of becoming an educator. It suited her well.

"Love you, Toshi." The moment she spoke those words, he knew that he was lost. She'd said them often—simply a show of her familial affection towards him. However the effect it'd had was monumental.

He loved her.

He had for a long time as well. She didn't return his feelings so he fought to remain as an important friend by her side.

Ushijima nodded and gave a small grunt in response. His hand moved to tangle in her hair. He splayed his open palm across the small of her back, pulling her frail form flush against his own. The gap was gone. She was here in his arms. His brow twitched as her phone began to vibrate.

She wasn't his.

The young man reluctantly loosened his hold over her. Kagome tightened her arms around his neck one last time before allowing them to fall away. However she did not step away. Her hands lifted to grasp at his face gently.

"I believe in you."

She said it so often. His lips quirked upwards in a tiny smile.

That was all he needed.