Chapter 2- Closer
For the whole next week, Gohan threw himself into his studies, trying to ignore the pain he had touched upon during his last meeting with Piccolo. Despite this, he couldn't seem get his 'everything is ok' mask back on. So naturally, on his next Saturday off, he went to see Piccolo again.
It seemed his visit was expected, for Piccolo was already at their old training grounds instead of the Lookout. When Gohan arrived, he didn't make his usual ruckus, which would inevitably lead into a session of sparring. He simply sat in front of Piccolo and put his head in his hands.
Much to his surprise, he felt a hand rest on top of his head just a moment later, reminding him of how Piccolo used to ruffle his hair when he was younger. But somehow, it was different. He was trying to be sympathetic this time.
Piccolo, psychic barriers down, pressed at Gohan's thoughts with a wave of his own emotions. It was a confusing blur of regret, sympathy and a silenced question as to whether Gohan was ready to try opening his mind again.
Gohan's response was a slight and hesitant yes, quickly followed by a feeling of wanting to suppress his thoughts on the Cell Fiasco. If he didn't want to look at it, then why would Piccolo?
"It's fine." He seemed to convey. "I shouldn't have poked around so much, so soon, but just remember the point of the exercise. Eventually we'll look at it together."
"I know." He said, returning to moving around his own mind. It wasn't fair that Piccolo was being more open than he was, after all. However, it did not take very much exploring of memories for him to find something else that caused him to, albeit less forcefully than last time, eject Piccolo from his thoughts.
It wasn't just for the sake of his own dignity, but he was fairly sure an asexual being, of all people, would not want to look in on any memories of him masturbating.
"Um, sorry!" He laughed nervously; face bright red and feeling rather mortified.
Piccolo frowned and shook his head. What was that? He repeated the sentiment out loud after realising Gohan had almost entirely cut him off from his thought processes.
"Um, well, you know how Humans and Saiyans reproduce sexually?" At Piccolo's nod he felt compelled to continue despite his discomfort. "Sometimes there isn't a mate to reproduce with, but you still feel like you should be having intercourse anyway. It's especially true around my age, what with all the hormones flying around and how it's socially unacceptable for me to… and, well…"
He found he didn't want to continue, and couldn't quite find a way to explain even if he was inclined to do so.
"I think… I understand a little." Piccolo said vaguely. Now he had experienced this from someone else's point of view, it seemed he at least better understood the relation between two people in the sense of Humans and or Saiyans. To think, whole species based their cultures and very lives around the attainment of some pleasurable act. Of course for most this was for the purpose of reproduction, but for others, particularly for the staggering amount of humans that infested this world, it seemed to have another purpose.
Gohan had stopped instinctively blocking out Piccolo long enough to hear most of his prior thought. "If you think this is weird, just be glad I'm not trying to explain the concept of homosexuals or transsexuals to you. That doesn't really have anything to do with breeding…"
"Gender just overcomplicates things." Piccolo grouched as he tried to put a lid on the feelings he had siphoned from Gohan's memories. He couldn't even begin to describe something so foreign. Yet he found himself somewhat fascinated by it, probably because of its utter repulsiveness.
But his thoughts didn't linger in that particular vein. He was soon distracted by Gohan's thoughts wandering the outskirts of his recently dubbed Cell Fiasco. Instead of interfering this time, he simply sat back and watched the thoughts take their course. It began with sadness that was expected from the death of a parent, but soon turned into something rather more self-destructive.
The degree of self-blame and guilt was almost overwhelming. A blurry recollection of Chi-Chi's anguished, tear-stained face came and went, along with an irrational sense of inferiority. He felt his father was better than him; he should have died as well, or even better, instead. Piccolo was not only confused by the obscenity of this inferiority complex, but also gravely concerned.
However, he had no skill or tact when it came to emotional support or healing. So he did the only thing that made sense at the time. He exacerbated Gohan's anger in an attempt to force his rational and logical side out.
"Yes," he stated coldly, trying not to appear too belligerent, "it's your fault. What were you thinking? Rather, you weren't. Did you ever stop to consider the consequences of playing around with such an opponent!"
"I-I know! It was stupid! Damn it, I'll… I'll never go Super Saiyan again!" He exclaimed, anxiety rising. He didn't seem to notice that the conversation had become entirely verbal again.
"Then what, watch as more people die the next time Earth is threatened?" Piccolo demanded harshly, taking advantage of the way he was riled up so easily. "You just sat there and watched him die!"
"That's not the problem! It's not Dad I'm worried about, it's Mum and Goten! There was nothing I could do to stop him, so stop blaming me!" His voice rose, along with his power level. Despite his earlier sentiment, he would ascend if he didn't control his temper. Gohan's bipolar tendencies would have to be addressed at another time. Looking at his parents, it seemed to be hereditary in one form or another…
"Perhaps you should stop blaming yourself, then." Piccolo answered in a surprisingly calm and civil manner.
Gohan opened his mouth to roar something in response, but it died in his throat as he thought about what Piccolo had actually just said. His head returned to his hands and he shook from both repressed rage and the sensation of coming down from his brief adrenaline high. His power level also dropped significantly.
"Given the way your banshee of a mother always screamed about these things, it seems she would have been far more upset if you had have been the one to die, anyway. Perhaps it's about time you had this conversation with her." He reached out and touched Gohan's head again in response to some unbidden instinct.
This seemed to relax Gohan enough for him to hesitantly open his mind to Piccolo again, in terms of thoughts and the surface of his feelings. Piccolo got the impression that he thought his mother would have killed Goku herself if her husband hadn't bought their son back alive.
Piccolo smirked and conveyed mild amusement toward this sentiment. He allowed his fingers to run through Gohan's wiry Saiyan-like hair before removing his hand from the teen's head. He was confused by the almost warm and fuzzy sentiment this action caused Gohan to feel. Maybe this physical contact thing had a reasonable purpose after all.
Gohan touched down a few feet from the entrance of his home and let himself in. "Mum, I'm back." He called out as he took his shoes off in the doorway.
"Hello dear," Chi-Chi called from her position curled up on the couch, looking up from the book she was reading as he entered the living room.
Gohan couldn't feel his brother's Ki anywhere in the nearby vicinity, so he decided that now would be as good a time as any to have a talk with his mother. It was unlikely she would get a chance to sit down and read if Goten was home.
"What's wrong?" She asked, noticing her son hadn't run straight to the refrigerator to find something to eat, for once. "Goten is just sleeping over at Trunks' tonight." She added, thinking that may have been the cause of her eldest son's odd behaviour.
"Oh, ok. Um, actually I wanted to talk about Dad." He finally responded, sitting down on the portion of the couch Chi-Chi wasn't taking up.
"Oh," she replied softly as she marked her page and put the book down. "You said he said it was ok. You don't have to feel guilty." She added quickly, hating to see her son so unusually upset.
"I know," he murmured, bringing his legs up to wrap his arms around his knees. "I'm more worried about you and Goten than him, though. I know he doesn't have a problem with dying; it's just like another adventure for him. But you were so upset… and Goten hasn't even met him…"
"Gohan," Chi-Chi said sternly, "Of course I was upset. But I'm more relieved that my little boy didn't go the same way. I know I tried to make him promise to come back alive, but realistically neither of us thought he truly would. That's why… well, that's why we tried for another child before he left."
Gohan was rather surprised by how blasé his mother sounded about the issue. "So you're not even really that upset?" He asked, trying to clear up his confusion. He wondered if that was the true purpose behind his father's three days of rest, three days of training and three more days of 'rest' scheme. He remembered having been left on the Lookout for the last three days…
She smiled sadly, "For most of my life I've been chasing after that father of yours. I've been infatuated since our first meeting, and yet, he didn't appear to feel the same way. Not that I paid too much attention to that tiny detail when I was a girl." She stifled a surprisingly girlish giggle before continuing, "I remember thinking I just wanted a strong husband, so when Goku beat me with one hit at the World Martial Arts Tournament, I did everything I could to convince him to marry me.
"In the end he went along with it, amiable and clueless as always, and not long after the tournament we were married and had you." She paused to blush as she reminisced about having to give Goku 'the talk' before they could even attempt to have a child. She tactfully decided that Gohan probably didn't want to hear about that.
"Since his brother came to Earth, he's been away more than he's been with me, so I was back to feeling like a silly little girl who was pining after something she couldn't have. Now, I don't think I could bring myself to try and permanently domesticate a free spirit like his. Maybe he'll get a chance to come back to us when he's good and ready.
"But there's no use in worrying about it, just do what you can with what you have." She finished rather vaguely, apparently reaching the moral of her life story. She extended an arm to her little boy, who in only a few years would be a full-grown man.
Gohan responded to his mother by curling up beside her. She steadily stroked his hairline as she continued, "As for Goten, well, he's more like Goku than any of us. All he has to do is look in the mirror to see what his father was like." She laughed gently; pleasantly surprised that her first son still let her treat him like he was her little baby.
Gohan silently contemplated what he'd been told as he slowly relaxed and ceased to worry due to his mother's comforting gestures. She was right, though. His father was certainly unique. He cared about pretty much everyone, not just his own family and circle of friends.
Some people would call it a kind of purity, ultimately moral, perhaps even worthy of religious worship. He found this to be ironic, since if his father hadn't been practically brain damaged at an early age, he would be just like his older brother. Or even worse, how Vegeta used to be…
"Thanks Mum." He muttered, feeling himself slowly falling asleep. This was only the first step to facing his feelings, but he felt much better for today. It felt like a very large step in the right direction.
Feeling emotionally light for the first time in years, he drifted off, somewhat surprised his mother wasn't yelling at him to go study to make up for all the marks he had lost on the biology test. That's what he got for answering with his own theories and philosophy instead of Darwinian principles. Not that he would tell his mother Piccolo had anything to do with it.
I hope the spacing wasn't too horrible. There always seemed to be either too much dialogue or not enough in this one. Did it still read ok? It's hard for me to objectively tell.
A huge thanks to everyone who reviewed/favourited/watched; it's really motivating. No more updates until September, unfortunately. I'll be buried in Uni work until then.