England brought new pet from a boutique but there was something wrong with it.

"Hello I wish to register a complaint." He looked at the shop owner bent down and said, "Hello miss."

The owner got up revealed to be Spain asking,

"What do you mean miss?"

"I'm sorry I have a cold."

"I wish to make a complaint.

"Sorry we're closing for lunch."

he was cut off

"Never mind that my lad I wish to make a complaint about this parrot which I purchased about half an hour ago from this very boutique."

"Oh that's the Norwegian blue. What's wrong with it?"

"I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It's dead that's what's wrong with it."

"No no it's resting look."

"Look my lad I know a dead parrot when I see one and I'm looking at one right now."

"No no it's not dead it's resting."

"Resting?"

"Yeah, remarkable bird the Norwegian blue beautiful plumage isn't it?"

"The plumage don't enter into it, its stone dead."

"No, no it's resting."

"All right then, if it's resting then I'll wake it up."

He then yelled at the cage,

"HELLO POLLY I GOT A NICE CUTTLEFISH FOR YOU WHEN YOU WAKE UP POLLY PARROT!"

Spain then pushed the cage.

"There he moved."

"No you didn't. That was you pushing the cage!"

"I did not."

"YES, YOU DID!"

England then took the parrot out of the cage and yelled at the parrot's head.

"HELLO POLLY! POOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYY!"

He banged the parrot's body on the counter hoping it would wake up.

"POLLY PARROT WAKE UP! POLLY!"

The parrot was tossed into the air and then landed on the floor still not moving.

"Now that's what I call a dead parrot."

"No,no it's stunned."

"Look my lad, I've had just about enough of this. That parrot is definitely when I brought it a half an hour ago you told me that it's lack of movement was do to it being tired and shagged out after a long squawk."

"It's got to be pining for the fields."

"Pining for the fields? What kind of talk is that? Look why did it fall flat on its back the moment I got it home?"

"The Norwegian blue prefers sleeping on its back. It's a beautiful bird lovely plumage."

"Look I took the liberty of examining that parrot. And I discovered that the only reason why it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been nailed there."

"Of course he was nailed there otherwise it'd mussel up to those bars and VOOM!"

"Look matey."

England took the parrot out of the cage and continued.

"This parrot wouldn't voom if I put four thousand volts through it. It's bleeding demised."

"It's not it's pining."

"It's not pining it's passed on this parrot is no more it's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot! IT'S A STIFF! BEREFT OF LIFE! IT RESTS IN PEACE1 IF YOU HADN'T NAILED IT TO THE PERCH IT WOULD BE PUSHING UP THE DASIES! ITS RUN DOWN THE CURTAIN AND JOINED THE CHIOR INVISIBLE! THIS IS AN EX PARROT!"

"Well, I'd better replace it then."

England sighed and told the readers

"If you want to get anything done around here you've got to complain until your blue in the mouth."

"Sorry senor we're right out of parrots."

"I see, I see, I get the picture."

"I've got a slug."

"Does it talk?"

"Not really, no."

"Well it scarcely replaces it isn't it?"

"Listen I'll tell you what. If you go to my brother's petshop in Bolton he'll replace your parrot for you."

"Bolton eh?"

"Yeah?"

"Alright."

England then went to Bolton with the parrot in hopes of a replacement parrot. He soon got to the pet shop with the parrot in hand hoping for one that was actually alive and not dead. He walked into the shop seeing that the owner looked like Spain only with a mustache on. He even saw that there was a cage that looked identical to the one he left in the other shop on the floor. He then asked the owner.

"Excuse me is this Bolton?"

"No,no it's Ipswitch."

"That's intercity rail for you."

England once again left the shop with the parrot and made his way to a complaint department.

"I wish to make a complaint."

"I don't have to do this you know."

"I beg your pardon?"

"I'm a qualified brain surgeon. I only do this cause I like being me own boss."

"E-excuse me this isn't relevant is it?"

"Oh yeah it's not easy to pend these up every 30 minutes."

"Well,I wish to make a complaint. I got on the Bolton train and found myself deposited here in Ipswitch."

"No this is Bolton."

England once again said to the reader.

"The pet shop owner's brother was lying."

"Well you can't blame British rail for that."

"If this is Bolton I will return to the petshop."

England then made his way back to the petshop still holding the parrot.

"I understand that this is Bolton."

"Yeah?"

"But you told me it was Ipswitch."

"It was a pun."

"A pun?"

"No,no not a pun now what's the other thing where it reads same backwards as forwards?"

"A palindrome?"

"Yeah, yeah."

"It's not a palindrome. The palindrome of bolton would be nutlob. It don't work."

"Now what do you want?"

"I'm sorry, I'm not prepared to pursue my life of inquiry any longer as I think it's getting too silly."

A ramdon officer came in mumbling something and then said,

"Right get on with it. GET ON WITH IT!"

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