-CHAPTER TWO-

~{Of Demonic Gym Teachers and Poker Riots}~

All was right in the world of Cross Academy – as far as General Cross was concerned. The vampire menace that had come so close to ruining the stability of his anti-vamp utopia had promptly been taken care of. The alien trio of angsty vampires were withering away in parts unknown and Kanda was in intensive care where he was undergoing horrible experiments to test what species he truly was. Yupe, everything was in perfect orders as the regularly insane General sat down at his desk again, petting a cup of coffee to repent for shattering others various times earlier.

It was safe to go back to work, he thought, happily retrieving a pillow from under his desk and preparing for his scheduled nap. Just as he was nestling down into his dreams – where he was twenty years younger and enslaving the human race – a thought crossed the General's mind. Lenalee had been talking to him about something earlier…a concern of utmost importance that he wasn't paying attention too…

Oh yeah! Komui was mutilating the freshman!

…...

Cross fluffed up his pillow, took a swig of coffee, then stood up with his two bestest buddies and wandered into the staff room, pondering which couch would suit him best for this nap

Meanwhile…

"Awww, poor little froshies," Lenalee crooned as she, Allen, and Lavi (Kanda was unavailable) observed the terrifying battlefield that was Cross Academy's gymnasium.

It was a scene out of "Saving Private Ryan": downed freshmen littered the floor, some clutching wounds inflicted by balls of various sizes and weights. Allen kicked a groaning froshie aside, promptly rolling the poor thing into the trajectory of a heavy volleyball labeled THE DESTROYER.

Lavi whistled with amazement and awe as the freshman soared across the battlefield of gym balls. "Damn," the normally hyper red-head muttered, looking back at his horrified classmates. At that moment however, a volleyball came out of nowhere, its course set for a certain British boy's face.

"HALT CUR!" came the deranged gym teacher's voice.

The volleyball reached its target and Allen fell with an anti-climatic thud. The wielder of the volleyball slit his eyes at Lavi, preparing THE DESTROYER for another fatal throw. "Step away from my darling Lenalee!" the mad genius known only as Komui declared in a less than intimidating voice, pointing in accusation.

Lavi looked one way and then the other. There were mauled froshies on one side of his escape route and Allen was deadish on the other side. There was kind of no where to go. He was stuck next to Lenalee whether he wanted to be or not.

"I kinda can't," he informed Komui, staring up at him with wide (slightly) innocent eyes.

That fact was not satisfactory to Komui – in fact, his hellish fury was only stoked to an even greater height at the red-head's "defiance."

"DESTROYER DESTROYS!" he bellowed like a chimpanzee on steroids, hurtling the spherical vessel of chaos towards the red-head intruding on his sister's personal space bubble.

Lavi – in all his masculine haughtiness – released a girlish, squealing EEP! and ducked down to avoid impact. Most unfortunately, for all of their mortal souls, the previously MIA emo-vampire child entered the hectic gymnasium. THE DESTROYER connected with Kanda's face and all went still…...

All the screaming froshie were silent. Everyone stared at the recently experimented on Japanese boy, terrified that he would go into one of his infamous Kanda Murderous Rages ™. THE DESTROYER fell away, revealing an irate Kanda with a bright red mark on his normally pale face. He let out a feline snarl, clutching the heavy ball so tightly it popped.

Komui squeaked, beginning to back away from the angered student. Even the wounded froshies scooted as far away as they could. None of them wanted to be in the way when all Hell broke loose. Kanda only growled in response, eyes narrowed to dark slits. Choosing his weapon carefully, Kanda brandished a nearby hockey stick and lunged –

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP. PLEASE STAND BY. (And cue the elevator music)…..(Lots of ellipses this chapter huh? Oh! Looks like Kanda's done putting us in the M-Rating! :D)

PLEASE RESUME. (We apologize for Kanda's massively destructive misconduct. Bows.)

The other students in the gym sat piled in a corner as faaaaaaar away from the violent emo-kid as possible. Komui…is too brutally mauled to describe without ending up in the next Saw movie. Kanda calmly and meticulously wiped the blood from his makeshift weapon, quite satisfied with his revenge…until Lavi spoke.

"Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn Yuu. You should really think about checking into guidance," he said, pragmatically.

Kanda twitched and froze – contemplating his next method of chaos. Lenalee was wise enough to put a rather large canyon of distance between herself and Lavi, inching to the remains of her brother while Kanda was distracted.

Lavi was left trapped in the fiery intensity that was Kanda's evil deathglare of death. At that point in time, Allen decided he was done being unconscious and rose to his feet, dusting off his poker-patterned pants.

"Well that hurt like hell," he yawned. "What did I miss?"

He promptly took in the scene before him, eyes growing wider with every passing second.

"Bloody hell," he summed it up, looking back to his terrified friends. "So, BaKanda caused this?"

"Uh no shit Sherlock," Lavi muttered, glad to have the volatile emo kid's attention diverted.

Pleased to have an excuse to hurt He of the Poker Pants, Kanda this time chose a tennis racket and - BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! Goddamnit Kanda! Ugh. Once more, we're experiencing rating-limited violence right now. Please enjoy the elevator music….

(20 seconds of mindless, bloodthirsty violence later)

Good news everyone! Allen isn't dead! You may resume.

Kanda blinked, staring at what remained of the tennis racket (it hadn't lasted through his whole murderous rage (poor thing)).

"I lived! Score!" Lavi bellowed victoriously, fist pumping the air as Allen lay deadish (again) beside him.

Kanda blinked and glared at Lavi. That's right, his original goal had been the irritating red-head. How id he get so off track?...Hm. While Lavi celebrated his survival and Kanda pondered over why said "rabbit" survived, Lenalee quietly poked her brother. Miraculously, that tiny prod bolted Komui back to life – all organs accounted for – and he was revived with a new revolutionary idea.

"Softball!" he burst in excitement and left everyone silently confused.

Allen was intrigued enough to revive himself also. Kanda was not pleased. (The other random extra characters in the corner, stayed there in terror).

"Class! We shall dive into the thrilling and unparalleled fun of softball today! Arm yourselves!"

He produced a hulking mass of bats, gloves, and helmets and urgently urged them towards Lavi, Kanda, Allen, and Lenalee…He gained no response or desire to share in his sudden passion for this random game.

"That sounds riveting and all," Allen began, "but upperclassmen gym doesn't start for another hour or so."

"We just showed up to cut class and attempt a froshy rescue mission," Lavi explained. "And now we go to lunch!"

So the quartet of mentally unstable friends exited the gymnasium, dragging Kanda along behind. He was resistant to leave, irked with his failure to demolish Komui. Grudgingly, he allowed himself to be carted off – he could wait an hour to try and slay him again.

Abandoning the freshmen to Komui's experimental softball attempts, the band relocated to the cafeteria. Kanda wrinkled his nose at the smell – burnt hamburgers and grease never sat well with him – ugh. Allen, however, inhaled deeply and sighed with happiness.

"I love the smell of cafeteria in the morning. Smells like – "

"Allen, it's not victory you're smelling," Lenalee sighed.

It could have been one of three things: anger and blood radiating off of Kanda, froshie's fear, or hamburger and popcorn chicken balls (the latter Allen had randomly obtained and was happily munching away on).

"Everyone remembers the number one rule to be upheld whilst remaining Allen Walker's friend right?" the white-haired British boy asked, popping chicken balls into his mouth.

"What happens under the cafeteria tables, stays under the cafeteria tables," Lavi replied, smiling proudly at himself for remembering.

"It's a good thing I'm not your friend," Kanda muttered and Allen fell flat on his face at the weight of those words, sobbing hysterically – he had a crush on Kanda so this was heartbreaking [inserted Sasukez fangirling].

"I've been to the office enough in the past two hours," Lenalee whined. "Can we please not send me there again?"

"If you go there, it's your own damn fault woman!" Allen fumed, rising from his mournful stupor on the ground with a vengeance. "Nothing can contain the Gray Gambit! Huzzah!"

"The whointhewhatnow?" Lavi spluttered.

Kanda "che'd" and walked away, leaving Lavi and Lenalee in awkward silence. Allen, still locked in his triumphant posture, deflated a little at the not-vampire's departure, his chicken balls falling sadly to the floor. There was more awkward, confused silence whilst Lavi played sad music on his randomly obtained, muchly loved boombox. The British boy recovered enough to narrow his eyes at the red-head, snatching his boombox.

"The Gray Gambit! Of course, silly rabbit," he rolled his eyes at poor Lavi, sniffling over his lost music box.

"Uh," Lenalee hesitated, eyes huge and expression confounded. "Dare I ask – what's the Gray Gambit?"

From across the cafeteria, the head of some heavily-tattooed teenager popped up and trained on the British boy. He jumped up from his group of similarly biker-styled friends, and pointed a meaty finger at Allen.

"Hey! That's him! That's the British bastard that swindled me out of my lunch money!"

A gasp rippled through the cafeteria and a hundred mouths agape turned to Allen. Stealing lunch money was unforgivable! Suddenly, a girl stood up and protested about the same boy stealing her Mercedes from her. Another kid called out about losing $50 in "a game."

"…Aaaallen?" Lenalee asked, despairingly.

"You've been a naughty boy Allen!" Lavi exclaimed. "Cross would be proud!"

"Not if I'm dead," Allen mumbled. "Guys, if I don't make it out alive, tell Kanda I was the one who stole his hair-straightener."

*Crazy gerbil video face*

"…Creeper," Lenalee muttered under her breath.

"Well, it's been a pleasure being acquainted to you two and I hope to see you in the fluffy white sugarness of the afterlife," Allen told them, accepting his inevitable demise with pride.

"Dude, let's face it," Lavi sighed. "You're going straight to Hell and you know it."

"Fine! At least I'll see Kanda when I get there!"

*Oh snap…?*

The cheated cafeteria mongrels were amassing like a snorting herd of Spanish bulls. Fearlessly, Allen faced them, flashing his vividly colored poker pants to antagonize them. Lavi ushered Lenalee off to the side so they would be (relatively) safe from the stampede.

"Ooooh! Popcorn chicken!" Lavi exclaimed, picking up the abandoned lunch tray and happily claiming them as his own.

With a ball halfway to his mouth, he caught Allen's glare and froze. Chicken balls were sacred to the boy. If he survived the class mauling, deep fried vengeance would be his.

"For the chicken balls!"

Allen let loose his battle roar and charged. The bull-children charged. It was the most epic battle in the very short history of Cross Academy, an epic battle which unfortunately we can't show due to rating constraints…again.

"That was awesome!" Lavi gaped, rubbing his eyes with amazement.

Allen rose from the mass of deadish bull children, looking triumphant and quite proud of himself. Lenalee had long disappeared, headed to the gym to retrieve her brother (again). The red-head had overlooked one fatal mistake: he was still holding the tray of chicken balls (and, until that moment had been ever-so-happily nomming away on them). Allen turned his vicious glare to Lavi.

"Shit," said rabbit ginger blurted out, as Allen slowly advanced. "Here's an idea. How about we forget about this particular package of chicken balls and I'll treat you to" – he quickly counted the change in his pocket – "two fresh packs!"

Allen snatched his beloved lunch from the red-head's hands, popping balls into his mouth while he considered his proposal.

"I like the way you think, rabbit!"

A dark aura of depression misted over Lavi's face and Allen looked at him quizzically.

"Stupid sprout! Only Yuu get's to call me rabbit!"

Lavi started crying forlornly and the dark aura of depression transferred over to Allen.

"Stupid ginger," he sniffed. "Only BaKanda get's to call me sprout."

The two teenagers started wailing like infants being punched. So intense was their heartache that they ended up glomping each other for comfort – the debate over popcorn chicken balls was long forgotten beneath this new distress.

From the emo cafeteria corner, Kanda glanced across at the other two boys' antics. "Che" he grumbled irritably, hiding behind the new manga Lenalee had given him. Son of a bitch, he thought, glancing at the artwork in the book. That chick totally stole my look! Lenalee was right! Damnit Alphard!

(Cookies to anyone who got that reference!)

NEXT TIME! : Curious as to why the category now says X-Over DGM & Final Fantasy VII? Well, you're going to find out in Chapter 3! Prepare yourselves as Lavi arms himself for the battle of ginger dominance and Kanda meets his match in an albino version of himself. You hath been warned!