Chapter 2

Nightmares

Red woke with a start. The room was dark and he could feel he was not alone. He tried to even his breathing. Sweat had formed on his face and back. Where the hell was he? It happened quite regularly in the last few weeks that he startled up from a nightmare. Nothing Red wasn't used to, but the dreams had become more daunting and vivid. He checked his watch. 10.34 pm. Already feeling for the gun under his pillow he noticed his glasses and the large book on his chest. His eyes slowly accustomed to the darkness. A small night-light glowed on the other side of the room. Agnes' room. He remembered. Thursday. Rosa's evening. She was out with friends and Agnes couldn't sleep so he gave in to read her the story of the little duck which was looking for its favorite stuffed toy. Obviously he had fallen asleep shortly after the girl, whose steady breathing right on his side calmed him down a little. Until the echo of his nightmare hit him full power.

Takoma Park, May 1988

„Hey girls, Daddy's home!" He put his keys in the bowl on the dresser at the entrance.
No response. He tossed his jacket on a chair and walked towards the living room.
„Anybody home?" Also no sign of them in the kitchen.
He opened the freezer and got himself a bottle of beer. When he took his first gulp, his view fell on the colorful flowerbeds outside the window. There she was. For a few moments he lovingly watched his wife pulling out the weeds and cutting of the faded blossoms before he turned to walk into the garden. When she heard the back door she wiped her hands on her jeans and got up to greet him.

„Do you call this a proper welcome for your husband?" he teased. She walked towards him and embraced his waist.
„You are home early." She kissed him passionately. „Hi honey, I missed you." „Not as much as I missed my girls. I really have to ask for a desk job - home at 6 every night..." „You wouldn't survive 3 days." she grinned. „But sleeping in the same bed with my wife every night would help! I love you." He rested his forehead on hers.
„Where is our ballerina?" „She's at Mary's birthday party. Don't you remember? I told you on the phone yesterday."
„Right, you told me. You also told me it was an overnight party, didn't you?" He grabbed her by the hand and pulled her inside.

He still could hear her happy laughter.

Red carefully got out of the bed and tiptoed out of Agnes' room. He was still fuzzy-headed and he needed a drink. Even better two drinks and a shower. The knot in his stomach hurt like hell. They all were wrong. Time won't heal all wounds. Time only teaches you to get along with the pain. The first glass was downed in one gulp. Red sat down with his second scotch in the library and took a deep breath. The warmth of the alcohol was spreading in his body. 30 years and he wasn't much closer to an answer than he had been on the day, when he uttered these fateful words for the very first time: „My name is Raymond Reddington."

If he had known this mess would last his whole lifetime, he would have destroyed those damned bones a long time ago. Forgotten forevermore. There was a time when he thought he would need his remains to end this drama. The bones should have been his way out. His way home. His way to finally be able to mourn in the knowledge that he had taken revenge.
He wished there had been someone who had warned him about walking down this path. Someone like himself, who had warned Agent Ressler not to make the same fatal mistake. Someone who had been his sineater.

„Sleepless?" Dembe joined him in the library. „Nightmares." Dembe nodded. „Something's going on inside yourself. I'm not surprised."
„What!?" Red was irritated. „And don't sing that the-truth-will-surface song to me again!"
„Not tonight. But your secret is somewhere out there. Liz is close, but yet far away. Her daughter is your responsibility now. And you quit your work with the task force. Too many loose ends - even for you."
Red took another large sip. „I hate that you are always correct."
„I know." the large man smiled slightly. „But - since I'm always correct - I can assure you that everything will work out the way it has to."
„I really don't know if your words should calm my mind or cause me to put a bullet in my head myself. " Red frowned. „Neither of these. I just want you to be prepared. Things got in motion, my brother. It started when you shot Kate. A storm is coming. I can feel the tension creeping up my back. And so do you."

Red was in a really bad temper when he headed towards the bathroom. Maybe a long and hot shower would wash off his frustration and he would be able to find some sleep afterwards. While he carelessly stripped off his suit he made a decision. He would not wait sitting on his hands until fate would come and haunt him. It was time to get his head out of the sand. It was time to brace himself. He felt slightly better when he stepped into the shower and turned on the water.

Red pressed his forehead against the cool marble tiles while the hot jet streamed down his tired body.
His memories mixed with the sound of the water drops hammering at the glas doors of his luxurious shower.

Takoma Park, July 4th. 1988

The thunderstorm hit the area quite fast and heavy. Their guests had left the party in a hurry after the first roll of thunder. The low clouds darkened the blue summer sky in a minute. Shortly after, the rain beat on the roof, the windows and the remaining tables and chairs in the garden.

„Next year it's Ray's and Carla's turn to host the barbecue for holiday. We've thrown enough parties." He put the first used plates in the kitchen sink and started the dish washing. „I don't know if there will still be a Ray-and-Carla next year..." He stopped his action and looked at her puzzled. „What do you want to say?"
„Well, I don't know but there are rumors and Carla dropped some vague hints. Not only today, but she seems pretty upset and sad at once for the last couple of weeks. Jennifer seems rather quiet too. Children always sense if there's something wrong."
„Meaning?" „I think he's cheating on her. People are talking. He's hardly home anymore and if he is, their fighting is not to be missed."
„Ok, I don't give a shit about people talking but I do trust your intuition, sweetheart. Look, it's no surprise that Raymond is gone for work most of the time. He's determined to be the youngest Navy Admiral ever announced. He puts his career above everything, even his family. And he bragged with his overseas missions quite a lot previously. This rooster wears his uniform even at family occasions and bursts with pride. I never was his fan but do you really think he's capable of having an affair? Or isn't Carla's tendency towards drama more probable?"

He started rubbing the sticky dishes again.
His wife took a moment before she answered: „Carla told me he has changed a lot. Got quick-tempered. Impatient. Selfish and cold. I really feel sorry for her and Jen."
„Should I have a word with him?"
„I really don't know if that helps." she shrugged. „Or if it would make things even worse."

„Daddy, the storm is easing. May I turn on the TV for some minutes?" Their conversation was interrupted by their daughter who had waddled into the kitchen. „Ok, Liz, but only 20 minutes. And after that you get ready for bed. Don't forget to brush your teeth!" he ordered. „Ok. May I sleep in your bed, just in case...uh... the storm is coming back?" she gave him her most convincing look. „All right, in case the storm is coming back." he smiled at her.