Evan was jolted awake at approximately 6:15am by the familiar crack of Twinky the House Elf and the burst of stabbing, blinding light that the noise always heralded. It was fair to say that Evan did not, in actual fact, particularly like Twinky – especially when considered that whilst his brothers and he were woken rather brusquely, his parents and sister were woken by cups of tea, biscuits and an annoyingly simpering voice. In all honesty, this fact was probably at least partly derived from the time his brothers and himself had hidden from Twinky (causing her to panic beyond all normal definitions of the word) for 96 hours. However, Evan chose to ignore this, and focused simply on his quiet hatred of the insufferable creature.

As he got out of bed, and began getting dressed (all the time grumbling darkly about the idiotic nature of certain female house elves) Wonky, his fathers slightly demented and charmingly insane (and thus, in Evan's opinion; superior) House Elf appeared and began to happily repack Evan's school trunk with all the things Twinky had "forgotten" to pack, all the while chattering to Evan cheerfully about the conspiracy being orchestrated by the Dyer's second best silver-wear to murder the best silver-wear and assume the vacated spot of utensilic supremacy.

Evan nodded at Wonky, and then blanched, as he realised that if one of Wonky's conspiracy theories were making sense, then he either needed a stiff drink, or to eat breakfast. Thus, thanking the Elf, he took his leave and wandered downstairs.

As he reached the large, imposing dining room, he found his mother already there in her elegantly tailored business-robes.

"Morning sweetie," his mother said looking up from her copy of The Weekend Quibbler "Did you sleep well?"

"Morning Mum," he yawned at her "I slept pretty well actually, it was more the crack and blind that was a bit bollocksed"

His mother smiled placidly "I am so glad, that my children chose to ignore the annoyingly refined mannerisms of their grandparents for the 'bollocksed' speech of my London youth" she said, grinning at him

Evan smiled, and adopted a ridiculously pompous tone "It is not our fault that our mother was an unmitigated floozy who lifted her robes to the first pretty boy that gave her a wink is it?"

His mother laughed, adopting a broad Londoner accent "Sit down and eat ya grapefruit, prog"

"Now, now Mrs. Dyer, Evan sweetie," said Skanky the kitchen-elf in her squeaky voice "let us not degenerate into accents, lest we wake the entire house and Twinky gets shut in the cupboard by Wonky for the rest of the day again on account of 'general bitchiness and mean spirited cooperation with the second-rate cutlery' hmm?"

"Yes Skanky" Evan and his mother said meekly.

The rest of the meal passed without incident – unless the bouncing crash, scream, fist-cuffing and slam of a cupboard door heralding Wonky's decision to throw Twinky down the stairs and lock her in the magic lined closet for 'General Tartiness, Rudeness and conspiracy to poison the water supply of West London with crab-apple scones' was taken into account. Or else the entrance of a very tussle-haired and smug looking Eugene, covered in love bites from his late night 'visit' to the Davies household.

"My," Evan quipped, quirking his eyebrow "Olympia certainly does appreciate those visits of yours"

"I feel it is my duty, brother-mine," Eugene smirked at him "to endow as much, happiness, as I possibly can"

"Oh, 'happiness' is it?" his mother asked "In my day we just called it shaggin-"

"MUM!" Evan and Eugene choked.

"My, so highly-strung" his mother said, smiling into her tea.

"So, uh anyway," Eugene said focusing resolutely on Evan and not Evan was sure, of the definitely unwanted mental-images in his head "aren't you off to the Potter's today?"

"Yeah, I am"

"Awww," his brother said, smiling at him "I'll miss you, little brother"

"Really?" Evan replied, grinning impishly.

"Yes actually. You're fun enough to have around I suppose"

"Oh well, thankyou Brother-mine. Really it's because you'll miss my ability to stop Edmund and Eleanor mid-fight by covering them in slime, or trapping them in a murder-hole, isn't it?"

Eugene groaned "Oh Merlin, Mordred and Nimueh! I hadn't thought of that! You sure you can't stay?"

"Seriously, Gene, if they get too much, just turn all of Nora's clothes into newts"

The identical grins of pure, malevolent, evil that the two boys shared were so strong that Skanky dropped the plate of crumpets she was carrying, screamed and ran to hide in the kitchen cupboard.


By 9:30 the Dyer Household that was willing (Evan's parents and older brother) had awoken and been fed. The last of the items that Twinky had hidden were accounted for (Including all of Evan's school-robes, which had been craftily hidden behind the bust of Sebastian the Suitably Epic in the very back of the attic), Skanky had been coaxed out of the cupboard, Wonky was suitably distracted by teaching the paintings drinking songs, and Evan was ready to leave.

Funky, the Butler-elf, walked forward and disapparated Evan's Trunk to the Potter House and then, to the sound of the Portraits singing Maggie May, threw some floo into the fireplace. Hugging his parents and brother goodbye, Evan stepped into the fireplace and said "Potter's Eyrie".

Evan was engulfed in the familiar green-tinged swirling of fireplaces, before landing in the familiar lounge room of the Potter House. He had just got up and was getting his bearing when he was suddenly bowled over with and a shout of "EVAN!" and a rib-crunching hug from his best friend James.

"I'VE MISSED YOUUUU!" James crooned at him, smooshing him into carpet

"Ugh James? Ribs? Please? I need them" Evan panted.

"Oh, yeah," James said grinning like a maniac "that too"

He got off Evan and grinned at him.

"God James," Drawled the unmistakable voice of James' younger sister Lily "you could at least wait 'til you've got him alone before you attempt to roger him"

"Lily!" Evan said, quickly before Wizarding War Three broke out "My you get bitchier every time I see you! Have you been working out?"

"Yes," she smirked, coming forward and giving him a quick hug "on James actually, it's working rather well for me"

"I'll say" Evan replied

"Gosh Dyer," said James dryly "I give you an awesome greeting and you just put me down"

"Oh, I'm sorry Potter" teased Evan, giving his friend a hug "You know I love you, really"

Lily was making retching noises as the rest of the Potters entered.

Mrs. Potter came forward and warmly gave him a hug.

"How are you, Evan?" she asked smiling at him.

"Good thanks, Mrs Potter"

"Ginny, please, I've told you before dear"

"Okay Ginny," he smiled at her "I forgot"

Mr. Potter came forward and grinned at him in much the same way that James was "Alright Ev?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, you?" Evan asked him.

"Fine, fine, just preparing to go and watch your mother make some opponents to Muggle-rights sob like little girls"

"Oh yeah, she told me about that this morning. She was getting into practice with Eugene and I, she sassed us so badly I think my face still needs some Weasley's All-Purpose Healing Balm."

"Excellent," Mr. Potter grinned maliciously "I can't wait to watch her wipe the floor with these idiots, excuse me."

As Mr. Potter left, Evan spotted Albus hanging back and gave him a disarming grin.

"Hey Al," he said genially "how are ya?"

The younger boy blushed and muttered something about turnips before fleeing the room.

Shaking his head slightly, he turned back to his friend.

"Soooooo," he drawled at James "Guess who got a new Thunderball for his birthday?"

James' face dropped in the most delicious manner possible, and Lily gave an envious sigh. Even Ginny gave him an impressed look.

"Right," she said decisively "back orchard, let's have a look at this broom of yours"


Fiana and Cassie were late. They had meant to arrive around about 11 o'clock, all going well, and everything had been fine on Fiana's end. She had been ready(ish) and packed(ish) by 7 o'clock, and had taken the floo to Cassie's House in Essex. That had been where the trouble started.

When Fiana had arrived at Cassie's, she hadn't been greeted by a packed and ready to leave Cassie, No indeed, she had been met by a Cassie that was more or less sat in front of the television, squeeing over an anime called "Kannazuki No Miko". When Fiana, had walked up to Cassie, hugged her and told her that they needed to get from Essex to Somerset in four hours, the flailing had started. The problem was that the usually prompt Cassie had a) gotten the time mixed up, and b) spent the night at her girlfriend Celeste's House. All in all, this had not boded particularly well for Fiana.

The flailing had, in all honesty, been some of the best Fiana had ever seen Cassie perform. This particular flail-attack transcended those that occurred the time that James and Evan had fed an unknowing and unsuspecting Cassie every-flavoured beans, the time Fiana had turned Cassie's hair blue, the time Lily had turned love letters from Celeste into bats, and the time on Halloween during second year when Evan, Fiana, James, Eugene and Teddy had trapped everyone in the school inside a Hogwarts-wide simulation of the Lord of the Rings. In all truthfulness, it was flailing of tremendously epic proportions, and it didn't even include Professor McGonagall shouting "FOR GONDOR" to the amassed Hogwarts horde.

However, as Cassie's father, Braxton, pulled up the drive to the Potter House at 12:30 in the afternoon, Fiana admitted to herself that things could have been far worse. She could have had parents named Braxton and Ursula-Theodosia, for example.

Thanking Cassie's parents, Fiana and Cassie walked up the drive, and were let into the house by Albus, James' brother, who grinned at them.

"Hullo you two," he said genially "You're a bit late. And Oh, covered in love bites I see Cas, well, at least you had a good night then I have no doubt"

Cassie turned bright red and opened her mouth to say something. Fiana cut her off.

"Where is everyone, we're not that late?"

"They're out back orgasming over Evander's new Thunderball" Albus replied.

"Really?" Fiana said excitedly "He got a Thunderball? Oh wow!"

They left their trunks in the lounge room and headed out to the orchard. As they rounded the corner, they came across James, Evan, Lily and Ginny playing a spirited game of two-a-side Quidditch. It was James and Lily versus Evan and Ginny. Predictably, Evan and Ginny were flattening their opposition. This was partly because Lily and James were snapping at each other, partly because Evan and Ginny were excellent players, and partly because James was too busy commentating to actually play the game properly. Fiana rolled her eyes.

"You," she shouted at James "are so goddamned conceited."

James fell off his broom. Everyone, including James found this hilarious. They decided to do lunch.


The four Potters, Evan, Fiana and Cassie sat in the warm kitchen eating lunch and generally enjoying each other's company, well, apart from Lily and James. But then, you could never tell with those two, Evan thought, sometimes they just did it for the attention. Nevertheless he placed a bet on Lily winning in the notebook that Albus kept on his person at all times.

"So, anything interesting happen in your holidays so far?" Fiana asked him.

"Oh, you know, the usual," Evan replied, as James, Cassie and the rest of the Potters looked up "my siblings had another epic fight last night. They knocked over my grandfather's statue of Demetrius the Delightfully Demented, shattered six of my mothers ugliest wedding-gift vases, and broke a window. I'm not sure if my parents were more angry or relieved to be honest".

"Oh?" Cassie asked "why's that?"

"Well, they only destroyed things that we don't like. I mean seriously… Demetrius the Delightfully Demented makes Uric the Oddball and Gwendolyn the Weird look like normal, functioning individuals. Oh, and that American couple tried to buy the Manor again"

"Again?" asked Mrs. Potter "Surely your father could just oblivate them, and you wouldn't have to be bothered by them again"

"I don't know," Evan replied "I honestly think he just finds them amusing, plus it annoys my Grandmother no end"

"How is Madame Dyer," Ginny asked "She hasn't thrown any parties lately, or anyone out any windows, come to think of it"

"Oh you know, still kicking. Still inviting the single daughters of her old biddy friends and trying to hook them up with my father."

Cassie frowned "Does she not realise that your father loves your mother very dearly and vice versa?" she asked.

"Apparently the fact that my mother is only a Chant isn't good enough. The Chants are German and Norwegian and have only been a certified pureblood family for 15 generations," Evan replied "apparently that isn't long enough for the old crone."

"But she's proud of you, isn't she?" asked Lily.

"Oh yes, immensely" he replied "but apparently that's because we favour the Dyer stock."

"Does she ever tell your mother this" asked Albus.

"Yes of course, she often finds herself turned into a goat and tethered in the backyard."

"Your mother turns your grandmother into a goat?" James asked, frowning "Hey wait… that pet goat we occasionally feed in your backyard, is that your Grandmother?"

"Yep, that's her. And it's usually dad that turns her into a goat. They don't get on all that well."

"Your family," Fiana said, shaking her head "is mental! Ha! You aren't related to Demetrius the Delightfully Demented are you?" she finished with a laugh.

"Yes actually, how did you know?"

"I- Tha- It- Seriously? That was a joke!"

"A pretty accurate one actually. He's my 17 times great Uncle on my Grandmother's side."

"Bollocks!" James said, stunned.

"No thankyou Jamie, I've just eaten, maybe later though?"

Lily grinned at him "Oh Evan," she sighed "I have missed you".


Later that afternoon, Evan stood in James' room with Cassie, watching Albus and Lily having a sword fight with fake wands in the yard below through the large window. He liked James' room, it was large, and bright and airy, and covered in Quidditch and band posters, Gryffindor paraphernalia, various art pieces and most importantly book cases. The large TV in the corner meant that he and James (and usually Fiana and Chloe) could watch Bluerays, TV shows, and play games on James' Play Station 5 or Xbox 1440. The spelled computer in the corner also meant that the boys could amuse themselves on the maginet, and play even more games. Truly, Evan mused, being a teenager in the twenty first century was awesome.

Evan turned as he heard James enter the room. James had that particularly worrisome look of seriousness on his face, that meant that he wanted to discuss something with Evan, and no amount of distractions in the form of pretty girls, interesting books, or concussion charms from Fiana's wand could distract him.

"So" James said.

"So?" Evan replied.

James nodded "So."

Cassie looked from James to Evan and back again, threw her arms up in the air and stomped out of the room, muttering irritably about the monosyllabic stupidity inherent to all males.

James turned back from watching her leave and gave Evan his famous crooked smile.

"Now that she's gone," he said "I've been meaning to ask you something about the whole… you know, thing?"

"The thing," Evan replied, perplexed "which particular "thing" Jamie?"

"You know," James said, calmly "the whole 'gay' thing"

"Oh," Evan said "That thing."

"Yeah" James said.

"Well?" Evan asked.

"I was wondering…" James hesitated a moment, before one of Evander's continue-quickly-or-I-will-strangle-you-with-a-satanic-sock-puppet-from-the-ninth-layer-of-hell looks made him continue "I was wondering if you ever, you know, fancied me?"

Evan began to laugh. He laughed so hard he had to sit down, and upon seeing James slightly hurt expression, he laughed even harder.

"Well!" James said, turning to leave "You could have let me down a lot nice-"

"Oh shut up Jamie," Evan said, still amused "But to be fair, that was a ridiculous question!"
James looked perplexed. "It… was?" he asked

"James, you are literally like a brother to me" Evan said "In fact, you're basically a third brother to me, except, you know, one that I'm not related to, and who I got to choose, and who, y'know, doesn't have a ridiculous bollocks for breakfast name beginning with the letter 'e'!"

"Oh," James said, smiling "well, yay!" he crowed, before pouncing on Evan and tickling him

As Evan laughed and flailed about, Fiana walked in, and gave them both an amused look before sitting down with the mysteriously ever-present muggle fantasy novel that seemed to be, at all times, upon her person, and which, in one of James' and Evan's more ridiculous theories, in fact came from Fi's secret horde of fantasy novels, kept in another dimension consisting entirely of one huge library.

As Fi opened the meticulously kept book, she looked at James and said "You, are incredibly conceited"

However as Evan lay on bed being nuzzled by the affectionate friend, he couldn't help but disagree with Fiana on this point. Only sheer nervousness and quick thinking had saved Evan from declaring to his best friend that he did, indeed fancy him. And had done so for several years.


That evening the four young wizards were lazing on James' bed and half-heartedly watching a repeat of a ridiculous sex-filled dramady called "Hex and the City" on Wizarding television, while they waited for "The Homoerotic Adventures of Merlin" to come on. Not for the first time, Evan idly wondered at James's innate ability to happily deal with the fact that he would be watching a programme in which Merlin and Arthur snogged and shagged, and Guinevere and Morgana likewise. Before he could ask James about this however, Cassie piped up with the same tired idea.

"You knoooow," she said "I have this anime that I think you'd all like to wa-"

"No." James said, resolutely.

"Awww but it's a really good one! The Sword Princess falls in love with the Hand-maiden of the God of Flowe-"

"No." James said again.

"But Celeste really likes it!" Cassie said, in a wheedling tone.

"Oh, well, in that case," James said, looking at her "No."

"But-"

"No."

"You-"

"No."

"Why-"

"No."

Sharing significant eye-contact with Fiana, Evan idly wondered just how often the two friends could repeat basically the same conversation, with the same end results. Evan, whilst not overly interested in it, personally didn't particularly mind anime and indeed liked several series that Fi and Cassie had shown him, and Fi liked anime quite a lot too. The problem was that whilst Cassie loved anime, James despised it. As the quartet had grown older, Cassie had become increasingly in love with Japanese animation, a love that had been galvanised when she had fallen in love (or married, as James, Evan and Fi liked to think of it) with an older Slytherin girl named Celeste Aurcher who also loved anime.

To begin with, James had simply been uninterested and apathetic, but then Cassie had tried to convert him. In a now famous conversation in their fourth year Cassie had thought that she would be able to convince James to love anime as much as she did, if she had just sat him down and explained it to him, so she had sat down with them and tried. Evan remembered the scene quite vividly. James (who was covered in blotches from a hex his mother had sent him by mail earlier that week) had been sitting in the common room with Evan, attempting to complete a particularly difficult and nastily involved piece of revision homework for their Arithmancy class. Cassie had marched across the common room and sat down with them, and began to try and convince James that he would love it, if only he would give it a try. James was not amused, and Cassie hadn't been willing to take no for an answer. In one of the most epic shouting matches that had ever occurred in the Gryffindor common room since Fred, George and Percy Weasley had lived in the tower; James had turned Cassie into an animated version of herself and trapped her inside her own mobile phone, bewitched to dance constantly. It had taken Fiana and Evan nearly 24 hours and a decade off of their lives to work out just how James had managed to accomplish this feat, and then remove Cassie from the phone and un-transfigure her back to her original state. It had then taken the combined diplomatic abilities of Evan, Fiana, Lily, Albus, Hugo and Rose Weasley, Harry and Ginny Potter and Ronald and Hermione Weasley to convince Celeste that killing James would probably not be a good idea. And indeed, would have led to her incarceration in Azkaban. This said Ginny had walloped James so hard with her broomstick that he hadn't been able to sit down for a week.

It had been around this time that he had also begun to have serious feelings for James. Evan remembered the exact moment when, following Ginny's spirited punishment, he had helped James get to bed – helping him undress down to his boxers. James had obviously thought nothing of it, however it had taken all of Evan's demented breeding to maintain control and not blush. Unfortunately the time of the undressing – as he called it – hadn't been an isolated experience. As they'd grown older, James had on many an occasion been painfully naked. In the changing rooms after a game, in the bathroom, and even once or twice, in a particularly boring History of Magic class. To make matters worse, the previous school year had seen the beginning of James (and admittedly Evan and Fiana's) interest in alcohol. Unfortunately for Evan, whilst he and Fi had the constitutions of Hippogriffs, James was a light-weight… and many and uncomfortable night had been spent with James happily clinging to him in a boneless manner due to the boy's deep seated inability to get to his own bed.

Evan was nudged from his reverie by Fiana, who motioned that the show was about to begin. Shaking himself, Evan brought himself back to present as the Homoerotic Adventures of Merlin started. He shared an excited look with Fiana before they moved forward to the front of the bed to gaze, enraptured, at Merlin and Arthur. He spared a second of oogling to look back at Cassie, who was on her laptop, and James, who was reading a book. Shaking his head slightly, he decided that although they were sometimes irrational, silly, and panic-stricken, he did in fact love his friends.