Disclaimer: I own NADA. I WISH I owned One Tree Hill, but will that ever happen? HIGHLY unlikely!

After I left Lucas' house, I went to my house. Not Julian's, I couldn't face him at the moment, knowing what I knew. As I drove through Tree Hill, I turned on the radio, and Augustana's old song Boston came on. I smiled and sang along, remembering the familiar lyrics. I grinned remembering the first time I heard it. It was Nathan and Haley's wedding. I had danced with Lucas that night and was one of our best moments in high school.

When I unlocked my apartment and stepped in, my dog, Scott, ran over, purring in excitement to see me. I leaned and scooped him up, hugging him to my chest, as the memories of the day crashed down on me.

*Flashback*

"What?" I whispered. I stood up shakily, and began pacing around his living room. I felt him watching me, probably trying to decide what the heck my reaction meant. I stopped at the chair at his desk and sat down and buried my face in my hands, taking a few deep breaths.

"Brooke? Are you okay?" In less than a second, Lucas had stood and crossed the room and was leaning down. I looked up and his sweet breath hit my face. And like that, I lost all my self control and kissed him. At first it felt like he was going to draw back, but I locked my arms around his neck, refusing to let him to go. I felt him lose himself in the kiss, and soon we were making out passionately on his couch. The flame I felt when Julian kissed me like this was like a spark compared to Luke's. I literally felt like I could die with all the fireworks going off. His kisses tingled in my veins like nothing I had ever felt before.

That's when I heard a gasp. I pulled away quickly and saw Rachel standing in the now open doorway, her mouth wide open with shock. Lucas was confused until he saw our friend standing at the door, his gaze went down to my ring finger and he winced. I couldn't even speak, I stared at the floor in shame.

*End of Flashback*

"Oh my gosh, I'm a fucking whore!" I cried out. I went and collapsed on my couch, setting Scott down and grabbing a pillow, hugging it to my chest and burying my face in it as sobs wracked my body. I saw Julian's face, and imagined the hurt when he found out. It wasn't an if. This was Tree Hill, the one place that no secret stays a secret for long. I knew in my heart I loved both of them. And I couldn't bear to break either of their hearts. But I knew that I couldn't string them along. I buried my face deeper into the pillow, clutching it with all my might, when the doorbell rang.

I groaned and got up, looking through the peephole. It was Haley and Rachel. I sighed in relief and opened the door, Haley ran through and flung her arms around me. Rachel too wrapped her arms around me. She had sworn not to tell anyone, but I knew she had made an exception for Haley. I didn't care. I needed both of them.

"Hey, come on, let's sit down," Haley said gently leading the three of us to my couch, kicking the door closed behind us with her heel. Rachel untangled herself and went into the kitchen. Whenever one of us went through the break-up (meaning, me, Haley was in a marital bliss and Rachel had normally done any breaking with her relationships, and was always fine with it), Rachel would go in and raid for all the chocolate available, and if there was none, go out and get some, while Haley comforted me with soothing words while trying to gracefully extract information so we could bring down the heart breaker.

"I only know that Rachel found you and Lucas groping on the couch in his living room room, so I want to be filled in on how THAT happened," Haley informed me, a bit eagerly. I nodded and filled her in on the whole story, Rachel listening in from the kitchen. When I finished, fresh tears started rising and I threw my pillow across the room, narrowly missing Rachel as she came in with a huge bunch of chocolate ice cream.

"I'm such a whore! How can I do that to them?" I shouted, and buried my face into Haley's arm. I felt Haley sigh patiently, and she grabbed my chin and made me look in her eyes.

"Brooke! Cut the drama! Your only making this worse than it has to be," Haley said calmly. Rachel nodded in agreement and handed me a tub and a spoon. I dove for it like it was the last thing on earth. While I was eating, Haley and Rachel started a pros and cons list for each person, and then a 'Brooke' list. For the next hour, we filled out things that I wanted out of my ideal relationship. Then we started on the 'Julian List'.

"A big one is he dated you for three years," Rachel said, jotting down the fact, "Along with he proposed to you, making sure you had a healthy relationship. That has to mean something."

"Yeah Rachel, but he doesn't always takes things seriously enough! That could be bad in the future. Brooke needs someone mature enough to handle things as they come. Julian might make a joke about something very serious and avoid the issue," Haley pointed out. Rachel nodded and added that statement to the cons list. We spent an hour adding things to both lists, then started on Lucas'.

"Put down they both know how to handle each other. Years of working together has made them know each other inside and out, with few exceptions. Brooke, I'm sorry, but I bet Julian has no idea about these 'occasions' we have, whereas Lucas has sometimes even dropped by, making sure one or the other was okay," Haley reasoned. I nodded in agreement as the list went on. Then we compared traits and looked at my 'ideal' list and put down which person we thought best fit the description, or the situation.

At the end, Rachel and Haley went over it, wincing occasionally. I was staring at them in anticipation.

"What is is?" I demanded. I was growing nervous. They looked from me to the list, than back to me. Finally, Haley handed me the list and I carefully took it, my hands trembling slightly. I stared at the list, processing the information. I saw why they had winced and drew in a sharp breath. Lucas was the majority chosen for my ideal relationship. I crumpled the paper, and threw it into the waste basket by the hall.

"Dammit," I yelled, throwing another pillow at my door. I looked at the ring on my finger, tears pouring down my face. Rachel crawled forward and hugged me around the shoulders and asked the own question I dreaded.

"What are you going to do?"

*** 4 hours later***

Haley was asleep on my couch, and Rachel on the floor. I smiled slightly at my friend's sleeping forms, and got an afghan out of the linen closet. I shook it out and draped it over Rachel, and a fuzzy blanket from my room went to Haley. I went into my room and shut the door. I sighed and rubbed my face with the back of my hand. I extracted my iPod out of my purse and put in my earphones and put it on shuffle. Immediately Demi Lovato's Catch Me came on. I groaned and turned it off.

I went to my bed, flopping on it, and withdrew my 'personal' laptop from inside my pillow case. I checked my email, and then went to Twitter. I checked Julian's status first. It said Confused; the love of my life won't answer my calls :(. I winced and hurriedly went to Lucas'. I felt even worse.

Not everyday something extraordinary happens. Today, it happened to me. I can't even relay how I feel. It's complicated. She's complicated.I went back to my profile on twitter, and posted, All's fair in love and war. But I don't see why it's fair. One or more end up broken for the wrong reasons.I clicked 'update'. The first responder was obviously a fan, coblover, and she or he posted Trouble with Julian?I was surprised someone on the outside looking in could see it. I went to her page, and saw direct message available, so I clicked on that and replied Yes, please keep this private.

I don't know who was more surprised, me or the fan. But she (I had a strong feeling, plus looking at her earlier statuses, I came to that logical conclusion) replied back: Well, don't listen to what others say, even if it's the wrong thing to do, do what you think you should do. No one knows you, better than you.

I admit it was a tad corny, but she was right. I sighed and logged out, after writing back a polite thank you. With that I curled up and went to bed, sleeping on the decision I had to make.