Sisanae's Note:
Finally, Chapter Two is up! This story is turning out much longer than I anticipated... not that that's a bad thing, of course :)
As per usual, most of these character's (sadly) do not belong to me. Go Go, Atari/Obsidian.
Without wanting to give too much away, if you recognise the "running man" you may have a cookie. :) If you don't, it's not important!
Love to reviewers. You guys make me happy :)
The following morning, the teams found themselves once again stood in Crossroad Keep's courtyard, at opposing ends (apart for the two gnomes, who were in what could only be described as 'no man's land', having a heated discussion about the Wendersnaven, and whether said Wendersnaven liked rock and roll music.). There was a lot of glaring taking place between the two sides, although in most cases it was purely for the look of the thing (With the exception of the glaring that occurred on the same team, of course).
"Where is that damn Kana?" Qara was busy inspecting her fingernails, ignoring the gaze of the sorcerer from Riverguard.
"She's a busy woman, Qara. Be more patient." Casavir was stood in his customary place next to the Captain, staring at a wall. Paladins are entertained easily.
Qara snorted, and muttered something under her breath.
"Now, now, girl, if you have something to say to our dear paladin, say it louder." Sand smirked at the sorceress. "I am five hundred, you know, and my exceptional hearing isn't what it used to be."
Casavir turned around, and fixed Qara with a cold stare.
"Stop freaking the girl out, paladin. Save those looks for our glorious Captain, ey?" Bishop, still being watched by Riverguard's ranger, leaned against the wall coolly.
Kiadra turned around, and punched Bishop in the mouth. She was surprisingly tough for such a little drow. There was a little yelp from the other side of the courtyard.
"Thank you." said the paladin, turning back round.
"You're welcome, I'm sure."
"Ah, finally!" Qara waved her staff at the sprinting deputy who had just entered the courtyard. "Hey, Kana! Get a move on, already!" Kana looked up at the shout, before tripping over herself. Again.
Kiadra stood on her tip-toes, reached out, and grabbed a certain paladin's ear; he'd started to make a dash for the damsel in distress.
"Wait…" she sighed. Re-training paladins was always hard.
Casavir struggled for a bit, but the drow had a firm grip. Resignation set in, and Casavir simply crossed his arms in defeat.
"Oh, stop sulking. Look..."
A dozen of Crossroad Keep's workers and, for some reason, Neeshkir, had run to Kana's aid, and the deputy was now back on her feet, looking slightly more dazed than usual. Kiadra cocked an eyebrow at the men, who hurriedly ran back to whatever they were supposed to be doing. She smiled.
"Now you may go help her. But just hold her up, mind." she let go of Casavir's ear. He gave her a look, before his paladin instincts got going and he rushed off.
Looking across the courtyard, Kiadra saw that Riverguard's Captain was doing a similar thing to his paladin. He saw her staring and smiled, and rolled his eyes in a way that suggested "You too, huh?". She smiled back at him. She liked Kiadran. It was nice to finally talk to some-one who didn't have the mental age of a three year old.
"The competition will begin at sunset today. The first team to get all of the items on their list wins!" Kana beamed at the two parties, waving two identical pieces of paper in the air.
"Oh yes? And what no doubt amazing prize do we win?" Sand was not impressed.
Neither, it seemed, was his Riverguarden counterpart.
"Another priceless weapon that, for some incomprehensible reason, sells for only 15,000 gold pieces?" moaned the moon elf, banging her staff indignantly on the nearest surface, which was Khelgrina's foot. "A book on how to craft some completely useless, but no doubt rare item? We already have far too many of those, thank you very much. And it is I who has to carry them all!"
"Fer god's sake, elf, ye think ye've got it bad? Yer not the one lumberin' around with five unused sets of armour, 'cause some bleeding drow can't decide what to wear in the morning!" cried the dwarf, hopping on one foot.
"I cannot help but feel we are straying off the topic here, ladies. My attire, as interesting to the fairer sex it may be, is not why we are here."
"Our leader speaks true. Try to be quiet." Cassy glared at the two women.
"Oh, of course our leader is right. Our leader is always right, isn't he? Remember that time we went into that Tomb of Not-Quite-So-Evil Villians because our dear leader thought it was full of designer shoes, and nearly died? He sure was right about th-OW!"
"Was that really necessary?" Kiadran sighed, handing a bandage to the now wailing ranger.
"Yes." chorused the three other women.
Kana coughed nervously.
"Oh, don't mind them. Please, carry on." the bard smiled and tipped his hat at the deputy, who blushed scarlet.
Cassy shot her a look.
At sunset…in Crossroad Keep's Library…
"Okay, to do this faster we'll split into two groups. Khelgar, Neeshka and Grobnar, you guys take the left portal. Casavir, Bishop and I will take the right."
"This sucks! I'm always with the bloody paladin!"
"That's because I don't trust you." Kiadra beamed at him.
"Ouch, that one hurt, Captain. Next time, try to go for something that isn't obvio-" There was a short thump, followed by a slightly longer groan. "…STOP BLOODY DOING THAT!"
"You deserved it." Casavir inspected his fist for any lasting damage.
"What I want to know is how, when I specifically said I would not take part, I appear to have been lumbered with the job of portal opener?!" snarled a rather grumpy looking warlock, who was stood between the two portals, arms held high in deep incantation. Or maybe he was just holding the ceiling up. It was hard to tell.
"Hush now, Jerro, and you can have a muffin." Kiadra waved it in front of the scowling warlock's face.
There was a pause.
"…what flavour muffin?"
"I wouldn't bother, if I were you. It's not like the warlock can offer us anything useful anyway. I assure you, Qara and I can handle this." Sand was leaning over another one of the many big, dusty tomes that he was so very fond of. He had been doing so since the morning, when Kiadra had first begged him to find a way for quicker transportation. He remembered sighing, complaining, and basically telling her that there was 'nothing in the Realms that could convince him to work with Qara, of all people' but somehow…somehow he'd ended up here, in the Library, desperately trying to open portals. The wizard sighed. He must learn to say "no"…
Ammon Jerro huffed, and turned his attention to the waiting drow.
"I will keep this portal open, on two conditions."
"Yes?"
"One: You take the bloody elf and the whining girl with you. One thing I cannot stand is back-seat conjuring."
Qara looked up from her place beside the portals, and pouted.
Kiadra sighed. "Agreed."
"Two, and this one is most important."
"Uh-huh…"
"Make it a chocolate muffin."
"Come on, Team Gnomehands! Time to go, quick, quick, quick!" Grobnar squealed, hurling himself towards their portal, before Neeshka grabbed him in mid flight.
"Woah, hold up there, little gnome. Qara's still moaning."
"…and another thing that is stupid about this group is our name. Why do we have to be named after the gnome, anyway? Team Qara, for example, that sounds so much better!"
Khelgar groaned, "Lass, can we just get moving already?"
"Oh yeah? And since when did yo- HEY WHAT ARE YOU DO-AHHH!"
Neeshka burst out laughing.
"Haha, nice one, Khelgar. Now we have something soft to land on."
A long reel of curses came out from the portal the sorceress had been pushed in.
"Ooh, ooh, me next!" Grobnar wriggled out of Neeshka's grasp and jumped through.
"We'd better get going, Stumpy. Or there's going to be one very crispy gnome on the other side." the tiefling waved at the rest of the group, before stepping into the portal, followed closely by Khelgar, who tripped over and hit his head on the way in.
"Buggerrrrrryyyyyyy…"
Sand sighed. "Well, as entertaining as watching Ammon trying to cast and eat at the same time is, we had better be getting on. What is first?"
Kiadra consulted her half of the list.
"The leaf of an otherworldly tree…."
"…You've got to be joking, right? Who's dumb idea was it to do a scavenger hunt, anyway?" Bishop scowled at the Captain.
"I believe that Lord Nasher organised it, ranger. It is not our Captain's fault."
"…do you ever shut up, paladin?"
Sand watched Casavir's expression, and when it became obvious that he wasn't going to do anything entertaining, fired a small lightning bolt at the ranger.
"On the house," the wizard beamed.
Bishop growled, and rubbed his arm where the bolt had hit.
"…Where's the Captain?"
Ammon Jerro rolled his eyes, "If you three had actually been paying attention, she's already gone through the portal."
"Eeep! Something terrible could have happened to her! She could have been captured by bandits, or attacked by vicious wilder beasts or, or..." Sand watched as the two men tried desperately to squeeze themselves through a one-man portal, as the warlock laughed at them. He enjoyed baiting those two. It was something to do when Qara was recovering.
Kiadra found herself in the middle of a plain, which stretched as far as she could see. The ground had a slight orangey hue to it, and it was incredibly hot. She sat down on the floor and was surprised to discover that instead of a rock, which she had been expecting, the ground was in fact sand. A peculiar coloured sand, but sand none the less. She picked some up and was watching it trickle through her fingers when Casavir and Bishop appeared. Falling from a few feet above the ground, the two fell flat onto their faces. She could hear groaning.
"You…idiotic…ranger…should…have…waited…"
"Don't…blame…this…on me…paladin. I…was…first…"
"Were…not…"
"Were…too…"
"Were…too…"
"Were…not…damn!"
Kiadra bent down in front of the two, and smiled. Silently, she reached down, and poked them both on the forehead.
"WHY YO-"
-THUMP-
"Thanks, Casavir."
"Welcome as always, my lady."
"Oh my, I turn my back for one second and you knock out Bishop?" Sand came floating down on a miniature cloud, stepping carefully off it and clicking his fingers to make it disappear. He sniffed the air indignantly, before turning his attention back to the group. "Really, Casavir, you have not done a very good job of it. Revive him, please."
Casavir frowned as he got up, "Why?"
"Because, you silly paladin, neither myself nor our dear Captain have the joys of Lay on Hands."
"I could always try and use my Heal skill..." Kiadra started to root around her pack for Healing Kits.
"No!" the two men cried in unison.
"My dear girl, we do not want a repeat of…last time…" Sand shuddered. "So, make with the holiness, paladin!"
Casavir looked to the drow for support, but she was still reeling from the crack about her healing skills. Sighing, the paladin leaned over the ranger, and muttered a few words.
"Urghh…my…head…" groaned Bishop, clutching his forehead.
"Happy, wizard?"
"Oh my yes. This will do nicely. Watch and learn, paladin, this is how you knock out a ranger." Sand rubbed his hands together. Humming slightly, the moon elf closed his eyes, and brought up his arms until they were level with his head. As the humming increased, Kiadra had the bright idea of moving far, far away from the wizard. Casavir had enough common sense to do the same.
Bishop was still sat groaning on the floor, oblivious to his impending doom, which was in the form of a large, floating rock.
-CRACK-
"Um...Sand?"
"Yes, my dear Captain?"
"Is he…dead?"
Sand walked over to the unconscious form of Bishop, and nudged it gently with his foot.
"Dead? No. Severely concussed? Probably."
"One day Sand, you must show me how to-"
"There appears to be a large…cloud heading in our direction, Captain." Casavir squinted into the distance.
"Really? Most peculiar. Anyway, Sand, tell me, where exactly did you get the ro-"
"It's getting closer, Captain."
"Well, my dear girl, it all starts with the use of a simple incantat-"
"My lady, it's moving quite fast."
"Yes, yes, yes, but what I want to know is how the rock got-"
"I really think we should move, Captain!"
"What are you talking about Cas-EEEEK!"
"Watch the hair, the hair!"
Kiadra clutched her head, and spat out the sand from her mouth. "Bloody paladin" she thought as she struggled upright from under the two men, who were busy bickering as usual (or to be fair, one was moaning at length about getting split ends, and the other was frowning intently at him). Getting rugby-tackled by an angst-ridden paladin was not nearly as fun as some people would have you believe…
She blinked. Great, I've even got sand in my eyes! As she continued to blink furiously, Kiadra noticed something eerily different about her surroundings. Silence greeted her from every front; she peered around, wondering what her companions had been distracted by, and saw …
A man. At least, she assumed it was a man. It had a long beard, and all of the usual limb count. He wore rather dirty looking red robes, and a quite silly pointed hat. The companions (except for Bishop, who was still out of it) watched in awe as he approached. He gave them a brief look as he dashed past, kicking up a lot of the reddish sand in his haste to get away.
The 'from what' appeared a few seconds later, after the man was far into the distance (his turn of speed was, Kiadra noted, quite amazing). It was, in all senses of the word, a mob. They carried pitchforks, torches, and anything else that could be used to beat someone senseless. However, the expressions on their faces were not of anger, but of fear. They too, appeared to be running from something.
The companions watched them disappear, before Sand got up and straightened his robe.
"Well, I do not know what that was all about, but in future, dear Casavir, please inform me before you try any other heroic manoeuvres."
The paladin simply frowned.
"Err, guys, did, um…the thing they were all running from. It's gone past…right?" whispered Kiadra.
There was a silence, as the three companions looked around fearfully.
"Oh my…"
Another cloud of dust appeared on the horizon, much bigger than the last two. Kiadra rushed behind the only available cover (the rock Bishop had been hit with) while Sand merely hid behind the nearest human shield, who wasn't overly impressed. But then again, he was never overly impressed with anything.
Whilst trying to remain very, very still, the companions watched as the cloud grew closer, and then sprinted past them.
The companions were silent.
"Did I…just see that right?" Sand poked his head out from behind Casavir.
"A box…on…legs?" Kiadra inched her way around the rock, glancing around for any sign of the abomination.
"It's gone, my lady."
"Oh…good."
"Well, I've had just about enough of this place! My robe is covered in...sand...dirt, and gods knows what, and there a tangles in my hair that will take hours of washing to undo!" moaned Sand, tearing desperately at his hairdo. Casavir looked at Kiadra, and raised an eyebrow.
"Okay, okay, we're going. Just need to find a leaf." the drow peered around the plain, looking for any signs of vegetation.
"Don't be ridiculous, girl, we're in a desert! There will not be any living plants here." snapped Sand, who was getting more irritable by the minute.
"My lady, look." Casavir tapped the drow on the shoulder, and pointed.
There, in the middle of the plain, was a tree.
"…this is getting ridiculous!" Sand, forever the believer in logic and that things should go bang when they're supposed to, slumped to the floor, and put his head in his hands. Kiadra patted him awkwardly on the back.
"Are ye sure we're in the right place, gnome?"
"Why, yes Khelgar! …I mean, well, no."
"It sure is…cramped in here." Neeshka rapped the edge of the tube the three of them were sat in. "It sounds like it's made of a metal of some kind…possibly tin."
"Perhaps we could…hammer our way out?"
"Khelgar, there are some things in life that can't be solved with hammering."
"…Really?!"
"Um, guys? We appear to have a proooblem!"
"What is it, Grobnar?"
"We're missing Qara!"
There was a brief silence.
"…how is that a problem?"
Qara was angry. She was also lost. (Except the sorceress never thought of it that way. She was never lost; the rest of the world was just in the wrong place.) She did not know what had happened to the rest of her 'team', but honestly, she didn't care. She was fed up with the lot of them. Always telling her what to do, what not to do. "Qara, clean the dishes." "Qara, scrub the floor." "Qara, do not shoot that magic missile into Sand's face!" She was her own woman, dammit, and she didn't need them. Oh no. She'd start a new life, here…where ever she was.
For the first time since she had exited the tube (by blowing it apart, of course.), Qara looked around. It should be noted that Qara is absolutely not a coward. So, the whimper that escaped her lips and the rather speedy retreat that followed were absolutely not because of cowardice.
Definitely.
"I can see light up ahead!"
"Good for you, Grobnar, but unfortunately I can't because of the several acres of dwarven butt in my face!"
"Why, that would make such a catchy tune…"
"Stop yer whining, tiefling, and keep crawling!"
"Oh deary me! Whatever happened here?!" sang Grobnar, as he slipped out of the end of the tube. He turned around briefly to inspect the somewhat charred remains of the exit, before a rather smelly dwarf-like cannonball hit him in the face. They collapsed into a heap on the ground.
"May the Hells take ye, tiefling!" Khelgar groaned and rolled off the gnome, who had a look of perpetual shock on his face.
"Oh, hush now, Stumpy." Neeshka slid daintily out of the tube, and walked over to where Khelgar had landed. Grobnar was looking slightly flatter than usual. Sighing slightly, the tiefling picked him up and slung him across her shoulders. "Come on, let's go find Q-"
A red haired blur sprinted pasted the two, diving head first into the tube. There was a quiet "Ouch."
Khelgar edged over, and peered inside.
"Go away!" yelled the tube. There was the sound of some-one trying to crawl faster than such a slippery surface would allow, resulting in falling flat on their face several times.
"I wonder what's got her…so…spooked…" Neeshka's eyes went very big as she surveyed their surroundings, "Eeeeeep. Khelgar! We have to move!"
The dwarf turned around; surprised by the tiefling's use of his real name, rather than 'Stumpy' 'Short-arse' and any other humorous, height-related name she could come up with.
"What's the matter, lass?"
"There's no time to explain, let's get out of-"
"Neeshka? After all this time…could it really be?" a wiry looking imp appeared in a puff of purple smoke, and snickered evilly.
"Oborus. It has not nearly been long enough." replied Neeshka coldly.
Khelgar and Qara stuck their heads out of the tube.
"Ye know him?"
"You know her?"
The imp snickered again. "Of course. Neeshka is an…old friend of mine."
"A business partner" the tiefling snapped, "Nothing more."
Qara rolled her eyes. "Dear gods, not another one."
"I…assisted…Neeshka several years ago in her hunt, when her blood powers were strong enough to travel back and forth between this plane, and yours." the imp smirked, "Sadly, those times are no more."
"You were a pain in the arse, Oborus."
"I had my uses."
"Well, this has been fun. Now let's be g-"Qara rolled over, and began to climb back through the tube, only to find her robe had snagged on something that had zero intention of moving. The sorceress struggled fiercely, but Khelgar refused to budge.
"What hunt?" the dwarf eyed the tiefling suspiciously.
"You mean you never told them?" the imp contorted its features into a look of mock horror, "Tut-tut, Neeshka."
"Shut up! Come on Stumpy, let's get out of here." the tiefling strode towards the tube, refusing to look at the imp.
"Neeshka came to me, dwarf, because she was…lonely."
"Lonely? What d'ya mean?" Khelgar was curious. He had never seen Neeshka so flustered before, despite his best efforts.
"You say one more thing, Oborus, and I'll send this dagger right through your heart!" Neeshka whirled around, her twin blades drawn.
This only seemed to only please the imp, who grinned widely, showing rows of decayed, pointy teeth. "But come now, Neeshka, they deserve to know about your past, do they not? After all, you seem to know a lot about theirs. And the contents of their coin pouches, no doubt."
Neeshka growled. He was only guessing, she knew. But her companions didn't.
Qara stuck her head out again, face aflame. "You looked in there? Those guys, you know, they're all over eighteen…"
"Shut up, Qara."
"Hmmph." the sorceress disappeared again into the tube.
"What…colourful company you keep, Neeshka." the imp said sarcastically.
"You shut up, too."
"My, my, such hostility. My dear Neeshka, you leave me with little choice. Either I tell them about your little escapade, or you do."
Neeshka glared at Oborus, and raised one of her daggers.
"Ah-hah, well, in that case, I think I'll just go inform him you've arrived. I'm sure he's…dying to see you again." the imp smirked, and disappeared in another puff of smoke, narrowly avoiding being hit by a speeding missile. Neeshka walked over, and pulled her dagger out of the rock wall.
"Wha-" Khelgar began.
"Just leave it, okay?"
"But-"
"I said, let it go!"
The dwarf shrugged, and looked around briefly.
"Tiefling?"
Neeshka was staring at the wall, where her blade had left a slight groove. "What?"
"What did ye do with the gnome?"
The tiefling spun around, "He was right…there…"
They both stared at the piece of ground Neeshka was pointing to. It was pretty unremarkable rock, and had a certain absence of hyper gnome.
"Bugger!"
Grobnar skipped happily across the Abyss, arms swinging and humming merrily as he passed the numerous souls undergoing painful and horrific torture. It was one of Grobnar's amazing traits that he always saw the good side in any situation. If the gnome saw a man getting his feet chopped off, he would automatically point out how much money that man would save because of no longer needing to buy boots. After the screaming had died out, of course.
So when Grobnar turned a particularly decaying corner, and surveyed the scene in the rocky plaza below, his first thought was "My, now that fellow can see outside the back of his head!".
However, it's doubtful that such a comment would've made the man feel any better, because he was dead. He probably appreciated the thought, though.
"No, no, NO! The point is to keep the victim alive, otherwise how do you continue to torture them?!" A huge balor stood over the unfortunate man, his huge wings unfurling behind him as he addressed a slightly smaller, but no less terrifying demon.
"But…sir…I canst torture 'em properly withou' killing 'em, they is too weak, they is!"
The bigger balor sighed, and banged his head on one of the many rocky outcrops in frustration, causing a large tremor that swept the awe-struck Grobnar off his feet.
"And what do we have here?" the demon looked more than a little surprised to see the gnome, who sat up, grinning madly.
"Why, I'm Grobnar Gnomehands, of course!" he cried, springing up and producing the Wenderkazoo from his pack in one, fluid movement. Or at least, mimed it.
The balor laughed, a huge belly-laugh that caused the plaza itself to shake. The other demon, presumably at a loss at what to do, simply sniggered.
"Well, Grobnar Gnomehands, I can plainly see that you are not dead. What brings you to the Abyss?"
"I'm on a scavenger hunt," Grobnar beamed, "Could you help me?"
The two balors exchanged looks of surprise, before the larger demon reached down and scooped up the still grinning madly gnome, holding him carefully in the palm of his giant clawed hand. The smaller balor simply shook his head, and pushed a button under the stone tablet the 'man' had been laid on. The tablet pivoted upwards, causing the deceased to slide gently off it and into a bag marked "Out".
"I'm sure I could, little one. Before that, however, you will tell me how you managed to get all the way down here on your tiny lonesome."
"Oh, that's silly! I didn't come here on my own, oh no. I came here with the rest of my team! You haven't seen them, have you?"
"Your...team?"
"Yes,yes! I am the Leader, of course. Being the most competent and sensible of the party!"
The balor appeared to think carefully about his next statement.
"I…see…"
"And then there's my second in command, Khelgar. He's a dwarf, you know. Bears a remarkable resemblance to a keg of severely gone-off beer! At least, that's what Neeshka says. She's very, very tall! But then again, everyone is very tall, compared to me." Grobnar beamed and carried on rambling at high speed,"She's a tiefling. There's also Qara, but she's very grumpy and no-one likes her re-"
"….Neeshka? You travel with a tiefling named…Neeshka?" The balor straightened up, and peered around the plaza, as if he was searching for something.
"Yes! Why, do you know her?"
Sometimes Grobnar's brain can run very slow indeed.
The demon ignored him, "What would you say, Grobnar Gnomehands, if I invited you to a temporary seat beside my infernal throne?"
Grobnar appeared to think about this.
"I'd ask if it comes in maroon."
"We're looooost!"
"Look, we followed that succubus' instructions exactly. Keep following the same 'Gods-forsaken Path' until we reach the 'Damned-if-I know-what-it's-called Canyon', then take a hard left at the big rock shaped like Drizzt Do'Urden…"
"We've passed that rock six times already!"
"Will you two shut up?! I'm trying to concentrate!" yelled Neeshka, as she glared at her two companions, who suddenly became engrossed in their footwear. She sighed, and closed her eyes.
A few moments passed, which included a lot of awkward fidgeting on the part of Khelgar and Qara, before Neeshka opened her eyes and pointed in a seemingly random direction.
"That way."
After hours of endless searching, falling into pits, and dragging Khelgar away from the many, many succubi, the three remaining members of Team Gnomehands found themselves at their latest and most terrifying challenge.
A gate.
(It was quite a nice gate. Very gothic. It would have been almost tasteful if it didn't have "You don't have to be infernally damned to work here - but it helps!" plastered across it.)
"I suppose we could always…climb over it."
"Are ye blind? Look how tall this damned thing is! There's no way in the hells I could ever get up there. And nobody tosses a dwarf!"
"Why on Faerun does a balor need a front gate anyway? The demons could just fly over!"
"That's not the point, Qa-Hey! Tiefling!"
Neeshka had already reached the top, swung herself over and was sprinting away.
The two companions stood in quiet contemplation for a minute.
Until Qara rolled her eyes and walked round the gate, through the non-existent fence. Khelgar followed her.
"Like I said, absolutely pointless."
"And so that is how I finally convinced the Captain to let me rebuild the spring-mounted mechanical cod-piece, except of course there were a few complications when Khelgar wanted to try i-"
-CRASH-
"Put your talons up and step away from my gnome!" Neeshka came crashing through the large wooden door that separated the throne room from the rest of the Abyss. It was, actually, the only thing that was doing the separating. (Balors don't really have a concept of walls.)
The various demons perched around Grobnar's 'throne' (a large cushion, which had the word's "Please don't eat the Gnome" floating above it) looked up in surprise, except for a solitary succubus, who was trying desperately to comb the gnome's hair, to no avail.
"Hellooo, Neeshka! Look at all of the new friends I've made!" Grobnar lept up from his seat and ran towards the tiefling, dragging the terrified-looking succubus along by the comb.
The demons around the throne burst into conversation.
"Neeshka?"
"That Neeshka?"
"But I thought she'd lost her powers?"
The tiefling glared them all into silence. She paused.
"Where. Is. He?" Neeshka spat each word out, her voice echoing the anger in her eyes.
The succubus who was still struggling with her comb, started to say "Who?" before she was cut off by the sudden removal of her head.
Neeshka resheathed her daggers.
"I'm not in the mood for games, okay? Tell me where that bastard is or-"
As one man, (or, more appropriately, demon) the group around the throne looked upwards.
The tiefling followed their gaze and stifled a gasp.
"Neeshka, Neeshka, Neeshka." the balor, who had been hanging upside down from a handy rock, unfolded his wings, and stretched. Silently, he loosened his grip and dropped down, landing neatly in front of her. "Is that really any way to address your grandfather?"
Something in Grobnar's brain went 'click'.
"Ohhh…"
"And this is your great-great-aunt Beatrice. She works over in the Ironic Punishment sector, and there's a funny story about that but you wouldn't want to hear it…"
"Oh, oh, I dooo!" Grobnar looked up for his place on the balor's left knee, peered over the top of the gigantic photo album and smiled manically.
Neeshka, who was sat on the right knee, simply glared furiously at the other demons that were wandering around, as if daring them to laugh. A few succubi who had giggled in passing now found themselves missing several vital organs.
"Well, it all started when Beatrice's second cousin – twice removed, you know, terrible scandal – decided that they needed a huge, inflatable p-"
"GRANDFATHER!"
"…Pair of maracas."
"That's better, although not by much."
"Huh?" Grobnar looked confused. The balor patted him awkwardly on the head.
There was the sound of raised voices, ringing across the chasm.
"What do ye mean, she can't go in?! Do ye know who she is?! She's Qarina, the most famous sorceress on the Sword Coast…hells, maybe even from across the whole of damn Faerun!"
"I'm sorry, sir, but this area is not part of the tour and I can't really-"
"She's been to places that ye only know from nightmares!"
"…Nightmares?"
"Yeah. The ones where ye wake up in the middle of the night and there's this damned big puddle of-"
"I'm truly sorry sir, but she cannot be allowed in!"
"Listen, buddy, ye like yer face, right?"
"Er, well, yes, I suppose so…"
"So, I imagine ye would think too kindly to a fireball in it, eh?"
"No sir!"
"Ah, I thought so… GET THIS BLOODY DOOR OPEN THEN!"
"Um, if her greatness would just hold on for one second-"
"That'd better be all it is, mister, or they're gonna be pickin' up yer remains with a toothpick…"
A terrified imp, wearing a bright red shirt with a badge saying "Hi! My name is Laraminionious, ask me about our Family Damnation Deals!" stuck his head round the Throne Room door.
"Sorry to bother you, your terribleness, but there's a…powerful sorceress out here who wants to see you and-"
The imp fell forward, propelled by a boot to the backside complementary of Khelgar, disappearing in a puff of red smoke just before hitting the floor. The words "Tell your friend's to ask for Larry!" glowed in the air faintly where the imp had vanished.
The dwarf scurried in after, followed by the sorceress, who was inspecting the surroundings with a look of disgust. Her hair had been unpinned, and she was wearing huge, bug-eye style glasses, and a feather boa.
The balor sighed dramatically, placed Neeshka and Grobnar back onto the cushion, and swung its legs over the side of its huge throne. The newcomers appeared oblivious, busy bickering amongst themselves.
"Gods, Khelgar, do you have no sense of style? That is not how a world-famous sorceress announces herself." Qara flung her arm out dramatically, nearly knocking out a demon who had made the mistake of getting too close.
"You're not really famous, ye know that right? And give me back my damn boa!"
"Give me back my damn boa, ma'am."
"Shut up! Let's just get those bleedin' two and get the hell out of…this…dump…" Khelgar looked up. And up. "…Bugger."
"Khelgar! Cooeee! It's me!" Grobnar bounced upright, and started waving crazily at the dwarf.
The balor looked at the dwarf expectantly. "I suppose you'll be wanting to…ahem…save them now, correct?"
Khelgar swallowed. Qara started to fiddle nervously with the end of her hair, before she remembered herself, twirling her staff around until it was pointed directly at the balor's face. He yawned and pointedly inspected his talons for human remains. Khelgar heard the sorceress begin to mutter angrily under her breath, and edged away slowly.
A fireball burst into existence above Qara's head and soared gracefully across the room. The balor rolled his eyes, and gently blew on the roaring missile. The flames went out instantly, and the ball fell to the floor with a "phut".
"Is that really the best you've got?" the balor grinned wickedly.
"GRANDFATHER!" Neeshka stood up, hands on hips. "Gods, I can't take you anywhere!"
The demon's eye's widened in shock, and he found his mouth acting on its own accord – instructions seeming to miss his head altogether.
"I'm sorry, sugarkins…"
"SUGARKINS? Hey, Khelgar, lets record this! Demonz will pay good money for it…"
"'Demonz'?"
"It's Ammon's favourite magazine. I found it under his bed when we - I mean, after I had finished um, borrowing a spellbook. Yeah."
Khelgar edged even further away, until he was level with Neeshka, who was having a heated argument with her grandfather. Grobnar sat between the two, tongue stuck out from thinking too hard.
"They're my friends! Why couldn't you just let them set you on fire?!"
"They are a bad influence on you, Neeshka. Why can't you be friends with Oborus again? He was such a nice imp. I remember when you two were inseparable, joined at the hip, as it were…"
"That was because that stupid twerp can't cast Cobwebs properly!"
"Neeshka, I won't have you using that language in my house!"
"Dears gods, you won't let me say twerp?! You don't understand me! No-one does!" Neeshka began to stride towards the open-mouthed Khelgar, dragging Grobnar along with her.
"Neeshka, dear…" The balor reached out to her, before stopping to stare at his hand; not quite sure what it was doing there. But Neeshka was already at the door, Grobnar under one arm, Khelgar under the other, and a rather peeved Qara hanging onto her tail.
She paused at the door, and turned around.
"You're ruining my life!"
-SLAM-
