A/N: Thanks for the reviews thus far! Just to assuage some fears I'm going to try not to rewrite history or anything like that (though as I said I didn't see any of Season 8, only read spoilers so my ideas may not match completely). We'll see if I can keep up with the episodes and/or keep myself from posting the ones I already have done.

Disclaimer: I own nothing from THAT 70S SHOW nor Aerosmith songs.

Episode 9.2: Janie's Got a Gun

It had been a week since the New Years Dinner Incident, as it had come to be known, and no one had really talked about it. Kelso was leaving back for Chicago the next day, and the gang was getting ready to see him off.

"How exactly are we supposed to see him off now?" Donna asked as she and Eric decorated the basement. "What is this, some kind of going away party?"

"Yeah," Eric said.

"Psh, we already threw him one," Donna stated.

"I wasn't there to see it," Eric said. "This is a good second chance for me to participate in the festivities. Who's on detail distracting him?"

"Fez."

"Great, I wonder how that's going, he's not that original."

"It shouldn't be too hard."

As they were saying this, Fez had taken Kelso to the grocery store, and was holding out a long sheet of aluminum foil.

"Wow, that's really freakin' shiny!" Kelso exclaimed.

Back in the basement, Donna was still kind of pissed off.

"What's wrong, Donna?" Eric asked.

"I can't believe that Kelso and Hyde were giving pointers on how to bed Jackie," she said. "Our friends are pigs."

"Well, to be fair it wasn't like they had a diagram or anything," Eric said. Donna stopped hanging up the balloons for a second, and looked at him.

"You knew about it?"

"Well, I was there," Eric said, realizing that he was probably going to get in trouble. Time to back paddle. "But I was high. I can't be held responsible for my actions."

"Eric, I can't believe you!" she exclaimed, punching him in the shoulder.

"Ow, take it easy!" he exclaimed.

"That was so humiliating for Jackie, haven't those two done enough to her over the years?" she demanded. "Be it cheating on her or dumping her for a stripper they've really messed that girl up!"

"They were just trying to help Fez."

"She isn't a conquest, she's a woman! Contrary to popular belief, we're humans too with feelings and dignity!" She jumped off the ladder and began up the steps. She began up as Hyde began down.

"Hey Donna."

"You're a pig!" she snapped, and kept walking. Hyde shrugged, and looked at the balloons.

"This looks like a seven year old's birthday party."

"Well, it is a party for Kelso," Eric said. "And now thanks to you I'm in trouble with Donna."

"This will be a fun game, how to blame your problems on me, it's not like I've ever played it before," Hyde said, plopping down in front of the TV. "What happened now?"

"She just found out that I knew about your advice to Fez."

"It was hardly advice, it wasn't like I drew him a diagram."

"That's what I said."

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Donna knocked on the door to Jackie and Fez's apartment. Jackie opened it.

"Hey Donna."

"Jackie, I haven't seen you in the basement for the past week! Where have you been?" she asked.

"I've actually been at my Mom's house," she said. "I just came back here because I was out of shampoo. You know how important my shampoo is to me."

"Yeah yeah yeah."

"I've been doing a lot of thinking, see, and I've been trying to sort out my issues with the Fez situation and the Steven thing."

"And have you?"

"No, but I found a distraction!" she squealed, and ripped her shirt off and turned around. On her back, near the shoulder blade, was a tattoo of a crescent moon.

"Oh my GOD," Donna said. "Is that… Is… Can I touch it?"

"Gently, it's still kind of sore," she said.

"When did you get this done?" Donna asked, touching the small outline of a moon.

"I got it done the day after New Years," she stated. "I was so pissed off at Steven, and Fez, and I needed to get my mind off things, so I got a tattoo."

"Yeah, no kidding!" Donna exclaimed. "Wow! This is so cool! What does it mean?"

"Mean? Oh, I don't know. I like the moon, and I thought it would look cool right by the top of my shoulder blade. Now in the summer when I wear a strapless dress it will be visible and people will think 'wow, that girl is so cool!'" Donna smiled, and began biting her nail.

"Well… I've actually been thinking about getting a tattoo also," she said.

"Really? Well why don't you?" Jackie asked. "What would you get one of?"

"I don't know," Donna said. "Who did yours?"

"This woman named Janie," Jackie said. "The parlor by the theater is where she works. I'll go with you and you can pick one."

"That sounds like fun! Can we, um… go now?" Donna asked.

"Oh, okay. How come?"

"I have some of my own issues to work out."

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Fez walked into the basement.

"Where's Kelso?" Eric asked.

"I took him to the woods and said that we were going to play hide and seek," he said. "Then I drove off."

"Awesome!" Hyde exclaimed, laughing.

"He'll get bored and come back to town in about three hours," Fez said.

"Just in time for the party," Eric stated. "Hey, how are things with you and Jackie?"

"Not too good, Eric," Fez said. "I think that she is going to dump me. She hasn't been home for the past week."

"I'm surprised you aren't happy about this," Hyde said. "She hasn't bit your head off yet."

"Well, I know that when she is really angry at someone she really cares about she lets them know it," Fez said. "But she's just been avoiding me."

"You should have SEEN her lay into Hyde on New Years!" Eric exclaimed. "Man, I thought she was going to take the pie knife and stab him!" This did not help Fez's neuroses. He and Hyde shared a look, Fez's angry and Hyde's awkward, and Eric realized his snafu. "Of course, she could just be getting ready to completely verbally eviscerate you." Fez's eyes lit up.

"You think so?" he asked.

"It's possible," Eric said. "Hell, I bet you come home tonight and a plate flies at you head."

"Oh that would be WONDERFUL!" Fez exclaimed.

Kitty walked down the steps.

"Are you kids having a party tonight?" she asked.

"Yeah Mom, Kelso leaves tomorrow," Eric said.

"Well should I cook anything?" she asked.

"No, that's okay, Donna is bringing cake tonight," Eric said. Kitty looked hurt, and then put on an aloof expression.

"Well, I'm sure that her cake will be just fine. I really hope that it isn't too dry. I know that you boys certainly don't like dry cake," Kitty said. "After all, it gets stuck in the throat and it feels like you're having the life choked out of you, aha ha ha!" The guys all looked at each other, and Hyde held up his hand.

"I wouldn't mind another cake, Mrs. Foreman," he said.

"Me neither, Mom," Eric said.

"You know how I feel about sweets," Fez said. Kitty smiled, and walked back up the steps.

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Kelso came back to the car site and saw that Fez had left.

"What a loser," he said, and laughed to himself. "I totally win by default." He began walking back to Point Place, and heard something in the brush.

"Fez?" he asked. "Is this a crazy prank you're playing on me?... You know that you don't scare me!... Too much, anyway." The rustling in the bushes continued, and he began to run down the country road.

Donna and Jackie walked into the tattoo parlor, and a very punk looking woman walked out from behind a beaded curtain.

"Hey, it's Jackie," she said, genuinely smiling. "How's the tattoo working out for you?"

"It looks so hot, Janie, I love it!" Jackie exclaimed. "And my friend Donna is interested in a tattoo as well."

"Hi, I'm Donna," she said, and Janie shook her hand.

"Janie, nice to meet ya," she said. "What did you have in mind?"

"Well, I'm not sure, exactly. Something small," Donna said. "I have to attend a party in three hours."

"Okay, I can work in that time limit, no problem," Janie said. "Wanna look at some patterns? I have books and books, that's how Jackie chose the moon." Donna nodded, and Janie handed her a book.

"So Jackie, how's the boyfriend situation going?" Janie asked.

"Still awful," Jackie said. "I told Janie the whole Steven thing."

"He's not your boyfriend," Donna said, flipping through a book.

"Well that includes Fez too!" Jackie exclaimed. "Jeeze, you know that. Janie, it's really messy still. I haven't talked to Fez and I'm not about to talk to Steven, and I have to see both of them at Michael's going away party!"

"Michael cheated on you with her boyfriends sister, right?" Janie asked, motioning to Donna.

"Jeeze, Jackie how much history can you spill in the course of three hours?" Donna asked, and Jackie ignored her.

"That was him. So I'm not looking forward to tonight," she stated. "Donna, I already told Janie this, but I think I need to break up with Fez."

"I told you that you shouldn't have gone out with him in the first place," Donna said. "I knew you'd get bored and you'd dump him."

"I didn't get bored, I wanted it to work!" Jackie exclaimed. "But when I kissed him it felt like I was kissing…"

"Her brother," Janie finished.

"What, is your tattoo artist like your hairdresser now?" Donna asked.

"She was able to listen to me!" Jackie exclaimed.

"Jackie you need to stop beating around the bush with Fez and just dump him already. Not only is it not fair to him if you don't love him, but it's not fair to you either," Donna said. "He deserves to be loved, and you deserve to be in love. If that isn't happening, it's doomed to fail and you shouldn't prolong it. If you do, you'll both just get hurt even more." Jackie was silent, and sighed.

"Ooh, that's a pretty yin yang. Can I get that?" Donna asked.

"Sure, that's an easy one!" Janie said. "Where would you like it?"

"Umm… Can I get it on my hip? And, like the size of a quarter? Can you do that?"

"No problem," Janie said. "Just pull your jeans down a ways and I'll begin."

"… This is so COOL!" Donna exclaimed, pulling her pants down a little bit.

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Kelso burst into the Foreman kitchen. Kitty looked up, surprised.

"Michael, what are you doing here?" she asked, standing in front of the oven so he wouldn't see the cake.

"Hi Mrs Foreman, Fez gave up at hide and seek and left me out in the woods. It was a great burn, but I just walked from there…. Do I smell cake?" he asked, and Kitty became visibly tense.

"No!" she exclaimed. "Hey, Michael, could you do me a favor? Could you take this, um, sandwich to Red at the muffler shop?" She grabbed the sandwich she had made for herself, and thrust it at Kelso. "He needs it. I'm sure he's hungry."

"Sure, I could do that," he said. "If you see Fez tell him he forfeited." He took the sandwich, and left. Kitty sighed, and opened the oven door.

"Oh, please don't be too dry!" she exclaimed.

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Kelso knocked on the muffler shop door. Red looked up, and nodded curtly.

"What's wrong, Kelso, you need a muffler?" he asked.

"No Red, I'm just dropping off this sandwich," he stated. "Mrs. Foreman told me you needed lunch, and I think she was hording a cake…"

"Well thanks," Red said, taking the sandwich away. "So Kelso, you're leaving tomorrow huh?"

"Yeah, going back to Chicago."

"Still working at the night club?"

"Yep."

"Figures."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kelso asked. "I'll have you know that it's the perfect job because I can spend my days taking care of Betsy and getting to know my daughter."

"It's hardly a job to provide for her, Kelso," Red said, munching on his sandwich. "I thought you wanted to be a cop."

"I do, but I can't pass their exam," Kelso said. "They didn't believe that I passed the first time, for some reason."

"So take it again," Red said. "Come on, don't be a dumbass. You need a good wholesome job so your daughter doesn't grow up to be one of those dancers at your club."

"With Brooke as her Mom I doubt THAT would happen," Kelso said.

"Just think about it, Kelso. Do you want to be working security the rest of your life, or do you want to be a man in blue?" Red asked. Kelso sighed, and shrugged.

"I don't know," he said. "I think I have some thinking to do."

"I think so too," Red said. "Will I see you before you go?"

"Maybe," Kelso said. "I'll probably be in your basement tonight, Eric said that I had to come over and watch TV with the gang for old times sake."

"Alright. Well, thanks for the sandwich. Now buy something or get out." Kelso got out.

Donna and Jackie grabbed the cake from Donna's fridge, and walked into the basement exactly five minutes before everyone expected Kelso.

"Cutting it a little close, aren't we?" Eric asked, taking the cake and putting it on the table. "I thought you were still mad at me."

"I'm not, because I did something that made me feel better," Donna said, and unzipped her pants.

"Donna, not here!" Eric said, and Hyde and Fez began to look.

"Relax, Eric, just look," she said, and pulled the pants off the small gauze on the tattoo. "I got a tattoo!" She gently pulled the gauze up, and revealed the petite yin yang symbol.

"Donna got a tattoo!" Fez exclaimed. "That is soooo sexy."

"Do you like it?" she asked Eric.

"…. Do we have time before Kelso gets here?" he asked.

"We have five minutes," Donna said.

"That's plenty for you, Foreman," Hyde said, and Eric glared at him.

"I have a cake!" Kitty called, walking down the stairs. The perfectly round and frosted cake on the platter put Donna's little cake tin to shame. Donna buckled her pants, and crossed her arms.

"Kitty, I made a cake already," she said.

"Well, I thought people would like the option of two," Kitty said. "I may come down later to tell Michael goodbye, but for now I'm going to go read. Have a good party!" She went back upstairs, and Jackie smirked.

"Cake burn," she stated, and took off her sweater. Her strappy shirt that was much too revealing for January showed off the simple moon on her back.

"Jackie! You got a tattoo too?" Fez asked. "Is that why you haven't come home?" She turned, and put her hands on her hips.

"Fez, we need to talk," she said.

"Oh boy! Are you going to throw a plate at me?" he asked.

"What? No."

"Dammit! You're dumping me, aren't you?" he asked. She looked around, embarrassed.

"Let's just go talk outside," she said. He nodded, and they walked up the stairs to the outside.

"No plates, too bad for Fez," Hyde said.

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Jackie and Fez stood in the Foreman driveway.

"Fez, look," she said. "You are such a good guy, and such a good friend to me. But… I just can't do this. I've been doing a lot of thinking this past week, and I've realized something. I can't be in a relationship with someone I consider such a good friend. Especially you. Because I'll just end up hurting you in the end. And that's not fair to you."

"Jackie, we can work it out," Fez said. "I mean, you said that I was everything you wanted in a man. I was the perfect man, that's what you said!"

"I know, I know," she said, putting her hands to her forehead. "But sometimes what's perfect isn't what one wants. Do you know what I mean? Fez, I'm sorry, but I don't love you that way, and you should be with someone who does." He shook his head, and sighed.

"Well, I don't want you unhappy," he said. "And honestly, when I kissed you, it felt like I was kissing my sister."

"Me too!" she exclaimed, and laughed a little bit. He chuckled too, and she kissed his cheek. "I'm sorry it didn't work out."

"Me too," he said. They hugged, and he began to grab for her ass.

"We don't do that anymore, Fez," she stated firmly, and he put his hand back on her back.

"Are you two about to do it?" Kelso asked. They pulled away, and Jackie shot him a look.

"No, you moron, we just broke up!" she said.

"Oh. Sorry," he said. "So…. I have a question that should focus your anger on someone other than me."

"Okay, go ahead."

"How come you threw water in Hyde's face but you didn't even yell at me about the pointers I gave to Fez?" he asked.

"Because I've come to expect it of you," Jackie said, crossing her arms. "You're a slimeball."
"Ah, fair enough." She turned to walk back inside. "Is that a tattoo?"

They walked downstairs, and everyone yelled 'SURPRISE!' Kelso screeched like a girl in surprise, and then smiled.

"What is this?" he asked.

"A goodbye party!" Donna exclaimed, throwing her arms around him. He lifted her up, and smiled at all his friends.

"You guys, that's so cool of you all," he exclaimed. "It's like the last time."

"Just don't propose to Jackie again," Hyde said. Jackie flashed her eyes at him, and he knew that they still weren't on good terms. This, for some reason, began to disconcert him, and he was visibly thrown for a split second. Then he stood up and tossed Kelso a beer, zenlike once more.

"Is this why you dumped me off in the woods?" Kelso asked, and Fez nodded. "And I thought that you had gotten bored and left! Whoa! Cake! Who brought the cake?"

"I made one," Donna said.

"Which one?"

"The one in the tray."

"Oh…. And who made the pretty one?" Kelso asked, and Donna growled.

"My Mom did," Eric said.

"Ah yes! Kitty's cake is the best!" he exclaimed, and cut a huge slice from it. Donna snorted, and silently cursed Kitty. "And you guys, while you were setting all this up, I made a decision. Once I get back, I'm going to try and become a cop again."

"That's a mighty big decision man," Eric said. "What about being able to watch the naked girls dance?"

"I think that there is more to life than dancing naked women," Kelso said. "At least, I'm hoping so." They all held up their drinks, and toasted.

"To Kelso," Eric said. "May Chicago recruit you and may you not become a joke of a cop."

"Hear hear," Hyde said.

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That night, as Donna fell into sleep, Eric poked her hip.

"Ow."

"It's such a cool tattoo," he said. "I just wanna touch it."

"Touch it in the morning, I'm trying to sleep."

"It's calling to me, Donna."

"Knock it off."

"The balance has me mesmerized." She hit him with a pillow, and he laughed and she fell asleep.

FADE OUT