Today was the day of the week Ike, Lucy and I went up to Stefazno's grave. Lucy, not knowing it was her brother's smiled happily as we walked to the grave. We have to be strong, I think, for Lucy. I was right, she couldn't see our tears. We sigh as we approach the grave; Ike lays down his rose first, a wine colored rose, to symbolize death. Next, I lay down a white rose with blue tips, white symbolizing innocence, and the blue representing Stefazno's gender. Lucy happily puts down a pink rose, symbolizing the love for the dead. I hide my tears as she lay it down, she does it so delicately. I hide my tears as Ike picks her up and we walk down the hill. When we get home, Ike puts her in her playpen, along with her pale pink bunny she got when she turned two. Ike has become flirtatious as the day progresses, touching me every chance he gets. Surprisingly he isn't drunk. In fact, I haven't seen him pick up a wine glass since the death of his baby boy. But what he does at the bar is his business. Ike comes in and sits next to me on the bed.
"Hey baby," he whispers, he holds my hand as I turn away.
"Baby," he coaxes, he slips into his baby voice he uses with Lucy.
"Icky just wants to know." He says, I smile, and when he talks to Lucy he says his name is icky, weird right? I face him with tears in my eyes.
"We will have to Tell Lucy about the death sometime," I say as the first tear sides down. Ike stops being flirtatious and becomes sweeter.
"I know," he whispers, "but we don't have to tell her until we are ready." Ike whispers.
"Stay in bed, I'll be right back," he says, "I'll be back soon." I smile; he always has something up his sleeve. I must have fallen asleep as Ike kisses me awake. He has silk flowers and ribbons sprawled next to him. He sits beside me and gently combs my hair. He starts to braid it, weaving in the flowers and ribbon. This is like what he did the first month of Stefazno's death. I remember it like it was yesterday.
I sit on the dock in silence, thinking about my baby in his grave. It hurts, I think, and it always will. I scarred my friends not saying anything, only whispering to Lucy when I was sure Ike wasn't around. Every day, I went down to the dock, listening to the water crash beneath my feet. Nothing broke my train of thought. Every day, Ike came with ribbons and silk flowers, braiding my hair. We sit in silence from dusk to dawn. Sketch watches Lucy all day, she knows what we are going through, but I do admit I'm scarred, because of Davey's drinking problem. Usually when I come home late, Ike leaves a note on what Lucy does that day. Learning a new word, or petting a dog. It makes me smile; too bad no one sees it. The first thing I say at the end of the month was special.
"Ike," I say, still holding my gaze on the water. "I love you." Ike puts his arm around me and kisses my cheek. He always knew I was still there. Ike never gave up on me, I thought, even when I needed him most; in the most desperate time of my life. That night, he rowed us out in the water again. We watch the sunset as it kisses away the pain.
