"Happy Birthday, Chat Noir!" The shrill welcome came out of the darkness, but Chat Noir relaxed when he saw his partner sail forward, a tray expertly balanced in one hand.

"Uh… thanks? Sorry, Ladybug, it's not my birthday."

"I know that, silly," she giggled. He raised one eyebrow at her playful tone. "But since I don't know when your birthday actually is…" Ladybug indicated the tray with one hand, "Ta da!"

A lovely array of cupcakes was set before his nose and Chat sniffed the sugary odor appreciatively. They were iced with delicate, expert recreations of his ring: green paw prints against black icing.

"Wow, Ladybug, did you do these? That's amazing! I didn't know you had such talent."

"You like them? Really? How sweet." Ladybug smiled brightly and her teeth gleamed in the shadows. Chat Noir squinted at her. Something dripped down onto her left cheek. It looked black in his night vision. Was that… blood?

"Uh, Bug? You've got something - just there - " Chat Noir brushed his knuckle against his own cheek to indicate the spot. "Are you okay?"

Ladybug reached up to run her fingers along the bottom edge of her mask. "Oops, how'd that get there?" She giggled again and licked her forefinger. "Mmmm. Not bad."

"Did you just… wait, what was that?" Chat Noir wasn't sure whether he felt concerned or repelled. Concern won out and he stepped close to look Ladybug in the eyes, relieving her of the cupcake tray as he did so. Now that he stood barely two feet away, he could make out her features in the moonlight without the aid of his mask. He switched it off to get a better view of his Lady. With relief, he saw that she didn't appear to have a cut on her cheek, but her mask had an odd smear of white at the bottom. Leftover cupcake batter? She stared at him, expressionless as a doll. Chat Noir tentatively reached out to rub away the smear and she let him. He drew back a gloved thumb covered in red, not white. It smelled like...icing?

"Oh, phooey, you ruined the surprise," murmured Ladybug as the red and black of her costume melted off of her body, running in rivulets down her arms and legs. Underneath, an identical costume of white with pink spots revealed itself. Chat Noir stumbled backward, stunned.

"You're not Ladybug!" he shouted, still holding the cupcakes in front of him, somehow perversely reluctant to drop the nicest birthday surprise he'd never received.

"Mmmmaybe I'm not, maybe I am. Who's to say?" The high-pitched tone of her giggle raked his sensitive ears. Chat Noir shuddered. Ladybug - the girl - whoever she was - stepped forward confidently, unhooking her pink-and-white yo-yo as she did so. She tsked with her tongue and shook her head sadly. "You should be more careful, Chat Noir. Transforming in the middle of a park on a sunny day, with no more cover than one large tree? Pathetic. I had no trouble following you. I hardly had to try. And now, Adrien, maybe you'll understand why I said - time and time again - we need to keep our identities secret." She emphasized each word with a slap of the yo-yo against her palm. Chat Noir carefully set down the tray with one hand, keeping his eyes on the advancing girl. He reached backward for his baton, but she was ready for him. He heard the yo-yo fly past with a zzzssssszzz. It wrapped around his right wrist, then, astounding him, looped around his back and captured the left wrist as well.

Humming to herself, the not-Ladybug girl jerked hard on the line, spinning him forward until he was wrapped up in the excess. He came to a stop in front of her. This close, he felt certain this was the same girl under the Ladybug costume, whoever she was. Her unmistakable eyes, her soft lips. She even had the same freckles on her nose. How had Hawkmoth ever enchanted her? A stab of guilt hit him in the stomach as Chat Noir realized… this was all about him. He'd gotten careless, so used to living his double life without anyone the wiser. Well, she knew who he was now. She must have been furious when she saw him in the park.

Not-Ladybug's mouth stretched in a rictus grin as she playfully tapped his nose. "Now that I know you're Adrien Agreste, I actually do know when your birthday is, but I just couldn't wait. Have a seat, my sweet. Hmmm," she said, considering, as she shoved down hard on Chat Noir's shoulders, forcing him to his knees, "that wasn't as good as one of your puns, but I suppose it was only a first attempt. Look here." Not-Ladybug gripped his chin tightly with one white glove and yanked up hard on his trapped arms with the other. He felt a spike of pain in his shoulders and leaned forward to relieve it. She toed the cupcake tray under his downturned face. Were they poisoned? Was she forcing him to eat them?

Fingers tight as a vise on either side of his face, not-Ladybug leaned close enough to tickle Chat Noir's ear with her breath. His pulse sped up, akuma or no akuma, as she whispered, "I saved you one more surprise. Happy un-birthday." She gently kissed his cheek and dozens of akumas exploded forth from the cupcakes, swarming him with evil energy.