A/N: Well, if you're here then I gotta say I'm pretty happy about it. I want to give you a fair warning though, but I don't want it to sound crass. Something sexual happens in this chapter, but it's not about sex or romance. There's nothing skin-to-skin and they don't kiss. That's about all I can say without explaining the entire chapter. If you think it might make you uncomfortable, by all means feel free to skip it.

This has a ton of typos and repitions. I've been up all night and rewritten it 3 times. I'll go back over it once I sleep.

XOXOXO

Nothing is so healing as the human touch. ~ Bobby Fischer

"Honey, I wish I knew how to take all the pain away." Red felt helpless and that was the last thing Nicky needed. Using one hand, she played with her hair. Red moved her other hand back to Nicky's stomach. She felt the girl's muscles flinch beneath her fingers-obviously tickled by the sensation-and she smiled. But the ragged breath she felt against her neck felt different and she repeated the gesture out of curiosity.

The muscle's around her stomach tightened with Red's touch. Her stomach had been in knots for some time and she tried to relax into the attention Red was offering. Nicky buried her face and tried to calm herself back down. She felt warm and drowsy. It was surreal, and she didn't even feel like she was in control of her own body any longer. She was just a bundle of loneliness being truly comforted for the first time in months.

Running the back of her knuckles against Nicky's stomach tenderly, she felt the younger woman arch her whole body against her. She wasn't certain, but she thought she heard Nicky whimper. The girl's hand came up to grasp onto the top of her shirt. It was a gesture Red was well familiar with. She'd always viewed it as Nicky being afraid that she would leave. Nicky held onto her out of fear.

Bringing up her hand to cover Nicky's, Red squeezed her hand reassuringly. She reached up and brushed her hand against Nicky's face only to find it stained with trails of tears. Red wiped at the moisture on Nicky's skin, but she couldn't keep up with how fast the tears fell. Nicky turned gently in her grasp and she felt the younger woman's lips graze her palm. "Sweet girl," she murmured.

Red moved her hand back to Nicky's stomach, finding that to be the gesture that Nicky most responded to. She started to rub once more, and after a few moments she felt Nicky begin to relax again.

After some time Red moved her hand down along Nicky's legs squeezing the muscles of her thighs. She was rewarded with a hum of approval. Red's own muscles were so sore that she wished she was the one getting the impromptu massage. "You want to go to bed?" she asked.

"No," Nicky said quickly. "Please, just a little longer," she pleaded. She wasn't ready to give up this comfort. She bit her lip, trying to think of how to explain to Red what she was feeling. Sitting like this, in her care, was calming-no, it was healing things she didn't even know could be fixed. There were no words to put that into.

"Okay honey," Red murmured. She continued to squeeze at Nicky's legs mindlessly. "I won't let you go until you're ready." She pulled Nicky impossibly closer, feeling the younger woman's shoulders begin to shake. Her heart ached for her girl and she cursed this wretched world for being so cruel to her. All her life she had been just searching for someone to love her.

Red didn't think about what she was doing. I wanted to be held. She just wanted to alleviate the pain. I wanted to feel safe. Red ran her hand up and down the inside of Nicky's thigh closest to her. Do you know what it's like to go weeks without being touched? Soft and steady strokes that were spurred on by a desire to heal. I just needed to feel something.

Feeling Red's hand move higher Nicky curled tighter. Her cries had bleed into sobs again, broken harsh noises that shouldn't exist. She sunk closer into Red's warmth seeking comfort, anything to make the pain go away. She just wanted to feel something that didn't hurt.

Nicky didn't know what was happening. She felt her own breath hitch as she waited in expectation. Her nerves were on edge and she wasn't even sure what she wanted to happen next. Opening her eyes, she looked down to where Red's hand was and watched.

Red moved it up and down slowly, strokes getting longer and longer. Working her way up Nicky's thigh. She scratched her nails gently along the material of Nickys pants, causing goosebumps to flare across the younger woman's skin. She felt Nicky shiver and repeated the gesture playfully.

Nicky held her breath, as Red's hand swept closer. Finally, much to her relief they brushed against her center. It had looked like an accident, but felt more like testing the waters. Is that what she wanted? Something had been building, she could feel herself needing more. "Red?" Nicky asked, confusion lacing her voice.

"Shh honey," Red hushed, gently. "Just relax. You're safe now." She tilted her head against Nicky's and tried to stop the questions echoing through her mind. Nicky wasn't freaking out and neither was she.

Maybe they both should have been. She didn't know what was happening anymore than Nicky did. It just felt like the right thing to do, like something was guiding them along this path. Her mind battled against her instincts, but Nicky nodded and Red understood that she wasn't stopping her.

The younger woman lay her head back down and tried to catch her breath. Red's words rang true and she allowed herself to give into them. She was safe here. Shoving all worrisome thoughts from her mind. She focused on the way Red's fingers worked their way back against her center. She hadn't meant to whimper at the touch, but she hadn't been able to keep it inside. Part of her-maybe all of her-wanted this. No. Not wanted. Needed.

Red rocked them gently from side to side, as her fingers rubbed firmly against Nicky. She felt Nicky lean into her embrace and took that as a sign to continue. It was a situation she never would have seen herself in-still couldn't see herself in. Here they were though. She pushed all thoughts aside and turned her focus back to Nicky.

Sucking in her bottom lip, Nicky closed her eyes and inhaled against Red's skin. She smelled like home. Without thinking, she rocked against the pressure that Red was creating and let out a shaky breath. It was Red's noise of surprise that brought a blush to her cheeks.

She let go of Red's shirt and wrapped her arm around her neck instead. Tucking her face against the warm skin, she waited to see if Red would stop. Then the pressure resumed against her core and she relaxed. She felt a warmth of security snaking it's way up into her stomach and it felt like everything tight and nervous released. Nicky let out a shaky breath and rocked her hips slowly, finding a lazy rhythm that felt right.

Relief. It coursed through Red's veins in absolution. She moved her hand more firmly. She nuzzled at Nicky's head until she could murmured words or safety against Nicky's ear. "I've got you honey. Let me take care of you," she reassured. "It's okay."

Nodding against Red's jaw, Nicky hummed gently. She couldn't think about anything, it was all need and release. Gently fingers pressed against her in careful patterns and Nicky let herself enjoy the comfort they brought. It shouldn't have felt so good, but it did. With every ounce of please Nicky felt, the pain of going months without connecting with anyone eased just a bit.

Nicky's tears spilled once more. This time they were tears of relief-the weight of everything she'd been carrying slipping away and being replaced by comfort. It was so easy in that moment to let go and let Red resume what she'd been doing. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to be taken over by the sensations.

After several minutes Red felt Nicky rolling her hips in need. Hot breaths hit Red's neck and she could hear the quiet noises of need that Nicky was making. She rubbed her fingers in circles against her, trying to giver her what she needed. Then she heard it. The one word that made her hesitate.

"Ma?" Nicky whined, voice sounding tight and strained.

A million worries and doubts flashed through Red's mind. What were they doing?

Nicky craned her neck back so that she could look up at Red with hooded eyes. She smiled shyly and saw Red's features relax. She reached down and enveloped Red's hand in her own. Red's fingers stilled, unsure of what it was that Nicky wanted.

"Please don't stop," Nicky whimpered. "I just…" she lost her voice when Red started pressing against her. Nicky nodded. "More," she explained, struggling to get the word out. Putting pressure on Red's fingers, she guided Red to press harder.

Once Red had caught on Nicky let her take back over. She drew her hand back and grasped at the front of Red's shirt again. She nuzzled against Red's neck, not sure how to convey what she was feeling. Everything felt slow and lazy and safe. She wanted to stay in that moment, but she knew her emotions were lingering waiting to strike.

Understanding that Nicky wasn't trying to stop her, Red moved her fingers a little harder, but kept them slow not wanting to rush through the moment. Nicky needed patience and care. She could feel how damp the fabric was beneath her fingers and used the slickness to manipulate the fabric in ways that created more friction.

After a few moments, Nicky was clutching at Red tighter than before. She began to tremble in her arms, and her breath came out in heavy pants, mixed with unintelligible whines of need. "Don't stop," she rasped once more. "Don't stop," she repeated.

"I won't," Red promised. She used her free hand to wipe the sweat building on Nicky's forehead. "Shh, just let me take care of you. I've got you." Red felt Nicky grab onto her wrist, but knew she wasn't bringing things to a halt.

Nicky nodded, encouraging her to continue. "Don't leave me," she pleaded, begging Red to understand how scared she was of being left alone with what was coming. Her emotions were building back up and she didn't want to face them alone.

"I'm not going anywhere," she said, moving her arm back down to hug Nicky tightly against her. Her other hand still moved smoothly against Nicky, picking up the pace gradually, trying to build Nicky up and counteract the pain with comfort. "It's okay sweet girl," Red whispered, affectionately. She had felt the tears against her neck and knew that Nicky needed a little extra reassurance.. Red could tell she was close. "Feel that?" she asked, pressing harder against her she made slow circles against her. "I'm right here with you. I'm not going anywhere."

Silence passed over them. Nicky became lost in the sensations that Red was drawing out, and Red tried to watch her from the awkward angle. It shouldn't have taken her by surprise, but it did-Nicky was gorgeous. Granted every mother thought that about their children, but with Nicky it was true regardless-especially in this moment. She looked softer somehow. Pain and fear had crumbled her walls and Red could see what she always knew lie underneath. Pain had broken Nicky down, and now she rested in Red's arms innocently seeking out comfort. All Red wanted to do was keep that innocence safe from harm and make sure Nicky always felt loved.

"I'm scared," Nicky admitted. The closer she got, the more afraid she felt. Her emotions were spilling over and she didn't know what to do with them. Everything was so tangled up. Her body was confusing that fear and the pleasure she was receiving. She felt out of control.

Red, pulled her close and kissed her temple. "Shh," she murmured. "Stop overthinking this. You're okay." It hurt Red to know that Nicky was struggling so hard to accept the very thing that was making her feel better. There was no doubt in Red's mind any longer about what they were doing. Nicky was not okay and she couldn't keep carrying that weight alone. "Don't be afraid," Red urged.

Nicky nodded. As Red spoke her mind started to clear. She wasn't scared of what was happening, she was scared of how much she needed it. It wasn't even just about the growing pleasure between her legs-it was as though Red was bringing her solace to some wound inside of her. Her spirit had been broken and Red let her touches ease the damage.

She needed Red to ease her mind the same way her fingers were easing the ache of needing to be touched, held, loved. She had felt so empty in max and abandoned when she got back. All that was being pushed away though. She just needed Red to scare away the doubts and fears. "Please," Nicky whimpered. "Keep talking to me," she asked in a small voice.

Red's voice lulled her panic down and Nicky craved that. She longed for the constant reassurance that her words brought. Listening to Red's voice thick and heavy from her accent made Nicky's stomach flip and she wanted to cry at the love she heard. She needed that. She needed to know. The craving to hear Red was as intense as her need to feel her right then.

Red nodded and tried to hold her own tears back. Nicky felt younger to her then more than ever. She was hurt and scared and needed someone to make everything okay. "You're home now honey. You're home and you're safe and you're so very loved." She rubbed her fingers against Nicky in steady firm strokes.

Nicky's hips jerked out of rhythm against Red's hand and what had been quiet whimpers rapidly turned into more desperate noises. She was loved. Pleading with Red for more, she grasped at Red, trying to pull herself nearer. "Mmm… mom… mom… momm… mommy," Nicky repeated, begging her for something she couldn't put into words. Her hips moved frantically against Red's hand. It was obvious that she was close.

"I'm right here." Hearing the desperation, Red tried to alleviate any fears that Nicky might still be clinging too. She needed to know that this was okay. That it was okay for her to need. "It's okay honey. I promise it's okay." She felt Nicky move harder against her and she tightened her grasp on Red, hugging against her harder. "You're not alone." She picked up the pace, using the roll of Nicky's hips as guidance.

Red listened to Nicky, calling out for her over and over again. It wasn't something that needed to be fixed-it was something that needed to be filled. "Nicky, I've got you, just let me take care of you."

Nicky nodded, relieved to be alleviated of any responsibility. Her thighs clamped tight around Red's hand, but Red managed to keep the pace they had found. She was on the edge of falling over. Her tears won out and sobs overtook her. Emotions and feelings coursed through her body, but it wasn't enough.

"Let go Nicky. I'm right here," Red promised. "I love you little girl. You hear me? I love you."

At those final words, Nicky was pushed over the edge. She let out a final cry, louder than the others and shuddered before slumping against Red in exhaustion. She held Red's hand against her, but pushed firm enough so that Red slowed down.

Understanding, Red moved her hand very slowly, but kept the pressure. Nicky wasn't ready for her to move away yet. She cupped the back of Nicky's head and held her as she cried. Nicky's body trembled against her and she wasn't fully sure if it was from the tears or being pushed over the edge.

Red rocked Nicky from side to side, keeping her hand where Nicky held it against her. Red could still feel her thighs tighten and release with aftershocks as the waves hit her. Each one bringing a smaller gasp of release from her daughter's lips. She rocked them gently and kissed Nicky's forehead. After a few minutes she felt Nicky finally relax completely.

Doubt crept into her mind when Nicky stayed silent in her arms, nearly unresponsive. The logical side of her mind told her it was because she was worn out. All the crying and stress and physical exertion had drained her. The emotional side of her, however, needed to know that she was okay.

Red pushed Nicky up into a sitting position. "Tell me," she said desperately, cupping Nicky's face. "Was that… ? Do you… ? Are you okay?" Her voice was choked with fear. Had she only made things worse? Her intentions had been pure and selfless, only desiring to help her. Did Nicky understand that?

Nicky blushed and looked down shyly. She cupped Red's hands with her own and nodded. "Yeah ma, I think I am," she admitted. Her lip wobbled and more tears came, but she was smiling and nodding once more that she was okay. "I just needed to connect. I just needed to feel loved-really feel it. I don't know how to explain it, but you knew. You always just know."

Red drew Nicky into her arms and hugged her tight. They were okay. Nicky was okay. There was no question in either of their minds-this would never happen again. What had just occurred had not been something romantic. It hadn't even been something sexual. It had been some organic connection that had filled in what words couldn't manage.

Maybe they would never be able to put it into words, but they didn't need to. Nicky had bottled up all the loneliness, and doubt from the past few months, her regret and shame, the fear of losing Red's love, & all that had combined with her angst and pain from her childhood. She had felt worthless and broken beyond repair. Mixed together, it was a deadly combination.

It was like all those emotions and feelings had been shaken to the point of exploding, just creating more and more pressure until they slowly began to tear through her skin, trying to shatter her very being. She had come to Red with all of that destroying her and Red had found a way to help her let it go.

Red could already see the change in Nicky. She wasn't completely healed, but she was ready to be. Sometimes it's better to break the bone and let it heal fresh, she thought to herself. She had never understood that phrase more than she did in that moment. Nicky could wipe the slate clean now that she had let go of what was killing her. She could start again.

"You're not alone Nicky," Red promised, understanding from the way Nicky clung to her that this was something she had probably never received-love without conditions. Maybe she had never known what real love was at all. She didn't know everything about Nicky's past, but she knew enough to realize what precious cargo she held in her arms. "We're in this together."

Nicky rested against her-weak with exhaustion. Her whole body tingled as she came back down from what had just happened. She felt pure bliss, but her need to stay connected was still there. She grabbed at the back of Red's shoulder with dull fingertips, clasping for purchase. She needed to be closer.

Red squeezed Nicky tighter and felt Nicky soften in response. "I've got you," she promised. She smiled gently as Nicky reached for her hand. Red knew what came next and it warmed her heart. Nicky dragged her hand into her lap and played innocently with her fingertips. It was a childlike gesture and one that Nicky turned to when she needed a minute to gather her thoughts.

"What if I mess up?" Nicky asked, sputtering the question out. Sure she was home and the truth was out, she had made already received Red's forgiveness. That didn't save her from the consequences of her future. Like she had told Red in the past, drugs were chemical. They had a way of making you do things, you didn't want to do. Now that she was back under her mom's watchful eye, she was terrified of losing her trust. She had been forgiven, but would she really be the next time.

Red sat Nicky up and looked into her eyes. She stared at her for a moment or so until Nicky got her breathing under control and she was sure that Nicky was listening. "Then I still love you," Red murmured softly, "and we try again." She nodded until Nicky did the same. "Okay?"

"Okay," Nicky whispered. Her face relaxed and she breathed a sigh of relief. Too exhausted to question her further. They would work out the details later. Red loved her and she wasn't going to stop. It was more than enough. Nicky lay her head back down.

Leaning close to her, Red couldn't hide the smile on her face. She felt like she truly had her daughter back. "Welcome home," she said quietly. She was rewarded with a tight hug and a mumbled "I missed you."

"Alright, let's get you to bed before you fall asleep on me little girl," she said, nudging Nicky off her lap. She was so tired and her body was weary. She would be sore in the morning and wished that she could sleep right there and put off dealing with the pain until the morning.

Nicky rose to her feet and looked down at Red with sleepy eyes, waiting for her to follow. Her appreciation for what Red suffered through selfishly made her heart warm. She never meant to make Red suffer, but the fact that Red was willing to made her feel special. She belonged somewhere-belonged to someone.

Red chuckled and looked up at her. "You're going to have to help me up," she said, raising her hand towards Nicky. "My legs are asleep." Nicky looked so relieved and Red's chest fluttered with satisfaction.

Nicky instantly moved to help Red up. "Here," she said, wrapping Red's arm around her own. "Lean on me." She shook her head, annoyed at herself. "You should have said something, Ma.

Why ya always gotta be so stubborn."

Red, grasped Nicky's chin in her hand. "You needed me and I needed to be there for you. Stop trying to convince yourself that I'm okay without you. Sometimes Nicky, I need you to just let me worry about you and take care of you. Okay?" She waited until Nicky nodded. "Good. Now you can return the favor and help me to bed."

They took a few steps and Red's nails dug into Nicky's arm. "Wait," she gasped, closing her eyes tightly. They stood side by side for a moment as Red hissed in pain when the blood started flowing again. After a moment it was over and she nodded to Nicky that she was ready.

Nicky felt like she weighed a thousand pounds and Red's joints ached with each step, but together they hobbled their way to the dorm. It was quiet, everyone having already gone to bed. "Do you want me to sit with you until you sleep?" Red asked. She wanted to make sure Nicky was truly okay before she left her for the evening.

Thinking this over, Nicky chewed at her lip. Bashfully she looked up at Red with a quirky smile on her lips. "Maybe I can just come sit with you? You won't have to get back up that way." She didn't want to keep Red up, but she wasn't ready to let go just yet. Her mind hadn't fully caught up with everything that happened and she wanted to be near Red just for a little while.

"Good," Red said, nodding her head as though she were proud of her. "I wasn't ready to say goodnight yet anyways." She sent Nicky off to change and put her own nightgown on. By the time the younger woman made it back, she was already laying in bed. "Come here," she said, lifting the covers up.

"Nu-uh," Nicky said, moving towards her and putting the blanket back down. "You're already an achy mess as it is. You don't need me squishing you and making it worse." She sat down on the bed next to Red's waist where there was more room. "I'm okay."

Red reached for Nicky's hand and rubbed her thumb along the back of it. "You're okay," she mocked. "Nicky, you're exhausted and when you're tired you don't hide things very well. I can see it all over your face, come here." She opened her arms to Nicky and watched as Nicky chewed on the idea.

Rolling her eyes, Nicky pulled the covers back. She didn't lay down though. She pulled one leg up for balance and leaned down against Red's chest. It wasn't as comfortable as laying down with her, but it was comfortable enough.

Pulling the covers up and around Nicky, her feet become exposed to the cold night air. Their ratty blankets were barely long enough to cover them to begin with. They weren't made to be shared. She didn't mind though. Nicky kept her warm enough. "Better?" Red asked, feeling the girl's relief as she lay heavy against her.

"Yeah," Nicky admitted. She hated when she had to admit Red was right. "Don't let me hurt you this time," she urged. She felt Red squeeze her reassuringly and nodded. Red's fingers were playing gently in her hair and Nicky could feel herself edging towards the cusp of sleep. "Hey ma?" she asked in a timid voice.

"Hmm?" Red responded. She'd become lost in the moment, feeling drowsy and basking in the tender moment. She tilted her head to the side so that she could look at Nicky. "What is it honey?"

Gnawing at her lip Nicky tried to formulate the question. "Do we need to talk about it?" she wasn't sure. Everything had just happened, she didn't know how to explain it or if there was even any point in trying to understand.

Red furrowed her brow in thought. What could they possibly say? "It doesn't change anything, stop worrying. Do you need to talk about it?" Red asked, after careful deliberation.

Nicky shook her head. "I don't think so."

Smiling down at Nicky warmly, Red nodded. "We're all good then sweetheart." She closed her eyes and started to relax once more.

"I just wanted to make sure we were okay." She hugged Red, glad that she had said something. She didn't want to talk, but she wanted to know things weren't going to change.

A sharp whack hit her on the back of the head and she rubbed at the spore spot with a pout on her lips. "Ow! What was that for?" Nicky asked, face full of shock and confusion.

"For worrying about stupid things. Why wouldn't we be okay? You're are difficult child and I love you all the same for it," she teased, chucking Nicky's chin. "You're stuck with me kid. Now put your head down and let me hold you."

"Ma," Nicky whined when she felt Red drop sloppy kisses to her forehead. She wiped them off with childlike disgust. "Staaahp," she laughed when Red hugged her closer and started to tickle her."

Piper grumbled in her sleep and they froze. Once they were certain that she was still asleep, they settled down and just layed there. After some time, Red felt Nicky grow heavy against her. She leaned down and kissed Nicky on the forehead. "Your neck is going to be all crooked if I let you fall asleep in here there. Do you think you can sleep now? Are you okay?"

Sitting up, Nicky nodded. "I'm okay," she promised, wiping at her eyes. Leaning down she kissed Red on the cheek. "Thank you… for everything. I love you."

"Love you too," Red promised. She kissed the back of Nicky's hand and squeezed it affectionately. "Sweet dreams honey."

She watched Nicky until she was out of sight. Closing her eyes she found it easier to sleep than she had in months. Her girl was home and on the mend. Things were good. They would keep Nicky clean and get back on track.

Nicky's head barely hit the pillow before she was asleep. She felt calm and safe and secure. Sleep welcomed her and her eyes closed in exhaustion. She was home.

XOXOXO

A/N: If you're still here please please please please tell me what you think?