TO THE FAIREST

Chapter 2 The Judgement

Adam thumbed through the Illustrated Guide that evening, looking at the pictures rather than the text. One particularly got his attention: a shepherd ogling not one but three naked women. Aside from artistic considerations, Adam was enough of a hormonal teenager for that to get his attention. The caption identified the picture as THE JUDGEMENT OF PARIS and directed him to a nearby page.

It was an interesting story. The goddess Discord (yeah, Adam remembered her from XENA THE WARRIOR PRINCESS) was jealous of other goddesses for being more famous. Wanting to make fools of them, she sent a golden apple to a banquet that they were all attending, marked TO THE FAIREST. Naturally, every goddess at the table assumed that she was fairest and demanded the apple and real discord ensued. Zeus narrowed the choice down to three goddesses -- Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite -- but refused to choose between them, not wanting to make an enemy of the two losers. Instead he suggested that they choose a mortal judge with no conflicts of interest, with a pledge that the losers would not avenge themselves on him.

Their choice was Paris, who was the son of the King of Troy but had been sent away to herd sheep because of a bad oracle. This being ancient Greece, the goddesses didn't stop at bathing suits but agreed to appear to the judge in the nude -- hence the painting. And being a primitive culture (or maybe a decadently advanced one) they each tried to bribe Paris. Hera, Queen of the Gods, promised him a kingdom. Athena, Goddess of Wisdom, promised any knowledge he desired. Aphrodite, Goddess of Love, promised that he would win whatever woman he desired.

Paris chose Aphrodite, and demanded his reward. Unfortunately the woman he chose was married to a powerful king, and the elopement led to the Trojan War---

Adam found it all very silly. Three goddesses doing a strip-tease? The Divinity he and his friends knew would never do that. Bribes to fix a contest? No wonder people gave up on Greek religion, choosing Christianity or philosophy or no religion at all.

Putting aside the book, he considered a more immediate problem. It was February of his senior year. He had been accepted at several colleges, but had not yet decided which to accept.

There was one college with an in-depth program that Helen Girardi particularly recommended. But there was another college that was more prestigious; graduating from there might impress clients more and make it easier to get commissions. And either way, Joan wouldn't fit in. Should he try for a more general university where they could both attend?

Suddenly Adam had an epiphany.

Wealth, Knowledge, and Love -- every secular thing that man could desire, but Adam was asked to pick ONE of them. And, three thousand years ago, Paris had been asked to do the same thing. The bribes were just an awkward distraction, the naked ladies just a titillating element. The Judgement was really an allegory of a young man choosing what was most important to him in life.

Finally Adam had his subject.

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The next day Adam spotted Glynis Figliola (she had kept her maiden name) walking to biology class. She was easy to spot, because the normally slender girl was now great with child, in her seventh month. Adam had heard that the Vice-Principal Price was not too happy to have a student that was married and pregnant (and not in that order), but Glynis' high academic standing had apparently carried her through.

"Let me help you with your books, Glynis."

"Thanks. So what are you doing these days, Adam?"

"Funny you should ask. I've just thought up a new picture called the JUDGEMENT OF PARIS. Do you know the story?"

"Sure. Three goddesses, Athena, Aphrodite -- I forget the third. Paris gives Aphrodite the prize, she pays him back by putting a love spell on Helen of Troy---"

"How do you know all that?"

Glynis laughed. "I do read things other than science."

They reached the door of the biology class and Adam let Glynis enter ahead of him. He had just had a new idea.

Now that he was no longer simply making up images out of his head, Adam thought he needed external models. But a pretty face was not enough. To paint Athena, Goddess of Wisdom, he would need somebody who EMBODIED wisdom, or at least intelligence. And what girl of his acquaintance was smarter than Glynis?

In the biology classroom, the students sat in their usual pairs: Glynis with her husband Friedmann, Joan with her brother Luke, Adam with Grace, who seemed even less inclined to conversation than usual today. Ms Lischak was her usual histrionic self.

"Class, today we will discuss Convergent Evolution: how different genetic lines are encouraged by natural selection to evolve toward a common goal. As an illustration, I will use an example that of interest to all of us: SEX!"

"One would think," the teacher continued, waving her baton, "that once sexual differences evolved, they would be so fundamental that they would be inherited by all future generations--"

"Vive la difference," said Friedmann. His wife slugged him. Some things hadn't changed with marriage.

Meanwhile Adam wrote a note to pass to Glynis. Would you like to be the model for Athena?

"--but that is not true. Mammals and birds have quite different mechanisms. You probably know already that mammals have X and Y chromosomes: two X's make a female, and XY makes a male. But among the birds the two sex chromosomes are a W and a Z: Two W's make a male, and a WZ make a female. But thanks to convergent evolution, a WZ female bird and an XX female mammal share many features in common, and likewise a WW male bird and an XY male mammal."

Glynis passed a note back. Are you kidding? I look like a tribal fertility charm. Athena was a partheno, virgin.

"Yes, Miss Girardi?" asked the teacher.

"Does the difference explain why birds lay eggs and mammals have babies?" asked Joan.

Adam wrote, we could combine your head with somebody else's body. It's the face that matters.

"Close, but not quite," the teacher replied to Joan. "There are a few mammals that lay eggs, such as the Australian platypus. But there is a feature common and unique to all mammals, and probably linked to the X chromosome. All female mammals have breasts or some equivalent for feeding their young. In fact, Aristotle defined mammals that way, more than two thousand years ago, and modern science agrees that that distinction is fundamental. MR. ROVE, just what are you doing that is more interesting to you than discussing female breasts?"

The class laughed, even Joan and Grace, and Adam turned red. He couldn't even think of a good excuse, and decided that he might as well tell the truth. "I'm looking for a model for a new painting."

"A nude model?"

"Um, no." Adam had decided that the nudity wasn't crucial to his concept.

"Pity. That might come under the heading of a study of anatomy, which would fit in with this class." The class laughed again. "So please keep your hobby out of classroom in the future."

Adam was very attentive from then on, but he had missed the fun parts. Now Ms. Lischek was talking about bats and their parallel invention of the power of flight. Then to the cetaceans and their re-invention of the fish-like body for swimming. And on and on.

As class let out, Glynis turned around to catch Adam. "I'm honored that you asked, Adam, but I'm just too self-conscious about my appearance right now to do any posing. Maybe after the baby comes."

Unfortunately, Adam was hoping to have his picture done by then.

As he walked toward the door, the teacher called out "Mr. Rove, may I have a word with you?"

Then Adam remembered that she was annoyed at him for "fooling around" during her lecture, and may give him detention. And he remembered another of Joan's rules about dealing with God:

No good mission goes unpunished.