So I'm finally resuming this story now that I remembered where I was going with it. This is a parody, btw. Assume that books six and seven did not occur and Voldemort is off crocheting somewhere. Reviews are always appreciated.
Love by any other name - ch.2
If inhaled, mugwump weed creates a euphoric effect on the recipient, often causing the loss of inhibitions and a state of delusion.
"Professor, would you like to buy some flowers? The money will go to the War Orphans Fund."
Professor Flitwick blinked. "Well, it's a good cause, Miss Granger. I am surprised to see you selling them though. I thought you generally didn't ascribe to Valentine's Day traditions."
Hermione laughed slightly. "Oh, like you said, it's a good cause."
Flitwick nodded and took his cluster of flowers.
Hermione's false smile faded once his back was turned. Of course she didn't believe in Valentine's Day traditions, but if she wanted to see her hastily-thrown-together plan of getting Snape to sniff mugwump weed work, she had to put up a good front. The way she figured, if enough professors purchased flowers for the orphans, Snape would be obligated to buy some as well. She had a special batch reserved that was laced with the plant. It would be an interesting experiment to see how the restrained and reserved potions master reacted to what was essentially the most intoxicating substance in the wizarding world.
That's at least what Hermione had convinced herself to believe. Deep in her subconscious, the idea that maybe the professor would reveal some secrets under duress was festering. Deeper down, she hoped one of those secrets would be his undying attraction to her.
But Hermione had not yet acknowledged this wish, so it festered and festered right next to her secret love of bowling and her growing dislike of Ron.
A nervous titter flew through the halls. Short of a theme song, this was the closest thing Snape had to an advance warning of his arrival.
Hermione straightened up in her seat. She had placed her table directly in front of the main entrance to the Great Hall in the hopes of increasing her chances of catching Snape.
As he billowed past her table, she smiled. He slowed his steps.
"What on earth are you doing?"
"Selling flowers, sir. For the orphans. Would you like to buy some?"
Snape's lip curled. "Not on your life."
Professor McGonagall's voice gave the crestfallen Hermione hope.
"Oh come on Severus. Those poor orphans!" she said, reaching for a bunch of flowers and setting two sickles down on the table.
Sighing, Snape tossed his own sickle on the table.
Hermione smiled widely and went to grab the bunch of flowers she had reserved especially for him.
They weren't there.
McGonagall waved as she walked away, the spiked bunch of flowers clutched in her hand.
Hermione swallowed. "Professor! You don't want those particular flowers," she said, getting up and running after her.
"Nonsense!" she said. "They smell wonderful!"
McGonagall paused and smelled them again.
"They smell WONDERFUL!"
Hermione froze. "I'm so glad you like them." Slowly, she turned in time to see Snape raise an eyebrow, pocket the three sickles and walk into the Great Hall.
He knew.
"Miss Granger, you have some explaining to do," Albus Dumbledore said, peering down at Hermione. "It took us three hours to get Minerva down from the ceiling. She proved to be most agile and the ceiling of the Great Hall goes on for quite some while. We still have not recovered all of her clothes."
Hermione meekly sank deeper into her chair.
"Severus, you were there when the...incident occurred." Dumbledore paused for decorum's sake. "What do you believe happened?"
Snape cleared his throat. He had obviously not recovered from the experience of Minerva's oversized pink underwear floating down from the ceiling and landing on his face.
"There are several potions that could have caused such a severe and rapid reaction. I am still investigating."
"And Miss Granger? You have no idea what caused her reaction to the flowers?"
Hermione shrugged. "Allergies?"
Severus blinked. "Allergies?"
"Very well," Dumbledore blinked. "Miss Granger, you may continue selling flowers provided that Severus clears them first. We wouldn't want this accident repeating itself."
Snape's black eyebrows raised, but he said nothing.
Anxious to get back to her room before Dumbledore could question her further, she slid out of her chair and bolted for the door. Before she could make it into the hallway, a strong hand gripped her shoulder.
"Miss Granger," Snape said silkily. "I am positive you are not entirely innocent in this whole situation, so let it be known I will be watching you very closely."
He glowered at her as he swept past. Hermione shivered as she felt his soft cloak slide over her arm.
"I will be watching you closely," Hermione imitated, dropping her voice down in pitch.
She smiled. As far as discipline went, having Snape breathing down her neck wouldn't be half bad.
