And the crazy train continues. This is, personally, probably my favorite chapter (there's six in total). I really liked writing Uther, especially since he's probably the least insane character here. Besides Merlyn, of course.
Dead Men Tell No Tales
Uther was positively gleeful. Finally, after being dead for nearly four years, he could finally come back and exact his revenge! Okay, so it was less revenge and more just messing with all the people he didn't like, namely that Merlyn girl his fool of a son fell in love with. He also went after the commoners who were given a knighthood, and nearly managed to kill the large one. Unfortunately, he moved at the last second and simply got caught on the arm. He was patched up and sent on his merry way.
After that incident, Uther went back to harassing Merlyn. She knew he was there. Kept calling out insults and saying things like, "Oh for god's sake, you're dead! Can't you just stay dead, you bloody tyrant!"
Uther only sneered at her. "I'll never understand how my son managed to fall in love with a wench like you!" He knew he couldn't hear her, but it was satisfying to say. Even if she didn't return Arthur's affections. That in itself was another insult. "Off with your head!"
She ducked as he sent a knife flying her way, imbedding itself into the wall. Sighing dramatically, she waltzed down the corridors, dodging things as he threw them at her. He was getting increasingly more frustrated and set fire to a nearby tapestry.
"Oh, come on!" Merlyn groaned, glaring at the orange flames. "Killing me isn't enough, you want to burn down your whole castle too? Guard!"
A guard appeared from seemingly nowhere, panting lightly. "Yes Miss Merlyn?" he asked, looking eager to please.
"Put out that fire, would you?" Merlyn asked sweetly. She waved at the empty space where she assumed her troublesome ghost was and said, "C'mon Uther. Let's go chat with your son."
The guard looked at her like she was crazy, but did as she was asked. When a nearby bench decided to fly up and try to hit her...well, he'd just pretend he didn't see anything.
Uther didn't mind following Merlyn to find his son. Arthur needed to be taught a lesson, needed to be shown how terribly he was ruling this kingdom. So what if the people loved him, relations with neighboring kingdoms were well, and their commerce had risen? He let bloody peasants become knights! That was not acceptable! And he fell in love with a commoner!
They passed by a serving girl who didn't seem to mind that things kept flying at Merlyn's head, trying to kill her. "Hello Gwen!" Merlyn greeted cheerfully, ducking as a pan tried to knock her out. "Have you seen Arthur?"
Gwen had to jump out of the way when a suit of armor tried to crush them both. "Well, I thought he was in his chambers," she answered.
"Hm, good," Merlyn decided. "Thanks Gwen!" She turned to march away, catching the pot about to crash into her stomach and setting it on the ground.
"Oh, and Merlyn!" Gwen called, just remembering. "I also passed by Mordred earlier. He said something about challenging Arthur to a duel to the death?" She shrugged, as if this were simply an everyday occurrence in Camelot. Which it kind of was. "He looked pretty angry."
Merlyn scrunched up her face into a frown. "Right, that whole thing," she groaned, leaning to the side to avoid the spear racing towards her. "Well Uther, we best be off then!
Before Arthur kills Mordred. Or Mordred kills Arthur. Hm, maybe I should be placing bets…" Gwen was already walking away when she shouted, "Hey Gwen! Who would win in a fight, Mordred or Arthur?"
"Well, Arthur's the better swordsman," Gwen called back. "But I feel like Mordred might have an unfair advantage," she added, not at all alluding to the fact that he was a Druid and could very well have magic.
"Hm, good points, good points," Merlyn concluded, resuming her walk. "What do you think, Uther? Hit the wall once for Arthur, twice for Mordred." He replied by trying to slam the door in her face.
Merlyn skipped her way along to the royal chambers, Uther still following behind her. Just before entering, he showed himself, revealing his ghostly form and prompting Merlyn to take a step back. "Well, look who finally decided to show up," she drawled. "Now let's take care of your unfinished business and be on our way, shall we?" He glowered at her while she opened the doors, revealing…
Well, that was quite a sight.
Arthur had Mordred in a headlock, eyes blazed with fury as he growled, "You stay away from her! She's mine!"
Mordred managed to get his arms around Arthur's legs and flipped him over, landing him on his back. "She rejected you," he reminded him. "Now it's my turn." They continued fighting, not even bothering with the fact that the girl in question and Arthur's dead father had entered the room.
Merlyn sighed and shook her head. "See Uther, this is why I don't mess with destiny. I stay silent, hoping to prevent it? Ends up being the thing that makes Morgana go insane. I don't stay silent, thinking that this time I learned my lesson? Accidentally make Mordred hate Arthur. Try to change it? End up making sure it comes true. Don't try to change it? Well, then, there's nothing to stop it from happening. Don't try to mess with Destiny. Destiny will win. And he'll do it smirking like the pompous ass he is."
"W-what is going on here?" Uther breathed, looking utterly bewildered as his son degraded himself to hitting some boy with a pillow. A pillow! And then the boy picked up another pillow, and they were having an honest-to-god pillow fight! Of course, they still looked like they wanted to murder each other…
"Destiny, Uther," Merlyn answered. "And chicken," she noted as a drumstick flew across the room. She paused for a second as Arthur and Mordred's enraged insults shot back at each other, before she called out, "Just so you guys know, I am not in love with either of you!" Arthur drop kicked Mordred against the wall and he retaliated by using a chair like a battering ram. "This is pointless!" Still, they ignored her. Merlyn sighed and turned to Uther. "Maybe you can get through to them? They're acting like...well, they're acting like two boys fighting over a girl. Pitiful, isn't it?"
Uther, finally managing to pull himself together enough to do something about this, marched forward. "Arthur Pendragon!" he snapped, earning his son's attention. The other boy-Mordred?-turned as well, still with murder in his eyes. "What is the meaning of this? I come back from death itself to find you have knighted commoners, and fallen in love with peasants? And now, you act like a petulant child and-"
"Look, Father," Arthur cut in. "I'm sure this is all important, but I'm kinda in the middle of something right now." With that, he used the plate he was holding to hit Mordred in the face. In return, Mordred smashed a vase against his head. And the fighting continued.
"Y'know," Merlyn commented, "I'm not sure whether I should respect you for putting up with that-" she gestured to Arthur, "for 25 years, or just blame you for your complete incompetence as a parent, resulting in that."
Uther glowered at her. "Why you little-" The next several words to come from his lips were certainly not appropriate to repeat, even in writing, and possibly not wholly English. He launched himself at her, remembered he was a ghost, then immediately started throwing everything at the room towards her head. It was this, of course, that got Arthur and Mordred's attention.
"Did he just try to hurt Merlyn?"
"I think he did."
"That's not acceptable."
"Not acceptable at all."
"I think we need to kill him."
"He's already dead...also, he's your father."
"If he's already dead, then why does it matter?"
"...Good point."
Uther, of course, was a ghost, and couldn't exactly be harmed by either his son or the boy, but then they discovered that, as a ghost, he had a certain weakness for iron...as well as salt. Arthur and Mordred then proceeded to go Supernatural on him, and if shotguns filled with salt rounds suddenly entered the mix, well, everyone was too busy to notice. Merlyn sat of to the side, munching on popcorn, occasionally cheering one or both of them on. Good fun.
"This is madness!" Uther cried. "I am the king!"
"Madness?" Arthur challenged. "I'm the king! And this. Is. Camelot!" How he kicked Uther out the window, no one will ever know, because he was a ghost, and you shouldn't be able to kick ghosts. Of course, being a ghost, that meant that that wasn't the end of it, and Uther simply re-appeared behind him.
"You are obviously not fit to rule!" Uther declared, glaring at his son.
From the side, Merlyn commented, "Well, I agree with you there, but he's certainly a better king than you were."
"Shut up, Merlyn!"
"Hey!" Arthur grumbled, glaring right back at his father. "Only I'm allowed to call her that!"
"That's my name," Merlyn reminded him dryly.
"Yeah, but only I can put the inflection on the first syllable!"
Uther turned to Merlyn incredulously. She simply shrugged and said, "Welcome to my life."
That's when Mordred turned back on Arthur and grumbled, "You can't just hog her!"
"Oh my god…"
"I'm not hogging her, that's just my thing!"
"Hey guys," Merlyn spoke up. "There's plenty of Merlyn to go around!" And then her face bloomed bright red. "Uh, that sounded way wrong. Nevermind, neither of you can have any Merlyn!"
"This is ridiculous," Uther groaned. "I give up!" He noticed the Horn of Cathbhadh on the nearby table and picked it up, tossing it to Arthur ('cause he's a ghost who can pick things up now). "Please, just blow the blasted horn and let me return to my rest."
Arthur shrugged, blew it, then went back to arguing with Mordred. Merlyn sighed and decided to clean up all the things Uther had thrown at her while he was there. She really hated love triangles.
Whelp, that's chapter two! The title is taken from Pirates of the Caribbean (the ride, not the movies, because I'm pretty sure it's only sung on the ride, however the fifth movie is called Dead Men Tell No Tales, so I guess it could go either way). Anyway, next chapter features Merlyn getting injured by the Disir, and Arthur and Mordred racing to help her.
