Children of War (Heero Part 2) Past Temptations

Children of War (Heero Part 2) Past Temptations

The car ride was a short one. Little of importance was said during the ride. I stare forward at the seat in front of me. Barely breathing, barely moving at all. Do they notice? No. I see they don't. They don't trust me, but it's obvious they're not to smart. They watch the road, the cards. Everything but me. The man who got me remains silent. He's like me in a way. He's a soldier. He carries the air of one. Of one familiar with the face of death. He's like me…a soldier…looking for a mission. A mission, any mission, The mission. The one that makes us heroes or another toe tag.

'Damn…when did I become so morbid. I'm sounding like Duo…Naw…I'm not that bad…not yet…'

A small, almost unnoticeable smile escapes my lips. Damn that braided boy. So frail, so weak, so stupid at times, but…so human…something I'll never be…after all I was created…not born…I'm no Heero Yuy…that name is a cruel joke the Doctors played on me and the Alliance. The Real Heero was born, born for peace…Me…I was bred for war. I'm the perfect soldier…None better…not even Zechs…Zechs, Milliardo…so hard to believe they're the same person…not those two…but they are…Two sides of the same coin…He's another I can't let go of…I barely beat him a year ago…He was good…to good…Damn…why can't I let them go? Wufei is rubbing off on me. Damn him and his superiority! Nataku indeed…for someone who constantly belittled women, he sure loved Nataku…you'd think they were married. I almost feel sorry for Sally…almost…Another smile comes to my face. So this is emotion…to bad Duo isn't here to see it…he'd never let me live it down! Duo…the only one who made me feel human…Quatre did a little, but not like Duo…I shouldn't have been so mean to him…but it's all I knew how to be…I think he knew…This is all new to me. Caring, remembering…I'll lose it again. Whoever these guys are…terrorists more then likely…but it's a mission so I can't complain. They'll bury this again; I'll bury this again. A soldier doesn't feel…doesn't hurt or care. That's why Zechs lost…he cared…That was his flaw…he cared. I didn't care…or maybe I did care…why did I do all of this if I didn't care? It was my mission. Is this my mission? But it'll mean more death…I have this feeling…Death…my only lover, friend, and companion. He's always there. Just out of sight…but close enough…I see that little girl…her teddy bear…It was her bear I found…I killed her…She was innocent. She was not the enemy…it was the mission…it had to be done…I'd have failed otherwise…But did it really have to be done…Yes, I answer. Yes…to save myself and complete the mission. Always the mission. The mission comes first…but she was innocent…It shouldn't have happened…not to her…she never knew…I hope wherever she is, she can forgive me. For killing her…maybe I wasn't meant to be a soldier…but what if Wufei was right…What of us soldiers…What of us…What are we…? I am a soldier…it was what I was born to be…nothing more, nothing less. My mission is my life…without it I'm not whole…not complete…

I glance over at the man next to me…He was a soldier…I see it in his eyes, the could calculating mind…the look is there…the look of one who lives for the mission. The Look of weariness and infinite fatigue…he looks at me as if reading my thoughts…He nods slightly as if in understanding…we share a common place in life…both of us lost in a world of peace…maybe Mariemeia was right…life is just an endless waltz…Peace, confrontation, war…the three phases, the three movements. The Waltz of Life…we soldiers live for the waltz…the chance of death…we are the soldiers of war…and I am a child of war…the others…they too are children of war…each a different face of the same circle…The Endless Waltz. My mind reels and spins with this, a circle of thought and confusion, spinning, twisting, turning. I look up from my thoughts, the car coming to a stop, the men in the front stepping out of the car and opening my door as well as the other man's. I slowly slide out of the back seat, my small body shadowed by the taller men. The two from the front seat stand at my flanks, the man from the back taking the lead as they lead me up a paved walk to a large brick house.

The house isn't nearly as big as it looks from the outside. I step inside as the man flanking me on the right shuts the door behind me. I gaze around, the place is sparsely furnished, some of the furniture still under white sheets. The man net to m e motions for me to sit down on a faded blue couch. I hesitate for a second before sitting, the fabric molding itself around my body. For some reason I suddenly feel very tired, like I could shut my eyes and never wake up again. I shut my eyes for a second a brief second, and let the feeling of tiredness overwhelm me.

A few hours later I awaken, still on the blue couch. The soldier man is standing above me, a grin on his face.

"Finally awake I see…"

Finally? How long have I been out?

"You've been out for almost two days. Hope you enjoyed your nap, because the real fun is about to begin."

I look up at him, my eyes holding his as I tell him to explain, to tell me what is this all about.

"The name's Jack Lone, formerly of the 327th Mobile Suit Division, now of the Black Talon."

I continue to stare up at him, almost in shock, thinking to myself 'How could this man want more violence…more death. Wasn't the war enough, wasn't Mariemeia enough to show us…?' I look into his eyes, deep in them, seeing into his thoughts and I understand. And in that understanding I realize I want this too. He is a soldier, one bred for this life. I too am a soldier, born for war, born to kill, a minion of death. But can't we change? Do we have to be soldiers? Do we have to kill and destroy? Yes, I tell myself. Yes we do. It's our life, our way. But do I want to return to that life? Of course you do I tell myself. You are a soldier. You live for the chance of death, of honor, of valor for your people. Your people? I have no people though. There is no more 'your people' anymore. There are the colonies and the World Nation. No countries, no boundaries, no borders. So what do I fight for? For the fight, for the action, the experience, and moment. But is it worth it. Is it worth the death of innocents for the sake of my joy? You've saved so many, what are a few deaths in comparison to your sacrifices? All life is sacred. Quatre taught me that. He always was the pacifist of our group. I wish he were here right now. Maybe he could help me…I look back up into the man's eyes, my mind made up.

You're a terrorist I tell him. He nods, sadly, slowly, like he's ashamed. I understand. A soldier reduced to this. Destruction, mindless violence. This isn't a soldier's life. I stare into his eyes, mine full of understanding. In his eyes he smiles at my understanding. What do you want me to do I ask him.

"Get ready kid, because we're going to give the Preventers something to do."

My name's not kid I tell him. It's Heero…Heero Yuy.