Errors of Life

Chapter II-Edi

"ETA in twenty minutes," Edi announced, leaning back.

Jeff nodded. "Got it."

She watched as he moved the screens around, checking all the parameters. There was no question that Jeff was good at what he did. Twenty-five years ago, Edi would have regarded this as simply a fact of life, but ever since the synthesis she found herself entranced by the sight of him working. By the fact that Jeff had to overcome great odds to become as good as he was, and that in turn made him great as well.

"Liking what you see, love?"

Edi allowed herself to smile. "That was the only way I have been able to put up with you all these years."

"Ach, I'll take that as a compliment." Jeff smiled back at her, before his expression turned serious again. "Wonder what Miranda wants."

Miranda Lawson had gone to Palaven two weeks ago at the request of the Primarch. Whatever happened there caused her to urge Liara to either hasten the reunion or organize another one before the initial gathering. Liara, whose first messages had been cordial and welcoming, had sent out new messages with a far more business-like tone. The messages themselves revealed nothing other than the date and location and a plea to accept, but everyone could tell that something had changed, because the notes also urged that they not bring anyone else with them. Where before, everyone brought their families, this time the company was limited to the crew of the Normandy, and only those who worked intimately with Shepard.

This reunion was going to be different from the others.

To add to it all, there was Garrus.

"And Garrus! About time that guy showed up, and I'm not complaining, but what prompted him to remove that stick up his butt this time?"

"It has been twenty-five years, Jeff. The twenty-fifth year seems to hold some value in many cultures."

"Yeah, it's a quarter of a century and all that, but still," Jeff finished tapping on the screens and settled back, "Five years was special too, and he didn't show."

Edi did not reply. She doubted Garrus was showing up for the sake of Shepard, even. What he had with the Commander had been their own personal bond, something that was never shared with the rest of the crew, that could never be shared with the rest of the crew. The reunions were a collection where everyone could share their memories of Shepard and reach out to those she knew and cared about, because Shepard had cared about Tali and Miranda and Jacob and James and so each of them should get to know Tali and Miranda and Jacob and James. Cortez talked about how Shepard would often come down to check on him when he was grieving, encouraging him to do what it took to move on and always being there for him. Jack, with oaths lacing every sentence, would talk about how she punched Shepard in the face when the Commander arrived at the Academy. Grunt reminded everyone of how his battlemaster had killed a thresher maw, and these were all stories that could be shared with the crew and even beyond to whomever cared to listen.

What could Garrus say? What could he share? No one else loved Shepard the way he did, and no one else was loved by Shepard the way he was. Oriana could talk about how Shepard took the time to meet with Miranda despite everything that was happening in the galaxy, and others could nod and understand because Shepard had done the same thing for them in varying forms and it was all something they could relate to. Even Edi could talk to them about how Shepard taught her about the purpose of life, about love, about giving herself the wisdom to seek a greater destiny, and many would nod because Shepard had done the same thing for others as well. The things that Garrus held dear were stories and feelings others could not understand. He could say that Shepard was his world, his very soul, and people could murmur and maybe they can sympathize, but they would not be able to truly understand it in relation to Shepard, because to all of them Shepard was just a dear, dear friend, a beloved commander, and they would never be able to comprehend the meaning of that loss, because they never experienced what it meant to love and be loved by her. Going to a reunion would be a waste of time. Certainly, Garrus could know how much Shepard meant to everyone, but he would also know how much less she meant to others than she did to him. The former he already knew well enough. The latter…he did not need to learn.

If something were to happen to Jeff, Edi would probably try to follow him, but if something held her back, she knew she would certainly not go to any reunion in his name. It had nothing to do with respect or regard. What she had with Jeff was personal and close to her heart, and there would simply be no point. Twenty-five years or no, Edi was still somewhat surprised that the turian was choosing to attend this time around. Maybe it had less to do with Shepard and more to do with friends who were still alive. After all, they did form bonds of friendship between each other, and not just through Shepard.

"Anyway, Ash and James are coming. About time those two showed up at the same reunion."

"I heard that the Rachni Queen will also be in attendence."

Jeff swore. "What?"

Edi quirked a corner of her lip. "That was a joke."

Jeff swore again, relaxing. "Jesus Christ! That would be the scariest reunion ever!"

Edi waited a moment for her husband to think the joke over. After a few seconds, she was rewarded with a chuckle, and then a hearty laugh.

"Oh God, can you imagine if the Rachni Queen showed up? Man, that would freak everyone out." The more Jeff thought about it, the more he obviously found the idea funny, and a minute later he was still chuckling at the thought.

"Good Heavens! Rachni Queen. Man, if she gives a speech…man…"


Liara usually arranged their reunions on Eden Prime, because that had been Shepard's first mission regarding the Reapers. One of Eden Prime's tourist plaques even mentioned this fact, and there was a statue of her where the Prothean beacon was found, dressed in her N7 armor and her helmet in one hand while the other hand stretched out in welcome. Most of the events took place there, under Shepard's watch, and sometimes when people were on the podium relating anecdotes, they would turn to the statue as if getting its approval.

This time around, Liara arranged their meeting to be much more remote. The number was small, including only James, Steve Cortez, Tali, Miranda, Ashley, Wrex, Jeff, Edi, Liara, and Garrus. Grunt was excluded, as were Kelly Chambers, Traynor, the engineers, Gardner, Zaeed, Kasumi, Samara, Jack, Jacob, and Dr. Chakwas. This surprised Edi, because Dr. Chakwas had always gone to each reunion in memory of her commander, amd Jack had announced she would be attending this year's.

Perhaps not the official reunion, then.

They gathered in a large conference room the size of the war room on the Normandy, with Garrus standing at the head. The doors were shut and correspondingly locked. Tali checked around for bugs to make sure they were not being eavesdropped, and everyone else looked at each other nervously, especially the Spectres. It had been a long time since there was a need for such secrecy, and the fact that they did not know what was going on had everyone on edge.

"It has been a long time," Garrus said to everyone once Tali waved at him to indicate he was free to talk, "Though…sometimes it feels like yesterday."

"Uh-huh," Wrex exclaimed, "Did try to keep in touch, but someone here chose to ignore all of us."

"Yeah, well," Garrus rubbed the back of his fringe. "I was busy and…" He suddenly released a sigh. "You all know what she and I had. It…was…hard."

Everyone was silent. They all knew that it was hard, and none of them really blamed Garrus for his withdrawal. The turian looked down at the table for a moment, before continuing.

"I met with Tali about a week and a half ago," He finally began, "And Miranda met with the Primarch two weeks ago. What I'm going to tell you must not leave this room."

Silence.

"Turians are falling ill," Garrus said, far more calmly than his words might indicate he should. "Their body structure is breaking down. It is almost like an autoimmune disease, but it's one we can't program and one we can't seem to cure."

"Falling ill? But that no longer happens anymore!" Jeff exclaimed.

"Well, it is," Miranda interjected wryly. "The precise mechanism has to do with what happened when the fusion occurred twenty-five years ago. When the Crucible fired, it altered our very makeup, so that all of us, geth included, Edi," The woman nodded at Edi, who did not outwardly react, "Became a mix of organic and synthetic. This led to consequences we're all familiar with. The exact process, according to the Reapers, involved a decision made by Commander Shepard. The Reapers gave her one of three choices: either destroy all synthetics, take control of the Reapers, or cause this fusion. To initiate this synthesis, Shepard had to give up her body for the Crucible to create a foundation upon which they can map the new building blocks of life."

"What does this have to do with the turians?" James asked.

"The Primarch invited me to take a look. What I've found was this. In the turians who were falling ill, their bodies were reacting to anomalous components, very much like an autoimmune disease. Further data supports the theory that these anomalous components were of human origin."

Everyone looked at each other. Jeff looked at Edi, who looked back.

"Why did this condition take twenty-five years to surface?" Edi asked.

"We don't know." Garrus shook his head. "We don't know if it can be spread either. This has been affecting only young turians, ones who were born after the war was over and the fusion occurred. Perhaps this situation had undergone a latent period. So far, Tali claims that no quarians have been affected yet, but it is something we need to watch very closely. If the pattern remains, and it very likely will, other species could be affected. Even humans might react to each other, so they are not exempt. This is a potentially serious issue."

"The Primarch invited you?" Jeff asked Miranda skeptically. "Why would he do that? I thought he'd prefer salarians…"

"I'm an expert on human biochemistry," Miranda replied, "He knows I can be discreet, and he also knows that I led the Lazarus project."

The name seemed to hit everyone like a physical blow. One thing that changed for Edi since the fusion was that she started associating memories with emotions. She remembered the first time she introduced herself to Shepard, and the woman still had glowing scars on her face. Shepard had studied those in a mirror that first night. She had never been a vain person, but she was discomfited by the scars and what they implied. Nowadays, everyone was part synthetic, but it was kind of ironic that once upon a time Shepard had been uneasy about such a prospect in herself. Back then, Edi had not thought much of it, but now, looking back, she realized she had been privy to a lot of things the Commander only revealed in the privacy of her own quarters. Shepard had known Edi was watching everywhere, but the woman probably could not bother with hiding herself all the time. Strong and confident as Shepard was, there were a lot of moments when she had been uncertain, had been afraid. She had probably been afraid of herself, of what she had become thanks to Cerberus. It took some time for Shepard to become truly comfortable with herself, and the healing of her scars did much to help with that. It was one of the memories that made Edi realize they had all been granted a bonus period with Shepard. The commander…should have been dead, but she had come back specifically to help the Reapers.

Maybe that was why she could not have survived the war.

"Why is this important?" Cortez asked warily, and everyone looked at Garrus, who seemed prepared to hear this.

"Something is wrong," Miranda laced her fingers together, "The synthesis should not affect people this way. The Reapers don't know what the cause is, and of course, since the fusion never succeeded in previous cycles, we have no data on what could have been wrong."

"The fusion never succeeded because the Reapers kept killing everyone," James remarked.

"The Reapers started indoctrinating everyone after they tried other methods, according to them. One of them was a previous attempt at synthesis, and apparently it did not work."

"What does this have to do with the Lazarus project?" Ashley asked unhappily.

"The Primarch believes that something happened during the initial process," Miranda replied, "And to solve this before it endangers more people, we need to know what it was. Unfortunately, there were only three witnesses present on the Citadel when the Crucible fired. The Illusive Man and Anderson both died before the fusion took place. The Commander…was the only one who might know."

"The Reapers don't know?"

"When the synthesis started, the Crucible fired. The Reapers have no idea what happened when it was firing."

"So the Primarch wants to know what Shepard knows." Liara looked uneasy. "The Lazarus project is not going to mean anything. You had Shepard's body that time."

"The Commander's body had been used to remap all of us," Miranda replied.

"You mean to say," Edi broke in, "That components of Shepard's body might be extracted to compile her again."

A heavy silence fell.

"Not exactly," Miranda began. "It's more—"

"I don't know." Tali's head lowered to her hands and she buried them in her hair. "That seems…horribly invasive."

Edi looked at Garrus, wondering what he thought of this. She could not read the turian, however. His face was set neutrally, though his eyes were dark.

"Yeah, I don't know," Jeff agreed, looking uneasy, "It was sort of creepy for her the first time around. Ehh…RIP, you know? I don't know if we can even put her back properly, and…I don't know. Maybe she's in a better place, and we'd be pulling her out of it."

"This isn't actually a resurrection," Miranda shook her head, finally getting everyone's attention, "That's not really what we're going for. I don't think it's possible to extract all the components needed to build a body properly and bring her to life. We've all changed, and these parts of her probably changed too. It's just…not practical. We're hoping that her memories, specifically the memories of her after she jumped into the beam, however little that is, exist somewhere in the galaxy. We just need that. We don't even need the rest." She sighed. "It would be like…compiling video-footage…of her final memories."

"You mean assemble a partial VI," Tali looked at her.

"Maybe."

Another silence fell.

"The reason I had Liara gather all of you here is because we all know Shepard well. At least you folks do. I…might not know her as well as some of you, but if we're going to do this, then I will need your help locating her essence and gathering it all together."

"Why are we assuming that Shepard could have known anything?" Edi broke in, "She was likely simply the medium through which the Crucible worked. Any malfunction might have had little to do with her, and even if it did, it may not have been within her realm of knowledge."

"This is true, but according to the Reapers I've spoken to, it is actually quite likely that Shepard had seen something, or remembered something. It doesn't even matter if she understood it herself. If we can retrieve her memories, we can do our own analysis. We can then figure out how to solve the problem."

Another silence fell.

"I think we should take a moment," Liara suggested, "Discuss this among ourselves first."


"What do you think?" Edi asked Garrus, whose face remained as impassive as when they first entered the room.

"I don't know."

"It's a gross invasion of privacy…" Edi heard Ashley exclaim to Wrex.

"Shepard would do it." Garrus went on. "She never says no to these kind of things. She wouldn't be happy about it though. She'd go along with things, but that doesn't mean she's happy about them. Though…I'm not sure if that even matters. I just wonder what she would say if we meet each other at the bar. She might be angry that we intruded on her memories, but she might also be angry that we chose her over the galaxy. So I don't know."

Edi stared. "The bar?"

His mandibles parted a little and his gaze was distant. "It might not matter," He ignored her question.

Edi allowed the subject to slide. "It might not work."

"No. There is a good chance it will, though."

"Are you alright with that?"

"No. But this isn't about me and Shepard."

Garrus had never been the most readable of individuals, but Edi found she had absolutely no idea what to make of him now.

"Might not even matter to her, ultimately," Garrus went on, "We keep looking at this as if she were alive. She's not. The dead don't have the same concerns as the living. Even if we saw things she would have wanted to keep secret in life, how does that affect her? She's beyond the reaches of this galaxy, and where she is, nothing here can harm her. The only reason I don't like it is because I wouldn't want that done to me while I'm alive, and I know she wouldn't want her thoughts bared to others while she's alive, but how can you predict the thoughts of the dead?"

Edi touched Garrus's arm. "Perhaps it might bring you closure, to know her last thoughts."

"I know what she thought," Garrus murmured. "That isn't what this is about."

After a while, everyone started getting frustrated. Even Wrex, who was not usually the most philosophical of individuals as far as Edi could tell, seemed firmly against the idea, but there was no question that Garrus's insinuation was a matter of great concern.

"I think we can all agree that none of us are too happy about this idea," Jacob loudly announced, "But I think it's sort of also a given that we don't really have any other options, and the situation can get really bad, not just for turians."

"How fast does this condition progress?" Ashley asked.

"We've lost some to it already," Garrus replied, "The younger ones are faster, probably several months. The older ones can last up to a year, unless the progression speeds up."

His voice still lacked emotion, and Edi wondered how the turian could relate this information to all of them with such…composure.

"So we don't have a lot of time to think about it," Liara observed.

Everyone glanced at each other.

"There isn't much to think about," Jacob said again, "We're all unhappy about this, but it's the only option we got."

Another pause. Jeff released a breath, prompting Edi to touch his elbow. He did not acknowledge her, so she dropped her own hand.

'And then she said, "If you could be out there right now on the dance floor, would you be waving your arms?" And I realized, yeah, I would, because the freaking Reapers are attacking and everything be gone tomorrow. She then said, heh, "Sounds like you have bigger things to worry about than looking stupid." And that was that. No comments about how weird it was, or anything like that. And after that, there was no turning back. Edi has all of my heart, but it wouldn't have been possible without Commander Shepard. We both owe her…we're two of the many who owe her without ever being able to…pay back. That's the lot of the Commander, you know? When you get to know her, you learn what it means to be indebted to someone in a way you can never pay back.'

"Well," Ashley sighed, "Nothing for it, then. What do we need to do?"