Disclaimer: The characters, items, places etc of Digimon are property of Toei Ltd. These objects are used without permission for entertainment only, not for making money. No infringement is intended.
"So this is Christmas,
And what have you done?
Another year over,
And a new one just begun,
And so this is Christmas,
I hope you have fun,
The near and the dear ones,
The old and the young" –
John and Yoko, Happy Xmas (War is Over)
Now or Never
by Nanaki Lioness
Warning: Contains Taito and Takari. Taito is Tai x Matt (homosexual relationship; don't like, don't read) and Takari is TK x Kari. This is a follow up to Why Can't It Be Christmas Every Day? It has just as much fluff as before to begin with, but turns into angst ^^ Dedicated to everyone who gave nice reviews for the prequel to this; it's thanks to you the fic got a sequel! It was going to be a standalone, but 'coz most people wanted a sequel…well, here it is ^^
Matt awoke to the sound of a Christmas CD being played loudly in his bedroom, and someone's voice excitedly piercing into his dreams. Sleepily, he opened his sapphire orbs and tried to focus them on the person standing next to his bed.
"Wake up Matt! It's Christmas Day!"
"Huh?" Matt sat up and motioned to TK to shut the CD player off. TK did so, his enthusiasm never leaving him. Matt had to smile; even though TK was thirteen now, he still had the excitement in him from years back.
"Matt! Get up!"
"All right…" Matt relented, getting out of bed wearily. "What time is it?"
TK didn't answer; he simply looked sheepish. Matt glared at him and picked up his clock, trying to focus on the numbers. When he did, he set the clock down and gave TK a look that demanded to know why he had been woken up at 6 am.
"Mom and Dad said we could all get up early this year…" TK gave as a form of explanation, staring at the blue-carpeted floor.
"I don't think they meant this early, TK. Goodnight."
Matt turned to get back in bed, but TK stopped him.
"Please Matt?" He asked, his eyes wide and pleading. "I wanted to make cookies for Mom and Dad before they got up, and surprise them. But I don't know how, and you do."
Matt almost said no, but seeing the look in his brother's eyes, and the small hope sparked within them melted him. As usual.
"What type of cookies?" He asked, a grin on his face.
TK's eyes widened more and he smiled, grabbing his brother in a hug before dragging him out the room. "Thank you thank you thank you Matt!"
"No problem, but I'll be surprised if they didn't already wake up, with how loud you were playing that CD in my room!"
"Nah, you know Mom and Dad, they'll sleep through anything!"
"I think at 6am you should be thankful they do, else they'd be out here giving you what for right now…" Matt muttered, but he was smiling. He loved spending Christmas morning with TK. Every year he would be woken up early for some reason or another by his younger sibling. One year, when TK was a little younger, he had told Matt his hamster had escaped. Matt, still being half asleep, forgot TK didn't have a hamster, and was too awake to sleep when he finally realized. The reason? TK wanted to ask Matt if Santa had been yet. Matt had been quick to tell him that, if he'd gone out into the living room and looked under the tree, he would have seen Santa had been.
I guess TK's gone for the forward approach this year, rather than thinking up plans to get me up… Matt mused. Because we actually going to be making cookies this morning. He wearily rubbed a hand across his eyes. It's 6am and I'm about to make *cookies*. Man…
"Hey Matt…"
Matt turned to see TK looking at him strangely. He hadn't gathered any ingredients for cookies together, Matt noted.
Or maybe we won't be making cookies after all…I should have known there was more to this…
"Yeah TK?"
"Can we…talk?"
"Sure."
TK sat down on the coach, and Matt joined him. They both stared at the Christmas tree in front of them, decorated with red and gold tinsel and ornaments. Colored lights were set to chase, each flashing bulb on the tail of the one before it, never quite catching them in time. An angel was placed upon the top of the tree, wings spread far and proud from it's back. Long soft blond hair and a silken dress finished off the splendid ornament, making it the focus of the tree.
Underneath the tree were gift wrapped parcels, each with brightly colored paper, ribbons, tags and bows. All different colors, designs and sizes, and even though the two were excited, neither of them got up to look and touch. They wanted to wait for their parents; to be together as a family.
"So what did you want to talk about TK?" Matt asked, breaking the ice between them since TK seemed so reluctant to.
"Just…stuff."
"Not how to make cookies, I take it?"
TK grinned sheepishly, shaking his head.
"No…actually, it's about relationships and stuff…"
"Oh? You and Kari?"
"No, not me and Kari. You, actually."
"Ah." I was hoping this wouldn't come up in conversation any time soon…oh man…
"It's not bad. I just wanted to ask what's stopping you?"
Matt's eyes widened. He wasn't expecting that.
"But-but you know who I like…" he stuttered. "And I can't just *ask*!"
"Why not?"
Matt sighed, eyes focused on the chaser tree lights.
"TK, I thought you'd hate me for being this way…for feeling like this…"
"No way!" TK's voice was adamant. "You're my brother and I'll always love you, no matter who you fall in love with!"
Matt didn't say anything for a moment, a soft blush setting in across his cheeks.
"Thanks…" he murmured. "That means a lot to me."
TK shrugged it off. "So tell me, Matt. What's stopping you, really?"
Matt sighed. Things aren't that simple, little bro. You and Kari, you're accepted in this world as a couple 'coz you're normal. Me…well, I'm not.
"TK…you see those chaser lights?" TK nodded. "That's what I feel like. That Tai's just one step ahead of me, and that I'll never catch him, ya know? He'd probably laugh at me if I said anything anyway…and then that would put our friendship in jeopardy, which I don't want. If the closest I'll ever get to him is to be his friend, then that'll be how it stays, no matter how much it hurts me…"
"Matt, Kari told me yesterday that she hopes you two work it out. She and I can see what's going on between you two, and Tai cares just as much for you as you do him."
"Cares," Matt empathized. "He cares because he's a friend-"
"No!" TK interrupted. "He feels the same as you, I know he does!"
"TK…" Matt's gaze settled on his younger brother. "As much as you want me to be happy, setting me up with someone who's probably straight as an arrow won't work. It'll only cause heartbreak."
"And you're not straight as an arrow?"
Matt raised an eyebrow to the question, knowing the answer was obvious to TK.
"No, TK. If I was, I wouldn't think Tai was good looking, would I now?"
"So what are you?"
Matt blinked. The conversation had changed topics so rapidly that he hadn't been prepared for such a question.
"To be honest, I'm not quite sure. I think I still like girls, so I guess I'm in that middle ground of undecided."
"Or bisexual." TK grinned, laughing at some unseen joke. Matt couldn't see what was so funny about all this; it was confusing as hell for him. "Sorry. It's just something I heard someone say once. 'There's no such thing as being bisexual; it's just being greedy'."
Matt had to share the joke and laugh along with his little brother. He was pretty sure he was 'greedy' then.
"So when are you going to tell him?" Matt looked set to protest, but TK shushed him. "If you don't say anything, then I will."
"TK! You wouldn't!"
"I would if it would make my brother happy."
"…later today then, if I see him. I'll try, TK. If he rejects me, then you'll be the one picking up the pieces, hear me?"
"What, the pieces of Tai when I'm done with him for hurting you?" TK smiled, laughing softly. Matt grinned.
"Yeah."
Christmas Day went by quickly and successfully; Matt and TK had spent most of the time together. TK was urging Matt to play Christmas songs on his guitar from a book given to him by his parents, and sing to them too. Matt, on the other hand, was having a hard time doing so.
"TK, it's difficult to sing *and* play when I don't know the piece!" He protested. "You sing and I'll play."
TK raised an ash colored eyebrow. "You sing better than me."
"Then have an instrumental," Matt grinned, plucking a few more chords.
"Kids! Kari and Tai are here!"
Matt froze at the sound of his mother's voice, yelling the very name that he had been hoping he wouldn't hear since his and TK's discussion that morning. TK was grinning.
"Don't chicken out," he stated simply, the smile never leaving his face.
The bedroom door opened and Tai and Kari entered, both with pieces of the cinnamon cake Tai had 'helped' decorate the night before. Matt and TK had made sure to save them some.
"This sure tastes good!" Tai commented, sitting down on Matt's bed beside his friend, who set his guitar down on the stand nearby. "It was my perfect icing skills, I tell ya."
Matt raised an eyebrow but didn't comment. He mentally noted TK leaving the room with Kari, both of them grinning. TK must have told her.
"Did you like the present?" He asked, wondering why small talk was suddenly becoming difficult.
Tai nodded, finishing off the last of the cake. "I got out a magnifying glass and read that lettering. Very funny. If you're reading this, then wait till Christmas Day, Tai! Haha."
"You think I'd give you a clue?!" Matt laughed. "Think again!" Tai grinned.
"Well anyway; thanks. But Matt?"
"Hmm?"
"It must have cost a fortune!"
Matt didn't reply. He had given Tai a chain with a gold pendant shaped like the Crest of Courage. On the back of the pendant were the words "Tai and Agumon". Tai was right, it had cost a lot of money, but Matt didn't care. He had got the rest of the digidestined pendants with their crests on them; all of them had been without the engraving though, which had cost the price of the pendant alone all over again.
"Doesn't matter," he eventually said. "I got everyone else pendants too."
"Yeah, but none of them had theirs engraved. How come you did mine and no-one else's?"
He wasn't supposed to notice that!
"Well…it's quite expensive, and I didn't realize until after the shop had done the first one, which was yours of course, and I couldn't afford it so I told them not to bother…" Matt was well aware he was rambling, and Tai seemed to have picked up on that.
"You seem nervous, Matt. Why don't you just tell me the reason why, eh?"
Matt froze, like a deer caught between headlights of a car.
"You done mine because you think of me as your best friend, right?" Tai was grinning widely, meaning it as a joke, but Matt saw a way out and took it.
"Yeah! That's why…I just didn't want to say it…hehe…"
Tai laughed and dropped the subject, much to Matt's relief.
TK and Kari entered moments later, and TK frowned very slightly as Matt shot him a look as if to say 'I'm going to, leave me alone'!
"Look what I found!" TK exclaimed, nudging Kari gently. He held up a small sprig of green and white. "Mistletoe!"
Within seconds he had bounded across the room and jumped onto Matt's bed, holding it above them both. Matt glared daggers at him, trying to move away, but TK's hand on his shoulder halted him.
"You know the rules of mistletoe! You have to kiss whoever's under it with you!" TK's grin never left his face as Matt stared at the ground, hoping it would swallow him whole.
Tai grinned, thinking of it as one big joke, and played along with TK. "Come on Matt! What's a little kiss between friends, eh?"
TK winked at Kari, who nodded. She had known about Tai's liking for Matt for a while, when she had out rightly asked him after suspecting. Tai, although a little shocked, had admitted to liking the blonde haired boy as more than a friend. Kari had disclosed this information to TK that day, and knowing how Matt felt improved the situation.
The two had been scheming how to set their brothers up, and they had come up with this. Knowing how they felt about each other, they knew one of them would play along with the 'joke', for a chance to be closer to the other.
Matt, who was well aware of what TK was doing, but unaware of Tai's returned feelings, was speechless. Play it cool; Tai thinks it's a joke, so act like you think it is too.
"Sure!" He said, forcing a grin. "After all, it's Christmas, right?"
Their lips met for a split second before they pulled away, both a little nervous. TK, not satisfied, sighed loudly.
"Like this!" He stated, helping Kari up onto the bed with him and kissing her. He pulled away after a few moments, leaving Kari speechless. He held the mistletoe up again and glared at them both.
TK, you're playing this awfully fine. You want it to be like a game, so don't be so serious!
Matt's mind was reeling as he placed a hand on the back of Tai's neck, drawing him closer and kissing him for a few seconds. This is Heaven! I've died and gone to Heaven!
He broke the kiss, knowing any longer would stray from 'joke' to 'serious' which he didn't want right now.
Tai grinned. "You're a good kisser, Matt!" He stated, causing Matt to blush and stare at the floor.
TK and Kari made a hasty exit, giggling all the way.
"Siblings, eh?" Tai said, shaking his head. "Anyone would think they were trying to set us up!"
Now! Now is the perfect time!
"…I think they are."
Tai was about to respond, but noticed the seriousness in Matt's voice and refrained. "What do you mean?"
Matt sighed. It's now or never. "Well…I dunno how to say it Tai…but-"
"Sshh…" Tai silenced him, placing a finger to the blonde boy's lips. "I know."
"Huh?" Matt was stunned. He knew?!
"I already know. I could tell you liked me as more than a friend a long time ago!"
Matt felt a little angry. He knew and he never said… "Then why didn't you ever say anything and stop me from hurting?!" He demanded.
"Same reason as you! I wasn't sure…I didn't want to risk our friendship!"
Matt didn't reply to that, his anger gone as he realized something. Tai was right. They were such good friends, and neither of them wanted to give that up. I can't be with him…if things didn't work out…then we wouldn't be friends…I couldn't take that!
"Tai…as much as I'd love to be more than just a friend to you…I can't."
Tai looked at him, obviously confused. "What do you mean, Matt?"
"I value our friendship too much. I-I could never be in a relationship with you, because if we broke up or things didn't work out, our friendship would be damaged…" Matt stared down at the floor. "And I don't want that."
Tai didn't say anything for a moment. "I understand…" he said softly. "And I know you're not doing this because you want to, as such…"
"I'm so sorry Tai-" Matt begun, but Tai silenced him with another kiss.
When they broke away, Tai stood up and headed to the door.
"That was a thank you," he stated. "For the pendant, for this talk and for…everything." He opened the door and smiled, though his eyes seemed sad. "See you around Matt. Merry Christmas."
With that, he shut the door and called the Kari. Matt simply stared at the door Tai had just closed, unable to believe what he had just done. Tai was all he ever wanted, and he had just turned him down.
TK entered the room, smiling, but it soon left his face as he noticed the solemn look on his brother's face.
"Didn't it work out?" He asked gently, sitting next to Matt. "Did he reject you?" Matt shook his head, unable to form words past the shock and building tears in his eyes. "Did he hurt you that bad? Matt?" Matt didn't reply, cerulean eyes focused to the floor, to his shoes, to anything except TK.
TK was up and headed to the door to follow Tai when Matt shakily called out to him, causing the younger boy to stop.
"TK, *I* rejected *him*."
TK sat down next to Matt again, interested. One minute, Matt wanted Tai and then didn't the next? Something wasn't right…
"We talked, and I went to tell him. But he already knew, and didn't want to say anything to ruin our friendship. And I realized that, if we had a relationship and split up, then our friendship would be damaged. And I could never have that…he understood, but I think he was disappointed…" He placed his head in his hands, silent tears twisting silver tracks down his cheeks. "I don't understand myself though. Tai…Tai's who I've wanted for a long time, and I turned him down?" He angrily kicked the nearest object, which happened to be a bedside dresser. "How could I be so *dumb*?!"
"Matt, if it helps, I think you may have made the right decision…" TK put his arms around his brother, who welcomed the embrace. "And even though it hurts now, you'll see in the future that it was for the best. Really."
"You think so?" Matt asked, not raising his head from TK's shoulder.
"I know so."
Because, big bro, you and Tai will always be friends, no matter what. And when you realize that, maybe things will progress forward for you. It's just a matter of time.
