Chapter 2: Rock and Roll
"Why the fuck am I in the girl's room!?" Hidan yells when he looks around the cell he is tossed into. He sees three people who, in his eyes, all look like very hot women. After a minute he says, "Actually, why are there even girls in a prison anyways!? Who ever heard of a mixed gender jail? The chicks'll just get raped!" Hidan directs these questions to the guard but he just smiles darkly and says as he closes and locks the cell door,
"I'm sure your new roommates will enlighten you..."
And sure enough, when Hidan turns around a girl with long blonde hair tied up in a ponytail walks over to Hidan and introduces herself,
"Hi, I'm Deidara, un."
"What the fuck!?" Hidan exclaims when he hears the persons voice. He ignores the hand Deidara is holding out to him and asks, "Your a guy!?"
Deidara glares. "I'm a guy, yeah! And there's only one girl in the entire prison, un. That's Konan over there." He says as he jabs his thumb to the top bunk of a bed on the other side of the room.
Hidan blanches. "What about her?" he asks and points to the only other person in the room. A dark looking individual who is laying with their arms behind their head on the bottom bunk of the bed opposite Konan. At a closer look, Hidan realizes he was very wrong. This person isn't a girl. Not in the slightest.
"I know you..." Hidan says as he walks a little closer to the guy on the bed. He turns his head with a bored look on his face as Hidan continues, "You're Itachi Uchiha. You killed your entire family! No wonder your in here."
Even Hidan, who never paid any attention to the news or current events at all knew about him. He was infamous. He was the eldest son of a very rich and powerful clan but one day he snapped and killed them all, with the small exception of his younger brother. Hidan was impressed that he was sharing a cell with this famous murderer. And intrigued at how calm, dignified, and intelligent he seemed for supposedly being crazy.
Itachi just turns away and goes back to staring at the bottom of the top bunk of the bed. Deidara mutters quietly,
"Your kinda rude aren't you, un?"
Hidan shakes his head then looks up at a very pretty girl with blue hair, a pierced bottom lip, and heavy black eyeshadow who is folding paper on the top bunk. He turns to Deidara,
"Seriously... how is she not being raped right now? It's a jail for Jashin sakes!"
Hidan had been to jail before. He knew how it was. Criminals would screw anything. It was just the way they were.
Deidara laughs.
"Well, it's mostly because about 60% of the guys in here are gay, un. And the percent that isn't... knows not to touch her. She belongs to Leader-sama, everyone knows that. And no one wants to mess with him. Plus she can defend herself if it ever came down to it, yeah. Just a warning, un. In case you were thinking about it..."
"Oh, no!" Hidan exclaims. "I wasn't. I was just curious. This is a really weird jail you know? Sorry about calling you all girls though... and saying this was the chick room..."
Deidara lowers his bright blue eyes to the ground and murmurs lightly,
"Well that's not entirely un-accurate, un..."
"Whadda ya mean?" Hidan asks, becoming nervous for some reason. Maybe because of the way Yamada had said 'Room 24-U.'
"This room is for the uke's especially, yeah."
"Uke?" Hidan asks, not really sure if he wants to know the answer.
"The bottom?" Deidara says quietly.
Hidan, who isn't very smart, still doesn't get it.
"We're the ones who get it up the ass." A smooth voice says from the bottom bunk.
Hidan looks over at Itachi who's gaze hadn't moved from the same spot on the bottom of the top bunk. As his words sink in, Hidan says,
"Does that mean that... I'm...?"
"All it means is that Yamada put you in here because he thinks you would be on the bottom. Usually... that's all it means. So don't panic, un! All the rooms are organized like this! There are S rooms, and U rooms. S for seme and U for uke. Doesn't mean anything really, yeah!" Deidara tries to sooth Hidan before he has a breakdown. It helps. Hidan takes a few deep breathes then grumbles,
"Fine... I guess there's nothing I can do about it..."
Deidara sighs and decides to change the subject. "I don't think we got your name, un?"
"Hidan. Nice to meet you, I guess..."
Deidara smiles and shows him to his bunk, the only one not taken, below Konan, where Hidan promptly fall into a dead sleep. Deidara relaxes and sits against the wall on his top bunk over Itachi. Suddenly Konan speaks up,
"You lied to him Deidara..."
He glances up at her apologetically and says, "I know, yeah. But I didn't want to tell him, un. It seemed like it would really upset him, yeah."
"He'll find out soon enough." Itachi says.
"Yeah..." Deidara sighs and glances once more at Hidan, sleeping peacefully, before he drifts off to sleep as well.
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Hidan is used to waking up to the sound of an obnoxiously loud bell but that doesn't mean he enjoys it. He groans as he gets up and follows after a surprisingly cheerful Deidara toward the cafeteria for breakfast. But he soon finds out, there isn't really a cafeteria, there's only a common room, and that room is where they eat. On one side it was tables, on the other side it was tv's, comfy-ish couches, board games and other things to keep the inmates occupied. He continues to follow Deidara to a table where they sit down.
Almost immediately a smallish man, who kind of looks like a boy, with flaming red hair sits down next to Deidara. His eyes have a sort of fixed manner that makes Hidan get the impression he can't show emotion very well. He begins wondering if a lot of the people here are like that after meeting Itachi and then this guy.
Hidan notices that this guy looks a lot less boyish when he puts his arm lazily around Deidara's shoulders. He glances at Hidan and asks in a calm, soothing voice,
"Who's this guy?"
"Hidan. Our new roommate, un."
Suddenly Itachi and Konan join them at the table both followed by two guys Hidan hadn't met yet. One, who looks oddly blue and shark-like, smiles, showing sharp teeth, then says in a rough voice,
"New huh? Names Kisame. What's up?"
Hidan smiles. Glad everyone here isn't boring and unemotional. Hidan notices Kisame sit next to Itachi possessively and can't stop himself as he asks,
"You two are together?"
"You could say that." Kisame shrugs. "We're as 'together' as any of us here. Wouldn't trust the lot of ya, if you know what I mean."
"Aw Kisame is so mean!" a new face, well kind of, says as he joins them at the table. "Tobi loves you all! I'd never do anything to you guys!" This man, Tobi, apparently, wears an orange, spiral mask covering his entire face besides one eye. Hidan thinks his personality doesn't fit the way he looks.
Half of them roll their eyes while the other half just smile at Tobi's words.
"Well we're not so sentimental. " another strange voice says as he joins the table as well, "We'd sell any of you out the second we got the chance if it'd save our hide."
"Whaaaaat!?" Tobi pouts. "Even Tobi, Zetzu!? You're meaner than Kisame!"
Hidan is finding this group stranger every second. This, Zetzu looks strangely green and his eyes have an off yellow tone to them. His voice sounds like he smoked to much and now his rasping comes and goes. He also has a strange feeling this man is schizophrenic.
He doesn't even notice the quiet but menacing figure sitting next to Konan until he asks in an emotionless tone,
"Where's Kakuzu?"
"Therapy." Kisame says using the air quotes around the word.
"What's therapy?" Hidan asks.
"Oh you know," Sasori says. "They try to solve our 'problems' or whatever. They really just want us for their stupid tests."
"Oh yeah. That fucktard Yamada said something about needed to 'know me' and shit. He did this whole profile thing when I got here. Made me tell him my life story and crap. He's weird."
"He's beyond weird." Zetzu nods "He's messed up worse than the rest of us."
Most of the people around the table nod. There is silence for a moment before the one known as 'Leader-sama' asks Hidan,
"So what are you in here for?"
Hidan is a little creeped out by the way his eyes seem far away. He has piercing's all over his face and bright orange hair. Hidan realizes he didn't answer the question and stumbles as he says,
"Killed some people..."
"Duh!" Kisame says, "But how'd you do it? That's all that's important in here."
"I sacrificed them to Lord Jashin!" Hidan says happily.
"That's a new one, un!" Laughs Deidara. "Who is Lord Jashin?"
Hidan resists the urge to curse them to hell for being non-believers and just focusses on telling them everything he can about his beloved god. When he's finished, Konan says,
"No wonder you're in here. That's some intense stuff right there. And don't take this the wrong way, but you have a really fucked up religion. Not that any of us can talk really."
"What about you guys?" Hidan asks. "What could you have possibly done that compares to what I did to get stuck in here?"
"You really want to hear our stories?" Sasori asks.
"Sure!" Hidan says enthusiastically.
"Where to begin...?" Leader-sama mutters before plunging into a detailed account of the actions that landed him in Kure-Ji-Kira.
"I just wanted peace." Leader-sama begins. "Thinking back, I maybe went about things the wrong way..."
"I've had a lot of pain in my life. First my mother and father were killed before my eyes. Then my best friend..." His voice fades slightly then he clears his throat and says, "That's why sometimes I go simply by the name Pain. Only one person alive knows my true name."
No one at the table misses how his hand tightens around Konan's when he says this.
"Long story short I destroyed an entire town. And that is why I am in here. Seiji thought my reason for doing it was delusional so he saved me from death-row. If you can call this being saved..."
"That doesn't seem as bad as what I did!" Hidan comments.
"Well," Pain says reluctantly, "I had also been good friends with Seiji before all of that happened. That's why I have a few special privileges here that others don't."
"That's not fair!" Hidan says. They all laugh then Konan says,
"I'll tell my story next."
The table goes quiet once again as she begins,
"I was working as a respectable business women for a large company, then. One day I just snapped. Lost control and killed everyone I worked with. There was too much paper work! It drove me crazy!!!"
"Oh please Konan. Drop it. We all know you planned the whole thing just so you could get in here with Leader-sama." Sasori says with a smile. "And he even had to pull some strings to get that."
Konan answers with an equally small smile.
Hidan's eyes widen. "You mean you got put in here on purpose!? Ok, this is officially the most fucked up jail ever."
They all laugh then Hidan turns to Deidara and asks,
"What about you? What did you do?"
"I like explosion, un!" squeals Deidara. The others around the table, except for Sasori, groan.
"Yeah, yeah. We know!" Kisame says.
Deidara's smile widens. "Some bastards were hitting on me, un! So I made the most perfect and awesome tiny fireworks ever and put them in their food, yeah! Then... BAM! They flew all over the ground in a bigilloin pieces! It was so pretty, un! You shoulda seen it!"
"Deidara..." Sasori shakes his head, "When will you learn what real art is?"
Deidara pouts. "It was real art Danna! It made me so happy! Until they said I was gonna die, yeah. But luckily Yamada took me here and I got to meet my Sasori-danna! Yeah!"
Before Deidara can start lavishing kisses all over his 'Danna,' Sasori says,
"Real art is why I'm in here. I really like puppets so when I was really little I turned my parents into puppets. They were so pretty when they just sat there, gathering dust. Forever young and beautiful. And then I ran from the world until I was about 17, when I tried to turn myself, into a puppet. It worked, kind of. I still look 17, though now I'm 34."
"What the hell!? No fucking way you could be 34 years old!?" Hidan exclaims.
Sasori raises an eyebrow. "That's the most you get out of that story?"
"Sure." Hidan says simply. "So you turned a few people into puppets. I bet a few of you have done worse, am I right?"
Kisame laughs a bark-like laugh. "You're gonna fit in great around here! And yeah, you're right. Like me, I was a plastic surgeon and, some might say I lost my mind, I just think I just changed the way I wanted to look at life."
"A plastic surgeon?" Hidan asks. "Heh, that makes sense. Considering..." He moves his hand over his face trying to describe the way Kisame looks.
"Again with the rudeness." Kisame laughs. "What, are you trying to say I'm ugly or something?"
"You are!" Hidan yells.
Now the whole table except Kisame laughs. He growls,
"I'll have you know that I used to be very good looking. There was an unfortunate incident with an enemy of mine. I simply called him a 'shark' and he got unnecessarily offended. I woke up soon after looking like this." He motions over his face with a grimace showing.
"Afterwards... you could say I went a little... mad. Starting with that enemy, I shaved peoples skin off and left them skin-less corpses. It looked very painful. Then of course, I got caught and sent here because of how crazy I was acting."
"Damn that's creepy." Hidan says loudly. "But I don't get it? You don't seem creepy or crazy now, in fact, non of you do. Does that mean that fucked up therapy really works?"
"No!" About half of them yell. Kisame sighs.
"I don't know why I calmed down when I got here... I just did."
"I know why, un." Deidara whispers next to him. "Itachi has got some skill in controlling wild beasts, yeah."
"Don't let either of them hear you say that." Sasori warns.
Hidan glances at Kisame and Itachi then says, "What about you?" in Itachi's direction.
The dark, expressionless features turn his way. The table goes quiet. Hidan wonders if maybe he went somewhere no one else ever dared to go. Then Itachi smirks without any real humor and says, "I thought you already knew all about me. I'm famous, remember?"
Hidan smirks back. "But I'd kinda like the story straight from the horses mouth. I'm sure you have a different take on things."
"No." Itachi shrugs. "The story on the news is exactly how it happened."
"But why didn't you kill your brother?"
Everyone notices Itachi's shoulders stiffen when asked this. His smirk turns into a real, crazy smile. Hidan feels, for the first time, like he is at a mental institution.
"Because I wanted him to suffer!" Itachi's voice suddenly high piythed and filled with emotion Hidan is sure he held in for years. Then, as soon as the emotion had come, it disappeared. Itachi's face is once again a blank map as he stands up and says,
"Come, Kisame. I'm hungry." and walks away, Kisame following after him, slightly nervous.
"What's his problem!?" Hidan asks as soon as they are out of range.
"Itachi... doesn't talk about it. Tobi's never ever heard him talk about it..." Tobi mutters quietly, as if afraid Itachi will suddenly pop up behind him and slice his throat.
"What about you, then?" Hidan asks the cheerful man hiding behind an orange mask. "Did you annoy someone to death?"
The whole table breaks out laughing but Tobi just pouts.
"Oh how mean!" Tobi fake cries and then runs off to go get some breakfast. Hidan looks after him in amusement until he sees that he isn't coming back.
"Seriously!" he growls. "How'd that guy get in here?"
Everyone at the table shrugs and Zetzu says,
"Search us."
Hidan looks at them all like their crazy.
"How can you not know? Is the little mask-face trying to keep it a secret or something?"
"We never really asked. He doesn't seem like the type to kill though does he?" Zetzu says.
Hidan sighs. "Fine... What about you then? Just a crazy dual personality? Seems kinda typical."
Zetzu smiles wickedly. "I'm also a cannibal."
"There's a new one!" Hidan laughs. "I'm not sure if Jashin allows cannibalism but I think I can let you slide."
Zetzu laughs then begins, "We got stranded on a deserted island with our three best friends and our girlfriend. At first it seemed like we were doing good. We had built a shelter, gathered some food and water, and were working on a radio. Then, Tyuma's skull got crushed by a huge bolder and he died. The others just wanted to bury him and be done with it but we weren't so delusional. We cooked him, and ate him."
"Oh are you telling your story Zetzu!?" Tobi asks as he returns and sits down with a plate of food in his hand. Itachi and Kisame sit down right after him.
"No shit, sherlock." Hidan says and rolls his eyes. Zetzu nods as Tobi pouts again and continues with his story.
"When the others found out, they thought I was crazy, or evil or whatever. So, we had to kill them. They all tasted very good with just the right tenderizing of the meat. Nothing like the taste of human flesh!!! After that, we were all alone on that dumb island. We guess we created this 'other person' to try and stop ourselves from going crazy from the loneliness. We got rescued eventually of course. But, once everyone heard how we killed and then ate them... they instantly sent us here."
"Tobi is so glad they did! Tobi loves Zetzu-chaaaan!" Tobi squeals as he grips Zetzu's arm.
"Wow." Hidan whistles. "That one is probably the best story out of all of them."
"What about Tobi's story!? Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi yells happily as he begins munching on his food. The others just laugh and look at him pityingly.
After another few minutes, Hidan's stomach growls and he groans,
"Where can a Jashin loving guy get some food around here?"
"You have to go get it yourself, at the bar. Moron." A raspy voice says from behind Hidan. Hidan turns, about to say something snarky but when he finds himself being stared down by two acid green orbs he loses his voice. He has to tear himself away from those penetrating eyes to look at the rest of the person attached to them.
He is tall, tan, muscularly built, but not too much, with medium length scragly black hair. He is wearing a mask to cover his entire face, except of course, his eyes, which seem framed with black, though that only makes the green stand out more. His most distinguishable features though, would have to be the many, many scars covering every part of his exposed body, which would include his shoulders and arms.
This man gives Hidan one more disdaining look before asking in an annoyed tone,
"Who is the idiot sitting in my seat?"
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Oh yay! Kakuzu was introduced! If only barely. I really hope everyone liked my descriptions of all the Akatsuki members and how they got in Kure-Ji-Kira(which, if you want to know what it means... look it up yourself!)
I really, really hope you will review and tell me just how much you really did like them. Or didn't... all up to you. All I want is for you to... REVIEW!!!!! ...thanks!!!!
KeikoPanda102
