Before her stood an older Toshiro, he was long and lean like Ichigo used to be at his age, with broad shoulders and the same spiky white hair that she just wanted to run her fingers through. She drank him in hungrily, taking in every detail, from the same nonchalant pose with his hands in his pockets to that face that had matured to that of a man's but somehow stayed the same. It wasn't until he cleared his throat that she noticed Urahara and Yuroichi with him. Then she noticed the sadness that touched her Toshiro's usual solemn expression and the way Yuroichi wouldn't meet her gaze. Urahara's usual dopey, comical expression was gone, replaced by a serious expression that aged him at least a decade.
"Karin…"
Her gaze was pulled back to Toshiro abruptly, filling her with a mixture of elation and dread. How her name coming from those lips made stomach flutter, but the tone of the visitors ruined it, placing the cold stone of dread in her abdomen.
"Karin-chan, can we come in?" Yuroichi asked softly. Karin nodded and moved out of the way. What happened? Why were they here?
They filed in, Toshiro bringing up the rear, lingering near her for a second then continuing without a word. They sat down on the couch in the living room, opposite her father, who was instantly serious at the sight of them. Yuzu wandered in from the kitchen with a dishtowel, drying her hands. Her boyfriend followed.
"Isshin-san-"
"What's happened?" Her father was not in the mood for small talk and Toshiro took a deep breath.
"We've come to inform you of a tragedy, I'm afraid."
Karin's stomach dropped. "Ichigo, what's happened to my brother?" she demanded, her voice shaking. Toshiro took a moment before turning to her.
"Your brother died a few hours ago," he replied bluntly. Karin breathed out and felt her knees give way. She heard Yuzu sob across the room. Her father only inhaled and exhaled sharply.
"How," he asked, somehow still composed. Karin's body felt numb from where she was on the floor. In seconds Yuoichi was next her, holding her arm, as if to lift her. But Karin stayed where she was, trying to keep breathing. Her brother was dead? But then…would she see him when she died, or was he gone, dead in spirit form? Toshiro still hadn't answered her father's question.
"HOW," she demanded, getting to her feet, her breathing rapid now. Toshiro stiffened at her tone and refused to look back at her.
"There was a shooting at his school…he tried to take down the shooter, but became a casualty instead. Rukia-san was near and took him almost immediately after he was hit. He didn't suffer, we assure you. He's in Soul Society now. In a few days, he'll be starting his first day at the Academy, and will become a full-fledged Soul Reaper within a matter of years, at the very most," Urahara answered instead. Karin sagged again, caught by Yuroichi this time.
"So he's not gone, just not here," her father summed up. Toshiro nodded. Yuzu cried silently into her boyfriend's shoulder. He held her, comforting her, causing anger to swell in place of Karin's despair. Toshiro should be holding HER like that, comforting HER instead of sitting there being all stoic. She stood up and stormed off in the direction of her room.
"Karin…"her father started, getting up and reaching for her arm, but Karin snatched it out of his reach and continued on her way. She slammed her door shut and stared at it for a moment, trying to calm her breathing. She started pacing, trying to process her multitude of emotions. The anger at Toshiro. The relief that her brother wasn't completely gone. The giddiness at seeing Toshiro again. The thrill of the eye contact they shared when she opened the door. Her thoughts were interrupted by a sharp rap on her door before the doorknob twisted and opened to reveal Toshiro. Her anger flared again and she grabbed her pencil cup off her desk and hurled it at him. He moved his head slightly, barely avoiding it, as it hit the hallway behind him and broke, raining pencils and pens in front of her doorway. He glared at her reproachfully and closed the door.
"What the hell was that for?"
"YOU! I DON'T SEE YOU FOR 2 YEARS AND YOU JUST SAUNTER BACK HERE," she screeched, grabbing the glass of water off her bedside table and chucking it at him. He dodged again and it shattered against her door, leaving a wet spot. She snatched a baseball next. "WITH NEWS OF MY BROTHER'S DEATH!? NOT EVEN 'HEY, HOW'S IT GOING' JUST 'YOUR BROTHERS GONE'! YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SCUM, YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN SOUL, YOU—YOU—"
Something in her snapped as Ichigo's death hit her fully. "You—you—"
She fell to her knees and sobbed, tears streaming from her eyes before she could stop them, blurring her vision, making her feel even more alone in a room full of blurred blobs and splashes of color.
"You ins-sensitive b-b-bastard," she spluttered, wrapping her arms around herself and starting to rock. She was alone. Her father bore his grief alone, cool and collected, and Yuzu had her boyfriend to hold her and make the world brighter, but for her, there was nothing. No one. She was alone in this tide of grief, whether she was able to see Ichigo again or not, he still wasn't HERE with her. He wouldn't be an uncle to her children, he wouldn't be there when she needed him, and he wasn't there to comfort her now in her grief for him. Ichigo was all she had to help her and now he wasn't "just a phone call away." He was gone, learning to be a true Soul Reaper and to be with all his friends. She wouldn't see him grow old; she wouldn't be an auntie to his children…can he ever have children now? Sobs wracked her body and the dark abyss of loneliness and loss began to consume her. And she bit her lip until she tasted blood.
"Karin…"
"Just get out of here Toshiro! I hate you," she spat with as much venom she could muster between her tears. She felt him pull back and then there was silence in her room before he retreated and closed her door behind him as he left. She was alone again, curled up in the middle of her bedroom floor, crying until she couldn't cry anymore. Darkness took her.
