My Shining Star

I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.

-Remember, this is told in Botan's POV.-

Chapter 2 * The First Day

I had the oar thing down. He allowed me to do it in his office to see how I had picked up on it. I had also gotten the teleportation thing down too. I checked the communicator he gave me for the time. It was quite early. Only 8:34 AM. I put it back in my kimono. I took out the black book. It was an entire list of names. Everyone in the city and more. When they were supposed to die, when they were born, and notes about them.

"Wow.." I was shocked. I flipped through pages and found my name, along with my mom's and our other relatives. I paged through and found time to memorize the first few pages. I would need some assistance for the first few days. They said I would sense it when someone died. The beeping noise of my communicator shattered my thoughts. I dug around and found it, pushing the 'answer' button. "Koenma-sama?"

"No, this is George. Koenma is at a meeting with his father. The main hospital has a death. The soul is in room 94."

"Sure." I nodded and pushed 'end'. I flew off on my first mission. When I got there, a woman was floating in the air, bawling her eyes out. "Hello." I tried to keep my voice from cracking, trying to seem professional. It was a little too much for me to do.

"Who are you!?" She asked, looking at me in shock. I couldn't smile anymore. I felt a stinging sensation in my eyes.

"My name is Botan." I said, my voice cracking a little. I wanted to shake her and tell her to stop crying. She reminded me of.. myself. A hot tear rolled down my face. "I know what you're going through.. I just went through it, too." I put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. I couldn't believe I was going to do this.

"Really?" She sniffled. I nodded. My eyes traveled to the little boy beside her. He would wake up.. to find his mother dead. "I can't leave my son.."

"Listen, it was your time. I know that only complicates things. Please, just come with me." I removed my hand from her shoulder and pulled out my book. It had a check mark next to my name. I searched through the book.

"What is that?" She had a fearful tone in her voice. I smiled up at her.

"Its a book of names. All ferry girls need them." I felt important. "Now, what is your name..?"

"My name is-"

"Matsura Terri?" She stared at me with an astonished look on her face. "That is your name, unless I'm mistaken."

"N-no.." I patted the spot next to me. She heaved a sigh, tears still pouring down her face, and sat down next to me. "I can't believe it.."

"You'll be fine. My boss, Koenma-sama, is kind. He helped me a little.. as much as someone like him can."

-

All of it was true. He had been a help to her, to me. I closed my eyes and felt the wind in my hair. The cold wind brushed my cheeks and dried the tears as they ran down my face. I couldn't handle much more of it. My life had changed. I am nothing now. I am a ferry girl. I am no longer a person. Maybe I have a chance for happiness.. in work. If I enjoy my work, then I will be happy. Not at this pace. I want to lead those people to the happiness they deserve.

"Is that so wrong?" I whispered. Silence. Only the rustle of my kimono and a few birds broke the silence. I sighed. This was time that I had to memorize my work. How long will I be a ferry girl? "I don't know.." I took out the little black book and turned it this way and that in my shaking hands. I opened it.

-

"Koenma-sama?" I hesitated before entering. "I have a question." It was indeed truthful. I had a question. A question with an answer that could drag on forever.

"Come on in, then, Botan." I did as I was told and closed the door. It was my only support just then. I felt weak. Quickly recovering, I hurried to the chair and took a seat. He looked at me, waiting patiently as I got my bearings.

"H-how long is this supposed to be? How long is this life going to go on?" He knew what I meant, I could tell. His eyes went to the papers in front of him. His small hands folded and he looked back up at me.

"That is a complex question with a complex answer." I nodded my head slightly and shifted. His gaze was stern.

"I know.. You don't need to answer it, I was only curious." He could tell that it went deeper than that and his expression softened.

"Curiosity is good, Botan. I'll be happy to answer that question. Get comfortable, though." I stared at him. "It won't take too much time, don't worry. I have a feeling that it will be easier for you to understand than the many times of explaining it to the others." I waited, my breath caught in my throat. "You see, you are capable of passing to the other side any time you want. I have no problem, should you want to quit. I do, however, have to seek out a new ferry girl."

"So, this can last as long as I want it to?" At his nod, I frowned deeper.

"Yes, Botan. We can't force you to do this against your will." He paused. "There are other complicated matters, though. This is the part no one really understands." I wasn't aware that I stopped breathing. He drew in a sharp breath to snap me out of it. I blinked. "Ready?"

"Of course, Koenma-sama."

"Well, there are many different rules than there are here. You must follow them with strict courtesy. I know that is also the way to do it here. It is only the rules that are different. I really never read them over, but I know there are more than there are here."

"I understand."

"It isn't done yet." I tilted my head to the side. "You can't go back to Ningenkai after you have passed. Nobody wants to understand this, therefore they don't."

"I do, Koenma, sir." I really did. I understood it. I also understood why they didn't want to understand. I walked through the hallway, oblivious as to people around me or my soft footfalls against the tile floor.

"Botan?" It was George, of that I knew. I forced myself to make an attempt at a smile. I would be a ferry girl until I couldn't handle it anymore. I knew that I would never be truely happy again.

"Hello, George." He seemed to notice the tone of my voice. He looked really concerned. A few other ogres brushed by us with stacks of paper.

"Are you okay?" He asked, looking directly at me. I could feel tears coming to my eyes. Biting my lip, I nodded.

"I'll be fine."

"First day was hard, wasn't it? Seeing other misfortunate people." He sighed then put his hand on my shoulder. "But then, are they misfortunate?" I stared at him, wondering. Maybe.. just maybe they weren't all upset. Am I? Or am I just still in the shock of this new life I live?

"I-I don't know. I'll see you later, George." I rushed past him. My vision clouded over. I was just being naive. Of course I am upset. I can't ever hug my mother physically.. or see Jo.. not that I want to anymore.

"Oh, you must be Botan." I stopped. What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I be as cheerful as these other girls? They were radiant with their smiles and their shining eyes alight with happiness. "My name is Kin." I turned to see a girl with blue eyes and brown hair. "Welcome to the team."

"Uhm.. thanks." I forced a smile.

"Want me to show you around? You don't really look like you should be alone." Kin looked sweet and harmless. Had I known her, we may have been friends. She crossed her arms. "Hey, I have an idea. Koenma-sama can give us human forms for the day. He'll know you need it." I stared at her as she grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the office that I had just come from.

"But-" I couldn't come up with any arguement. I wanted the human form, but.. I would look like myself. I need to wait. I didn't want to face being there again so soon. "I can't do it.." Kin stopped and turned to me, a confused look on her face. "I can't go back so soon.."

"I understand. I was like you the first few weeks. Trying to smile at everyone to get them off your back. Don't worry, everything will be fine. I have a feeling that you're going to like it here." She smiled reassuringly at me.

"Possibly." I said with a small frown. "Until then, will you help me?"

"Of course!" She was so enthusiastic. I wish that I was like her..

-

What'll happen next? Will Botan ever trust anyone again? Hmm..

11-19-03