R+R, but b nice. I personally don't even like this chapter, so just bare
with me until the next one. Thanx. Luv u's all!
The next morning, Harry had spent the entire night talking (talking and kissing, nothing else, to Draco's disappointment) to Draco and they slipped out of the room and returned to their common rooms. Harry managed to silently slip through the common room, up the stairs and into the boy's dorms. Just as he was about to get into his bed, he noticed the absence of Dean and Seamus. Curiosity overtook him and he decided he had to find them. Something drew him to find them; maybe subconsciously he knew what was happening.
Thinking of the places they could be, one in particular sprang to mind. He remembered earlier in the term seeing Dean sneaking through the halls into a room. Harry had tried to ask him what he had been doing and Dean swore he was going to practise spells with some friends. Harry had thought nothing off it since, but for some reason remembered it.
He left the common room, leaving the fat lady utterly confused as to why he was going in and out. Actually, he was sort of confused by is too. Who cares where Dean and Seamus are? But, as it happened, Harry did. As he raced through the halls, running fast but silent, Harry caught sight of himself in a long mirror. He stopped abruptly and stepped back to survey himself. He watched his reflection in the mirror, wondering how he looked to everyone else.
Did different people see him differently? Did Ron only see a hero? Did Draco only see a 'potential sex god'? Did Hermione only see a pitiable friend? Did Dumbledore only see a saviour too weak to get over his godfathers death? Harry kept up with more questions, fighting to keep that image of Sirius at his parents wedding from his mind.
Did anyone else see him as the ugly, thick glasses wearing, too big clothes clad, lanky, scrawny, scar headed, aspirant hero that he saw? Or was that just only his view of himself? Was that how most people saw him, or was the mythical Harry that people invented what they saw? Did they see that myth because of what they were told, or was he really like that myth said?
'I feel different when I'm with Draco. Less as if I have to pretend, more like I have to be me. I feel cleaner. Or perhaps dirtier, cause I know what Draco wants from me, but is to in love with me to take.
Will I ever be able to get over this fear and let him take me? Or will I go on denying and depriving him of it, until I drive him away? He won't stop loving me, but he might get bored of waiting. He might decide he's wasting his time, or think I don't love him enough. Would he do that to me? Would he leave me because of my fear?
The other night, we spend the night laying by the oak at the edge of the lake late into the night. He fell asleep, his head resting on my stomach, with me playing with his hair. He left the gel out, thank god, for the first time. It was as if I fell in love with him all over again. God his hair is beautiful. He was just lying there, so peaceful and he looked more innocent than I'd ever seen him. It's hard to believe that he could look innocent.
We must have been there most of the night; it felt like forever yet not long enough. I just stared at him, wondering. So many questions, new and old, gurgled around my brain that night. A few I found answers to, but mostly they just sat on my mind, making more questions form. I was just staring at him, with burning questions in my head.
I hate fear. It ruins so much. It causes so much damage. Perfect, dark Draco, I kept thinking as I mulled over the questions. It's so wrong for him to be with me, perfect, light Harry.'
Harry stepped away from the mirror, sick of seeing his blank-faced reflection staring at him. He was sick of being him, of being The Harry Potter, the boy who lived. He was sick of being looked up to, when really he was weak, lame and useless. And scared. All he wanted was to be Draco's eternally, and never have to endure a moment without him.
GOD! He was fine fighting Voldemort, someone who could so easily kill him, but when it came to sex with the boy he loved more than any other, no. He was too scared of the physical contact, the emotional intimacy and then there was the fact that he was totally inexperienced. What if he disappointed Draco? What if Draco loved it and wanted it more often, but Harry wasn't that enthusiastic about it?
Talk about paranoia.
Harry shook himself, remembering he was out to find Dean and Seamus. He had almost reached the room, too. He picked up the pace again, running faster than before. When he reached the door to the room, he paused. It was a wild theory, and it was highly likely that he would open the door and find nothing. Why was he searching anyway? He didn't know, but he was here, so he may as well just turn the handle and.
The door sneaked open as Harry gently pushed it open. Peeking around the door, he gasped. The room was not the deserted room he had expected. It was dull and lifeless, yes, but in the centre, under a large crystal chandelier was a huge bed, complete with Dean and Seamus, totally naked, and obviously, even at the first glance, deeply in love.
They were lying beside each other, staring into each other's eyes, hands caressing each other's skin. They looked so odd, and so perfect. Pale, cute Seamus with his creamy brown hair beside dark, sexy Dean. So enthralled by each other, neither looked up nor even showed signs of noticing someone entering the room.
They moved forward into each other and as their lips met, Harry found he too was captivated by the sight. It wasn't until Dean forced Seamus onto his back on the bed and the other boy responded by wrapping his legs around the contrastedly pale boy that Harry realised what was happening.
Harry's eyes widened and he realised how perverted he was being. Stupidly, he slammed the door shut. He leant against the door and heard rustling inside the room. He stood up straight and turned around just as the door opened. Dean was standing, dressed now, watching him critiquly, but shyly.
"Harry, why don't you come in?" he said politely. Harry nodded; wanting to assure them he would keep this secret. For some reason he was considering telling them of his own situation, and asking for their advice. Dean ushered him in and Harry saw Seamus sitting, very red-faced, on the bed, watching Dean intently.
"Don't worry. I won't tell anyone."
"Oh, Harry! Thank you," Seamus exclaimed, happy and relieved. Dean sat down on the bed next to Seamus and Harry stayed where he was, standing in the middle of the floor.
"So, how did you find out about us?" Dean asked.
"I saw you were both missing and I've seen you come here before. I don't even know why I came to find you," Harry replied.
"Oh, ok. Does anyone else know?" Seamus asked.
"No."
"Ok," Seamus replied simply. There was a moments silence and all eyes moved from people to the walls or the ceiling or the floor.
"Can I ask you some. questions?"
"Umm. ok. Go for it," Seamus nodded, hesitantly.
"Firstly, I. Ummm. I'm gay too."
"Really?" Dean's eyes lit up. Seamus elbowed him painfully in the stomach. "Owww!"
"Sorry Harry. Got to keep this horny bugger under control, you know."
"Yeah, tell me about it," Harry sighed knowingly. At this, both Seamus and Dean's eyes widened. They looked at each other and nodded.
"Malfoy," they said together.
"What?" Unbelieving of what he had just heard. How could they possibly know?
"Malfoy," Dean repeated.
"What. what about him?"
"That's who you're with," Dean said matter-of-factly.
"How do you know that?"
"Trust me, news travels fast," Seamus smirked.
"News?"
"We have a kind of club for the gays at Hogwarts. We know all about you and Draco," said Seamus, raising his eyebrows. Dean was staring at Seamus, enraptured by his smile, it seemed. Harry knew that look of longing, Draco wore it constantly.
"How? Did draco-?"
"No, he didn't tell. We figured you and him out long ago. You and Malfoy are a little obvious; we all knew that there was something between you, but we didn't think it had started yet."
"So, what do you want to ask?' Dean interjected, finally ceasing his staring.
"Well. Is it... Is it alright. to. to. to be. scared?"
"Ohhhhh. Harry, are you really? The answer is definitely a yes," Dean said understandingly.
"I was petrified," Seamus smiled.
"Were not," Dean scoffed.
"Nah, I wasn't. Nor were you. We're both sex mad beasts. But, what's his name, Creevy, he was absolutely livid at the idea when he and Justin started going out."
"Which Creevy?" Harry almost yelped, shocked.
"Colin, of course. Dennis is as straight as a board, boring guy. Colin and Justin have been together for a while now. Love, perhaps, but most likely just an infatuation. Collins too young to know real love," Dean said knowledgeably.
"Too young?"
"Yeah. He really thought he loved you, but we made him see it was just lust and then he fell for Justin and-."
"ME???"
"Oh, yeah. What, you think he followed you like that because he wanted to be your friend?" Seamus laughed.
"Anyway, Sham, we're getting of the subject. Colin can tell you about it, Harry, about being scared and overcoming it."
"I don't know. I don't really like the idea of Colin knowing. I mean, ok he already knows, but I don't really want to talk to him about it, ok?"
"Sure. We can tell you what we know and if that's enough, then ok, if not, Collins your man. Well, he's Justin's, but you get it anyway."
"Right. Ok."
"So, you're scared, but Draco's sex hungry, right?"
"Yeah. I want to, a bit, but I'm scared."
"Ok. Harry, it's the most amazing thing. It's the most connecting thing possible. You change completely after, everything does. Even your love, it grows so much, it becomes so much stronger. If you love Draco and he loves you, there's no reason to be afraid. Don't be scared because you'll love it, honest. It might seem frightening, but when it happens for real, you'll realise how much time you wasted just kissing."
And Harry and the two lovers stayed in the room for most of the morning, talking about. various subjects.
The next morning, Harry had spent the entire night talking (talking and kissing, nothing else, to Draco's disappointment) to Draco and they slipped out of the room and returned to their common rooms. Harry managed to silently slip through the common room, up the stairs and into the boy's dorms. Just as he was about to get into his bed, he noticed the absence of Dean and Seamus. Curiosity overtook him and he decided he had to find them. Something drew him to find them; maybe subconsciously he knew what was happening.
Thinking of the places they could be, one in particular sprang to mind. He remembered earlier in the term seeing Dean sneaking through the halls into a room. Harry had tried to ask him what he had been doing and Dean swore he was going to practise spells with some friends. Harry had thought nothing off it since, but for some reason remembered it.
He left the common room, leaving the fat lady utterly confused as to why he was going in and out. Actually, he was sort of confused by is too. Who cares where Dean and Seamus are? But, as it happened, Harry did. As he raced through the halls, running fast but silent, Harry caught sight of himself in a long mirror. He stopped abruptly and stepped back to survey himself. He watched his reflection in the mirror, wondering how he looked to everyone else.
Did different people see him differently? Did Ron only see a hero? Did Draco only see a 'potential sex god'? Did Hermione only see a pitiable friend? Did Dumbledore only see a saviour too weak to get over his godfathers death? Harry kept up with more questions, fighting to keep that image of Sirius at his parents wedding from his mind.
Did anyone else see him as the ugly, thick glasses wearing, too big clothes clad, lanky, scrawny, scar headed, aspirant hero that he saw? Or was that just only his view of himself? Was that how most people saw him, or was the mythical Harry that people invented what they saw? Did they see that myth because of what they were told, or was he really like that myth said?
'I feel different when I'm with Draco. Less as if I have to pretend, more like I have to be me. I feel cleaner. Or perhaps dirtier, cause I know what Draco wants from me, but is to in love with me to take.
Will I ever be able to get over this fear and let him take me? Or will I go on denying and depriving him of it, until I drive him away? He won't stop loving me, but he might get bored of waiting. He might decide he's wasting his time, or think I don't love him enough. Would he do that to me? Would he leave me because of my fear?
The other night, we spend the night laying by the oak at the edge of the lake late into the night. He fell asleep, his head resting on my stomach, with me playing with his hair. He left the gel out, thank god, for the first time. It was as if I fell in love with him all over again. God his hair is beautiful. He was just lying there, so peaceful and he looked more innocent than I'd ever seen him. It's hard to believe that he could look innocent.
We must have been there most of the night; it felt like forever yet not long enough. I just stared at him, wondering. So many questions, new and old, gurgled around my brain that night. A few I found answers to, but mostly they just sat on my mind, making more questions form. I was just staring at him, with burning questions in my head.
I hate fear. It ruins so much. It causes so much damage. Perfect, dark Draco, I kept thinking as I mulled over the questions. It's so wrong for him to be with me, perfect, light Harry.'
Harry stepped away from the mirror, sick of seeing his blank-faced reflection staring at him. He was sick of being him, of being The Harry Potter, the boy who lived. He was sick of being looked up to, when really he was weak, lame and useless. And scared. All he wanted was to be Draco's eternally, and never have to endure a moment without him.
GOD! He was fine fighting Voldemort, someone who could so easily kill him, but when it came to sex with the boy he loved more than any other, no. He was too scared of the physical contact, the emotional intimacy and then there was the fact that he was totally inexperienced. What if he disappointed Draco? What if Draco loved it and wanted it more often, but Harry wasn't that enthusiastic about it?
Talk about paranoia.
Harry shook himself, remembering he was out to find Dean and Seamus. He had almost reached the room, too. He picked up the pace again, running faster than before. When he reached the door to the room, he paused. It was a wild theory, and it was highly likely that he would open the door and find nothing. Why was he searching anyway? He didn't know, but he was here, so he may as well just turn the handle and.
The door sneaked open as Harry gently pushed it open. Peeking around the door, he gasped. The room was not the deserted room he had expected. It was dull and lifeless, yes, but in the centre, under a large crystal chandelier was a huge bed, complete with Dean and Seamus, totally naked, and obviously, even at the first glance, deeply in love.
They were lying beside each other, staring into each other's eyes, hands caressing each other's skin. They looked so odd, and so perfect. Pale, cute Seamus with his creamy brown hair beside dark, sexy Dean. So enthralled by each other, neither looked up nor even showed signs of noticing someone entering the room.
They moved forward into each other and as their lips met, Harry found he too was captivated by the sight. It wasn't until Dean forced Seamus onto his back on the bed and the other boy responded by wrapping his legs around the contrastedly pale boy that Harry realised what was happening.
Harry's eyes widened and he realised how perverted he was being. Stupidly, he slammed the door shut. He leant against the door and heard rustling inside the room. He stood up straight and turned around just as the door opened. Dean was standing, dressed now, watching him critiquly, but shyly.
"Harry, why don't you come in?" he said politely. Harry nodded; wanting to assure them he would keep this secret. For some reason he was considering telling them of his own situation, and asking for their advice. Dean ushered him in and Harry saw Seamus sitting, very red-faced, on the bed, watching Dean intently.
"Don't worry. I won't tell anyone."
"Oh, Harry! Thank you," Seamus exclaimed, happy and relieved. Dean sat down on the bed next to Seamus and Harry stayed where he was, standing in the middle of the floor.
"So, how did you find out about us?" Dean asked.
"I saw you were both missing and I've seen you come here before. I don't even know why I came to find you," Harry replied.
"Oh, ok. Does anyone else know?" Seamus asked.
"No."
"Ok," Seamus replied simply. There was a moments silence and all eyes moved from people to the walls or the ceiling or the floor.
"Can I ask you some. questions?"
"Umm. ok. Go for it," Seamus nodded, hesitantly.
"Firstly, I. Ummm. I'm gay too."
"Really?" Dean's eyes lit up. Seamus elbowed him painfully in the stomach. "Owww!"
"Sorry Harry. Got to keep this horny bugger under control, you know."
"Yeah, tell me about it," Harry sighed knowingly. At this, both Seamus and Dean's eyes widened. They looked at each other and nodded.
"Malfoy," they said together.
"What?" Unbelieving of what he had just heard. How could they possibly know?
"Malfoy," Dean repeated.
"What. what about him?"
"That's who you're with," Dean said matter-of-factly.
"How do you know that?"
"Trust me, news travels fast," Seamus smirked.
"News?"
"We have a kind of club for the gays at Hogwarts. We know all about you and Draco," said Seamus, raising his eyebrows. Dean was staring at Seamus, enraptured by his smile, it seemed. Harry knew that look of longing, Draco wore it constantly.
"How? Did draco-?"
"No, he didn't tell. We figured you and him out long ago. You and Malfoy are a little obvious; we all knew that there was something between you, but we didn't think it had started yet."
"So, what do you want to ask?' Dean interjected, finally ceasing his staring.
"Well. Is it... Is it alright. to. to. to be. scared?"
"Ohhhhh. Harry, are you really? The answer is definitely a yes," Dean said understandingly.
"I was petrified," Seamus smiled.
"Were not," Dean scoffed.
"Nah, I wasn't. Nor were you. We're both sex mad beasts. But, what's his name, Creevy, he was absolutely livid at the idea when he and Justin started going out."
"Which Creevy?" Harry almost yelped, shocked.
"Colin, of course. Dennis is as straight as a board, boring guy. Colin and Justin have been together for a while now. Love, perhaps, but most likely just an infatuation. Collins too young to know real love," Dean said knowledgeably.
"Too young?"
"Yeah. He really thought he loved you, but we made him see it was just lust and then he fell for Justin and-."
"ME???"
"Oh, yeah. What, you think he followed you like that because he wanted to be your friend?" Seamus laughed.
"Anyway, Sham, we're getting of the subject. Colin can tell you about it, Harry, about being scared and overcoming it."
"I don't know. I don't really like the idea of Colin knowing. I mean, ok he already knows, but I don't really want to talk to him about it, ok?"
"Sure. We can tell you what we know and if that's enough, then ok, if not, Collins your man. Well, he's Justin's, but you get it anyway."
"Right. Ok."
"So, you're scared, but Draco's sex hungry, right?"
"Yeah. I want to, a bit, but I'm scared."
"Ok. Harry, it's the most amazing thing. It's the most connecting thing possible. You change completely after, everything does. Even your love, it grows so much, it becomes so much stronger. If you love Draco and he loves you, there's no reason to be afraid. Don't be scared because you'll love it, honest. It might seem frightening, but when it happens for real, you'll realise how much time you wasted just kissing."
And Harry and the two lovers stayed in the room for most of the morning, talking about. various subjects.
