Disclaimer: I do not now, nor will I ever own anything related to Supernatural. I do own my own characters and places though.

A/N: Italics are memories and thoughts. Also I've kind of modeled where they are after my home town in California, but not exactly. I've also attempted to set it in 1995, as Sam is 12, Dean is 16, so apologies if I've mucked it up. Comments and reviews are loved!

UPDATE: My excellent beta Miss Tam just got back to me with this so it's a new and improved upon version!

Really, at this point, Dean should have at least wondered if his brother was bisexual or gay. Except, to his extreme consternation, Sam didn't seem to have that kind of interest in anyone, male or female. It wasn't that he didn't have friends, he had tons. For being a shy kid, he sure pulled the puppy-dog endearing eyes well. And girls certainly looked at him like that and probably wondered why he didn't try anything.

Hell, Dean wondered too. But, whenever he asked, he was just answered with a shrug. The one time he pressed, Sam just sighed and replied that he was just not that into it, which, for a pre-pubescent boy, was just weird.

So Dean had sat him down and they had "The Talk". It was awkward and sort of gross really. Mostly it was:

Condoms, Sam. Always. Protection. Seriously. If you don't take any other advice I ever give you, remember this. Not like we need mini-Sams running around or anything.

Sam had made a face at that and Dean laughed, ruffling his hair fondly. Sam had sat patiently through the talk, though he'd already found out just about everything Dean was saying through his research on the internet. Sam was skilled in the computer world and had learned pretty early on how to override the school website-blocking system on the computers in the library and at the public library. Or, well, he'd been managing pretty well. It seemed like there were various blocking techniques employed by the school and Sam got around most of them. Contrary to what he told Dean, Sam was just like every other boy and thought about sex almost incessantly. Except, Sam dealt with that the way that he dealt with everything: researching it.

This ranged from everything like normal porn, to clinical websites, to BDSM sites and chat rooms. The sites detailing things in a clinical, detached manner were most prevalent and Sam appreciated the scientific approach. In terms of actual porn, he'd once found some images, but they were drawn and seemed pretty unrealistic. So maybe he'd never actually seen a naked girl. So what? Sam was much more interested in the hows and whys than the pictures. Plus, he had a vivid imagination and a brother who moaned like a paid actor whenever he ate pie. Sam was never lacking in jerking off material. At this point, he was willing to wager he even knew more about sex than Dean, but Sam's information was all just theoretical. No practice. Sam was very much okay with that. Sure, he experimented, who didn't? But, while the privacy of the shower was an okay place to do such things, he was certainly not comfortable sharing that sort of very private part of himself with anyone else, certainly not some girl that was just a random hook up. He didn't know how Dean did it.

The funny thing was that, in one day, all of the variables that led later to a very complicated and confusing cluster-fuck, fell into place, solely by accident. Mostly, anyway. It began with Dean and Sam, sitting in front of the T.V., as per usual on a summer morning. Summer had just begun, and John was going to take advantage of it. He was rearing to go. While John was making himself and Dean coffee, Dean commented on a commercial.

"Hey! I totally saw that jacket in the mall in town. It looks so cool. I bet it's really comfy." Dean looked wistful.

"Why don't you get it?" Sam queried.

Dean looked at him like he'd recently given away his brain to charity. "It's super expensive. It's like some designer brand thing. C'mon Sam. We don't have that kind of money and it's not really worth getting caught shoplifting."

Sam had to admit he had a point there. Just as Sam was mulling this over, John came into the room and passed a steaming mug of coffee to Dean, and a steaming mug to Sammy, full of hot chocolate. Sam narrowed his eyes at his father. John only ever made hot chocolate for Sam when he was about to say something that Sam wouldn't like at all.

"There's a hunt." Dean was all ears. Sam watched his father stoically, not even looking down when he raised the white porcelain to his lips. It was made with milk. His father was really feeling guilty. "I think Dean should come with me."

A stunned silence descended upon the room for a beat. Dean broke it first.

"What? And leave Sam all alone? Seriously?"

John sighed and sat down, grabbing the remote and silencing the explosions on T.V. Sam's confusion quickly turned to a cold rage, the depths of which even frightened Sam a little bit.

"Look, there's a couple of options here. The first is that we pack up and move a few states over, that's a hunt I can do alone. Or, we can stay here, and Dean comes with me, for back up. Sam, Dean needs to get experience hunting. Dean, Sam's twelve years old. Plenty old enough to be left alone."

"How long?" Dean wanted to know.

Sam yanked his gaze from his dad and stared at his brother open mouthed. Seriously? Dean was choosing to go on the hunt and leave Sam alone? Sam shook his head and blinked a few times, floored, before he could clear his throat and turn his brain back on. Of course Dean wanted to go hunting. He loved it. He loved their father. But, didn't he love me too?

Sam racked his brain. Have I been more annoying than normal lately? Have I done something? Is Dean mad at me and just jumping at the chance to get away from his dumb-ass little brother for awhile? Or, God forbid, is Dean resentful that in the past he'd always been made to stay home with Sam?

Dean had been staying home without Dad since he was seven or eight. Sam felt a combination of remorse, guilt, sadness, and shame. It was an uncomfortable feeling. Sam tried to think if anything in particular had happened recently; something he should have been sorry for but was too busy being a brat?

Certainly, they had argued after Dean had found a porn magazine that Sam had hidden away. Dean had made fun of him and Sam wanted none of it. He assumed Dean had thrown the skin magazine away, because it was gone when he came out of the bathroom an hour later and Dean was napping. Other than that though, nothing. At least, not that recently, he didn't think. A series of emotions flitted over Sam's face, but Dean remained blank faced.

"A couple of weeks. No more than 15 days. I'd leave you with enough groceries and money, Sam. I trust you."

Wow, Sam wished that that sentence didn't make him as proud and happy as it did. Sam bit his lower lip and stared at his hands clasped in his lap for a moment.

"Yeah. Okay."

His voice was softer than he'd intended and there was a hitch in his breath that he hated. John nodded, looked at his youngest once more, and stood up to answer the phone that had just begun ringing. Dean immediately turned to Sam.

"I mean, hey. This way we can stay in one place a little longer, huh?"

Sam looked up at that, puzzled. Dean looked... concerned. Like he was waiting for Sam's approval.

"I guess it gets pretty boring just hanging around with your baby brother all the time huh?" He didn't mean for it to come out as bitter as it did. Dean's face creased with guilt and worry.

"Sammy, it's not that at all. You think I wanna leave you? Hell no. But, I won't be gone for very long and I'll probably be able to convince Dad to stay here for longer, maybe until the end of the year even."

That was probably an exaggeration, but Sam appreciated the sentiment. He nodded and gave Dean a small smile.

"Guess I'll have to find something to entertain myself then."

Dean smiled and nudged him with his shoulder fondly.

"Figured you'd spend it all in the library. Geek."

Sam stuck out his tongue at his brother. Just then, John called Dean to come speak with him. In private. Fifteen minutes later, Dean came back.

"Alright. I guess I'm gonna pack. We're heading out today."

Sam tailed him around the house as Dean stuffed his duffle, talking about all the different ways he was going to gank the monster. When Sam asked what the monster was, Dean paused, perplexed.

"I hadn't asked yet..."

Sam laughed because that was such a Dean thing to do and that just bolstered Dean's good mood. A small part of Sam was angry that Dean could be so happy in preparing to leave him, but he reminded himself that Dean was actually doing this for him and that he wouldn't really be gone all that long at all. As they were walking out the door, after ten minutes of Dean packing and Sam patiently listening to his brother's incessant fretting, Dean turned around and braced his hands on Sammy's shoulders.

"Sam. I'm calling every night at 5pm sharp. I swear if you don't answer that phone I'll be halfway back here by 5:30..."

"Dean!"

Sam had rolled his eyes exasperatedly while Dean puttered around, mother-henning until John called amusedly for him to get his ass into the Impala. Dean turned to go and, before he could stop himself, Sam stepped forward and fisted his hand in the back of Dean's jacket. Dean halted. Sam finished stepping forward and leaned his forehead against the warmth of his back, seeping through the cheap cotton.

"Just. Be careful. Okay?"

"Promise, Sammy."