And the Winner Is...
by TheBucketWoman
Disclaimer: I do not own Life With Derek or any of its characters. Nor do I own Facebook, or anything else, really.
A/N: Tried to mention some Canadian stuff. Sorry if I got any of it wrong.
Chapter Two
Part One: Casey.
"Number ten," she said. "You're number ten in a class of a hundred and fifty kids. 92.6 percent average for the quarter."
Derek said nothing. Then Casey hit him on the arm.
" 'Meh' he said! 'I passed' he said! He let me think he just scraped by!" Casey yelled, punctuating every sentence with another smack on the arm. Then she kissed him.
"I thought you were mad," Derek said when she pulled back.
"I am," she said, and kissed him some more. "I'm so proud of you."
"All your fault," he said. He got another kiss for that.
George was still sitting there, looking borderline catatonic. He shook his head and seemed to wake himself up.
"I'm going to expect grades like this all the time now, you know," he said.
"Don't you worry," Casey said. "If there's one thing I'm good at, it's nagging."
"This is true," Derek said, and ducked. "What? You said it, I didn't."
"You are not supposed to agree with it," Casey said. "In fact, you're supposed to be shocked that anyone would say such a thing."
"The crazy season has come early to Caseyville," Derek said.
"I'm getting outta here," George said.
Part Two: Nora.
At around four, Nora, Edwin, Lizzie and Marti came home to find Derek pinned under Casey.
"Say Uncle," she said.
"That's original," he said.
"Uncle!" she insisted
"Third cousin, once removed."
"What, do you want me on top of you forever?" Casey asked. That was Nora's cue.
"Ahem," Nora said. Casey fell off the couch, freeing a hysterically laughing Derek and narrowly missing the coffee table which had somehow migrated a couple of feet backward over the course of the afternoon.
"Ouch," Lizzie said. "That hurt, didn't it?"
" 'Do you want me on top of you forever?' " Edwin quoted "Did you think he'd say no?"
"Edwin," Nora said, even though she'd been thinking the same thing.
Casey got up, rubbing her shoulder. "Ow," she said pathetically.
"You should let Derek kiss it better," Marti said. Nora wondered how much Derek was paying Marti to say things like that. Derek sat up and pulled Casey back down onto the couch next to him.
"Poor Klutzilla," He said, rubbing her shoulder. "Should I kiss it better?"
"Ugh," Lizzie said.
"Get a room," Edwin said.
"Don't encourage them," said Nora. The last image she wanted was of the two of them "in a room."
"How was the picnic?" Casey asked, trying desperately to change the subject. Lizzie and Edwin had their class picnic at Springbank Park.
"Pretty cool," Lizzie said. "Nobody used mayo this time."
"Aw, what's a picnic without a little food poisoning?" Derek said.
"A good one?" Edwin said.
"Did anyone at least get poison ivy?" Derek asked.
"No, they have public toilets," Lizzie said.
"Huh?" Casey said. Then when she put two and two together, she said "Ew!"
"Who got poison ivy on their butt?" Marti asked.
"No one," Edwin said.
"It was you, wasn't it?" Marti asked.
"Why don't you tell us about your day, Marti," Nora said, distracting her for a second, but probably only for a second. The little girl was too smart for that.
"Okay," Marti said. "Emily and Sheldon took me and Dimi to see Shrek the Third, but I don't think they saw the movie. Me and Dimi had to tell them about it after. And me and Dimi..."
"Dimi and I," Casey said.
"Whatever," Marti said. "We played PacMan. I kicked his butt." It was official, there was no such thing as a safe subject in this house.
Mental note, Nora thought, get a babysitter without a boyfriend. There is entirely too much suckface going on in front of Marti. I suppose I should be thankful there isn't more going on. Yet. Yikes.
"Where's George?" Nora said.
"Basement," Derek said. "Doing computer stuff...or sleeping."
"Probably playing solitaire," Nora said.
"I resent that," George said, poking his head out of the kitchen. "I was doing important computer stuff."
"Minesweeper?"
"Beat my record," George said, grinning.
"Hmm," Nora said, gathering him into her arms. "Important stuff." She kissed him.
"So what's for dinner?" Edwin said.
"You just had, like, 6 hotdogs," Lizzie said.
"What's your point?" Edwin said.
"And pie," Lizzie added.
"But that was two hours ago," Edwin said. "So, what's for dinner?"
"Thought we'd order in," George said. "A celebration is in order." He reached behind him and pulled some folded yellow paper from his back pocket.
Nora took them and looked both report cards over. She considered pretending to swoon, but knowing George, he'd already done that. She settled for a big wet kiss on each forehead. Derek put up a mighty struggle, but he was no match for her.
"Be glad I didn't have lipstick on," she said.
"I wanna see!" Marti said. "Gimme, gimme, gimme!"
Nora handed them over. Derek began to turn a little pink.
Edwin and Lizzie peered over Marti's shoulder while she read.
"Much improved,"Marti said. "Good work, good work...no gold stars? No stickers? High school stinks." Derek laughed.
"With ya all the way, Smarti," he said trying to grab it away from her, but she dodged him easily.
"I don't even know you anymore," Edwin said.
"Thanks, bro," Derek said.
"Did you hack into the school computer?" Lizzie asked.
"I can't even get into my Facebook account,"Derek replied.
"Did you pay Edwin to hack into the school computer?" Lizzie amended.
Derek pretended to be hurt. "I'm so glad that none of you have any faith in my ability." He stuck his lower lip out and crossed his arms.
"I'm happy you're happy," Edwin said. "You almost beat Casey," he added.
"Almost," Casey said.
"There's always next year," Derek said, turning to her and seeming to forget anyone else was in the room.
"Says you," Casey said turning to him.
"Okay," Edwin said. "Before you start 'wrestling' again, can we decide on what we're eating?"
"Before we lose our appetites," Lizzie said.
"Pizza?" Derek said.
"Curry?" Casey said.
"Diner," Edwin said.
"I second the diner," George said.
They ended up ordering several burgers, a tuna melt (Marti) and a chef's salad (Nora).
Casey (veggie burger, extra pickle) kept dipping her fries into Nora's little container of bleu cheese. Everyone looked at her like she'd grown a second head.
"What?" she said. "It's good. Have you tried it?"
Derek (pizzaburger, extra mozzarella) said, "Ew." With his mouth full.
Lizzie (cheeseburger, fried onions) grabbed a fry and tried some. "S'okay," she said. She and Edwin (chiliburger,) were in the middle of a can-you-top-this game with a jar of Italian peppers from the fridge.
George, (chiliburger, poutine) tried it. "Needs hot sauce," he said.
"Get your own," Nora said.
Part Three: George.
George felt pretty great. He had a nice case of indigestion brewing but it had been totally worth it. Nora showered after dinner while he thought of how to set up her gift so she'd see it right away. Truth be told, he wanted to get into the shower with her, but they'd found out early on that the shower stall in their little bathroom was too small for the both of them. He'd almost knocked himself unconscious with the showerhead once. This was a better move. He put the box on her pillow with a card that read "Guess who got a bonus." He could nonchalantly head for his shower after she got out and be done before she could put together a coherent thought.
In the shower a few minutes later he thought to thank God, or Whoever Was in Charge for this truly unprecedentedly excellent day. There were so few of these, and he was one of the few people in the world who knew when to enjoy it and be grateful.
He got out, toweled off and headed toward the bedroom, where Nora was wearing his surprise—a one carat diamond solitaire necklace—and her towel.
Then, she dropped the towel.
Thank you, God, he thought.
