Chapter 2 :: Reunited. Partially. ::

After the fall and defeat of HYDRA the Soldier is presented with choices Options. Things he never had before. He doesn't have anybody telling him where to go, whose he's supposed to kill, why he isn't frozen. It's just him and the world that the Soldier knows nothing about.

So where does one go? When your entire life and existence crumbles before you and your standing in the middle of a modern world filled with technology but no memories of how to work it. No memories at all really. The Soldier is presented with a question. What does he do now?

His first response is the man. His face flashes in his mind as he sits. He's currently on the building of some random apartment complex in some no name town in Minnesota. The wind and snow blow around him but he doesn't mind, the Soldier never complains.

As he sits there though, his mask laid off to the side, he thinks about the man. The wash they did was hurried and sloppy, the Soldier could still remember his face and he could remember enough to know that he had liked the man at some point in time.

He shook his head slightly, it was no use. The man was a fantasy, something that the Soldier would never look for. He was an unreal dream that would never come true.

As the snow pushed harder though, wind whipping through his blonde hair he thought he could remember. Remember something about the man. His name? What was his name? The Soldier couldn't remember his name, but he could remember something distant.


The Soldier was sitting in the window. Sunlight fluttered in through the old and torn curtains, bathing is too pale face in a golden light as his blonde hair seemed to practically glow in the light. His blue eyes were focused intently on the paper in front of him and his hands were stained black from charcoal.

"Whatcha drawing there …" the man said, coming to stand behind him as he gazed over his shoulder. His chocolate brown eyes traced the figure on the Soldier's paper, taking in the detail he'd taken care to put in his face.

"Amazing." he said after a moments of pause, causing the Soldier to blush as he looked up at the other man. His wide and amused grin prompted the Soldier to smile too, a shy smile that was reserved only for this man.


The memory was faint, the setting disoriented and the words fuzzy but he knew the man had been there. For some reason he felt that the man had always been there for him, that he was a part of the Soldier.

It was horrible for him, trying to piece together what fragments of his life that he'd managed to preserve. Through the years of wipes and tortures he was slowly, very slowly, beginning to put together his past.

He still wasn't sure what his name was. He'd heard others in the town use it, people calling out to other people in greeting. He was fairly confident that the Winter Soldier wasn't his name but until he could figure out who he really was he'd stick by the nickname.

He didn't know the other man's name either. He wished he knew his name more than his own. He called himself the Soldier, could never remember a time when he hadn't. He had known the man's name though. Once upon a time.

It frustrated him, trying to remember a ghost of a name. It always seemed to flutter out of reach right before the Soldier could grab it and every time he failed he would curse himself. For being weak, not being strong or smart enough to figure this out.

He didn't know who he was but it didn't bother him nearly as much as the fact that he didn't know who the man was.

Because as the weeks passed, the Soldier stayed in the small town. Providing for himself and camping out on the roof. As the days passed though, minutes fading to hours as they faded to days as they faded to weeks one thing remained constant.

The man was important. He knew he was known as Captain America, he'd read it in his files but he'd never known his real name. HYDRA had never told him and that was what made the Soldier the angriest.

The more he thought about things, the longer he sat there and pieced everything together he slowly learned just how much HYDRA was responsible for. They had robbed him of this man, they had robbed him of the knowledge of who he was and it was killing him. Quite literally.

One day as he was watching the snow fall besides him the memory came rushing back all at once. It was like somebody had opened a flood gate and suddenly he could picture everything so clearly.


They were standing in a crowded place, people milled about them as the Soldier and the man stood in front of each other, the latter looking highly exasperated.

He gazed at the Soldier with a look that said he was totally fed up with him yet he adored him without shame. It was a confusing look but the Soldier knew it was reserved only for him, and it made him smile slightly.

"Don't do anything stupid until I get back." the man told him, giving him a look that said 'I mean it' before walking away. He walked backwards, his half smiling face turned towards the Soldier as his brown eyes were locked onto the Soldier's blue ones.

"How can I when you're taking all the stupid with you?" the Soldier heard himself saying, casting him a smile teasing smile though it was full of sadness and regret.

The man frowned slightly, glanced back at where two women were waiting before walking, forwards this time. Back towards the Soldier. "You're a punk." he told the Soldier fondly, his arms coming to wrap around him in a loose embrace.

"Jerk." the Soldier told him in response, his own skinny arms coming to wrap around the man as they embraced for a second or two before the man stood back up. The Soldier found himself wishing he hadn't taken away his arms, wishing that they could have stayed like that forever.

With that the man tipped his hat at him giving him one last sad and exasperated smile before turning away and walking to where the two women were waiting. The Soldier watched him walk away and he could feel the name stirring in his mind.

As he watched them go he could almost hear the women stating his name in a adoring way as her friend giggled. It was so close, the name he'd been searching for.


When the Soldier was sure he'd finally figure out the identity of the man the memory faded and he cursed loudly, running a stressed hand through his blonde hair.

How could he not remember? Everything else had been crystal clear. How the man had looked. What he'd worn, the way the girls had looked, what they'd worn, how the enlistment building had looked and smelled yet it wasn't there. His name continued to elude the Soldier even as he wished with all his might that he might now it.

When he couldn't come up with anything he jumped up and quietly, quickly, fell from the roof of the apartment building. His mask and goggled remained on the rooftop, the black gear stood out like a sore thumb among the white snow but he couldn't be bothered.

When he reached the ground he sighed and slipped into an alleyway. Something tugged at the back of his mind, a faint memory fighting it's way to the surface but nothing exactly could be recalled. He only felt a sense of fear though he wasn't sure why. He was alone in the alleyway now but apparently he had a memory when he'd been with somebody else, somebody else who had intimidated him.

He shook it off though and quickly walked to the back of the street where nobody could easily spot him unless they really looked. When he was sure he was alone, with nothing but a brick building on either side he let out a strangled scream and slammed his head against the brick wall to his right, his forehead crashing into the brick as his hands came to rest besides his head.

He stayed like that for a moment before repeated the gesture, this time slamming his metal fist into the wall too. As he did so he let out a cry of anguish followed by Russian curses that were intelligible. He could feel the sticky blood starting to leak through a cut on his forehead but he didn't care.

The pain kept him steady, kept him going in times like these when he was certain of nothing and didn't trust anybody. The pain kept him tied to the world, that was what he told himself though the Soldier knew the real reason why he hurt himself.

He was a coward. Pain was the only familiarity in his life, the only thing that had ever remained constant. Whether it was physical or emotional pain it had always been there. He had left HYDRA but HYDRA would never leave him, not for years, if ever.

So he stood in the dark shadows, slamming his head against the wall until even his enhanced healing factor couldn't keep up with the rapid damage he was doing. He finally pulled back, panting slightly as the red blood dripping into his sight, falling from his face and staining the snow beneath his feet crimson.

"Ятрус. [I am a coward]" the Soldier said quietly to himself. Leaning against the wall behind him as he watched the blood fall from his forehead. As he stood there he inspected his metal hand, no dents from punching the wall. He was fine for now.

When the cuts had healed an hour or so later he began to repeat the process. Smash his fist, smash his head, wait for a few seconds, then repeat.

He did this for hours, the snow underneath him darkening with every hit. He kept going, pushing, until he didn't even stop to let the wounds heal. Just kept pushing himself over and over, cursing in Russian.

Cursing him weakness. His cowardliness. Cursing how he wasn't a strong man, he was weak. There was no room for weak men in the world.

"Вы должны остановить . Мы не слышим , чтобы причинить тебе боль . Просто остановить вредит себе. [You have to stop. We're not here to hurt you. Just stop hurting yourself.]" a voice suddenly said from behind the Soldier. It was soft though, a feminine voice the Soldier decided. It sounded vaguely familiar too.

When he turned his he saw the source of the voice, the women with the bright red hair. She stood feet from him, blocking the alleyway so that he was trapped. She spoke words of kindness but the Soldier knew better. People lied and why was she different.

So he did not reply, simply stared at her as the blood dripped from his face and his metal hand twitched slightly, damaged slightly from all the punching.

He'd determined that he would aim for her wounded right leg, shown by how she leaned to the left ever so slightly. Kick to the wound then he would make his escape. He'd been foolish to stay in one spot for so long, he had to keep running. He couldn't let them catch him. He wouldn't go back to his prison. No matter what happened he would sooner die then go back to the place of stone walls.

He took a step forward, reaching for his gun when he appeared and the Soldier froze.

His hair had been trimmed since they last met. It was currently being blown about his face as the wind howled around them, causing him to sigh impatiently as he brushed the strands away. When he looked up at the Soldier he found his eyes. The same chocolate brown eyes that he'd seen so many times in his fuzzy memories. The eyes that had apparently once gazed at him with adoration and exasperation.
Now they only held affection and hope.

"Steve? Steve what happened!" the man cried, rushing forward to help him but the women grabbed his arm, stopping him from progressing further.

"Barnes he could be dangerous you don't know what you're running into." she told him quietly though the Soldier could still make out every word clearly.

Barnes. A piece to his mysterious puzzle. The man's last name was Barnes.

"I don't care." the man, Barnes, told the women stubbornly. He shook off her arm quickly and then approached the Soldier. Once he got closer his steps slowed and he held up his hands in surrender. This man would not hurt the Soldier.

"Stevie what did you do?" he asked again, his voice quite as he gazed at him in fear and worry.

Steve. His name was Steve. He wasn't just a Soldier, he had a name. A personality. He'd been like this man once, his own eyes alight with exasperation and adoration. It was a comfort to him, knowing that he had been like this man once.

Instead of answering his question though he asked his own, his voice hoarse and gruff since he hadn't used it in months.

"What's your name?" he asked the man, his hands stiffening at his sides as his fingers curled around his gun. The man approached ever closer, his feet crunching in the snow as his eyes flickered from the cuts on the Soldiers forehead to his eyes.

"James Buchanan Barnes. You called me Bucky though. sometimes Buck." the man answered him, coming to stop so that he was inches from the Soldier. He could the puffs that emitted from his mouth every time he breathed.

Bucky. His name was Bucky. Now that he knew he could remember it all too well. The name rolled off his tongue easily and it felt familiar, as familiar as his own newly discovered name.

"Steve, you need to come with me." the man, Bucky, told him. Reaching out slowly so that his arm came to rest on the Solder's elbow.

That wasn't possible though, the Soldier couldn't trust him. He knew that. He couldn't trust anybody, they would drag him back to the prison. The stone walls. The wipes.

"NO!" the word tore out of his throat, as he yanked his arm away the memories pushed away by his fear. "You can't take me back!" he yelled at them, his gun out of his holster now and coming to rest in his hand.

Bucky's eyes softened as he took a step forward, trying to give the Soldier a calm and comforting half smile but he was too far gone. Before either Bucky or Natasha could register what was happening Natasha was on the ground, clutching a bullet wound in her shoulder as Bucky was thrown against the wall.

When they regained enough composure the Soldier was gone, his tracks covered. He'd had enough sense to cover the blood so that there was no trail.

"Stevie." Bucky whispered, drawing in a shuddering breath as he looked around for the man, not willing to admit that he had had him. He'd been so close to him and yet he was alone again, with nothing but the howling wind, a wounded spy, and memories to keep him company.


Yay! Chapter 2! I don't usually update this soon but the chatper just sort of came to me and I can't deny inspiration when I get it so here it is.

Sorry if it's not as good as the first one, I'm sleepy so the writing may not be as nice but I wanted to post it anyway.

Feedback always appreciated it!

Lots of Love - FandomQueen