A/N: FIRST I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE FOR TAKING SO LONG WITH THIS CHAPTER, I DEVELOPED WRITERS BLOCK AND WORKING 16 HOUR DAYS KILLED ME BUT IM BACK. ALSO I HAD TO CHANGE THE RATING TO M! WARNING FOR RAPE, I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF PUTTING THE RAPE SCENE IN ITALICS SO YOU CAN SKIP IT IF YOU NEED TO! I know Jane stabbed Hoyt, but I decided that she'd shoot him. I decided to change things a little about the infirmary scene. Also, I don't own Rizzoli and Isles. :(
'He couldn't be back' she thought. She shot him. She'd begun to second guess herself. 'What if it wasn't him? He did manipulate a lot of people, myself included.' She brought herself back to that dark day. Maura, in the hands of her worst nightmare, scared and scalpel to her throat. 'Oh god, what if he'd slit her throat that day? Jane, stop it. Maura is here, she's alive and well.' She remembered Maura choking out sobs. Jane tried to shake it from her mind as best as she could. She needed to focus on Hoyt. The events replayed in her head; it finally clicked. The way he held the scalpel. In their first encounter, Hoyt said that they were very similar in the way that used their hands. He felt more power, more control with the use of his left hand, but the one in the infirmary used his right. Jane smacked her hand against the steering wheel. "DAMMIT!" she shouted. She pulled her phone off of her hip and texted Maura.
Will you and Korsak head to the hospital and check on Lauren? She tossed her phone in the cup holder of her car and tapped her thumb on the steering wheel waiting for the traffic light to turn green. She heard buzzing from the cup holder.
Yes. Might I ask where you're going?
That's not important right now Maura. I just need you to check on her. I need you to keep her safe. Jane heard honking from a disgruntled driver behind her. "ALRIGHT!"
That's not important right now Maura. I just need you to check on her. I need you to keep her safe. Maura's concern was growing greatly. "Detective Korsak, will you accompany me at the hospital?" Korsak could hear the concern in her voice.
"Is everything alright Dr. Isles?" Korsak turned to face her. He could see the tears welling in her eyes. His paternal instinct took over, he walked over and enveloped her into a hug. She tensed at first but she accepted it. The tears she was holding back slowly fell.
She whispered, "I don't know" She felt his hand rub circles on her back. They stayed like that, uninterrupted silence for a few minutes until she felt him pat her back gently.
"Let's go check on Lauren, yeah?" Maura nodded into his chest. She slowly pulled away but Korsak wrapped an arm around her and kept her close while they walked to their cars.
"Will she be okay Vince?" Now he knew Maura was scared, she always called him detective.
"I've known Jane for a long time. She's hit a couple of rough patches here and there but she always manages to come out stronger than the time before. Don't worry about her Maura. She's a fighter and she always has been. She'll get through this."
"Should I go look for her?"
"I'd give her some time alone. She just found out one of her worst nightmares has come back to haunt her, she just needs time to breathe and she has to do this on her own." Maura nodded and got in her car. She waved to Korsak as he drove past and she sat there for a moment. Maura started to overanalyze once again. 'Jane could be severely injured… She's fine.' She threw her head back, closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. She grabbed her phone and texted Jane.
Don't do anything irrational. Call me soon. Please -Maura xx She tossed her phone into her designer handbag and set off for the hospital.
Jane stepped out of her car and hustled into her apartment building. She needed booze, a lot of it. Her neighbor tried to say hello but she ignored him. She unlocked her door and locked it again in record time. Her heart started racing. She couldn't believe Hoyt was really back, it was making her physically sick. She went to her liquor cabinet she cracked open her most expensive bottle of bourbon whiskey, A H Hirsch Reserve. She pulled out a glass, poured herself a shot and nearly choked on it because of how fast she drank it. Then she poured herself another shot, then another, then another. Out of sheer frustration, she hurled her glass at her front door. She grabbed the bottle of whiskey, stormed into her bathroom, turned on the shower and stripped.
While undressing, she saw the two scars on her abdomen. She scoffed at the one on her hip, "God Jane, what the fuck is wrong with you? You're an idiot.' She stared at the one that went from her belly button down to her waistline. She shook that image out of her head. She took off her pants and noticed the other scar on her left leg. This scar began from the outside of her calf, just below her knee and ran all the way up to her inner thigh and stopped at her bikini line. She traced the scar lightly, bile began to rise in her throat rather quickly. Another incident she'd wished she forgotten. She'd been so stupid and deserved everything that happened to her that night. She could hear her heart beating in her ears as she remembered what they'd said. 'Bad girls need to be punished'
Stepping into the shower, Jane realized that the water wasn't hot enough so she turned the knob all the way hot. All of a sudden she felt violated, dirty. Images of that night came flooding back rapidly. She sat down in the tub and reached out to grab the bottle of whiskey. She took a large swig. She drank it like water, she didn't care how much it burned her throat going down. Her eyes felt heavy, she set the bottle in the tub and brought her knees her chest. Her head hit the tile and she let the water burn her skin.
In a spur of the moment, Maura decided that Jane was more important and that Lauren could wait. The drive was considerably short due to Maura's speeding which she never did. Using the key Jane gave her, she let herself into the apartment. She heard the shower running and let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding in. Maura walked to the bathroom door and knocked three times. "Jane?" No answer. She jiggled the handle, 'Why would Jane lock the bathroom door in her own home?' She knocked louder this time and there still wasn't an answer. "Jane I'm coming in." Maura used her shoulder to force open the door. The door didn't budge, she yelped in pain. She decided to take a different approach. She took what she learned in her many physics courses and applied them to this situation. Focus on pushing your all of your energy through the door.
Maura walked over to the shower and slowly opened the curtain. Jane was curled into a ball, she couldn't tell if she was breathing. She shook Jane, she wasn't stirring but she was mumbling. "No.. please let me go."
"Jane."
"Stop please, I'll behave."
"Jane" she said more sternly and grabbed her arm to shake her.
"No no no no no, please stop." Jane started to cry. Maura didn't know what to do, she panicked. In that moment Jane's olive skin resembled that of a sunburn, but it would dissipate after getting out of the steaming hot room. She took notice that the water was still relatively warm. Reaching across the tub, she turned the knob from all the way hot, to about half way. Maura felt that it would be incredibly rude of her to go from scorching hot to nearly freezing even though Jane would do that very thing to her. Once Jane started to stir, she turned the knob again from a lukewarm setting to a little colder of a setting. Maura placed her hand to Jane's temple and rubbed circles with her thumb. "Jane"
"Maur" Jane tried opening her eyes but closed them quickly. She couldn't bring herself to look at Maura. "Whata you doin here?" Maura could hear the slurring of her words.
"Open your eyes"
"What no medical terminology from the famous Dr. Isles?" Her voice was deep. Maura could tell she was drunk, no she was tanked.
Rather than answering Jane's question, she shut off the water and she simply gestured for her to step out of the tub. Maura saw the panic in her eyes and she suddenly left the room, leaving Jane puzzled. Jane was completely thrown by her actions towards her. She got nervous, maybe Maura had figured out what they did to her. She brought her knees to her chest and absent mindedly started rocking back and forth. Maura suddenly burst through the door with three towels in her hand and before Jane could ask she said, "Since you've decided to stay in the tub, I figured I'd join you." Maura placed one towel in the tub so her skirt wouldn't be ruined by water and gave the other two to Jane. Jane gave her the famous 'what the hell are these for' look. "So you wouldn't get cold." Jane looked at her again. "Oh right, my apologies." Maura put her head down and saw Jane's left leg extend and brushed against her. She looked up slightly and noticed the scar.
"How old Jane?" Jane felt a ping in her chest, she saw it. Then she felt Maura's hand on her calf and she tensed. Jane's heart began to race. "Jane how old were you?" She said softly. Maura softly rubbed her thumb back and forth.
"Sixteen." she whispered. Maura was just about to go further in her line of questioning but was interrupted by a text message.
Korsak: I'm in the hospital lobby heading up to Lauren's room where are you?
Maura's thumb floated above her keyboard for a moment. Instead of trying to make excuses, she told him the truth.
Maura: I know you told me not to go to Jane but I couldn't get her text message out of my thoughts.
Korsak: What did the message say?
Maura: Well I asked her where she was going and then she replied with this, "That's not important right now Maura. I just need you to check on her. I need you to keep her safe." Doesn't that strike you as odd?
Korsak: That does seem a bit odd even for Jane, she'll usually reply with I'm fine but there is something deeper and it doesn't help that Hoyt's back either. How is she?
Maura: Honestly I have no idea.
Korsak: What do you mean?
Maura: Well, I entered her apartment and found her drunk in the shower. I've never seen her like this before. Something is definitely wrong.
Korsak: You saw the scar didn't you?
Maura: How do you know about the scar?
Korsak: I shouldn't have said anything, it's not my place. I'm going to try to get Laurens statement. Just please take care of her.
Maura: Don't worry, she's safe with me.
Jane started sobering up slightly and noticed the confusion on Maura's face. "Who was that?"
"Korsak. Jane why didn't you tell me?"
"About what Maur?"
"About the scar and how does he even know about it?" Jane could feel her heart pounding in her chest.
"I um…"
"You what Jane?" Maura started getting agitated even though she shouldn't be.
"He shouldn't have said anything."
"He didn't tell me anything except he asked me if I saw your scar." Jane tried to reach for the bourbon but Maura beat her to it, "No, tell what happened Jane."
"Why should I have to tell you anything?"
Maura's voice softened greatly. "Because Jane. I can see that it's affecting you enough to where you're drunk at two in the afternoon."
"I'm tired"
"Jane stop hitting on the hedge and just tell me."
"It's beating around the bush."
"Why that idiom exists amazes me. Jane you can tell me anything you know that right?" She nodded her head. Maura stared at her for a moment, "Come on."
"Where are we going?"
"You are going to get out of this tub and put on some clothes and though I do enjoy sitting in the tub. It's quite uncomfortable."
"No come on Maura."
"Jane Clementine Rizzoli get your ass out of this bathtub." Jane looked at her with confusion. Maura had never sworn at her before. There were a handful of times Maura ever swore, once when she stubbed her toe on the coffee table and the other time she tripped over Bass. This wasn't the Maura Isles she knew.
"Maura why are you acting like this?"
"Me? How about you Jane? Why did you suddenly storm out of the house. I understand that you're slightly traumatized when we discovered that Hoyt somehow managed to come back from the dead, although physically impossible. But you can't just disappear like that and then send a text saying "Don't worry about me" because that only makes me worry more." Maura paused to catch her breath. "Jane what's going on? I want the truth, not this bullshit excuse "there's nothing going on" because we both know it's a damn lie." Maura unintentionally snapped at her.
Jane flinched when Maura finished speaking. Now that's three cuss words in a day. Jane started to back away, "Maura, I'm fine."
"JANE YOU'RE NOT FUCKING OKAY! WHY ARE YOU SO AFRAID TO LET ME IN?" Maura couldn't stand her right now. She wanted to go and shake her into telling her everything.
She lowered her head and stared at the floor, "I don't want to burden you with this." Jane wasn't ready to tell Maura everything, she couldn't bare the thought of her best friend knowing everything that happened to her.
Maura walked up to Jane, she used one hand to grab Jane's hand and guided her to the bed. Maura left her there for only a moment to grab a bra and a pair of underwear. "What no shirt or pants?"
"Not until you show me the scars." Jane could feel the bile rise her in throat. She wasn't ready to do this. She couldn't do this. Jane reluctantly put on her bra and underwear, she laid back in bed and curled up into a ball. "Jane, I'm not here to judge you or hurt you. I just want to know what happened in your past that causes you to shut everyone out." Maura frowned.
"Okay." Jane took a deep breath. She slowly uncurled from her ball and stretched out making the scars very noticeable. "Where do you want me to start?"
Maura thought about it carefully, "The one on your thigh." She gently placed her hand on her thigh and stroked the scar with her thumb. Jane could already feel the tears stinging her eyes.
"I was sixteen..."
Jane was packing her softball bag after practice when her friend Maria called out to her, "Hey Jane! We're heading over to Jessica's house if you want to join us!"
"I'd love to! I just have to run home quick and change. I'll be there in an hour."
"Okay see you there. Wait, we're going to order a pizza, any preference?"
"Any except Hawaiian, allergic to pineapple unfortunately!"
"We'll keep that in mind. See you later!"
"See ya!" Jane was excited. She hadn't slept over at somebody else's in a long time due to a busy schedule. School, softball and tutoring every Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. It felt nice being able to have a break once in a while. Jane grabbed her softball bag and school bag and decided that she'd walk home from practice.
She also decided that she would take a shortcut home. Instead of walking all the way around on 1st street, she thought about taking 5th street and cutting across the alley. Jane was lost in thought and didn't hear two men approach her from behind. One grabbed her waist and the other covered her mouth with a cloth. Her vision went black.
She slowly started coming to, she could hear laughing. Her eyes fluttered open, there was something over her mouth and she felt a chill run up her spine. There was something between her legs, it was warm. She looked down to see that it was blood, did she start her period? Then it hit her, she had been raped. Tears were spilling out, what did she do to deserve this? She heard footsteps and then a door being unlocked. Four men approached her.
"Wow, you're beautiful. Damn Troy, you picked a good one." He patted him on the back and then they all started howling like wolves in the night. Jane started to cry. They all started laughing and mocking her. "Aw what's the matter Jane? We're having fun here." The leader walked up to her, ripped off the duct tape and kissed her aggressively. He forced her mouth open with his tongue. This was the perfect opportunity, she relaxed with the kiss. She let him explore her mouth for a moment and then she struck. She tasted blood in her mouth, she'd succeeded. He screamed, "OW!"
"What happened Mike?"
"Bitch fucking bit me! She'll pay for it." He said it with a malicious grin, she swallowed the bile that nearly poured out of her mouth. She didn't like the sound of that. He walked over to her and untied her from the chair and grabbed her by her hair. He slammed her against the wall, his grip leaving her hair and wrapping around her neck. "Bad girls need to be punished." Jane heard him unzip his pants, he shoved his knee between her legs to gain access to her entrance. He forced himself inside her. She screamed, the pain was unbearable. "NO NO PLEASE STOP! IT HURTS!" All four of them laughed and began to mock it, "Oh please it hurts, no no please." She cried, she wanted to die. He was slow with his thrusts, it was torture. His breath started to hitch, he picked up his pace. She felt something bulge from his pocket, then she felt a warm liquid run down her thigh and she screamed as loud as she could. She looked down to see that his pocket knife had opened and was now plunged into her thigh. He stopped for a moment to look down at her leg.
"My my what have we here?" He pulled the knife out slowly, making Jane scream in agony. "Wow, that's amazing" He brought the knife to his nose and smelt the blood, then he licked the blood off the knife. 'Sadistic bastard' He lowered the knife, she was relieved. Then she felt a sharp pain in her thigh again, "Why have the cut stop mid thigh? Why not have it all the way down." he kissed her cheek. "Something to remember me by. Hey guys would you give us some alone time?" He winked at her. He waited until all of his friends left, then the real fun began.
She screamed as he started slicing her leg open more. He was slow with the slicing, she just wanted this to end. She could feel her heartbeat in her ears. She needed to act fast otherwise she was going to bleed to death. His head was knee level, perfect. She used her good leg to knee him in the face. She felt his nose break, she smiled internally accepting the small victory. She squirmed away from him, she collapsed to the ground. "Shit" she cursed at herself. She needed to get out of here. She grabbed the knife and plunged it into his back and he cried out in pain. She heard the door open and the other three walked in, she pulled the knife out his back and pointed it at the other three. "Don't move." She walked towards the door, knife still pointed at them. "Get back, against the wall." They didn't move, she lunged at them, "GO" She slammed the door shut and locked it. Then she ran or attempted to. She quickly exited the house to find that she was in the middle of nowhere; naked, alone and covered in blood.
"Oh my god Jane." Maura pulled Jane into a hug, no a death grip. She started to cry, "Jane I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you into telling me this. It was completely wrong of me to do so. I knew you weren't ready to discuss this and I forced you to and I'm so so so sorry."
"I'm not finished yet" She said robotically.
"You don't need to finish right now, you can tell me later."
"No, I need to do this now or else I won't want to tell the rest of it."
"Whenever you're ready" Maura kissed Jane's temple for reassurance. She smiled and started again.
After limping for what seemed like hours she stumbled onto a familiar street, she was almost home. What would her mother say? What would her father say? Her body started to tremble, it suddenly dawned on her that she didn't know what day it was or what time it was. She knew she was going to be in trouble.
She approached her neighborhood, there was a police car in her driveway. Shit. She walked into her house and slowly closed the door behind her. She heard her mother not even two seconds later, "JANE CLEMENTI-" Her expression went from anger to worry. "Jane?" Her voice was so soft. Jane didn't look up, she couldn't let her mom see her like this, broken, vulnerable. "Jane what happened?"
"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." Jane couldn't hold back the tears anymore, she just let them fall.
"Oh my god. Jane we need to get you to the hospital. Come on, get in the car."
"No no no please."
"Jane, don't argue you with me, you're bleeding." She grabbed Jane's arm and she pulled back.
"Wait, can I have a shirt? Maybe one of Pa's really big ones?"
"Oh yes of course." Angela ran into their bedroom and pulled out and old Metallica shirt from the dresser and ran back out to Jane. She noticed Jane was walking with a limp and she decided to carry her to the car. The ride to the hospital was absolutely silent. Jane didn't know how to tell her mother than she had been gang raped and probably killed one of them in self defense.
Jane broke out into heartbreaking sobs, she couldn't control it. She hated crying but she needed to let it out. She turned away from Maura and curled up into a ball. Maura struggled to keep the fresh set of tears from flooding but wasn't successful. She felt like an ass. 'How could I force Jane to share something like that when she clearly was ready to share it? She kept it hidden from me for a reason and I was so bound and determined to find out what was bothering her that I ended up hurting her further. I'm a horrible person.' She thought. She looked over at Jane and desperately wanted to hold her and apologize, 'I never gave her a shirt.' Maura sprang into action like she was on a mission that could've ended her life. She headed into Jane's closet and looked for some sleep attire for Jane and for her as well. Maura could've swore she left a pair of pajamas here. She went over to her dresser and opened the top drawer and there they were. Maura grabbed her set of pajamas and managed to find Jane an over sized pair of sweatpants and Boston PD sweatshirt. She quickly changed into her sleepwear and made her way over to Jane. "Hey Jane?"
"Yeah Maur."
"Put these on, we're heading over to my house." Jane turned over to face Maura. "Thank you." Maura set the sweatpants down at the end of the bed and handed the sweatshirt to Jane. Jane sat up to put on the sweatshirt and that's when Maura saw the C-Section scar. Maura had pushed Jane enough, she'd ask her about the scar another time.
When Jane finished getting dressed they, along with Jo Friday, piled into her car and drove towards her house. There was an eerie silence until Jo started to whine. "I know, we're almost there Jo Friday." Maura spoke to the dog before Jane had the chance. Deciding that she couldn't handle the silence anymore, Jane pleaded with Maura.
"Say something please."
"What do you want me to say Jane?" The confusion practically oozed out of her like her mouth was a wound of some sort.
"I know you saw the scar, Maura." Maura opened her mouth to protest but shut it instantaneously knowing that she couldn't lie. Maura pulled into her driveway and practically jumped out of the driver's seat and hurried into the house in an attempt to dodge Jane's statement. "Maura?" Jane hurried towards her, picking up Jo Friday as she too rushed into the door. "Maura." She said more sternly.
"It's not my place, Jane. I've pushed to you too much already for one night."
"I-"
"Don't, Jane." Maura headed towards her bedroom. Jane couldn't decide if she wanted to stay away from her or go after her. Maura called out from her bedroom telling Jane to come in there. Jane flopped down onto "her side" of the bed. 'Oh how I missed this bed' she thought to herself. Maura emerged from the closet in pajamas. From what Jane could tell, these were probably designer ones too.
"Why are you in your pj's? It's not even dark out."
"Well I figured I'd lay here with you." Jane looked at her for a moment, Maura couldn't read her expression. "I- I mean if that's okay with you."
"Thank you" she whispered. Jane pulled herself down under the thick comforter and snuggled into bed. She longed for a goodnight's sleep but she knew she wouldn't get one now that Hoyt's back.
Maura propped herself up on one elbow and just watched as the brunette started to drift off into a slumber. Maura knew damn well that Jane wouldn't sleep for much longer, so she decided that it would be in her best interest that she stay and watch her. 'Do it Maura, you know you want to.' She pressed herself up against Jane's back, put a protective arm around her middle and pulled her close. Maura felt Jane tense at first but then Jane relaxed and snuggled closer to Maura. Maura soon found herself slipping into a well needed slumber.
I may be Satan in human form. I would love some feedback. :)
