And here is everybody's favourite swashbuckler! I still don't own OUAT or Enchanted nor do I have vermin friends.


"No! There is no way in hell you're getting him!" - the man roared at his soon-to-be ex-wife who was sitting across the table.

"You only want the Lumiere because I want the Lumiere!" - the woman, who was much younger than her husband yelled back.

"I'm not letting you have him!"

"Forget it, Robert! The Lumiere stays with me!"

Killian Jones looked at the people on either side of him in confusion. "I'm sorry, guys, I'm confused - who's Lumiere?"

"Lumiere - the one of a kind candlestick HE gave me for our anniversary!" - the woman pointed at Robert. - "Lumiere is the name of the artist who made it, and it stays with me!"

Killian had to look down to stop his eyes from rolling. "A candlestick? That's why you two can't reach a settlement? Because of some candlestick?"

He watched the couple bicker for another minute, unable to insert a single word into their conversation, when his assistant poked her head into the meeting room.

"Killian? It's time."

He sighed. "Thanks, Elsa. I'm afraid we shall have to resume these... negotiations tomorrow, 9 am sharp. I have to go pick up my daughter."

He walked out of the room, managing to overhear the man yell at his wife again - something along the lines of "I made you, Belle!". He shook his head and grabbed his coat.

"After listening to this all day, you still want to get married?" - Elsa asked. Killian looked up.

"Those two got married because they were obsessed with the idea of romance and soulmates. Whereas Tink and I - we know each other. We understand each other's good and bad sides."

Elsa sighed. "That doesn't sound too romantic."

Killian shrugged, waving goodbye to the couple about to be divorced who just exited the office.

"Have you told your daughter yet?" - Elsa pressed.

"Not yet. I'm going to tell her this evening" - Killian replied and took the elevator down to the ground floor of the law firm where he was known as one of the best - and ruthless - family lawyers. His bosses believed that his cynicism brought in about a quarter of the firm's annual revenue. Well, cynicism coupled with good looks and charm which made most of his clients - men and woman alike - trust him.

He hailed a cab and told the driver to go to his daughter's archery school. They made it with about five minutes to spare. After asking the cabbie to wait, Killian walked inside just to be assailed by a tiny blonde.

"Daddy!" - she squealed as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her cheek.

"Hi, sweetheart" - he smiled. - "Ready? I have a surprise for you in the car." He thought it would be a good idea to accompany the news of his engagement with a present his daughter would surely adore.

"A book?" - she looked up at him with a raised eyebrow after unwrapping it. Killian smiled.

"Well, I know it's not "Once Upon a Time", but it's better. Look!"

The book contained brief biographies of notable women of the 29th century. Killian just finished telling his daughter about Marie Curie when they were interrupted by his phone ringing.

"Hello love" - he answered.

...

"I am talking to her as we speak"

...

"Absolutely. Tomorrow morning?"

...

"Charming. I shall see you then, my dear."

...

"Was that Tink?" - Wendy asked.

"Aye" - he nodded. - "She's a lot like them - the women in the book."

Wendy nodded. "Mmmhmm."

"Wendy, darling" - Killian took a deep breath. - "I'm going to ask Tink to marry me".

Wendy gasped. "What?"

"Well, you like Tink, don't you?"

Wendy shrugged. "Sure, but where's she gonna live?"

"She's going to live with us. In our house."

She pouted. "Would I have to give up my bedroom?"

"No, of course not, sweetheart!" - Killian reassured her. - "Trust me, it's going to be wonderful! I promise she is not going to try and be your mother."

"You mean, stepmother."

Killian sighed. "She's going to be a very nice stepmother, Wendy. She's going to take you to school tomorrow, for some girl time. Alright?"


Emma landed so suddenly she received a mouthful of her hair. Panting and sputtering, she looked around. She was still in total darkness, and completely alone.

"Bae?!" - she called out. No response. She looked around, desperate to find some sort of exit. Fortunately, she spotted a faint stripe of light above her. Emma reached for it and found that whatever was covering her could move.

She pushed harder.

And again.

Finally, the strange cover moved aside with a clutter. Emma grabbed the edges of a hole it uncovered and pulled herself up. That turned out to be a rather difficult task, because she was wearing a very large and fluffly dress. When she finally managed to climb through the hole, she fell flat on her face after tripping on her dress.

"Oh gosh!" - she squealed and rose to her feet, immediately assailed by deafening noises, flashing colours and a crowd of people.

"Watch it, lady!" - somebody yelled into her ear as they pushed past her.

"I'm sorry!" - she yelled, turning around, but that was a mistake. A large horse-less carriage came to a sudden stop behind her and made a terrifying sreeching noise. An eldery man stuck his head out of the window and yelled:
"Get off the road!"

The road? Emma looked down but was startled by yet another strange carriage making that dreadful noise.

"Move, you crazy lady!" - more people yelled at her from all around. She hastily gathered her skirts and ran towards the other side of the road. That earned her more angry noises and screams. By that point, Emma was so terrified she wasn't looking ahead of her. As a result, she ran right into a small stand of a street vendor.

"Hey!" - he roared. - "You'd better pay for all of that!"

"I'm sorry!" - Emma cried out again. - "Can you... I was wondering if any of you kind people could direct me to the castle?"

She got no answer but a sudden movement underneath her numerous skirts. She squealed only to find a tiny elderly man emerge from underneath her dress.

"Sneezy!" - she beamed happily. Although he was one of her least favourite dwarves, at that moment Emma was grateful for any semblance of normalcy. She was mistaken, however.

"A-choo!" - the man who wasn't Sneezy sneezed. - "Geez lady, are you for real?"

"I t-think so?" - Emma spoke softly, more to herself. The man stormed off and disappeared into the crown that was heading down into the subway.

"Wait!" - Emma cried out, caught by the crowd and carried down underground. "Baelfire? Bae, where are you?!" - she kept asking everyone inside the train carriage.

"Who's your bae, sweetie?" - a man in his early twenties asked. - "Did he leave ya at the altar? What an idiot."

"My Bae is not an idiot!" - Emma spoke with as much dignity as she could muster. - "He is a prince!"

"Sure, sure" - the man muttered. - "You might actually wanna call him by his name rather than a term of endearment, ya know."

Emma frowned in confusion but the man has already stepped out of the carriage. She followed him up the escalator and into the streets. Unfortunately, she lost sight of him in the dark.

"Wait! Please! Can somebody please help me?!" - she looked around, but there was nobody in the vicinity. She sighed and sat down on the first bench she saw, next to an elderly man who glared at her.

"I'm so sorry to bother you" - she spoke softly - "but I'm so scared. I don't know where I am, or how I got here, or how to get back home to Misthaven. If only someone would show me a little bit of kindness..." - she sighed. The homeless man smirked at her, having spotted the tiara in her blonde hair. Emma raised her eyebrows.

"Well, you have a... lovely smile?" - she said uncertainly, but the man grabbed her crown and ran away into the dark. Her jaw dropped.

"Hey!" - she stood up and tried to run after him, but fell back on the bench. - "Not a very nice old man!"

She felt tears prickling her eyes and running down her cheeks. She was exhausted and all she wanted at that moment was to find somewhere to rest and for Baelfire to find her. Swallowing a lump in her throat and gathering the last of her remaining strengths, Emma stood up and started walking.

After what seemed like hours, something bright caught her eye. She blinked and a wide smile spread on her face.

It was the castle! Baelfire's castle! And it was right above a dark door, shining brightly, waiting for her!


"Daddy?" - Wendy asked. - "Why is there a princess up on the castle billboard?"

Killian looked up to where his daughter was pointing. Sure enough, there was a figure in the white dress.

"It's just a statue, sweetheart. Like an advertisement."

"No she isn't!" - Wendy argued, having spotted Emma moving around and knocking on the door. - "She's a princess!" - Wendy opened the door and got out of the car onto the sidewalk.

"Wendy, what in God's name are you doing?!" - Killian ran after her.

"Princess!"
"Wendy! Don't ever do that again!" - he tried to pull her into his arms but she didn't move.

"Daddy, look!"

"Is there anyone there? Do you know Baelfire?" - Killian suddenly heard a voice from above. He frowned.

"Wendy, stay where you are, please" - he ordered and approached the wall.

"Ahoy there!" - he called. Emma turned around.

"Oh, hello! I was wondering..." - but she didn't get a chance to ask if the man below has seen Baelfire. Her heel got stuck and she fell backwards.

"Woah!"

"Catch her, Daddy!"

"Ow!" - Emma felt a pair of strong arms around her and opened her eyes.

"Are you OK?" - the strange man asked.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine"

"What were you doing up there, love?"

"I was... I was looking for someone. You see, I've been wandering around for so long all night, and nobody's been very nice to me."

Killian snorted. "Yes well, welcome to New York."

Emma looked up, noticing the man's handsome features and kind eyes for the first time.

"Thank you!" - she said sincerely.


Misthaven

"Fear not, Emma! I shall rescue you!" - prince Baelfire exclaimed after Pip told him that Emma fell down the wishing well, and jumped.


Our world

Any other time, Emma would have been wary of a stranger's kindness - she's encountered many a villain back in the Enchanted Forest - but tonight, she was so exhausted, she wasted no time falling asleep in a strange man's house. The strange man, however, wasn't too pleased.

"Wendy, go to bed please. You have school tomorrow" - he told his daughter who pouted but obeyed. Once Wendy was tucked in, Killian returned to the guest room to see that Emma was curled up and asleep on his couch with a smile on her face. He sighed and reached for his laptop, typing in "Misthaven".

Literally zero hits. But Killian had expected that. Emma, whoever she was, seemed to be very confused when they bumped into her in Brooklyn. She was babbling about dwarves and big bad wolves and a place called Misthaven which was apparently where she was from. Killian frowned. Maybe she was even more confused than he thought? After all, Killian Jones of the past was no stranger to getting lost in his imagination to escape reality. This woman was wearing a wedding dress - did she have some sort of a mental breakdown because her fiancee - whom she kept calling "Bae" as though it was his real name - left her on their wedding day? Sadly, this was the exact sort of situation Killian's job often involved. He decided that he was going to help Emma, whoever she was, in the morning.


Emma opened her eyes at the crack of dawn. She looked around in confusion - where was she? Then the memories came crashing down on her - meeting Baelfire, falling into the wishing well, ending up in a strange world, and finally receiving some kindness from a man named Killian and his young daughter Wendy. She rose from the sofa and bit her lip in thought. What was she going to do until Baelfire comes for her? This land was so bizarre!

She looked around the house again, frowning at its miserable state. Dirty socks were all over the place, the kitchen sink was overflowing with dirty dishes, and the curtains looked like they haven't been washed in years. Emma sighed. Years of living alone and constantly moving from one place to another taught her that the only way to make someone happy in their home is to make sure the home is clean and looked after. She really wanted to thank the lovely family that helped her last night by making them happy. So she opened the window and called out. Immediately, several pigeons flew into the house through the window. Cockroaches crawled from the cracks on the floor. Rats came out of... well, wherever rats live. The animals formed a circle around the blonde.

"Well... I guess you can do it" - she concluded after realising that none of her friends from the Enchanted Forest were here. She pointed at the messy house and began to sing:

"Come, my little friends as we all sing

A happy little working song,

Merry little voices

Clear and strong!

Come and roll up your sleeves up so to speak

And pitch in cleaning crud in the kitchen,

As we sing along!

Trill a cheery tune in the tub,

As you scrub a stubborn mildew stain

Pluck a hairball

From the shower drain

To that gay refrain

Of a happy working song.

We'll keep singing without fail

Otherwise we'd spoil it

Hosing down the garbage pail

And scrubbing up the toilet

How we all enjoy letting loose

With a little "la da dum dum dum"

While we're emptying the vacu-um.

It's such fun to hum a happy working song.

Ohh, a happy working song!

Smiling at the pests cleaning up vigorously, Emma stepped out on the balcony.

Oh how strange a place to be

Till Baelfire comes for me

My heart is sighing

Still, as long as I am here

I guess a new experience

Could be worth trying...

Hey, keep drying!

You can do a lot when you've got such

A happy working tune to hum

While you're sponging up the soapy scum

We adore each filthy chore

That we determine

So, friends even though you're vermin

We're a happy working throng

Singing as we fetch the detergent box

For the smelly shirts and stinky socks

Sing along!

If you cannot sing, then hum along!

As we're finishing

Our happy working song!

"Wasn't this fun?" - Emma beamed just as a very perplexed Wendy entered the kitchen with a sock on her head a pigeon apparently dropped.

"Oh my God!" - Killian appeared behind Wendy and immediately began shooing the cockroaches out. "Wendy, open the front door and make sure all the rats are out!"

Wendy ran to open the door as an oblivious Emma went into the bathroom and the remaining pigeons turned on the shower.

"What the bloody hell is happening?" - Killian muttered and ran towards the bathroom. - "Wendy, go to your room and stay there until I come get you, alright?" - he shouted without turning around.

Wendy, however, wasn't about to lsiten to him because somebody knocked on the front door. She unlocked it and came face-to-face with a young blonde woman in a green coat.

"Hiya Tink" - she murmured.

"Hey girlfriend! Why are you still in your PJs?" - Tink greeted her. Wendy shrugged, letting her in.

"It's been... crazy busy around here?"

Killian knocked on the bathroom door and entered, only to see a towel-clad Emma brushing her hair.

"Oh, good morning, Killian! Sleep well?" - she smiled. He gaped at her.

"I don't think I've woken up yet?" - he murmured.

"Wow, did you guys get a maid?" - Tink asked, looking around and taking in a completely spotless room. Wendy blushed.

"Well... not quite."

Tink frowned and peaked into the hallway just as a pigeon flew too close to Killian's face and he fell backwards, accidentally grabbing Emma and falling on his back, Emma landing on top of him.

"Tink?" - Killian whispered.

"Oh hello!" - Emma waved.

"What is this?" - Tink asked angrily. Emma stood up and approached her, grabbing her hand.

"I'm Emma, it's so nice to meet you!"

"Yeah, likewise" - Tink deadpanned.

"You see, I was about to get married and got lost on the way..."

"Married?!" - Tink screeched. - "Killian Jones, what is going on here?!"

"She got lost, I was just heping her" - he tried to explain hastily. She scoffed.

"With what, finding her clothes?"

"Tink, darling, let me..." - but she pulled away and stormed out of the apartment without another word.