Chapter Two: Heard 'em Say Kanye West

And I heard 'em say, nothin's ever promised tomorrow today

But we'll find a way

And nothin' lasts forever, but be honest babe

It hurts, but it may be the only way

They say people in your life for seasons

And anything that happen is for a reason

Alex didn't know what to say. She wasn't the one who betrayed trust. She wasn't the one falling apart at the seams. Still, she felt responsible some how. Could she have been there in another way for Olivia?

"Why didn't you come to me when you heard about your mother?" Alex asked, hurt evident in her tone.

"I don't know." Olivia answered, fidgeting nervously on the opposite end of the couch.

"You don't know much, do you?" Alex retorted bitterly.

"I do know, I didn't mean for that to happen in the bar Alex," Olivia started but the mention of it infuriated Alex, even though that's what they were here to discuss. It was why Olivia was outside beating on Alex's door for two hours. It was why her hand was bleeding…

"Jesus, you're hand!" Alex noticed the bruised knuckles and leaned forward to get off the couch but Olivia's other hand reached out and stopped her.

"Christ Alex, just listen to me for a minute! I'm not leaving this apartment until you hear what happened and the longer you skirt around it, the longer I stay…" Olivia's frustrated and tired voice shot out. It softened as she went on, "and I know you don't want me here. So just listen."

"I'll listen," Alex answered, somewhat surprised at Olivia's forceful tone. "But let me fix your hand please?" Olivia released the slight grip she had on Alex's arm, allowing her to venture into the bathroom. She reappeared with first aide tape and gauze. She sat back down on the couch, crossing her legs in front of her. She placed a pillow on her lap and took Olivia's left hand in hers. "Okay, start talking."

At the touch of the A.D.A., Olivia's pulse quickened and her body felt warmer than it already was from the hot shower. "Uhhm, I…" Alex obviously wasn't affected by the contact as her cold demeanor held strong.

"How much have you had tonight?"

"I… I don't remember. I'm not that bad anymore, really…" Olivia tried hard to concentrate on her task at hand. Not at the hand in hers and what tasks that delicate hand could accomplish. No, she had to think straight. "Alex, that night… It's hard to explain why I didn't go to you. Part of me just needed to run away but the other part wanted to be with you. I just…" Olivia sighed heavily, searching for words, trying desperately to open up to the blonde. The sound of Olivia's sigh sent butterflies streaming through Alex's stomach but she willed them away. Her anger was stronger than anything. "It's just that… Okay, well things with my mom were not your usual scenario. I'll spare you the details. She wasn't very nice when I was growing up. I, uh,"

Olivia pulled the bandaged hand from Alex's light grip. She turned away from the attentive blonde, scooting to the edge of the couch, facing out; she placed her elbows on her knees and her hands over her eyes. She was seriously regretting begging for this conversation to happen. But she had to be honest with this woman. She was the one Olivia never expected to come. Alex had saved her from her demons… until she messed everything up. Her childhood never needed to be mentioned, so it never hurt her but it was hurting her now… it had to be said. It was the only way Alex would understand.

"Ugh… she was a drunk; an angry drunk… a violent drunk. And uh, I guess… well I guess I've become that. She hated me and loved me at the same time. I was just a kid, you know? I didn't understand for a long time. But even if I did understand, it doesn't make that life we had, right." A tear slipped from Olivia's cheek. Alex knew Olivia's situation about her conception but she never dared confront her or ask her about it. Olivia had let it slip one night, after a night at Maloney's. She waited to see if Olivia would bring it up the next day but she never did.

"Olivia," Alex began softly.

"No, let me say it all. Let me say it before it goes, because I guarantee you… this conversation will never exist again in this lifetime."

Alex nodded silently, knowing Olivia meant that. She could see the torture this was causing her.

"I took care of my mother for years. I took care of her and that made me grow up real fast. I would steal some of her liquor when she was passed out, or gone. She never knew because she had so many stashed that she couldn't remember if she drank them or not. One night we got in a fight and I kicked her. It was the first time I ever hurt her. I felt ugly, uncontrollable and ashamed. I had been drinking a lot that night. So had she. I was no better than her. Drinking was the only thing that made me violent. I quit when I got older. When I moved out, things between us got a lot better. She saw all the care she was missing. Or at least, I like to think so. Anyway… when I heard she died, I didn't know what to do. I mean, even when I didn't live there, I was always checking on her. I was always needed by someone. I was someone's caregiver. It trapped me but was strangely comforting. I can't explain it. When Don told me the news… she was drunk. Her favorite pass time finally did her in. Under all the ugliness we saw together… she was still my mother… and I lost her. I didn't know how to deal so I tried not to. I was so drunk that night at the bar. I wanted to be so far from you." Alex went to open her mouth in some kind of protest but Olivia turned to look her straight in the eye before anything could be said. "I swear to God, if I ever hurt you… I don't even want to think about it. The honest truth is I was trying to protect you from my actions. Really Alex, I could never forgive myself… What if I hit you? What if I lost control and really, really hurt you?"

Alex understood part of it but her words came out faster than she would have liked, "you did loose control… and you did hurt me."