(A/N) I promise we're not dead oh my god I'm so sorry. I have an end goal, and I have steps that lead up to the end goal, however I have no idea how I'm gonna get to that whole, "first step in the downfall thing." Well I have a general idea, and this is bout to get rlly angsty.
We are not keeping the Raira squad at their normal ages. Mikado, Masaomi, Anri, and Saki are all around their twenties. For example, Saki is four years younger than Izaya, making her 19. I thought of Izaya more being the senior poking around the impressionable freshman class, so they were together then, however, Izaya was actually bending between being with Shiki and Saki when he was seventeen, and ended up sending Saki after Masaomi around winter break, so he spent the last half of his senior year being led around like a stray puppy by Shiki.
Blackfallstar9, Oh man I am so happy you are sticking with us on this. I'm glad you liked the whole masochist Izaya thing too cause there is no way that dummy didn't have that fucking kink. God he's so gay.
Izaya4ever, You are too sweet omg. I'm waiting for wolfpoots to color the sketches I did of Ursus' suit but she literally just keeps forgetting to do it and then she ends up working on something else. Gotta love that hardcore violence in the beginning- there isn't a better way to start off an adventure than with straight up innocuous murder.
DrowningInTheHourglass, I know this comment was posted on "Find Him" but since I'm not updating that anymore, I'll respond here. I hope you're reading the sequel at least. (´;ω;`). I'm glad that you gave this fic a shot after dismissing it. And I get what you mean. A while back, there was a Supernatural fanfiction on ao3 called "Out of the Deep" that had a crap ton of reads, but it was a Mermaid AU, so I avoided it. However, once I finally decided to give in and read it, it consumed my entire life which is a little embarrassing to admit. So, I feel. I get it.
Alright here we go. Chapter 2:
His alarm screeches sooner than he would have liked. Izaya never really had to use an alarm on a regular basis, but now that he's going out every night and returning at about four in the morning, there is no way he's even going to attempt getting out of bed by himself. Namie likes to complain that ten is too late for someone to be setting an alarm, but she thinks he's going to bed at around midnight, when he's really leaving his house around then. At least he hasn't been catastrophically injured for a while, which is actually really great considering his previous track record.
He hops in the shower and sighs in contentment. Oh, how the god has fallen. In the past few months Izaya has gone from human to monster, and from there to a monster with incredibly human characteristics. He's become so human in the last couple of weeks alone- giving in to things like lust and emotions. Namie starts to ask questions about Izaya's shaking. He's too caffeinated for his own good, and doesn't have a suitable outlet for it until she leaves, so she questions him in the most undignified of ways, and has even brought up his nonexistent sex life.
He's bored in the evening, when alone in the silence of his apartment. The shadow voices don't bother him as much, making his isolation a thousand times more evident. He performs menial tasks, most recently just something as simple as- he hates the phrase - "working out", just something to pass the time. Namie started complaining about the smell of cleaning products around the eighth night Izaya had deep cleaned his already spotless apartment.
But the excitement and joy that flooded his system when he sees those copper goggles, despite how much he hates them, have him forgetting his previous loneliness. Izaya had always been a creature of habit, so to have that be ruptured in the smoothest way, he couldn't be more content! Ursus was everything Izaya didn't know he wanted in his life! He was the Sherlock to his Watson- The Ruby to his Sapphire. Ursus was forcing him to crave everything Izaya had told himself he never needed, and Izaya had no intentions to stop him. It was comforting to know that Izaya could give up some of his control and would still leave feeling safe.
Stepping out of the shower, with a towel wrapped around his waist, he pads into his closet. He tugs on a plain, black-sleeved baseball tee and the first pair of black jeans he could find. Izaya was having lunch with Saki in about half an hour and wanted to look at least slightly presentable. He wondered how Masaomi had been treating her. Despite what Izaya has done to her, he really did care for her. However, his attraction to her was something more akin to an older brother than any lovers they could have been. He loved her, of course, but in a similar way that he loved his little sisters.
If only they could listen to his advice like she did.
After toweling his hair and musing it to his liking, Izaya skipped down the stairs to Namie, looking ever so gratuitous to the fact that Izaya had been taking a plethora of days off in order to spend time with his old friends. He doesn't dwell on his guilt too long, deciding with a confident smile that he'll start hacking away at her brash defenses once he's sure he's got a good grip on everyone else. After all, his relationship with his secretary is kind of a train wreck considering she knows enough about Izaya to absolutely decimate him.
"Morning!" He laughs, in a sing-song sort of way that makes her wanna kick him in the throat.
"It's after eleven. It stopped being morning a few hours ago." Namie growls back. "What the hell have you been doing to keep you sleeping in until this late anyway?"
Izaya doesn't answer.
"... Should I say who then?" she says, putting a practiced emphasis on the word.
Izaya rolls his eyes as he tugs on his coat. "It's nothing of the sort. I don't work during the day, so I play catch up at night."
Which is a bull-faced lie, but he can't exactly let Namie in on the whole superhero thing. However, when Izaya sets his mind to something, the amount of determination that sets in the entirety of his being is near frightful. Years of procrastinating in high school have trained him so that when a deadline approaches Izaya can normally turn two weeks worth of research down to about two hours. From there, it's just minor tweaks before he returns the file of information back to his client.
Izaya tosses a wave over his shoulder to Namie- choosing not to mention that she's playing Minesweeper rather than anything productive either, so it's not like she can bitch at him.
It's the little things that remind Izaya of the plentiful joys in his life. The sun hits his face, and humanity is brimming with an unnatural sense of peaceful serenity. It's almost worrisome, given the fact that anyone who's lived in the Tokyo area long enough is probably seeing this as the calm before the storm. However, for the first time in a long time, Izaya's hands are clean. His normal vexatious behavior is coming up empty, and it's actually a lot more calming than he would originally have thought. Izaya was sure that clearing his plate of ulterior motives to the innocent would have left him itching for a disaster. However, he feels nothing but a comfortable placidity, so when Izaya sees a baby girl smile at him with a blind ignorance to his reputation, he smiles and waves to her in an audacious sort of way that surprises not only the mother, but himself. He was happy and satisfied with himself and his current connections for the first time in a long time.
Of course, there was still Shiki, but he didn't exactly count. Shiki was asking for Izaya's rather treacherous calculational skills and his violent disregard for the safety of the people around him. It was through that connection that Izaya became one of the most feared men in the eastern hemisphere. Just a mention of the informant of Shinjuku can cast fear in the hearts of anyone from the layman to the highest of government officials.
He knows he has to be careful- dealing with the Awakusu is bad enough, but now Izaya is trying to fuck over one of their executives all while simultaneously keeping Itzal's identity a secret and keeping Ursus from harm.
He worries that maybe Ursus knows who Izaya Orihara is and the bad rep that seems to emanate from him in an ugly sort of way. And if he found out who Itzal really was, he wouldn't want anything to do with him. It was for the best really- if he found out who Itzal was, then Ursus would find out why Izaya had pursued him in the first place. While Izaya knew he no longer wants to destroy Ursus, his reputation would catch up to him in the long run.
Oh well.
Normally one to plan ahead, he decides that he doesn't wanna think about it. This is a just another bridge he'll cross when he gets to it.
He pushes the door of the cafe open, and welcomes the thick aroma of black coffee. God, he could never get enough of it. Saki is sitting at the other end of the shop, sipping on a vanilla cappuccino, and staring out of the window at the people passing by. She glances up when she hears Izaya tell the host that he's meeting someone. She smiles and stands up, pushing her hands down her pink dress to flatten it out, and opens her arms in a hug Izaya doesn't exactly want to take.
He does anyway. It would be rude to leave her hanging given that she wasted a year of her life in the hospital on his command. Izaya pats her back awkwardly, and let's go almost as quickly as she gripped on. and pushes her chair in for her when she sits down. Taking the seat across from her, Izaya nods to the waitress who's asking for his order.
"So," Izaya forces a smile, "How have you been?"
"I've been alright. I was a little surprised when you called. I would have thought that Masaomi would have been upset about me coming here to meet you, but he said that he was fine with it," Saki says, concern carved into her face as she sips her coffee again.
"I'm trying to rebuild my bridges," Izaya says. "That's all."
"Are you sure?" She asks, looking at Izaya with a certain pointed hardness in her eyes that Shinra got when he saw Izaya's self harm scars in middle school. "I want to be absolutely sure that you are doing this for your own well being and not because of…"
She looks away.
"A shortened life line."
This has certainly been a turn of events. Izaya figured if he was gonna get this speech from anybody, it would have been Shinra. However, she also knew that Izaya had a few problems with himself and how all of those knives had lashed his thighs and hips with battlefields of thin pink scars. There were only three people that knew about them and acknowledged them: Shinra, Saki, and Kyohei. It actually surprised Izaya that Shiki hadn't said anything about it- considering his hands and face had been in or around that area almost daily for a few years. Regardless, sentiment did tug something in his ever so calloused heart, and while he didn't know why, he took a hold of her hands, much smaller and warmer than his own, and made sure she looked him in the eyes when he spoke.
"I'm fine," He whispered. "At least much better off than I used to be."
Apparently that was enough, because she smiled at him almost radiantly. She really was a pretty girl.
"Here you are, sir," The waitress sets a large black coffee in front of him, and Izaya almost cries.
Okay, maybe he has a problem, but he was exhausted beyond belief and has to go back out tonight, so the caffeine was always a plus.
A sip isn't exactly the right word for what Izaya did to that cup. It was more akin to chugging it, removing the cup from his lips once it was half empty. It was actually terrible. The coffee was flavored like a strange type of chocolate, and it was hotter than was probably safe to drink- but Izaya was tired and really needed it.
Saki is staring at him incredulously like a deer in the headlights. Once again, there's a gleam of concern in her eyes. Izaya pulls on a lopsided smile and sips his coffee again, actually wincing this time. He can deal with the burn- but it tastes like ass. He swiveles his cup around a little, mixing up the coffee a bit before taking another sip. The real question here is whether or not Izaya is desperate enough to grit his teeth and order another cup.
"Are you sure you're alright?" Saki asks, tilting her head a bit and her hands wrap firmly around her cup.
"I've been really swamped at work." Izaya lies. "I guess sleep has been getting away from me."
Saki smiles a little and sips her drink as Izaya finishes his with a grimace.
"How are you and Masaomi?"
She seems to hesitate slightly before putting her cup down, a swatch of pink blush dusting her cheeks.
"We're fine."
Izaya isn't satisfied with her answer. "Is he treating you okay?"
He knows he's prying, but if Kida is gonna try and hurt Saki anymore than Izaya already has, he's gonna have hell to pay.
"Of course! He's very kind and always makes sure I'm doing well."
"That's good," Izaya says, sounding more like a teacher that cares too much than an ex-boyfriend who almost got her killed.
That was all Izaya really wanted- to make sure she was healthy and okay, and now that he's out of questions… there's such an awkward silence that makes Izaya tempted to simple stand up and leave. It's like those silences that follow Ursus leaving Izaya and Helectric alone together for an extended amount of time, both knowing that they have a mutual distaste, but still tolerating the presence of the other. It's not that Izaya doesn't like Saki- He just doesn't like these uncouth situations.
She coughs, which drags his eyes to her face. She's staring down at her cup, seeming equally grossed out at the current lack of conversation, but luckily their waitress returns, breaking the silence and asking Izaya if he would like another cup.
Saki chuckles a bit when Izaya's face darkens as he says yes.
"What kind of work have you been doing?" Saki asks, suddenly more chipper than she was a second ago.
And Izaya is reminded of some song lyrics he heard a while ago. "The torture of small talk- with someone you used to love." He can't place the song, but makes a mental note to look it up later. The coffee is placed down in front of him.
"Just more informant junk." Izaya sighs, weighing his options.
"Have you heard about the new hero?" She asks.
He knows it's meant to be nonchalant- just passing conversation. However, that doesn't seem to quell the shiver that rakes up his spine.
"Itzal?" he asks, trying his damnedest to sound slightly inquisitive, rather than wanting to change the discussion topic immediately.
"Yeah," Saki smiles, "I know he's kind of a murderer and whatever, and apparently he's a jerk to the police, but I think he's really doing some good out there."
She seems sincere, and Izaya is definitely thankful for her support, even if she doesn't know who she's giving it to.
"I'd like to meet him some day and give him my thanks."
Izaya's phone pings, a welcome excuse to leave before this gets any more awkward, manifesting in a text from Shinra. He tells Saki that an emergency has come up at work, and that while he very much enjoyed catching up with her, he needs to leave. And for a second, she looks a little somber, but then she smiles and nods in understanding. Izaya tosses much more money than would be necessary to pay for their shitty drinks and dashes back out onto the street. Already the air seems cleaner.
He didn't even read Shinra's text message, simply deciding to just go over to his house and find out what he wanted. He's feeling good- which is really ironic considering the way he just left Saki like that. The people around him aren't avoiding him like they normally do, however that normally sinister cloud that tends to surround him hasn't been around for a while either, and he really hopes it stays like that. Everything feels crisp and clean and pu-
The crowd scatters in the collision. Aluminum meets concrete just a hair in front of Izaya's feet- nearly taking him out. The street sign is jagged and bent at the pole, probably something Shizuo just grabbed and chucked in his direction. And there he is, panting heavily in the now deserted intersection, Shizuo Heiwajima straightens up and literally screams Izaya's name. For a second, there's a thought, a comeback of sorts. But Izaya decides that calling back, "Wanna come back to my place, I'll really make you scream my name," isn't the best thing to do in this situation, so he hides his snark thoughts under a maniacal smirk.
"I thought I told you to stay the fuck out of Ikebukuro."
Izaya tsks, "You don't own the city."
"Shut up, you shitty parasite," he growls. "It doesn't matter whether I own it or not- Stay away from me!"
"Shizuo, as much as I used to love playing with you, I have more important things to do than get you to chase my tail for a while," Izaya sighs.
It had been a while since he had seen Shizuo, and if he was being honest, he missed the absolute rush that he got from their interactions. Regardless, he knows that if he allows this altercation to get any more violent, then it'll backtrack the construction he's been doing on all the bridges he's destroyed. There's no way he's gonna let Shizuo ruin everything he has so carefully built around himself. Shizuo is the shake of the table under the tower of playing cards that he doesn't want and doesn't need.
"Everybody keeps on fucking talking about you and all these good deeds you've been doing, and I wanna know what the fuck is up."
"Maybe I had a change of heart, Shizuo," If he makes that fish face every time Izaya says his name, he's gonna get it tattooed on his chest.
"Bullshit!" he sneers, and Izaya is remembering why he didn't like this guy in the first place.
He's so annoying. Izaya honestly can't believe that when he's doing exactly what Shizuo has been asking him to do, that idiot is still finding a reason to be pissy with him. Frankly he'd like to ignore it for the time being rather than act on it now, however it's kind of difficult to do that when the offending person in question is currently standing in front of him with the ever so innocent street sign being wielded like a goddamn club.
"Look," Izaya snaps a tad louder than he would have preferred, "You and I both know how this is gonna end- You're gonna chase me, probably break some shit, and I'm gonna outrun you like it's nothing and carry on about my business."
There's a touch of fear in Shizuo's eyes that just barely reminds Izaya that info broker, Orihara Izaya, doesn't swear, and he thinks he'll bitch at Ursus for soiling his good name tonight.
"This time is different, rat!"
Izaya sighs, "Yes. Yes it is. Because I'm done here. I don't have time for this anymore."
And just like that he turns and leaves.
While, yes, Shizuo seeing Izaya's back isn't anything weird or out of the ordinary, Izaya just casually strolling away, like he's got more important things to do that stand here and entertain Shizuo, is. He doesn't need stupid Shizuo to play with anymore because he's got real friends now that enjoy his company. Izaya doesn't need someone around who always points out his flaws, or someone that claims to understand just so they can turn around and call them heartless, and freak, and flea- Especially when Shizuo couldn't be more wrong.
He doesn't turn around, but Izaya can feel the melancholy that rips through that dumbass like a bolt. He expects violence, and is prepared to run for it. It doesn't come. Instead Shizuo is… following him? Izaya doesn't turn around, knowing that Shizuo is anything but predictable and once again, he mentally curses him for exceeding his expectations.
Izaya cuts through a desolate pathway just to see if Shizuo is really following him. Unfortunately, yes. He followed him down the alleyway he obviously had no business being down and Izaya decides that this just won't do. He turns the corner and flicks out his knife, stopping Shizuo in his tracks before the blade can puncture his throat as he turns around the wall.
"Can I help you?" Izaya asks, irritation dripping through his voice.
"Yeah."
He doesn't elaborate, and Izaya's eye starts to twitch.
"With what?!" He yells, pressing the tip of the knife just a bit further into his neck. A drop of blood drips down his neck.
"I wanna know what everyone is screaming about."
Izaya pulls a face. "What do you mean?"
"Everyone keeps talking about how you've changed, and how you're trying to 'be a better person'" Shizuo accentuates that last bit and rolls his eyes immediately afterwards. "I wanna know why. You're the biggest piece of shit to ever grace this Earth, and there is no way you just developed a sense of empathy overnight."
"It wasn't overnight, Shizuo," Izaya hisses, flicking the blade back into its handle and depositing it into his jacket pocket.
"And for that matter," Shizuo yells, "What the hell is up with you calling me by my name?"
Izaya tilts his head to the side innocently, "You always seemed to get so angry when I called you Shizu-chan. So I figured it'd bother you less if I called you by your actual name. Would you prefer Shizu-san? It kinda erases the familiarity, but if that's what you'd prefer!"
Izaya sticks on his best winning smile as a vein ripples out of Shizuo's temple.
"Don't," He growls, "Call me anything. Stay away from me, you cockroach."
Izaya rolls his eyes. "I'm not the one who followed the other."
Shizuo drives his fist through the brick wall beside them, sending debris flying between the two and splitting the skin on Shizuo's knuckles. Izaya doesn't move. He doesn't even flinch. That's what a coward would do. And he was tipped off by his shadows, which have started dancing in the overhang of the buildings they're hidden between. Shizuo looks a little confused, and maybe a touch frightened when the dust clears and Izaya is staring at Shizuo like a mother berating a disrespectful child. Afterall, that's what he's acting like. A child.
Shizuo retracts his fist and pulls it to his chest, wrapping his other hand around it gently. "You're really done with this. Aren't you?"
"I'll get to you once all of my cards are in order, Shizuo."
Izaya doesn't really understand what that light that flickered through Shizuo's eyes was; or why it was there in the darkness that clouded them to begin with.
"Fine," he sighs and turns without another word, leaving a very confused Izaya alone in the alley.
Even the whispers in his head have gone quiet in favor of the cogs and gears grinding against one another. What the hell was that all about? He almost sounded… hurt at the prospect of Izaya just flat out stopping whatever this was. It isn't anywhere near a break up, but dejected is the only word Izaya could describe Shizuo's disposition with just now. It was ridiculous, to say the least, and Izaya decides that Shizuo has always been weird, and that this little tiff was just another example of that.
Izaya figures he'll ponder it later, and continues his trek to Shinra's. He still hasn't even checked his phone aside from the notification he received originally. He feels so much anger and bitter confusion as he's skipping down these dark little pathways, a walking oxymoron. He's just on the edges of the bustling urban center just outside of his current space. Understandably, his path is much quieter and the whispers come back. It's mainly nonsensical, just crying and the occasional word of help, begging for release. Izaya momentarily entertained the notion that he's hearing Hell. Just constant pleading for the pain to stop and to be released- whatever the fuck that means. Izaya doesn't particularly care. He came in contact with one of his nannies recently and she told him that he would regularly talk to dark corners in the mansion he grew up in when he was younger. Maybe he was around four when it started. Maybe it's always been there.
He isn't sure and he's never been sure. Frankly, he isn't sure he even wants to know. It's like when they diagnose a tumor and propose a surgery. Doctors always ask the patient not to look up the statistics, but Izaya feels that if he were to be diagnosed with some form of cancer tomorrow he would. However this isn't exactly a life or death situating as much as Izaya's own nonsensical ramblings.
The December air is nipping at his skin to the point of being uncomfortable and Izaya's fingers are starting to shake. He skips up the wooden stairs to Shinra's apartment and knocks happily, glad to have the distraction from his possibly dangerous thoughts. Shinra tugs the door open, looking a little frazzled and he glances back and forth in the empty hallway before ripping Izaya into his apartment.
Celty is sitting still as a statue with her hands in her lap and Shinra starts pacing back and forth around his living room. He runs a hand through his hair and halts directly in front of Izaya.
"Two things," He starts, "One, What the hell did you do to Shizuo?"
Izaya pulls a face. There's no way Shizuo managed to get here and rant about their most previous conversation before Izaya showed up- Let alone leave without making a disaster.
"What do you mean?"
"What do I-" He throws his hands up. "Shizuo said that you kissed him! And on top of that, he's been blowing up Celty's phone about some exchange you two had?!"
"Really? I didn't think it was that big of a deal. Did it really effect him that much?" Izaya asks, honestly surprised that Shizuo would dwell on it so heavily..
Celty's phone vibrates in her lap.
"Why?" Shinra sighs, rubbing his hands underneath his glasses, "I just wanna know… why?"
"Well really, it's because I was trying to keep my furniture on the roof without him noticing, and he started to look up at it," Izaya smiles, trying to be earnest.
Shinra shoots him a quizzical look but rolls his eyes and continues on anyway. "... Alright aside from that," he spits, "Shiki has been coming over a lot more."
Izaya perks up a bit, pulling on a fake smile and hoping his distaste doesn't break through his façade.
"That isn't that weird- he has a copy of my house key after all, but recently he's been coming over and asking about you."
Celty's phone pings again. She reads the text, a poof of smoke shooting out of her neck in a way that conveys surprise. She writes out a response, keeping her phone hidden from both Shinra and Izaya. He doesn't seem to notice, but Izaya is suddenly very piqued thanks to her sudden secrecy.
"Yeah he's asking weird stuff about when we were in high school. I figured he would have known everything, considering you rode his dick practically every day of senior ye- Ow!"
Izaya drives his fist into Shinra's arm, and Celty is sporting a reflection of equal parts horror and shock.
"It wasn't every day," Izaya seethes, grinding his teeth into an abrasive grimace.
Celty's shoulders shake into a giggle, but she sobers up when her phone pings again. Izaya really wants to see what Shizuo is saying about him. What if it's something good? What if it's something weird? It doesn't matter- he wants to know.
Izaya asks, "What did you tell him?"
"Nothing I didn't think he wasn't already aware of," Shinra sighs. "He wasn't even asking stuff about you directly he was asking about weird stuff like your relationship with your parents-"
"And you said?"
"I said it wasn't good, but I didn't elaborate beyond that." Shinra starts to make tea for the three of them and Izaya takes the opportunity to trace his eyes back to Celty.
And she is still typing up a response to Shizuo. It's either super long or she's trying to figure out what to say. Either way, he doesn't like being so close to something that could be so incredibly, dramatically life changing without having any idea what was going on.
"Then he started asking about you and me and when we met. I didn't know you told him about the biology club in middle school." Shinra doesn't sound angry, more confused. "I didn't know that you like actually loved him. I thought you just loved his money, but if you were willing to actually open up like that- I mean… I can't think of anyone else you would just open yourself up to like that. I never figured you were the ty-"
"Okay, we're gonna stop talking about my romantic history with him! Thank you!" Izaya interjects.
"Point being, he's getting all kinds of personal about you and I just…" Shinra takes a deep breath. "I want you to be careful, okay? I just got you back, and it would be really shitty if I lost you to him again."
Izaya tucks his head down and stares at the floor. He always hated when Shinra would try and get all touchy-feely with him. It makes his skin crawl. Plus, with Celty looking at him as if he just grew a second head, the already tense situation is just becoming much more uncomfortable. He figures that she didn't know that he and Shiki had been… involved to say the least.
It was never any of her business, but Izaya understands her confusion. He just hopes to whatever god is smiting him now that she doesn't tell Shizuo about it.
Her phone pings.
(A/N) Okay I will try my best to make sure that you guys aren't waiting a shittly long amount of time for chapter three. Tell me what you think.
