It was days that passed until the awkwardness of seeing him strolling through Galactica was wearing off. She sought his advice, argued with him, listened to his stories from the basestar. She was humbled to hear he had experienced the same kinds of visions during jumps like she had, only she had been his special guest star in most of them.

She showed him around Colonial One, and it was a week or two until she got together with him in his quarters to talk other things than politics, his captivity or the fleet. It was the cancer he asked her about, mentioned the wig he had spotted right away, asked about her life. He was sad when she mentioned her relationship with Bill Adama but then he wasn't surprised. He just wanted to know.

„So what is this between…you know." Richard asked with hesitation.

"Bill & me?"

He nodded.

"It's complicated." She met his hesitation.

"So were we."

"No, this is different," she answered absent-minded. "He loves me, I know that much."

"I loved you, too." Richard walked up closer to her.

"I know." Laura took his hand to reassure him that she did.

"But this isn't enough." He caressed her hand with his thumb.

"It should be, I know."

"You have doubts?" Her hand felt good in his, soft under his touch, warm, comforting.

"Not about my feelings, no."

He stopped. "Then what makes you so pensive?"

"It's, I don't know. His ship comes first, then his men."

"Military man." He shrugged.

"I guess."

"But you said he loves you."

"He does. But I keep wondering what he loves more."

Richard smiled. "You think you see a pattern here."

"This isn't about how much you loved your career, Richard." Laura understood what he meant.

"I know I always put it first but..."

"You put it first and then your marriage." She raised her eyebrow and met his smile.

"That's not true."

"I tend to disagree."

He chuckled. "I missed that."

"What, me disagreeing?" She laughed and welcomed his careful embrace.

"I missed you."

"I missed you, too." She paused. "I mourned you so long, and I moved on. At least I thought I did. I'm not so sure anymore."

"You opened your heart for him."

Remaining in his arms, she smiled again. "You really cannot say his name, can you?" She placed a kiss onto his cheeks.

"I avoid thinking about you with him. Is that so bad?"

"No, it's not." Her smile turned sad.

"Why are you not happy? I thought you would be after you said you were in a relationship."

"Sometimes I doubt I was made for being happy."

"Don't say that, Laura. We had good times." He moved his hands into her hair.

"Yes, we did."

"So what's the problem? He's not married, is he?" He teased her with his hands and words.

"Only to his XO." She giggled and waved off her own remark.

"That's not the issue you are worried about, is it?"

"You always knew when I kept something from you, didn't you?"

"At least I had a hunch. I never knew what you were hiding though."

Laura sighed, trying to find the right words. "He drinks."

"He's under a lot of pressure I assume." His hands fondled her neck and back in tiny little circles.

"Not that kind of drinking. He used to do that. This is different, it's a problem now."

"He's drinking on the job?"

"He's drinking whenever he can, keeps a bottle with him wherever he goes. He tries to hide it from me."

"It doesn't work." He looked deep into her eyes.

"No, it doesn't." And she lost herself in him.

"Did you talk to him?" Richard asked after a beat.

"I don't know what to say. We had a fight once when he was drunk. He's not necessarily a cute drunk if you know what I mean."

"He didn't hit you, did he?" The concern was evident in his voice.

Laura shook her head. "He wouldn't do that. Yell at me, yes, be cruel with words, never touch me, no."

Richard paused. "You do love him."

Laura looked at him quizzically.

"You worry about him but you don't want to ruin what he is giving you."

Laura looked at him without an answer. "I..."

"Now I see your pattern." He brushed away some hair from her face.

"What do you mean?"

He caressed her cheek before he answered her. "I never made you a priority, he does the same."

"I don't know if..."

"You have so much love to give but you get hurt, so you pull away."

"I'm not pulling away." Laura felt his arms around her hips pulling her closer.

"Yes, you are. You pretend to accept him the way he is but you don't tell him he is hurting you. You let him be, give your love when he allows you in, walk away when he pushes you aside."

"I don't... I mean, what am I supposed to do? I'm not his mother." She rested her palm on his chest to keep her distance or to feel his heartbeat, she wasn't sure.

"No, you're not." Richard held her tight. "I know you never wanted anybody to change you, disliked when someone tried to handle you. This isn't the same."

"It's his life." She whispered onto his neck.

"And you share it with him."

"He doesn't owe me anything."She resisted the urge to kiss his skin.

"Wait a minute," Richard pushed her away far enough to look straight into her eyes. "He owes you respect, isn't that what you told me like a hundred times before we made up after I pulled something stupid?"

"There you go, you know my lack of consequence when it comes to love." Laura rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes when he placed a soft kiss onto her head.

"So he's drinking?"

"Yes. And he's hiding pills from me. I know he's taking them."

"Is he ill?" His hands freely moved up and down her body now.

"No, I am. I think that's his way of dealing with it."

Richard shook his head. "Talk to him."

"What am I supposed to say? Hey honey, I know you're drinking, I know you're taking these pills, stop it. It's destroying you. I don't think that would work."

"He's stubborn."

"You might say that. Passive aggressive also nails it pretty accurately. I told him that much, he wasn't open for that discussion either."

"He's a fool if he doesn't see it's destroying you as much as him."Richard brushed his lips against her forehead.

"I won't make him choose if that's your suggestion." Laura answered him with closed eyes.

"Well, you should. You should've done the same with me." He kissed her again.

"You would never have risked your career."

"I loved you more than you know, Laura." The silence that fell upon them was heavy.

"I want you back, Laura." He whispered after a while, his arms holding her even tighter than before.

"You can't." Her voice met his whisper. "I love him."

"I know." He didn't let her go.

"I cannot make you my affair." Laura caressed his cheek. "I cannot devide my love like that."

"I think you already do." He leaned in to kiss her softly on her lips. Fighting him at first, Laura soon flung her arms around his neck and welcomed his tongue to dance with hers for a kiss that brought back memories of nights of passion, moments of joy, struggles and lonely times. They had never been perfect, that was her pattern. She never was with any man.

When they broke their kiss, his hands buried half inside her skirt and under her top, Laura leaned her head against his chest and cried in silence. Placing another kiss onto her hair, Richard understood she had just kissed him farewell but clang to the spark of hope her tears promised him was left.

"You always liked exclusives." His voice was full of grief.

"I did. But I always made too many compromises."

"Then tell him you won't anymore. He has to prioritize. And if he doesn't choose you over a bottle, I'll be here for you."

"Don't wait for me, Richard. The knock you're waiting for may never come."

And her may assured him that she was dancing around a them again.

When Laura opened the hatch to the admiral's quarters what felt like hours later, it was Saul Tigh who met her on his way out. Shooting her a concerned look, he took her aside to utter a few words. The smell of alcohol unmistakably stinging in the air.

"I'm not sure you wanna be in there now, lady. He's had a rough day."

Her voice met the Colonel's low volume and almost sounded presidential and matter-of-fact. "How much has he been drinking?"

"You know he does, don't you?" Tigh nodded more to himself than to her question. "Too much if you ask me, and I'm not necessarily a standard you want to measure your drinking by."

"What's his reason today?" Laura was clearly unamused.

"The same reason he's been drinking for weeks. He's losing his ground. He's mourning you."

"I'm still here. There's nothing to mourn." Her voice showed a hint of anger. "We all found Earth destroyed, we're all struggling, we all dislike to be surrounded by Cylons. No offense."

"None taken. I do agree that I'm part of the problem. I don't know what to do about it though. He doesn't let go." The XO placed his hand on her shoulder. "I thought you would give him comfort, I didn't think you'd give him so much grief."

"I don't know what to say to him anymore." Laura hoped to find some advice from her partner's oldest friend.

"Neither do I. And I don't know if there is anything left to say." He paused, clearly fighting with words before he went on. "He tried to kill himself, asked me to kill him to be precise. Did you know that?"

Laura's eyes went wide in shock. "Oh my Gods."

"He was drunk when he came to see me, clearly lost his footing. I know he had before with you being sick and all but this was more than a depression. Ask Lee, he's picked up the pieces of his father from the floor when you were gone. Wasn't able to handle your possible death, never faced it. Earth destroyed, you giving up on your meds, it kills him."

"I'm not giving up on anything." Laura tried to defend herself but found Saul Tigh waving her off.

"I'm not passing you the bug here, lady. It's in his head. He thinks you handle him with Lee by your side. Don't you know he always tries to do the right thing? He's clinging to ideals he has, always did. That's the pedestal he puts people on and judges life as a failure or success. He's..."

"...stubborn like that." Laura nodded, the expression on her face a sad one. "What am I supposed to do?"

"What do you usually do in situations like that?" Tigh shrugged.

"I never had a relationship with an addict. I was hoping you had a wise remark in the back of your hand." She shot him a small smile.

"Don't let him pull you down along with him. Push him off the edge if you have to. He has to fall hard to be able to get up again." His words were sincere.

"I don't know if I can do that." She closed her eyes.

"I saw you handling Baltar, lady. I saw you on New Caprica and kicking ass whenever you had to, you have that ice water running through your veins when you need it." Tigh removed his hand gently from her shoulder. "If you want to face the problem, now is as good a time as any if you ask me. If you want to avoid it, let him sleep it off."

Laura nodded when she opened her eyes again and prepared herself to enter Bill's quarters. "Thank you, Colonel."

"Any time, ma'am. If there's one thing I can do it's deliver an ugly truth." He grimaced a smirk and stumbled off, risking a look back at where she was standing in front of his friend's hatch. Shoulders straight, head up high, he wondered if she would be President Roslin again for the night.

When Laura closed the hatch behind her, she took a deep breath before she turned around. Scanning the room in its half-lit darkness, she made out his form on the bed.

"I didn't think you'd be coming tonight," his voice was gruff from the alcohol that hung heavily in the air.

"Why wouldn't I?" Laura walked up to him to sit by his side or seek his embrace. She remained standing when she saw his face.

"I just thought you had other plans." He stared at her in cruel precision.

"Richard knows I'm in a relationship with you, if that's what you're worried about." Her voice was calm.

"Did you have to remind him?" He got up to refill his glass, chuckling aggressively.

"I'm not here to discuss Richard with you." Laura crossed her arms before her chest.

"Then why are you here, Laura?" He poured himself a drink, never offering her a glass to join him.

"Bill, what is this?" She approached him from behind and placed her hands gently on his shoulders. Waiting for him to approve, she slowly moved her hands around his waist to embrace him.

"I know you were talking to Saul about me outside." His voice was low.

"Yes. He is concerned about you. So am I." Laura placed a soft kiss on the back of his neck. "You're drinking too much."

"I am not." His answer was matter-of-fact, no options open for debate.

"Yes, you are," Laura whispered onto his skin and let him go. Following him with her eyes when he sat on the couch she saw the emotional turmoil behind his eyes. Anger, despair, frustration, it was a dangerous mix. When she sat down next to him, she placed one of her hands on his thigh to caress and soothe him. It was minutes that passed, his glass empty before he spoke.

"I am not drinking too much, end of discussion."

Laura sighed and shook her head. "This isn't an attack, Bill."

He interrupted her, controlled in his anger and aggression. "I said end of discussion. I won't talk about this."

"I wish you would because if you're not talking to me, I wonder who you would be talking to." She moved closer to him on the couch and gently removed the glass from his hand. "Bill, look at me." She moved her hand to his cheek to fondle it. "Your doubts and your anger and your fears are not going to be drunken away."

He looked at her with so much rage in his eyes, she finally understood how deeply he was hurting. "You are telling me I shouldn't numb myself while you choose death as an exit from all of this?"

It was like an earthquake that hit her when he uttered his first words. "You put it on and you put it off, that's what you did from the start. You evolve with changes that come your way, you adapt, you survive. But for what? Earth? That cruel joke of a planet? That nuclear desert?" He grunted in his erupting rage. "You don't even want to survive so badly yourself, you gave yourself up for humanity to survive, worked on the legacy of President Roslin rather than your own petty life. You don't cling to Laura so much as to Roslin. You gave up on her until you decided Roslin didn't get you where you wanted so you killed both of them, bit by bit. And what is left is a shell of you with a title and all you do, day in and day out, is wait for death to succumb you. I'm sorry if I don't want to witness your decline with my eyes open and my mind unfogged."

Laura gasped. His words hit her hard, harder even than the first time the alcohol had spoken to her in his voice and revealed his anger and frustration. She fought to keep her composure, withdrew her hand from him and controlled her shaking as best as she could. Feeling like running away from him, she found herself sitting instead of moving, a forced smile on her lips to cover up her pain.

"I love you, Bill, I never..." Laura licked her lips to find the right words to follow her broken vow but her head was empty and his form long gone while she was still sitting on the couch, collecting her thoughts. His answer never came and he never returned to hear her out.

It was 5am when she woke curled up on the couch, the sound of the hatch closing from the outside ripping her from unpleasant dreams. A blanket on her legs, a pillow under her head, a pot of coffee on the table waiting for her, it was his way of apologizing. It wasn't enough this time. Whoever believed that actions proved more than words had no idea how deep words spoken in rage cut into the soul. Words cut deeper than a knife, that was true for Laura, always had been, and she found herself pulling away like Richard had told her she would.

It was days that passed, her health giving her good days and bad ones, she hadn't seen much of Bill or Richard alike. She was avoiding them both for different reasons and found herself diving back into the duties and work load of a presidency that was still hers by title.

Lee never asked about her problems with his father, felt uncomfortable addressing the issue. It was like getting involved in his parents' affairs and that was the last thing he wanted. So they stuck to political issues, fleet reports and the occasional frustrating debate. He knew he could still learn so much from her.

It was her suggestion to move Colonial One back into the fleet that made him understand how complicated things must've gotten between the President and her Admiral. He followed her reasoning though and agreed. The President should be amongst her people and not hidden from the public eye, protected by the military. Hew saw her point and guessed the problem.

It was his father's cold agreement to follow her wishes that made Lee dare to utter a plea for reconciliation. "There isn't a problem," was all he got before his father poured him a glass of Ambrosia.

It was a week after their fight that Laura took a shuttle to Galactica to speak to Gaius Baltar when she spotted him waiting for her in the hangar bay. Bill.

"Madam President." His voice was formal but welcoming. He had missed her.

"Admiral." She accepted his hand to get off the shuttle.

Waving off his men, Bill offered her his arm and led her through the corridors to meet with Baltar. The silence that surrounded them was awkward but when he moved his hand to the small of her back she knew there was a chance.

"I hope to see you after your little one-on-one."

Laura nodded and entered Baltar's facilities, smiling after him when he walked away.

When she knocked on the hatch to his quarters, Laura felt a blanket of uneasiness enveloping her. It was hard to analyze if it was the joy of anticipation or nervousness that made her heart beat faster when the door opened and she met his surprised eyes.

"You don't have to knock, Laura." He invited her in.

"I just, you know, I don't know what's appropriate now." She felt like a little girl.

Locking the hatch from the inside, he approached her carefully and her uneasiness increased. Closing her eyes to the touch of his hands on her body, Laura listened to the sound of his mumbled praise when he undressed her. Piece by piece, it made her heart beat faster, and when he led her to the bed, she sunk onto it with knees weak and wobbly. Lying down, she observed how he undressed for her, his arousal evident and soothing her doubts. When he removed her glasses and her wig, he looked at her with that smile she loved so much.

"You are beautiful," his words made her glow and it was the feeling of is body resting on hers that sent the first wave of bliss through her bones. She had missed the intimacy with him, his hands on her skin, his mouth covering hers, the way he adored her breasts. When he kissed her neck and inflamed her thighs with his knowing touch, Laura relaxed in his care and knew she was home. When he moved with her to give her release and fill her with his, he whispered her name like a tantra, spurring him on, making him high. His name on her lips when he felt her tightening around him, he followed her satisfaction moments later and collapsed. Resting on top of her, the smile on her lips reassurance enough that she had met her peak, he pulled her into a lingering kiss. When he moved to the side to take his weight off her, Laura moved along to stay entangled with him for as long as she could. For all it was worth she wanted to hold on to what he was offering her once more. An afternoon, a day, a week. It was life she had embraced again, and she intended to savor it. Every single sparkle of happiness over grief until she would slip away from a life she thought had ended twice before.