Chapter II
Confessions
"Well," Baralai said, scratching the side of his neck. "I stopped because, at the time, I was still following Yevon's teachings like a zombie and I didn't want to take advantage of you. I didn't want to subjugate both of us to something we would just end up regretting later."
I nodded and rocked back and forth a few times. "Okay, I have another one."
"Go for it."
"Do you remember when we came to our senses and for a few seconds we just laid there staring at each other?"
He nodded and smiled shyly. "Yeah, what about it?"
"What was running through your mind when you were looking at me?"
"Well," he began, looking up at the sky. He was silent for many moments while he tried to find the words to say. "To be honest, Paine, I had never seen a body so perfect. You had curves in all the right places, your musculature was amazing. I think that if you had been completely naked I wouldn't have been able to stop." He stopped speaking then looked over at me and smiled like answering that question hadn't affected him in the least. "Your turn."
The way he worded his answer left me blushing, again. God, how can he do that to me? Get a grip on yourself, Paine. "I never in a million years had imagined that your body looked like that under your bulky priest robe. The only thought that was running through my mind was to touch you." I paused and took a deep breath. "After you got off me I was practically willing you to come back over to me so I could get my hands on you one more time."
"I was putty in your hands by then. If you would have touched me anymore I would have lost my last thread of control and I didn't want that to happen. I didn't want to take advantage of you," he whispered gently.
"Thank you, Baralai," I whispered, staring at his face intently.
One corner of his mouth quirked up. "For what?"
"For everything," I replied, feeling another blush creeping up my neck. "You never nagged me to reminisce about my past."
"I knew that you would speak up when you felt like it. Pressuring you wasn't going to get you to open up any faster."
I snickered. "I sure wish Rikku and Yuna were more like that." I paused and stared at him for a few more seconds. "Thanks again."
"You're welcome," he replied, wrapping an arm around me. "You know I'll always be here for you."
I sighed and leaned my head against Baralai's shoulder, breathing in his wonderful smell. I was getting ready to close my eyes and bury my face into his neck when I saw a faint shimmer in the water about a hundred yards away from us. I froze and concentrated on the place where I saw the shimmer and cursed inwardly when I spotted a dark figure moving slowly through the water. I pursed my lips and squeezed my eyes shut, cursing myself and my horrible bad luck. I opened my eyes and kept my gaze on the shimmering form in the water and took a deep breath, acting like there was nothing wrong.
"Baralai?" I asked, trying my damnedest to keep the waver out of my voice.
"Hmm?" He mumbled next to me, unaware that anything was wrong.
"Baralai, I need you to listen very carefully to me." The closer the figure got the more nervous I became and the harder it was for me to stay calm.
"What do you mean?" He asked, letting go of me and sitting up straight.
I refused to take my gaze away from the shimmer in the water to meet his eyes, afraid that if I did the figure would disappear. "Just shut up and listen to me, dammit! When I tell you, run back to the village as fast as you possibly can. Get everyone and bring them back here." I briefly broke my gaze away from the water long enough to make sure I had gotten my message across, but Baralai's features were contorted into the biggest expression of confusion I had ever seen. I sighed, extremely aggravated, as I returned to my gaze back to the water. "Baralai, I'll explain everything to you if you just listen to me! Go!" I yelled, getting up and jumping off of the small bluff.
As soon as my feet touched the sand the shimmer I saw in the water only a few seconds ago was now stumbling through the ankle deep water of the surf. Damn, I forgot how fast they can move.
Baralai followed my gaze and when he saw the outline of a person he finally took my words to heart and dashed off across the beach. The figure rippled as it watched Baralai take off and, recognizing what was happening, I concentrated with all my being and pushed out towards the figure with my mind as hard as I could. I felt my head start to swim but I sighed with relief when I had received the effect I desired as I watched the figure fall back into an oncoming wave. I watched Baralai disappear into the jungle then put my full attention on the figure that was getting up out of the water once again.
"I didn't think you remembered your training, Paine," the figure said, taking a few steps towards me.
"Why don't you show yourself so I can stare you in the face?" I asked, gripping the hilt of my sword. The figure snickered then the air around him began to swirl around like a tornado was brewing. I braced myself and watched as the tall, lean figure of a man with dark brown hair and shining golden eyes appeared in front of me. "Let's just skip the pleasantries. What are you doing here, Roland?"
"Oh, I think you know the answer to that question far better than I," Roland said, a sneer creeping onto his face. "It's almost your nineteenth birthday, Paine. I'm quite sure you know what that means. Did you think we had forgotten?"
"I can dream, can't I?" I retorted.
He laughed maniacally, fingering the hilt of his own sword. "It's been a while since you've used your training, correct? Why don't we see how soft you've become?"
I scowled and pulled my sword out of the sheath. "Why don't you come over here and fight me like a man, Roland? Or are you too scared?"
His top lip pulled up into a sneer, his eyes flashing menacingly. "If I were you I would be careful what I say."
I chuckled, taking a few steps toward him. "You should know better than anyone, Roland, that I never responded well to following orders."
He nodded, advancing on me a small amount as well. "Yes, I do know better than any of the others. You were always a trouble maker, Paine."
I smirked. "I still am."
"Enough of this small talk!" He yelled, cracking his knuckles. "Prepare yourself!"
I cursed and quickly threw my sword back into the sheath. I heard footsteps coming from the jungle but before I could shout a warning to them Roland flung his hands towards me, releasing his power. I threw my hands up as well and a column of fire shot from my fingertips and rushed to meet Roland's thunderbolts. I had to struggle to maintain my power; it had been so long since I had last used it. I heard Baralai shout my name but I couldn't and wouldn't turn my attention away from Roland. If I did, he would overpower me easily. I grit my teeth and concentrated on fighting Roland off, pushing my friends out of my mind. As I was reaching the limit of my power Roland released his element and laughed.
"Not bad, Paine. Not bad. Good bye for now," he said. "Kaiser passes along his regards. We'll be watching." Then he disappeared.
I released the power that I hadn't tapped into for years and took in a deep breath, feeling my strength sap out of me. My heart was racing a million miles a minute and every time I took in a breath it was like my lungs were too small for the amount of air that my body needed. I felt my knees begin to shake and Baralai rushed over to me, catching me in his arms before I crashed to the sand in a heap. I was relieved to find he was okay. I wasn't sure if any others had come with Roland but I had nothing to worry about, for now that is.
"Paine, are you okay?" He asked, brushing a few stray locks of hair away from my face. His large chocolate eyes were filled with concern.
I nodded and flashed him the best smile I could manage, still feeling short of breath. "I'm fine," I replied, taking a few deep breaths to help get rid of the stars that were flying past my eyes. "Help me up."
Baralai supported me as I stumbled on shaky legs to where our friends were waiting. Every single one of them had an astonished look on their face like they couldn't believe what they had just seen me do. I laid a restraining hand on Baralai's shoulder and carefully walked by myself to Yuna and Rikku.
"Painey, what just happened?" Rikku asked, as I grabbed her and Yuna's shoulders for support.
"Yeah, Dr. P, what did you just do?" Gippal asked, stepping forward to stand behind Rikku.
I sighed and lowered my head, pretending I was still winded from my encounter with Roland. I couldn't tell them that it was nothing, I couldn't tell them that it was something I was going to handle myself because they wouldn't believe me, especially Baralai. He would demand to know how I knew there was someone in the water and a million other things. I smiled, knowing that I should be grateful for such wonderful friends, but worried that if I told them they would come after them too.
"I...think there's a few things that you all need to know about me," I said, keeping my gaze on the ground. My crimson irises found Baralai's deep brown gaze of their own accord. All I saw there was confusion, shock and...betrayal maybe? My chest constricted as I realized that I had indeed betrayed him in a way. "Everyone sit down. This might take a while."
They didn't need any further prompting from me. Every single one of them sat down on the sand as quickly as they could, thinking that I would change my mind if they were too slow. Rikku and Yuna sat clinging to each other, eager to finally hear me tell them about my past without their constant nagging. Knowing my luck, I thought. Once I'm done they won't believe a word of it.
That would just be another way for irony to come back and laugh at me, I thought sardonically.
Once everyone was seated I stood in front of them not knowing how to start. Hundreds of thoughts flew around in my head but none of them seemed suitable enough. Then my eyes met Baralai's gaze and I remembered all those things I had told him about my past that hadn't been true, all those things I said to protect him from the horrors I had experienced. I sighed and took a deep breath, hoping that he wouldn't be too angry with me for hiding the truth from him and living in a lie for so long.
"Baralai, I just want to start by saying that everything I told you about what happened to me in my past was a lie. Sin didn't kill my parents and I wasn't raised by monks in the Djose Temple. I'm sorry that I lied to you, but I had to." I paused and let those first few sentences sink in. "And my father wasn't a Warrior Monk. My father was a Maester of Yevon." I rolled my eyes inwardly when everyone gasped at that news. "He was a Maester that had different views than the others. My father wanted to fight for a Spira that he could see his daughter grow up happily in; one that didn't involve lying to the people and preaching false teachings. Maester Mika created an organization of elite assassins called The Invisible when he became Head Maester. He created them for one purpose only: to be his own personal hit men. And that's what happened to my parents. Two assassins from The Invisible murdered my parents on my tenth birthday then carried me away to their secret base hidden deep in the ruins of Zanarkand."
"Zanarkand?" Yuna gasped, astonished.
I nodded. "It seems that Yevon was desecrating those holy ruins before Cid even thought about starting his little tourist attraction."
"So that man you were fighting was from The Invisible?" Baralai asked, leaning forward.
I nodded. "His name is Roland. He was brought to The Invisible a short time before I was."
"Who was that Kaiser guy he mentioned?" Gippal said.
"He's their leader," I replied, feeling the cold hand of fear close around my heart as I thought about him.
"Why are their magical powers so strong?" Rikku inquired.
"Those kind of elemental powers come from their intense mental discipline training. When I was brought there I was tested to see if I had the ability to control magic. My mother was an experienced Black Mage so I possess some of her talent. After the magic skills are tested they do something called 'element sorting'. Every person has one element that they can control better than the others. Mine is fire, like you saw; Roland's is thunder. Once the sorting is complete, then the instructors put the students through hundreds of grueling, intense mental exercises. Eventually we are taught how to move things with our mind, but only the students that show the most talent are chosen." I paused and swallowed the lump that had been building in my throat. "I was one of four chosen out of my group."
"So you can move stuff with your mind? Like telekinesis?" Yuna asked in wonderment.
"Well, it's not really telekinesis. It's more like I can manipulate where I want certain things to go. I imagine the object is in my hand and I'm able to move it. The only setback is I can only move something as heavy as my physical abilities will allow. For example, I wouldn't be able to move a boat across the water or the Celsius through the air because I can't physically do those things."
"That's why Painey's Black Mage skills were so much better than ours," Rikku whispered to Yuna.
"Show us something you can move then," Gippal said, ignoring his girlfriend's comment.
I sighed and looked around me for something I could demonstrate with. There weren't any large rocks around so I decided to grab some water out of the ocean for an example. I reached out to the water and extended my mental barriers to the spot where I wanted to grab the liquid from. I molded a perfect sphere out of the water and rose it up into the air, making it sail towards me. I moved the sphere of water around in the air above everyone's heads before returning it to the ocean.
"That's probably one of the most amazing things I've ever seen," Gippal mumbled, staring at me with eyes as big as dinner plates.
"Why are they called The Invisible?" Baralai asked, coming out of shock first.
"That's because the first thing we are taught to do is to bend our magic around us, which renders us almost completely invisible to the untrained eye. Our magic serves as a sort of camouflage that makes us blend in with our surroundings. It would be almost impossible for one of you to see me if I was camouflaged. If you don't know what you're looking for or if you aren't looking close enough, it would seem like I completely disappear. We are taught to move very slowly. The faster we move the more time it takes for our magic to catch up."
"Do it! Do it! Do it!" Rikku chanted, clapping her hands.
"I would love to show all of you sometime but I'm extremely tired," I said, squeezing my temples as I felt an enormous headache start to pound behind my eyes. "I wouldn't be able to do it even if I tried. That's another thing about using magic. You can only keep it up for so long until you need rest. Assassins in The Invisible never take more than an hour to get a job done because of the demand to keep them camouflaged. If you cast a spell that requires more energy than you have, the spell could kill you."
"Wait," Baralai said. "How were you able to join the Crimson Squad? How did you escape The Invisible?"
"I escaped during the night while everyone was asleep. I was almost caught because I hesitated when it came time for me to kill the guards to get past them. I almost couldn't do it, but I knew what would happen if they caught me again. That's the thing about killing," I said, staring at my hands. "The more you do it, the less it bothers you. I think I killed almost thirty of them that night. Even after I had gotten away from them I was being followed constantly by the ones that survived. When I found out about the Crimson Squad I jumped at the chance to sign up so I could get away from them. It worked, but the night I joined I was sleeping in the Bevelle Temple and when I woke up I found a piece of paper that had been pinned on my chest in the middle of the night. That was their way of saying how easy it would have been to kill me. The note read: 'Your rite is in three years. Be prepared'."
"But what does that mean? What 'rite'?" Yuna asked.
"Their rite of passage occurs when a member turns nineteen. I was sixteen when I received that note. Once a member turns nineteen the only thing that can release them from The Invisible's hold is death. They intend to take me back on my birthday, which is in a month."
"So what do they do to make sure someone stays?" Gippal spoke up.
I shrugged. "I have no idea. The Invisible were built on the same kind of lies and deceit that Yevon was built on. I spent five years knowing only what I was taught and what I was supposed to know, nothing of what I needed to know. I would have to go through the rite in order to find out."
Baralai got up and took one of my hands in both of his. "Then we'll just have to make sure you never find out."
I gave him a reassuring smile even though I felt far from comforted.
We left the beach, heading back to the village. I walked as far as I could before my exhaustion caught up with me. Baralai ended up carrying me the rest of the way to the village, even though I refused many times and actually went as far as jumping out of his arms once. That one didn't end too well. I became even more exhausted fighting him off so I just gave in and let him carry me.
"I'm sleeping in the Crusader's Lodge tonight. Why don't you join me?" He asked, as we were entering the village.
"Sure," I mumbled, snuggling up against his chest.
I remember Baralai tucking me into a bed at the Lodge but my heavy eyelids turned traitor and I fell into the deepest and most comforting sleep I had ever experienced.
