Disclaimer/author's notes: Naruto is owned by Masashi Kishimoto and Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling, not me, no profit involved. No warnings other than slight gender dysphoria. Updates are going to be sparse until mid-December because winter (and finals) are coming. Also, Luna is probably going to be a bit OOC at times and maybe suffer from the Curse of Hatred (except in a Luna-esque way) because I personally think angry!Luna would be terrifyingly fun to write.


In the end, I do wake up.

I find myself in a hospital bed enclosed by a small and white room. There is a nurse with pinched face that pinches up even more when I ask for Brother. She says she is going to get the Hokage. My memories tell me that Hokage is something a bit like the Minister of Magic. I hope this Hokage of Shinobi is less corrupt than Cornelius F—I do not remember his whole name. I do not think I remember my name, or my old one that is, either.

Think, think. You're not loony. You did not go mad in the darkness and the red light and everyone dying before. You're not mad now. You think thoughts as well as you did before. You just think thoughts differently no matter what anyone says, I tell myself.

So apparently I can remember this and that from my before-life, though the memories are getting harder to come by, but I cannot remember many names from the before-life. I have all my memories from this life, however. Thinking about them is hazy-clear, as if I did not really live them, but I can still remember smiling now-Mother and grumpy now-Father and feel them. I love them. I loved them? Where is Brother? I want him to explain. Perhaps I have died and then reawakened in this-life? Then-Father used to tell me souls never truly left us when they died.

Also, if I am dead, I cannot go back to my before-life; that would violate Nature's laws. I don't think I want to; it was ending badly. And my before-life people whose names I cannot remember are dead or gone there as well, I well. My family here is dead, too. It feels numb that I cannot do anything to change anything about either sets of my family-friends being dead; usually I feel numb, though, so this is not a change other than I feel emptier than usual. Empty.

My eyes flicker to the empty white walls around the room. There is nothing on them except a mirror which shows a pale, black-haired boy looking back at me. This is my body; I am the young boy. I suppose being younger is inconvenient; it's terribly hard to reach the high things on shelves. I also suppose being a boy means I have a penis. I am not sure what to think of this, but granted, awakening in a new body to a murdered family and a brother with a Wrackspurt-infested mind is probably the more pressing matter.

The door to the small white room opens and a man covered in bandages comes in. He says his name is Shimura Danzo. I do not think I care for him at all. Apparently, I can feel auras now—chakra, my brain tells me—and his is twisted and dark and hiding.

"Uchiha Itachi committed a horrendous betrayal to both the village of Konohakagure and your family, murdering your entire clan in cold blood," Mr. Danzo announces, "You can rest assured that he will be caught and brought to justice. He is a murderer and a traitor. Konoha will not forgive that."

How would they know that Brother did this when I was the only person alive who witnessed it? Where is Brother?

I blink. "How do you know it was Brother? I don't think it was even though he said he did it. Either someone forced him to lie or Wrackspurts made him do—," I break off and decide to change the subject. Official types are too rigid to believe in Wrackspurts anyways. "Besides, you are a horrible liar, Mr. Danzo, even worse than Brother. Please leave." I do not want to hear his lies.

Mr. Danzo twitches and he responds, "The Uchiha traitor killed your family and he left you behind. Uchiha Itachi told you this himself. The Hokage has sent out a proclamation. Why would you think differently than the Hokage and the rest of the village?" I am not sure Mr. Danzo is threatening or interrogating me.

"Because it is all lies. Is that what people are saying?" I ask absently. If it is indeed the commonly-held belief, Itachi's name must be cleared because he is innocent. Perhaps this is a conspiracy or a cover-up. The Ministry in my before-life did that that one time with those poor goblins that Cor—what is his name?—baked into pies and ate. I will not let the same happen with my own flesh-and-blood of my this-life. The Uchiha will not be cannibalized and turned into metaphorical goblin-Uchiha confectionary to hide society's corruption.

"My brother is innocent, and I want to talk to a reporter," I request, "Brother's side of the story must be heard by the public. I am sure this is all just a conspiracy. With the proper media coverage, my family will be avenged in a proper court of law. They were murdered, yes, but I don't know why."

Mr. Danzo looks at me like I have grown a third head; growing a third head is impossible so it must be what what I have said. He hisses, "There is no law other than the Hokage's and mine since I am his right-hand man. You are an upset child, and you are babbling. What makes you think there is a conspiracy?"

I laugh delightedly; there is no greater evidence of a governmental conspiracy than a denial of a conspiracy.

Mr. Danzo now looks like he wants to violently murder me. Something bubbles inside me—hysteria or bitterness I do not know—but I remain calm and persist, "I want to find the truth because it does not scare me. Does the truth scare you? Why? An adult like you should not be a coward."

My little boy's voice remains steady. Then-Father always told me to remain steady when interviewing a source to find the truth behind a matter.

The man's face narrows and he starts towards me. I can feel that he wants to kill me to stop my talking—strange. No one has ever been scared of me before. Wary, on-guard, but never afraid. Mr. Danzo will probably become violent, but the door opens again before he can. An old man with a funny hat flanked by two guards enters. This is the Hokage.

"Danzo, you forget yourself!" the funny-hat Hokage shouts. Danzo stops and hisses, "The boy refuses to believe Uchiha Itachi is a traitor who killed his own blood. He is talking nonsense about conspiracies and—"

"Wrackspurts," I helpfully add, "though I think that may only be part of what actually happened. I think that someone put an Imperius Curse on Brother or someone took that…that potion which changes how you look murdered my family. There is no way Brother could have done that, Mr. Hokage."

The Hokage closes his eyes and motions for guards to leave. Mr. Danzo is looked less angry now and more disgusted and…confused? What I said makes perfect sense to me.

"Sasuke, you are very distraught and have recently experienced a traumatic experience. Once you are feeling better, you can tell us about what happened. Do not feel like you have to talk about it right now," the Hokage begins.

I am not crazy and I can talk about what has happened now. I just need convince the Hokage of that.

"No," I say calmly, "other than my family being dead, I am perfectly fine. Also, I think I may have been reincarnated into this body; before, I was a teenage girl with friends and magic and a vagina. Now, I am small and I have a penis which is not as upsetting as my family being dead and everyone lying about it, I admit, but—"

Perhaps I am upset. I usually do not speak so crudely. This is strange and I feel disconnected from my body as if my mouth is opening and sounds are coming out. I manage to stop my talking. Mr. Danzo's face looks smugger and smugger with every word coming out of my mouth, and I cannot think straight. I decide, for some reason, I do not like this man. I have never purposefully not liked anyone before. Maybe being reborn has changed me.

Danzo—I will not call him Mr. Danzo anymore; he does not deserve that—looks relieved and Hokage looks horrified. "Your poor child," he says, " the Tsukuyomi must have… your mind, it is completely gone."

Danzo merely smiles a cat-eating-mouse smile and says, "I request custody of Uchiha Sasuke. It is obvious that this event has scarred his mind permanently and I believe that my training methods would—"

At this, the Hokage sets his shoulders and orders, "Leave now, Danzo, I have put up with enough of your transgressions in the last month to last a lifetime!"

Danzo leaves. "I hope a Lethifold eats him," I mutter under my breath.

Mr. Hokage laughs wearily and pats me on the head, "Don't we all, Sasuke. I'm going to get you a counselor to evaluate your mental status. Don't worry; I will take care of everything. It is the least that can be done after everything that has happened."

"Don't worry, Mr. Hokage," I smile, "I have never felt more sane."

Mr. Hokage just looks tired and smiles sadly as he leaves the room.

Luckily, my before-life has given me plenty of practice of living in a world that thinks I'm loony. But this world is more mad than I could ever be, I think.


Summary: A Lovegood and a Shimura walk into a hospital room; a happy conversation it does not make. Next up: Sasuke-Luna is reintegrated back into sane society and makes a friend. Naruto & Sakura appear.