It was Wednesday afternoon when you came in for the first day on the job. You decided to follow Mallory's orders, coming in as your male self. You and her both decided it was best to introduce yourself as who you really are before coming in as a woman. So you opted for a white collared button-down shirt underneath a brown leather jacket, dark jeans, and some brown alligator dress shoes. Your hair was nice and tousled and your fragrance smelled like a hint expensive cologne. Every inch of you screamed 'status'. You did love looking good after all.

"And now let's welcome our new ISIS agent: (M/N)," you heard Mallory announce, which was your cue to come through the door. You went inside and stood next to Mallory, wearing a beautiful, handsome smile.

"Oh mama!" A voluptuous blonde woman (who's name you later learned as Pam) shouted across the room.

"It is very nice to meet you. I look forward to working with all of you," you bowed slightly out of respect.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Archer exclaimed with a wave of the hand. "Where the hell was the chick that we were just talking about the other day!?"

"What other chi- ohhhh," Mallory stopped herself. She looked at you and then at him and chuckled evily.

Ooh, looks like she didn't tell him.

"Uh oh. There goes that laugh," Ray frowned.

"What do you mean 'OHHHHH'?! Why would you do that!?" Archer became much more angry. "You PROMISED me she was gonna be here!"

"Well maybe she...y'know, couldn't make it-" Cyril began to speak, but was cut off rather harshly.

"SHUT THE HELL UP, CYRIL! Who the hell is /this/ guy, huh?"

"Well...I did fulfill my promise," Mallory spoke, deliberately picking out what she thought was the right choice of words. "She is here...except that she is a 'he'!"

"Wait-" he narrowed his eyes. "No no no no no! That is NOT (F/N)!"

"OKAY! Everyone is dismissed! Now go do your damn jobs before I get another headache," she interjected, pouring herself some Henny in a shot glass.

"This isn't over!" Archer shouted before leaving the room.

With that, everyone went their separate ways, though some had lingered to get another glimpse at you.

You used this as an opportunity to come clean with him. You went to walk beside him earning a dirty look.

"Actually, she's right Archer. I am (F/N)," you admitted, averting his gaze. "I just crossdress."

The truth made everyone gasp, even though they didn't know what the hell was going on.

"B-But...the helicopter and the...You were-?"

"Yeah...," You sighed, rubbing the back of your neck. You looked back at him and winced. His intense blue eyes was practically piercing your soul.

"I WILL FUCKING END YOU!" He snatched you by your collar, dragged you straight into an office, and threw you to the floor.

He went to open the window wide open and grabbed you again before you could even process what was going on.

"Archer! Stop!" You choked out, only to be picked up and dangled over the windowsill outside, headfirst.

"NO! WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME!?" His grip tightened around your collar, damn near choking you.

"I'm sorry I was being dishonest, okay!? I just wanted to, I don't know, repay you!" You stuttered, your heart beating a million times per second.

You both didn't notice some of your co-workers coming in to spectate the scene.

"This whole time you couldn't say 'Oh hey Archer, before I suck your DICK', I'm actually A GUY!" He shook you, causing you to slide further out of the window.

"Ooh, Dukes~" Ray cooed in the background.

"Look, I'm sorry okay!? I just really liked you, even though you're kind of an asshole!"

You shrieked for damn near your entire upper body was out of the window. Archer had pushed you out even further to the point where you could hear the cars several feet underneath you.

"ALRIGHT! WHAT DO YOU WANT!? MONEY? I'LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING IF YOU DON'T KILL ME, PLEASE!" You cried.

"GIVE ME TWO GRAND!...AND YOUR SHOES!"

"FINE!" You shouted back. Luckily it was enough to keep you from dropping fifteen stories down to your death.


Hours had passed since that incident. Archer decided to take your shoes right then and there, so you had to go without around the office. It was a great thing many of your co-workers didn't like Archer- it was embarrassing enough that majority of them saw what happened. But luckily Lana was nice enough to show you around. You felt a little guilty that her pay was cut on your behalf, but that was another story.

Archer was super pissed- that was obvious enough. He didn't even want you to look his way. It kinda hurt, to be honest. You sighed, putting your feet up on the desk as you flipped through some files.

"Hey (M/N)," you heard the soothing voice of a familiar female.

"Oh, hey Lana," you turned your head and smiled.

"How's everything holding up?" She crouched down to your level with a smile.

"I'm alright," you mumbled, turning away. You had a lot on your mind.

"Listen," she moved to sit on your desk. "Don't let him get to you. I know it may be difficult- I've had a history with him and he is /definitely/ not worth losing sleep over. Okay?"

"Alright," you sighed. You were beginning to feel a bit better until you heard that familiar scummy voice.

"Hey Lana!" You heard him coming closer. You couldn't help but cower, your heart beating fast. That feeling of anxiety was kicking in overtime. "Come look at this!"

You both looked over and saw he was holding up some sort of new gadget.

When he came closer, his pace slowed and he stared right at you. He looked so disgusted and it made you feel super insecure, a feeling you /never/ thought you would experience.

"Oh, it's you," he snarled before turning his attention to Lana. "Why are you even with this guy anyway?"

"Stop it, Archer. I was talking to him because apparently /someone/ dangled him out the window over a blow job," she crossed her arms with a scowl.

"Well /maybe/ if he wasn't being DECEITFUL, then it wouldn't have been an issue in the FIRST PLACE!" He replied, his voice becoming increasingly loud.

"Oh please, you're acting like you haven't deceived anyone to get some SEX!" Lana retorted.

All this back and forth was just getting too much for you, so you decided to get up and walk away.

"Hey! Where do you think you're going? You do realize that this is YOUR fault, right!?"

You stopped dead in your tracks. You understood why he was upset, but he was dragging this into infinity. You had enough of this. He was an asshole straight from the first day you met him- you didn't give a shit if he saved you or not.

"You know what, Archer?" You turned around, wearing a dark look. "How about YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF! I'm pretty sure you would given your ENORMOUS EGO! You think you're tough shit because you're the 'World's Greatest Spy'?'"

"Well I do but-"

"THAT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION, ASSHOLE! FUCK YOU AND YOUR SHITTY PERSONALITY!" You flipped him off and stormed out of the place leaving everyone including Archer.


You trudged down the street towards your car, pissed. You stormed right out of there with your ego intact. It kinda felt good to tell him off. He deserved it. And you would be damned if you were to really give him your money. Fuck that guy.

You were about two blocks away from your car when a black BMW pulled up beside you. You had a feeling you knew who it was.

"Piss off, I have my own ride," you grumbled, slouching even more when you heard the window rolling down.

"Get in," Archer demanded.

"Fuck you," you flashed him an angry glare, flipping him off.

"No really, get in. You're not safe. We got word that someone put a hit on you."

"What!?" Your eyes widening right before a bullet came flying right past your ear.

"HURRY UP AND GET IN BEFORE YOU DIE, DUMBASS!"

You abruptly got in the car and put on your seatbelt. Archer stepped on the gas and sent you guys flying down the street.

"Wait! Do you know who?" You stuttered, holding onto the hand ledge to keep yourself from flying everywhere.

"One of Castillo Benevici's associates is what I'm thinking."

A black car bumped into you guys, so he swerved to the left, causing it to crash into a nearby building.

"But why me?" You looked on, cringing.

"I don't know. Probably because you, y'know, pulled the trigger," as he said this, he pulled out his trusted handgun and dropped it in your lap.

"Here, shoot. You might wanna unbuckle that useless seatbelt."

You nodded, rolling down the window and stretching out of the window. These fuckers wanna kill you, huh? Good luck with that. Instead of shooting directly at them, you shot at the two front tires, causing them to skid out of control and into another building.

"You should probably drive onto the freeway so we won't hurt any more people," you suggested.

"Shut up," he rolled his eyes, swerving into the nearest freeway.

You saw three more cars behind you guys. They shot at the car, puncturing the back tire and shattering the window.

"DAMNIT! I JUST GOT THIS THING FIXED! (M/N), TAKE THE WHEEL!" He pulled out a grenade and rolled down his window. You reached over and took over the driving while he threw it back.

You got back in your respective seats and drove faster to avoid the explosion. You couldn't help but look back and see the cars explode right before your eyes. Damn, people wanting to kill you already? Making cars explode? This was freaking awesome!

"Wow, that was awesome," you smiled to yourself. You felt akin to a little giddy ten-year old boy. "So where are we off to?"

"My house."

He swerved off of the freeway and into a residential area.

"Huh?" You furrowed your eyebrows. "Why your house?"

"Because they know your location. It's not classified like ours."

"Oh," you frowned. That makes a lot of sense. He did just join after all. "How long will I have to be there?"

"Up until you're out of the red zone," he finally pulled up to his penthouse and opened the garage door.

"And how long would that be?"

"Depends. Three or more days. One week at most," he turned to flash you a serious look. "But DON'T get too comfortable."

"Whatever," you rolled your eyes. Wow, spending the night at Archer's- the asshole that literally dangled you out of the window. What a time to be alive.

Once the car was in the garage, you two got out and went upstairs.

"Good evening, sir," his old butler, Woodhouse, greeted.

"Oh hello-"

"Don't talk to him. He's just a butler," Archer cut you off.

How rude of him. Guess that's how he treats everyone, huh? He went over to the living room and sat on the couch. You followed suit, sitting beside him.

"Hey Woodhouse! Fix me a Bloody Mary and uh," he turned to you. "What do you want?"

"Water, please," you responded, earning you a narrowed-eye look from Archer.

"And get him a Bloody Mary too," he added. Wow, this guy.

"Coming sir," the elderly man called out from the bathroom.

"So uh, hey listen. I normally don't do this, but I wanted to..." He sighed. "Apologize."

"Oh?" You raised an eyebrow.

"So maybe I did overreact, just a little bit-"

"You dangled me out of the window."

"Look, okay, I said I was sorry alright?"

You read his expression to see if he was being sincere or not. You always had a knack for being able to tell when someone was lying.

"You just want me to give you another blow job, don't you?" You questioned, crossing your arms.

"What? No way, like, ew you're a guy," he tried to play it off, to no avail. "Alright fine, it's true."

"Do you really think you deserve one after how you've treated me?"

"Well no, but-"

"I'll make you a deal. I give you a blow job and you let me be in control for the night. Deal?"

"Okay, but I am NOT being a bottom."

"Oh no, no. That wouldn't be an issue," you smirked, sliding off of the couch and sinking down to your knees before him.

"Hey uh, Woodhouse? Don't worry about the drinks," he waved him off with a hand.

You instantly got to work, unzipping the fly of his trousers. You couldn't help it, you wanted to do this anyway. Slipping your hand into his underwear, you pulled out his hardened dick and stroked it deliberately. You looked up at him and licked your lips before planting sloppy, wet kisses on the underside of his cock. Archer hummed, his erection twitching slightly with each kiss.

"You missed this didn't you?" You chuckled upon Archer's pleasured expression. You kissed the tip lightly, then exerted pressure on it with your lips.

"Mm, of course," he cooed, running his hand through your soft, (H/C) hair.

You chuckled again, opening your mouth to take it all inside. You bobbed your head up and down as Archer's hand guided you. Your mouth got all nice and wet which felt so good to the spy, he couldn't help but groan. You hummed, sending nice tingly vibrations up his shaft. Your own erection had grown and was pushing against the crotch of your slacks, so you snaked a hand down to stroke yourself. Archer's hips began to jerk, his breathing becoming heavy. You pulled him out of your mouth since you weren't ready for him to cum yet.

"Huh? What are you doing?" He asked, quizzical.

"Taking control," you smirked, rising up to your feet and dropping your pants.

The spy's bright blue eyes trailed down to your nicely shaped cock.

"I already told you I'm not bottoming-"

"Relax, I'm not putting it in," you sighed, climbing on top of him and positioning his member right by your entrance.

"Oh...So we're doing anal then-?"

"Shh," you put a finger to his lips. "You're ruining it for me."

You slowly sat on it, easing it carefully inside of you. You bit your lip, feeling him stretching out your insides.

"Hey, exactly how many people have you slept with?" Archer asked between his heavy breathing.

"Like.. seventy-three," you responded, finally getting it all the way in. It kinda hurt, but you were a big boy.

"Then how the hell are you so tight?" He gripped your ass, firmly.

"They weren't /all/ men, Archer," you rolled your eyes and began to bounce on him.

"Oh so you're not completely gaaa-" you cut him off with a lingering kiss on the neck. This guy really spoke a lot, something that you don't really value in the bedroom.

You rode him gently before speeding up, bracing the couch behind him to keep yourself from falling off. He grit his teeth and thrusted in tune with your hips. You smirked, riding him harder to keep him from even thinking about talking. Just when you thought that he couldn't take any more, he flashed you this really crazy look that made your heart drop. 'Shit, what was he planning?' You thought.

Just then, he picked you up, carried you to the room and threw you on the bed. There was something different about him...something primal, something /sexy/. He straddled your body and ripped off his collared shirt, wearing nothing but a white tank top.

Your breaths were heavy, anticipating the hard fucking that was to come. He dipped his head down and attacked your neck, sucking and biting the tender flesh. You moaned, arching into him. You desperately clung onto his arms as he made his way down, literally ripping open your shirt in the process.

When he was done, he grabbed your legs and pulled you upwards, your body upside-down on the bed. He stood up and eased his himself inside of you, holding down your legs so you could barely move while he went to town on you. You struggled to find something to cling onto while he pounded you mercilessly. It wasn't long before you felt something build up.

No...You gotta be kidding, right? Goddamn it, weren't /you/ supposed to be the one in control?! Damn him and his superior strength.

"You fucking asshole," you hissed through clenched teeth. He merely smirked, grabbing your cock and stroking it to make you cum faster.

"Ahnnn, NO!" You thrashed about, trying to fight the feeling to no avail. Your legs trembled as you came in large spurts- the sticky, hot fluid landing on your chest and face.

But he wasn't done yet.

He backed up, dropping your body to the bed. He dragged you close to him by your legs and put it in, slamming into you. Archer grunted, pinning your wrists down to the bed. Your legs rested on his shoulder as he continuously plowed your tender asshole. You tried to surpress those moans, but your body had grown sensitive since you first came. You felt yourself becoming hard again, unusually fast to say the least. Your eyes shut tight, your hands clinging desperately to his sweaty, clothed back.

"Archer! I'm gonna-!" You bit your lip, your legs trembling as you came a second time.

He sped up and thrusted wildly into you before letting out a powerful growl. You can feel the hot fluids spilling inside of you- it wasn't like you were protesting it though.

He pulled out and collapsed on top of you with a heavy sigh. You two were spent though there were some chuckles amidst the heavy breathing.

"So much for being straight, huh?" You teased.

"So much for wanting to be in control," he snorted, earning a punch from you.

"Talking shit?" You rose his head to look at him. with a smirk.

"One of my specialties, babe," he winked at you. "You better not say anything about this to the others. They don't need to know we went all the way. Especially since I'm sober."

"Sure, whatever you say World's Greatest Spy," you playfully smacked his behind. He narrowed his eyes at you and slid over to the side of you.

"Hey, next time I wanna screw (F/N). I want you back here in that sexy ripped dress you wore the other night. We have some unfinished business."

"Al tuo servizio, Archer," you spoke in that seductive, feminine tone.