When the magical smoke had cleared, Kyon coughed, waving a hand in front of his face as he and Haruhi materialized out of thin air. Far removed from the glimmer and glitter of his home, they found themselves in a dark alleyway in the very slums of Adoptopolis. A far cry from the more upscale Market District, this was where the seedier and more black market dealers tended to operate, as well as where a lot of the taverns were to be found. Guards patrolled only in great numbers and far too infrequently to keep crime down completely, though they did stamp out some of the worse aspects of it.

"What are we doing here?!" Kyon demanded, whirling on Haruhi.

She shrugged up at him. "You said you wanted some excitement, I'm about to give you some excitement," she said. A finger raised up to her veiled chin as she gave a thought. "Although, we should do something about your attire."

A wave of her arms upwards and another plume of smoke engulfed Kyon. Seconds later, when it cleared, his modest if excellently well-tailored clothes were replaced with more grimy and threadbare rags. A pair of ruffled pants and a vest that left his chest partially bare, as well as showing off his arms. Tugging at the new garments, Kyon did have to admit they'd fit in well in the darker part of town.

But he didn't want to.

"Well now," said Haruhi, as another puff of smoke engulfed her. When it cleared, she was wearing a robe and a cloak which she drew up over her head, hiding her jewelry and making her blend in more easily.

"Now that that's settled, let's go for a drink," she said, grabbing his arm and pulling him along. He tried to ignore the way her body pressed against his arm, feeling even through the robe she wore the heavenly curves of her figure. His brain became foggy as he couldn't quite process, and he made no protest as the genie led him along apart from a vague spluttering of indignation.

"Hmmm... eeny-meeny-miney... that one!" Haruhi exclaimed, pointing her finger.

A sign out front declared it was "The Crescent Shamshir Tavern" as evidenced by the image of such a curved sword carved into the wood. The outside appearance was about the same as most of the other buildings on the street, stone and mortar, though the Shamshir did have the added bonus of tinted glass windows and an actual doorway. A big, heavyset man with a bald domed head stood outside, probably to keep out troublemakers, but he paid Haruhi and Kyon no mind as they slipped inside.

And the inside, on the other hand...

Kyon felt his mouth gape as he took in the sight of the Crescent Shamshir's inner sanctum.

Dimly lit by red lanterns and candles, the lighting most prominently focused on the bar and the stage at the far end, leaving the tables and booths shrouded in darkness. Everything was reasonably upscale quality, excellent furniture, tasteful artwork. A few scattered landscape paintings on the walls and the odd vase or two in the corners with plant-life. Not that Kyon even noticed, because the instant he entered his attention was drawn to the performers on the stage, a number of lithesome maidens in semi-transparent silks, writhing to the sound of the music like a set of serpents. Hips gyrating in a most enticing way to draw the eye, they were very popular with the clientele, and as Kyon watched one descended from the stage to slip in amongst the other customers, providing private entertainment while others laughed or cheered uproariously.

This wasn't just a tavern. It was a pleasure house.

Kyon had never visited one before, though he'd always been curious to see what it was like. His father had strongly cautioned him against such, however, warning doubly of the dangers within and the potential impact to their family name and reputation. Reluctantly, Kyon had been forced to keep such ideas strictly to his imagination.

Yet now, here he was.

"Hah, called it!" Haruhi said at his side, bumping her hip against Kyon's and slipping into the room with an eager grin. He reached out a hand to try and catch her, but she was far too quick. Grimacing, feeling much more vulnerable than he had a moment ago, Kyon reluctantly tried to follow, slipping deeper into the den of sin.

He felt his ire raising as he watches Haruhi boldly stroll up to the table right in front of the main stage, shoving aside some half-empty drinks and plates before the waitresses could get to cleaning them, and kicked out a seat for herself and Kyon. Sitting down so he wouldn't be blocking the view of the stage (something told him the crowd here wouldn't appreciate that) he leaned in close to Haruhi.

"Haruhi, maybe this was a bad idea..."

"Don't be a spoilsport," she retorted. "Come on, lighten up, enjoy the view!"

Her waggling eyebrows suggestively did not help the situation, and Kyon felt himself growing hotter and more flustered by the minute. But seeing as he couldn't talk her out of staying here at least a while, Kyon decided he might as well settle back in his seat and hope that nobody recognized him. Invariably, his eyesight was drawn back to the stage as he watched another girl glide across it. A lithesome little thing with long hair that shimmered a dark azure under the lights. She gave a smile as she spotted Kyon watching her, giving a playful wink as she spun on her heel and sashayed her hips.

"She's pretty isn't she?" Haruhi asked casually, interrupting his chain of thought.

"Uh... sure, I guess," replied Kyon, unsure of what to make of her tone. Was the genie jealous of the attention being given to the dancers? It didn't seem likely, but he was fairly positive that Haruhi was not your typical genie. Whether that was a good or bad thing had yet to be seen.

"Hmmmm," she murmured, crossing her arms and staring up at the stage.

Genie or no, this girl was impossible to read.


Kyon was so caught up in trying to unravel the mystery that was Haruhi that he almost did notice the young woman approaching their table until she was right on top of them. Not one of the performers, this woman was dressed for travel, wearing heavy robes and a wraparound shawl. A pack was slung over her shoulders, and a pair of glasses rested on her face, not a common accessory found out in Adoptolis. They did wonders to highlight her golden-brown eyes, which in turn made for an excellent contrast to her pale hair, which seemed a faint shade of violet in the lighting of the lanterns. Her skin was very pale, she obviously took excellent care to protect herself from the sunlight.

"Do you mind?" she asked. "There are no other seats available."

A quick glanced confirmed that, the whole place was mobbed tonight. Sighing, Kyon reluctantly pushed out their tables third seat so the young lady could join them. She sat down, setting a worn leather pack on the table beside her and rummaging through its contents.

"Sorry to impose on you like this. I'm Yuki Nagato. Nice to meet you," she said with a polite little bow of her head.

"Haruhi," the genie on his right said, offering her hand. "Haruhi Suzumiya. And this here is Kyon...!"

Actually it wasn't, but whatever.

Yuki seemed a bit puzzled by Haruhi's shaking hands, evidently not familiar with the gesture. Or then again, maybe she was just surprised by Haruhi's enthusiasm. In either case, she returned the shake politely, trying to turn back to her research... then pausing as Kyon shifted in his seat for a better view of the stage... catching sight of the lamp hanging from his hip.

"... oh my... is that yours?"

Wouldn't exactly be wearing it on my belt if it wasn't, would I?

"Pardon me, how rude I'm being," Yuki said, dipping her head apologetically. "It's just... may I have a closer look?"

Haruhi and Kyon shared a quick glance, but neither seemed perturbed by the request. The odds of this stranger recognizing the lamp as a magical artifact were slim, and its not like anyone would want it for any other reason. Kyon almost didn't want it, now that he knew it carried the burden of an unpredictable and somewhat mercurial genie attached to it. Even so, he was somewhat reluctant as he unhooked it from his belt and handed it to Yuki to examine. She run a hand along it almost eagerly, caressing its curves.

"... I know these markings... this is old..." said the glasses wearing girl, pulling a small handbook out of her pack and flipping pages. Kyon read a little, thanks to his upbringing, but he couldn't make out much of what the book said. It seemed like a translation, however, as some of the symbols matched the lamp. Yuki may have been trying to translate it.

The music started to die down, almost a little too quickly, and it seemed as if the dancers were dispersing for the moment. The flurry of activity caught Kyon's attention as a well-dressed man in brightly colored garments took center stage, waving to his clientele. He was a portly fellow with a number of jeweled rings, probably either the owner or the manager of the Shamshir.

"Well well well, good evening my friends!" he said, chuckling to himself as if just having told a great joke.

"It's wonderful to have you all here for another night at the Shamshir. Unfortunately, you must understand, the girls, they are getting a bit tired of all the dancing...!"

Various groans of discontentment followed that statement, some of whom recognized it as an obvious lie, others more foolish (or drunk) enough to believe it demanding more. Mugs slammed onto the tables as clamors for more became the chant of choice. The brightly colored man seemed to soak in the dark comments thrown his way and threw up his arms politely for silence once again after a few moments.

"But you know me, I always save the very best... for the very last...!" he declared, and his words were met with cheers, evidently his customers did know this. For Kyon's part, he couldn't imagine what could beat what he'd just seen.

His imagination quickly took a backseat as the stage curtains drew back and a focused light illuminated the new dancing girl.

"Say hello to Mikuru Asahina... the Amber Rose!"

She was heavenly. Even the word beautiful didn't seem to be a sufficient description for her. Hair like liquid fire descended from atop of her head to brush against the small of her back, and her eyes were the color of topaz. They seemed impossibly big and almost doll-like, but shining like jewels which they shared the color with. Skin like poured milk looked impossibly smooth to the touch, and Kyon very much wanted to find out for himself just how true that idea was.

Like the other dancers, she was dressed in a skimpy halter top and bottoms of a semi-translucent silk. Hers were a color of pinkish-orange that perfectly set off the highlights of her hair. And they left little to the imagination as she began to dance. Not just to writhe and gyrate to the music as the others girls had, this one truly danced. She glided across the stage like she owned it, pivoting and spinning on her dainty toes and heels, back arching and hips sashaying as she danced. Not out of desire to please the customers, Kyon suspected, but out of a love for the art itself. She did not see them, this redhaired goddess was lost in her own little world while her exquisite figure bounded and leapt from one spot to another, seeming to float on the very air like a magical being. It was impossible to take your eyes off of her.

"Mouth dry, Kyon?" asked Haruhi casually.

He realized it was, and swallowed nervously. "Uh, yeah..."

"So go get us some drinks! We're getting thirsty already."

"Nothing for me, please," Yuki replied. "Alcohol dulls the wits."

Don't I know it, Kyon mused. And I need them dull as a marble right about now.

"Oh and go and get something for yourself too!" Haruhi called out to Kyon as he walked away, making him roll his eyes. Honestly, how did he ever manage to get saddled with such an odd genie?

He marched his way over to the bar, finding it virtually deserted. Everyone else was eyeing the stage. The bartender and Kyon may have been the only ones not focused on the dancing girl. As he approached, Kyon sized up the man. He wasn't much older than Kyon himself, with a lighter shade of brown hair and eyes almost perpetually shut behind an ever-present smile. He was washing out a mug as Kyon approached, setting it aside a moment later.

"I'll have uh... whatever," Kyon said, not even sure what to order.

The bartender gave a knowing smile, held up a single finger to indicate he would be a minute, and vanished behind the bar, returning later with a bottle of wine lightly covered in dust. Taking a moment to clean it and pop the cork, he poured two glasses, then a third one.

"Whose that for?" Kyon asked. He could guess well enough the second drink was Haruhi's, but the third one puzzled him.

"Myself," the bartender replied with a playful grin. "I get off soon anyway."

Shrugging, Kyon added an extra silver coin to the bartenders wages. Not quite paying for his whole drink, but being generous in his tip at least. He picked up two of the glasses and carried them over to the table where Haruhi and Yuki were still deep in conversation. To his consternation, the smiling bartender followed him, sipping at his own drink with a decided nonchalant air.

"So, how long have you and your ladyfriend here been an item?" he asked, dipping his glass in Haruhi's direction.

"She's not my... well... uh..." his mind blanked a moment before Kyon came up with something. "Not long."

Lame, but something none the less.

"I see... oh, pardon my forwardness, Itsuki Koizumi," he said, clapping a hand on Kyon's back and nearly making him spill his wine. And Haruhi's. Itsuki seemingly didn't notice as he sidestepped around another table and through a number of booths towards the front of the room. Kyon followed, trusting him to know a shorter and safer route than the one they'd previously been on.

Along the way, he passed a trio of travelers who were burning lotus blossoms and inhaling the smoke. He'd heard about this sort of thing before, chasing spirits or some such. Kyon pointedly waved away the pungent aroma. Despite his earlier thoughts about spending the night drunk, he realized doing so would be dangerous. He had no intention of waking up the next morning naked with all of his possessions stolen or gods only knew what else could happen. No, he'd be careful with his wine and avoid anything stronger.

He arrived at the table just as Itsuki was introducing himself to the girls, still caught up in their discussion on old relics and ancient artifacts.

"Very nice to meet you all," he said in what he probably thought was a smooth, charming tone of voice. "This your first time in a pleasure house?"

"How'd you know that?" Kyon asked sharply.

He smiled broadly. "I have a knack for reading people. And you and your ladyfriend... are very interesting people."

Rather than be offended by his assumptions, Haruhi seemed downright charmed by their newest dining companion, sliding her chair up against his and inviting him to share his opinion with the rest of them. Kyon's faint frown only seemed to make her smile all the more brightly as she caught his eye, then glanced over at the stage, where Mikuru was finishing her performance. Was it his imagination, or did she seem to be taunting him? Was she jealous? Was this some sort of payback for paying more attention to the dancers than to her?

Could genies be jealous of their masters attention?

And more importantly, was he jealous of his genies attention with someone else?


The conversation went on as the night fell into the wee hours. Some patrons left, others took their place. The girls continued to dance and the drinks continued to flow, and it seemed that the Crescent Shamshir never truly shut down completely for business.

Meanwhile, Kyon and his newfound acquaintances talked. And learned a bit about each other.

Yuki was an explorer, they found out, and an archaeologist. She studied ancient ruins and long dead civilizations to learn more about them. Her findings were all in her pack. She'd already picked up quite a few new tidbits of information from Haruhi. Owing to her fortune of being very old (and thankfully not looking it) she was a wealth of knowledge when it came to ancient civilizations.

Itsuki, more interested in the conversation than the topic, only interjected the occasional opinion or question of his own, content simply to listen and sip at his wine. His glass was almost empty and due for another, while Kyon had barely touched his. Even so, he found he was enjoying himself.

Their conversation was interrupted by a shriek from the stage.

"I've already paid!" some big man was saying.

"I told you I don't give private dances!" someone was protesting. One of the girls, though the angle prevented Kyon from a clear view of which one thanks to the brute blocking Kyon's line of sight.

"You're the one I want," he growled.

"No! Let go of me!" she shouted, as he shifted to one side and she finally came into view. Kyon recognized her instantly. It was the angel dancer, Mikuru, caught in the brute's grip. She struggled mightily but couldn't quite shake off his strong fingers on her arm. And her protesting only grew worse when he leaned in uncomfortably close to her face, as if about to plant a kiss on her.

Casting a quick look around, Kyon saw that nobody was moving to help her, not even the bouncer by the doorway. The huge scimitar resting across the drunken brute's back seemed to be deterring any would-be 'heroes' from saving poor Mikuru. Doubtless, they didn't think it their problem. Kyon didn't want trouble, but he couldn't just idly stand by either. Before he knew what he was doing he was on his feet and making his way over to the small altercation.

"Excuse me sir," he said, hoping he could defuse the situation non-violently. "I don't think you heard. She said she wasn't interested."

Mikuru shot him a grateful look, telling Kyon instantly he'd done the right thing standing up for her. But the right thing seemed like it was going to be painful, as the hulking brute of a man barely spared him a glance. Barely coming up to his chin and on the smaller side, Kyon knew he didn't look very intimidating.

"Get lost," the man growled, still pawing at Mikuru, coming dangerously close to ripping off her halter top right then and there.

"Hey, buddy, look, I think you've had a bit too much to drink," Kyon tried again. Greatly daring, he reached up to grab the brute's arm. He wasn't hoping for a fight, but he also wasn't going to let the poor little angel suffering this demon's attentions any longer.

Growling, the man turned to face Kyon, perhaps even preparing to take a swing at him. But his footing was all off, his coordination ruined by too many drinks. With a drunken lurch he yanked his arm away from Kyon, stumbling over a chair and smashing down into another table, whose occupants had been playing a game of cards. The impact sent food, drink, gold, and playing cards flying through the air. It's occupants glared over at Kyon, somehow finding him responsible for their sudden misfortune instead of the drunkard.

It went downhill from there.

"Wait a minute, that's a second ace of spades," declared one of the players. He grabbed one of the other players, tugging up his hand and down his sleeve. Sure enough, more cards came tumbling out.

"Cheating dog!" snarled another.

"He's stolen my money!"

"Thief!"

"Damn you, kid!"

Weapons were drawn as Kyon barely avoided a knife swing meant to relieve him of his left ear. Instead, the sharp metal grazed his cheek. He stumbled backwards as two of the players closed in on him. Another tried to flee, only to get knocked off his feet by another angry player and smashed into the bar, scattering half-finished drinks everywhere. The tavern quickly erupted into an all-out brawl as more rowdy and drunken patrons began to tear up the place. Wiser, more sober, or more cowardly individuals fled to the doors or dived out the windows. The bouncers attempts to restore order only further embroiled him in the battle. Kyon, however, and his table were caught up in the chaos, and he in particular was still the target of very big men with very large weapons. Under the circumstances, Kyon did the only logical thing he could do. Called for back-up.

"Haruhi!"

"Here you go, master!" she proclaimed, tugging the sword out of a nearby man's belt and chucking it through the air at Kyon. He had the good fortune to catch it, but only barely managed to avoid slicing himself on the unsheathed blade.

"Hey, watch it!" he shouted back at her. Then, ducking under the next strike meant to decapitate him, countered and parried the brute's sword strikes. He may have been only a novice, but his father had trained him well, and this man was so drunk he could barely see straight. Making them about evenly matched.


By contrast, when Itsuki joined the fray he did so with a remarkable ease that seemed at odds with his profession as a simple bartender. Dodging one striking sword and catching the owner's wrist, his fist connected with their face, dropping them in seconds. He then caught their blade by the hilt and twirled in a figure eight before assuming a fighter's stance of his own. What made it all the more impressive was how effortless he made it seem, his body seeming to flow like water as he took up the fight at Kyon's side to defend the girls from danger.

Unfortunately, this same show of skill also made him quite the target, as three men jumped him at once with knives drawn. One he knocked aside and another he kicked in the chest, but the third slashed at his unprotected back before Itsuki could elbow him in the face and reward him with a broken jaw. Stumbling onto one knee, the bartender dropped his weapon as blood flowed freely down his back.

Reacting quickly, Yuki rummaged through her pack for some medical supplies she kept on hand. Tugging off the bartenders shirt, she slapped a healing patch onto Itsuki's back, earning a wince that didn't quite dim the ever-present smile on his face. It was a makeshift and quick effort to stop the bleeding, but it wouldn't do much good if they couldn't keep him on his feet.

Sensing as much, Yuki then offered him a gnarled yellowish root.

"What's this?" he asked, not recognizing it.

"Bite down on it," she advised with an odd sort of serenity despite the chaos all around. "It'll numb the pain."

Heeding her advice, he did so, then truly lost his smile as the awful flavor hit his tongue. Grimacing, he spit out the offending object... only to realize belatedly that the juices had numbed his lips, and the rest of his body was quickly following. His strength, however, remained even as the pain seemed to slowly dissipate into nothingness. He didn't move quite as quickly as before, but it was enough.

"That'll have to do," he said, barely able to fend off another attacker.


Another brawler went for Haruhi, either out of misguided vision or a desire to use her as a hostage. He dove at the slim girl in the hopes of knocking her over and capturing her. But he had definitely gone after more than he could handle, as she simply vanished from her robes as his impacted them. He fell to the ground clutching her garments and unable to find their owner. Looking decidedly flustered and confused, the poor man did not know what hit him when the genie casually stepped up behind him and dropped a potted plant on his head. The vessel smashed, leaving the flowers to scatter about the unconscious man's head.

Finding herself safe for the moment, the young genie checked on the rest of the unfolding fight. Seeing her master was holding his own, she did a quick check to make sure the others were okay too. She'd gotten rather fond of Itsuki and Yuki in the brief time she'd known them. And she was sure her master liked them too. Mikuru as well, and Haruhi had to admit, she was cute to look at.

They'd make great friends.

Arms crossed in front of her chest as Haruhi grinned like a madwoman, and gave a little nod of her head.

Wish fulfilled.


The brawl continued to escalate, as more and more were drawn in by the fight instead of doing the sensible thing and running away. It sounded as if there were outcries from outside, possibly even the city guard, but no one was daring to venture inside until the fighters wore themselves our or killed themselves. Arbitrarily, Kyon could possibly agree with the methodology, but considering he was seconds away from getting skewered, he was feeling distinctly less than pleased by their performance. Plus, that wasn't the only problem on hand. Someone had knocked over one of the red lamps during the fight, and it had rolled over onto a nearby tapestry. Flames quickly lit up the priceless artwork, climbing ever higher in a matter of seconds.

"Oh good grief," Kyon muttered. Could this night get any worse?

As if answering his question, he saw a tapestry lit by flames fall across the floor, lighting up wooden tables and chairs along the way, spreading towards the bar. The alcohol soaked glasses and rags quickly caught fire as well, cutting off all hope of reaching the exit and escaping. Kyon would have thrown down his sword in disgust, but it seemed that one of the remaining attackers just couldn't quite wrap his head around how much danger they were in. If they didn't get out soon, they were all going to die.

"Haruhi, get us out of here!"

She just grinned, watching the ensuing chaos with the same bright smile. "Is that a wish, master?" she inquired teasingly.

"Yes!" he almost snarled at her.

"I don't hear the magic words," she sing-songed teasingly.

"Rrrrr!" he deflected another sword strike meant to impale him through the ribcage, knocking the blade of his enemy aside and giving Mikuru a chance to smash a bottle over his attackers head, rendering him unconscious on the floor. "Alright, fine! I wish for you to get us back home!" Narrowly dodging aside a crumbling bit of flaming debris, he decided to add a "NOW!" for good measure.

Dainty hands came together in a soft little clap. "Granted! Hold on, everybody! I picked up this trick from a Magi friend of mine."

"A Ma-what?"

Ignoring his question, Haruhi knelt down and slapped the palms of her hands down against the ground. Or, more specifically, against the thick carpet that lay underneath their feet.

"Kazzam!" she said, intoning a mystical word of power.

It shuddered as her phenomenal power infused its fabric, through every frayed fiber and thread. Slowly, the carpet began to rise up off the ground, lifting as it did so Kyon, Mikuru, Yuki and Itsuki in the process. Haruhi plopped herself down at the front of the carpet cross-legged, making the whole thing bob and weave and nearly throwing the others off.

"And... we're... off!" Haruhi threw up her arms and cheered, as the magic carpet suddenly took off, zooming over the heads of the remaining brawlers and up towards the ceiling. A flicker of her hands and an explosion rocked the tavern, as a great hole opened up in the very rooftop. Fiery debris came raining down as the magic carpet and its occupants went soaring off through the new exit and into the open night sky. Kyon lost his balance at the sudden motion, nearly tumbling off the rug, but Izumi grabbed his arm and grasped a hold of the edge of the carpet to keep them both from falling.

As the carpet levelled out and slowed its breakneck pace to one more slow and steady, Kyon settled comfortably onto the fabric, finally allowing himself a chance to relax. They were finally out of danger.

"That... was insane..." he gasped out, feeling more than a little winded from his exertions. As well as clearing the last of the smoke from his lungs.

The others were looking a little better in comparison, but they still sported some soot and ash wherever they did not have bruises. Itsuki's cut was healing slowly, however, and it seemed Mikuru and Yuki had escaped any sort of permanent damage of their own. So overall, they'd managed to come out ahead in the fight. If they were lucky, nobody would even remember who they were, and thus the city guard wouldn't be able to find and persecute them. Not that they had any trouble in that regard either, almost everything they'd done had been purely in self-defense.

Explaining the magic, on the other hand, might be tricky.

Kyon's eyes rolled back into his head and he collapsed onto the carpet as it trailed through the open air. Itsuki and Mikuru swiftly moved to roll him onto his back and making sure he was both comfortable and secure on their impromptu transport. His eyes fluttered open briefly, seeing the faces of his newfound friends above him, and beyond that the stars in the night sky. It was a beautiful sight to behold, and a welcome one to hold onto as he mercifully lost consciousness, trusting Haruhi to see them safely home.

She may have been cantankerous, opinionated, mouthy, irreverent, and possibly borderline homicidal, but she definitely lived up to her masters wishes. He could not deny that had been an experience he wouldn't be forgetting anytime soon.

Dangerous, but fun.


Authors Notes:
Naturally, countless shout outs to other work featuring genies, including but not limited to: Kazzam, Wishmaster, I Dream of Jeannie, Aladdin, and Magi: Labyrinth of Magic.

While perhaps more acceptable for the time and place, the author of course does not condone the use of drugs recreationally in real life. There are plenty of other ways to find yourself a natural high.