Disclaimer: don't own ff8. Or a Christmas carol which this is based on. Or Christmas, i dont own christmas.

A/N: yes, still balambgirl, just with an added leontilly hehehe! well I know I updated this kind of quick, but I want to make sure its done before Christmas. In this chapter flashbacks/visions are in italics. Am happy some people liked this, and okay as promised thanks and Christmas cookies to Zellycat, crazy turkey, lilnaych, sion0083,draven nightly, r, RinNoMiko ,cerulean crystal, sayuri 21 and the fluff. Thanks for the support you guys! And its time for the ghost of Christmas past………

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…"you've got to be kidding me" Squall said backing away from the spirit

"You seem scared" the girl said simply "Don't be scared"

"you're not real…I have to be dreaming again"

"After everything you've seen, all that you have been through, do you still refuse to believe in anything that can not be totally proven?"

"This is crazy…"
"Love can not be proven, is that why you are trying to turn your back on it?"

"W-what?" Squall stuttered. He could hardly believe what was going on, this was all so unreal.

"I am here for a reason Squall, this is real. As I told you, I am the ghost of Christmas past and I am here to show you, to teach you. But I can not teach if you do not want to learn. Do you want to learn Squall?"

"I…I…what are you going to show me?"

"Your past. A great deal has happened to you Squall, you have been through so much. I want to show you your past, show you how it has affected the present." the girl extended her hand "Come with me Squall"

Squall shook his head "N-no, this is too weird"

The young girl giggled, an innocent child like smile appearing on her features "Surely the great warrior and commander Squall Leonhart is not afraid of a little girl…or are you afraid of what you might learn?"

Reluctantly, Squall took the girls hand, still unsure as to whether any of this could actually be real. The young girl smiled again and suddenly there was a flash of light all around them as they were enveloped in a cold wind. Squall closed his eyes to shield them from the blinding light and when he opened them again he was in a completely different place. It was a large, stone room with grey walls and floors and weak sunlight was shining in through the windows. The place was oddly familiar, but Squall couldn't place why.

"W-were are we?"

"You'll see" the girl said, letting go of Squalls hand.

Suddenly the scene began to change as the wispy outlines of children appeared. Once the forms became clear Squall instantly knew were they were

"We're…we're at the orphanage?" Squall asked confusedly

The girl nodded and then pointed towards the door way as a child ran in, a little boy chased by a girl slightly older. The boy was young, 5 or 6, and had light brown hair and was wearing an orange striped t-shirt.

"look familiar" the spirit said to Squall

"is…is that me?" Squall asked disbelievingly.

The little girl nodded and then turned to watch the scene in front of them

"You're not going to get me! I 'm too quick for you elle!" the little boy said running around the room "you can't catch me !"

"bet I can" the girl said with a giggle starting to run a little faster.

Suddenly another child came running into the room. He was another little boy, with blonde hair wearing a shirt and shorts.

"Zell?" Squall asked the spirit "is that Zell?"

"Yes, it is. Do you remember this Squall?"

Squall shook his head. It was only about last year that he had discovered he was in an orphanage with Zell, Quistis, Irvine and Selphie and that was hazy. He had very few memories of his days there.

"Heya! What's going on?" little Zell asked curiously

"I'm playing chase with Sis, but she cant catch me, I'm too quick for her" little Squall said grinning

"hey, can I play too?" Zell asked

"Yep. I bet she cant catch you either" Squall laughed

"I don't remember ever being this…happy" Squall said

"nope, it all changed sadly" the girl said. As she said it, the scene around them changed. It was the same room, but it was dark and empty now and the rain could be heard splattering on the stone outside.

Suddenly a tall, elegant woman with long dark hair walked in to the room looking frantic and worried. "He isn't in here either" she whispered sadly to herself, before turning to the corner of the room exactly where Squall was standing

"Can she see us?" Squall asked

"No" the girl shook her head "We are merely watching a scene that unfolded many years ago, we are visitors to the memory, nothing can be changed by our presence, we can not be seen"

"Who is matron looking for?"

"Who do you think. Come with me" the girl lead Squall through the door at the side of the room that lead outside to an area with some bushes and trees. Rain was falling heavily all around Squall, but he could not feel it. This was completely surreal to him.

The girl lifted her hand and pointed again, this time to one of the low bushes. The same small child, squall himself as a small child was crouched there, behind the leaves.

"what am I doing?'' Squall asked

"Go and see for yourself" the girl said

Squall walked over and crouched next to the child, and could hear him whispering softly to himself

"Sis, Elle, why did you go away? don't you like me anymore sis? What did I do wrong? I'm…not gonna let matron find me, I'm not going back inside untill you come back sis, I miss you"

"This is truly pathetic" Squall said shaking his head "I was pathetic"

"Were you?" the girl asked "is it pathetic not to want to be alone?"

"I..I don't know"

"But you were always alone after Ellone left, weren't you Squall"

Squall shrugged

"Let me show you" the girl said, leading Squall back inside the building.

Squall was starting to get a major headache. It was almost impossible that any of this was real, spirits and messages, but then again he was being shown so many things from his past that even he could not remember.

"this is one month later" the girl said, gesturing to the room, which was now full of children once again.

Squall saw himself sitting alone in the corner of the room.

"Hey Squally" said a little brunette girl running over to him "Quisty and Irvy and me are all playing outside! You wanna play too?"

Little Squall shook his head "No"

"Quistis, Selphie, Irvine. They were all here" Squall said recognising the children

"Yes. But you were never really friends with them. Even back then you were always alone. And of course, gradually, one by one, everyone started to disappear-they were all adopted, taken all across the countries. And then you really were alone."

Once again Squall witnessed the scene change. The other children faded away and he was left there alone

"Sis, you're still not here. I'm all alone. But…but I'll make it by myself, I'll be strong, I'll be okay by myself…I will"

"Why are you showing me this?"

"Squall, this made you who you are, or at least part of who you are. The part of you that keeps telling yourself its better to be alone, the part of you that restrains you from sharing your feelings, the part of you that you behind, the part of you people call cold, all that started here Squall. You loved Ellone and she disappeared, and then everyone else did too. After that you started wanting to be alone, you closed your heart off, refused to let anyone in.. you were afraid to let people in, so you covered it by saying you'd rather be alone"

"I was…I was such a miserable child. I remember now, even when I joined Garden I was always alone. I never made friends, never tried too. But I think that was for the best. What am I supposed to be learning from all this?"

"I want you to see. I want you to see why you are who you are. What it was that made you afraid to let people in. It is much as a problem now as it was then Squall, you can not live this way. I am showing you the past so you understand. You can not change your ways if you do not understand them."

"I…I cant change" Squall said shaking his head, he was realising all these things about himself for the first time "I've always been this way. Now I know why. I tried to change. I tried and I failed. It's just not possible. Is that what you wanted me to learn?"

"No Squall, of course not. I wanted you to realise that that is what you subconsciously tell yourself, and I want you to see why. And I want you to see change is possible."

The spirit girl lead Squall outside once again, but the building behind them now looked very different. It was collapsed, uncared for and old.

"this is something I'm sure you will remember. Go on" The girl pointed to the flowers growing behind the 2 pillars. Moving slightly closer, Squall instantly recognised the scene in front of him. He saw himself standing with Rinoa, just over a year ago.

"Rinoa…" Squall said

The child looked up and smiled at him, with that innocent childlike smile "She's very pretty"

"I know…she's amazing" Squall said quietly as he watched the familiar scene unfold

"I'll be here"

"why?"

"I'll be waiting here."

"for what?"

"I'll be waiting for you. So if you come here. You'll find me, I promise."

"See Squall? Do you see the difference? you did change. In this moment you were open, you were honest. You let her in"

"I guess I did. But somehow, I changed back…started pushing her away again" Squall said slowly. This was all so confusing. He was realising so much about himself that he had never thought of before. But mostly it was all questions and no answers.

"I understand what you mean. This moment was perfect, but in everything that followed it you put your guard up again. I have one more thing to show you which may help you piece together why."

There was a flash of blue light and the scene changed again to one that immediately turned his blood cold. Time compression.

"N-not this" he said "I don't wanna remember this…it was hell"

"I know. But why was it hell? Because you couldn't be with her, you couldn't find her. You let your guard down, let her in your heart and this is what happened. You let the doubt creep in again, the doubt and the fear."

"I guess…I guess when I found her I thought all that went away. But you're right, its been creeping back in. I saw her everyday after then and something inside was telling me that it could be every day could be the last day I saw her, the day I lost her. I think…I think I thought keeping her away would make all that easier."

The little girl gave a childish giggle "You finally get it!"

"Yeh..but still, it was all for the best. It's better to prepared for that kind of loss…"

The girl shook her head "Is it Squall? I don't expect you to learn everything from the past, I merely wanted to prepare you for what the rest of the night will show you"

There was another blue, blinding light and when it died away Squall found himself back in the office.

"there. That wasn't so bad now was it?"

"it was…"

"Don't analyse it Squall. Just feel it. And I have one more thing to tell you: the past is the past" the girl said as the outlines of her started to blur and fade "it brings you to the present, but it does not have to define it"

And with another flourish of lights, the girl disappeared.

Squall was left alone in the silence of the office, his head spinning.

But before he had time to really get his head around any of what had happened, the clock chimed again……….

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Well there we have squalls past courtesy of the ghost of Christmas past. Hope people all liked the chapter and next chapter (if people want me to continue) we meet the ghost of Christmas present….. Let me know what you think of the chapter. Thanks guys xx