Another quick instalment of Clematis. Slightly longer than the last chapter. I apologize in advance for any spelling errors. Enjoy, feel free to review. No pressure.


1987-August 3rd


It's bigger.

My mind was still wrapping itself around the prospect of being a sister. But there were so many things I didn't know, especially when it came to pregnancy. From June that hopped to July and eventually followed closely by August, Renee's stomach seemed to bloat further and faster than I would have thought possible.

The changes were subtle at first, her stomach stretching little by little to the point it looked like she swallowed a watermelon—a very large watermelon. The air around her had changed too and at first it confused me, but then I took in the small scents that radiated from her body. Sweet as nectar, soft and smooth like honey and light and airy like freesia. My mouth had watered at the scent, burning like acid at the back of my throat. I could practically taste it on the tip of my tongue any time the window was open around the house.

But then I remembered who I was smelling and I had to force myself to swallow back, shame washing over me when a quick fantasy of draining the woman flicked through my mind. It was something I wasn't prepared for, especially in this new life—if that is what you could call it. It didn't feel like I was living at all. I spent most of my time perched in a tree, watching my old house as if it was about to crumble at any second.

I barely ever looked away. Or even moved from my spot.

Since making my decision to stay—or stay out of sight—I had only moved a handful of times since June. The first was when Charlie and Renee left the house, I had slipped inside an open window. I went straight up to my room, which I was surprised to discover hadn't been touched since I left. All expect the lingering scent of Charlie and something else, perhaps my own scent, I couldn't be sure.

The bed, that was pushed against the window, was still a mess. I had forgotten to make my bed the day I 'disappeared'. Even random articles of clothing still littered the floor. It was like Charlie was trying to preserve my room for the day I returned home, but I knew that was never going to happen—not in the way Charlie wanted it. I was, in a sense, home. But not how I would have liked it to be.

I had stolen a few pieces of clothing from my wardrobe and a small duffel bag to store them in. I didn't take much, just enough to go unnoticed.

Other than the one time I had went into the house, I had wandered off a few time too. This new idea of living was very difficult, even more difficult with the lingering burn in my throat. Resisting Charlie's blood was almost easy, but with the added scent of my new sister had caused Renee's scent to become highlighted and stronger. Pulling back once taking a whiff was like someone dangling a piece of chocolate in front of your face but saying you couldn't have any.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to harm Renee, despite my slight dislike of Charlie's new wife. Instead, I wallowed in self pity.

I had only eaten a few times since finding myself less than human. The first time was the worst. I didn't know what was happening. Being lost and confused, covered in your own blood in the middle of the forest didn't help any ether. It was like coming out of a deep sleep. Misty and hazy, everything felt distorted and out of place. But I quickly came to realize it wasn't the forest that was the problem, it was myself. I was out of place.

I had sat on the forest floor for a long time, weeks perhaps, before my throat felt like it was bursting into flames, leaving me writhing against the wet ground. It was almost like convenient timing, the more I thought back to it. A small, brown and gray rabbit had come upon the scene—completely unaware of the danger.

The tiny heartbeat was enough to send me into a frenzy. My body acted all by itself, shoving every logical thought far away into a deep dark corner. It was like I was feral, completely uncontrolled and wild. The rabbit didn't make much of a fuss, it only took a few seconds for it to die and for me to drink every last drop of blood. The heart stopped faster than I thought possible and the blood drained quicker than I would have liked.

But the blood helped. My throat didn't feel as raw as before and my mind finally snapped back to reality to see what I had done.

I sat still for more time after that, cradling the small, dead animal in my arms and more guilt plagued me. I killed a small, defenceless creature but at the same time I felt relief.

By the time I started to register the severity of the situation, I was already barrelling through the forest, knocking over trees in my path while trying to find a way out—trying to find my dad.

That was just a little under two months ago now.

When I did need to eat, however, I always seemed to leave it to the last minute. Until I could no longer handle the burn and would have to force myself out of the tree to look for more rabbits. I'll admit, trying to catch a rabbit is a lot harder than it seemed. All I kept coming across were elk or deer, which I refused to eat or drink from. I didn't know if it would cause me any harm to drink from other animals, all I did know is that rabbits helped the pain. I refused anything else.

No one would miss a rabbit or two, I knew that much. But even with killing a few rodents, the guilt was still there—though it lessened each time I did it. Either way, I called myself a murderer for hurting such small and cute little animals. At least it wasn't another person I had harmed, I don't think I could handle that.

But still, I ate very rarely. I didn't like having to suckle the blood of an animal to survive. The food I used to eat, before become this...thing, didn't call to me in the way blood did. I had smelt the food Charlie ate, or whatever horrifying concoction Renee seemed to create—I came to the conclusion it smelt worse than dung. Unappetizing, making me want to throw up.

I had tried, of course, during the last time I snuck into the house after I gathered a small pile of clothing. There was leftovers in the fridge—chicken, now that I thought about it. Despite the smell it gave off, I had stuffed it into my mouth, stupidly thinking it would help and that maybe I was just going insane and I wasn't...whatever I am now.

I was horribly mistaken. The moment it touched my tongue I was already spitting it out, heaving without restraint and rubbing my hand across my tongue to get rid of the dirt like flavour. It would be fair to say that I wouldn't be eating solid food any time soon. I stuck to the small fluffy animal to survive.

Unfortunately, the longer I waited to eat, the more weak I became. It didn't help matters that Renee's scent strengthened any time I grew hungry. She was like a siren, attempting to bait and lure me into coming to her. Only she was the victim. I tried my best not to fantasize about how she would taste, which proved much more difficult the longer her pregnancy spanned out. I had to remind myself constantly who she was and who she was carrying.

But my resolve didn't break. I didn't actively seek Renee out and I didn't linger where her scent was strongest. I stayed rooted to the tree, my nails digging into the bark and leaving permanent crescent moon indentations.

It was painful, but enough. As long as I could see Charlie then I was happy—even if he wasn't. It was better this way.

Unfortunately, the straw that broke the camel's back was one fateful Saturday night, near enough midnight. Renee, it would appear, is a nocturnal creature that often prowled around the dark house after Charlie had gone to bed. At first I wondered if this was due to her pregnancy, but later decided it was just amusing to watch her with an almost constant scowl on her face while grumbling incoherent things under her breath.

It gave me entertainment and I was glad.

Sadly, today wasn't one of those days. Renee had decided a late night bath was in order. Charlie didn't object, he wanted her to be as comfortable as possible before the baby was born. I could see his logic, Renee looked like she was ready to pop at any moment.

The bathroom window was cracked open only slight, enough for me to smell the different type of bath soaps that Renee was using. Lavender played a huge part, it seemed. It made my nose itch a little, it didn't smell as nice as it used to.

I could hear Renee humming to herself softly, the sound of water sloshing occasionally followed by the sound of metal on skin, creating a long and low 'zip' like noise. It went on like that for a small time as I watched the small flickers of light coming from the bathroom—Renee most likely decided upon using scented candles, if the smell of cinnamon told me anything. It didn't smell quite so natural. But it wasn't unpleasant.

The sound of sloshing water continued until finally there was an audible hiss. I tensed, hearing Renee moan softly, grunting out a tiny 'ow' of pain. My first thought was perhaps she was having contractions, or maybe the baby was finally coming.

But when the subtle scent of copper drifted up my nose, I found myself tumbling back out of the tree. A growl had ripped itself out of my throat before I even touched the ground, my body suddenly felt like it was on fire with need.

I caught myself before I landed, twisting my body until the balls of my feet dropped soundlessly on the wet ground. I was already in a crouched position before I even knew it, my eyes staying trained on the bathroom window and I felt my mouth watering, my hands curled into small claws as they flexed. The muscles across my body coiled, begging me to move. For a moment, I was going to allow my new instincts to take over.

My thoughts were already fading into a thick mist, the sweet nectar scent still wafting around me.

"You alright, Renee? Thought I heard something," Charlie's gruff voice brought me back down to reality and I froze before I could take a step forward, my breathing stilled—enough for me to understand what I was about to do.

"Yeah," Renee grumbled back "Just cut myself while shaving..."

I didn't stay to listen to their conversation, I was already hurtling through the forest as their voices drifted off. I blinked back as my vision clouded, my throat felt both thick and burning, shame seeping through me.

I thought it had gotten easier, but I had never smelled fresh blood until that moment. But that was all it took to shake things back up, I wasn't in control as I thought I was.

If this is how I reacted to Renee, then who knows how I would react to a newborn baby? I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I hurt Bella.

For the first time, I wished I wasn't so alone. I wished there was someone there to help me. But who would I even ask? Who else could run without tiring? Or go months without sleeping, and still feel fine? Who else drinks blood to survive?

A small sob cracked through my lips as I continued to run, no destination in mind.

Just what the hell am I?