What Really Happened

What Really Happened

Part Two

a fanfiction comedy by Stacey

(don't read this unless you've read ALL of book four, and the first part, or you will be horribly lost)

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"Oh my God! This is all your fault, Wormtail! Oh s***!" The female-Voldemort (who was butt-naked and had an even higher-pitched voice than before) was ranting loudly.

Wormtail tried to bite his lower lip--except that he didn't have any, so he ended up gagging.

Voldemort truly was female. From where he was, Wormtail could clearly see that.

She stalked over and yelled, "Damnit, Wormtail, what happened?!"

Nagini nodded and hissed.

"Er...," he looked wildly around for some sort of explanation. His eyes fell on the gravestone where Harry Potter (who was watching curiously) was tied. Tom and Martha Riddle... that was it!

"Master, yar moder an' fader were boried togedah." He spoke, trying to pronounce his words without lips.

"SO?!"

"Well, I jus' thought, you know... day alvays did have a sick sense o' hoomer..." he trailed off.

"Are you saying...? Oh crap!" Realization dawned on Voldemort. "I was reborn as a woman because they gave me my MOTHER'S BONE INSTEAD OF MY FATHER'S?!"

"I tink so, Master."

Voldemort's face broke into a wide grin.

"I could be wrong, o' course," Wormtail added hastily.

"Oh, no no no, you're not wrong," she said, looking herself up and down. "In fact, I think I really could get to enjoy this form!"

"Ah..."

"Now, first things first. I pride myself on being prepared for everything. So--" Voldemort walked over to the bundle of blankets and drew out-- frilly pink underpants. Smiling insanely, she put them on and picked up her wand.

Now dressed in naught but frilly pink panties, Voldemort conjured a full-length mirror and began admiring herself.

Wormtail shot a glance at the Potter boy and saw that Harry's eyes were squeezed tight shut.

"Wormtail, give me my pink brassiere."

"Master... forgive me, but... you didn't 'ring any." he said.

"Oh, fine." Voldemort swung on her robes (which were hot pink) and struck a pose for the mirror.

So he stayed quiet and Voldy kept on striking poses.

There was a long pause. Voldemort turned to Wormtail and said, "don't I look cute in these robes?", giggled, and continued posing for her mirror.

Pause.

"CAN WE PLEASE GET ON WITH IT?!" Harry looked up and yelled.

"Right, I was just about to, " Voldemort huffed. "Wormtail, your lips--" Shiny silver lips erupted from her wand and firmly attached themselves to Wormtail's mouth. He was startled. The silver lips on his face greatly resembled lipstick.

"Wait a minute," said Harry, finding his voice at last. "Aren't you supposed to do that after the Death Eaters come?"

"Shut up, you." she said, then looked back at Wormtail.

""Thank you Master... thank you!"

"Hmph." Voldemort put her hands on her hips. "I wanted a brassiere. Now--" She clapped her hands twice. "Death Eaters! Oh, Deatheys! Come here!" Grabbing Wormtail's arm, she prodded the Dark Mark and made it burn black.

Then, as soon as the Death Eaters arrived, she bewitched their robes so that every one of them wore American cheerleading outfits, complete with pom poms.

Voldemort and the Death Eaters pranced around and henceforth continued to party all night.

Around midnight, Harry untied himself and left via Portkey, but they didn't care.

At one-thirty, Nagini got fed up. Nagini was tired of being ignored! So she (he?) ran away, and joined the circus.

Female-Voldemort and the cheerleading Death Eaters danced and had fun (one of them brought out a boom box and played Savage Garden) until three a.m. when the Muggle police came and arrested them all.

END

A/N: This is what should have happened, anyway. In my opinion, that is. Let's see...

Harry Potter, Wormtail, the Death Eaters, Tom Riddle, and Voldemort belong to J.K., not me.

The name "Martha" was made up by me, but Tom Riddle's wife belongs to J.K.

Savage Garden belong to themselves.

"Voldemort and the Death Eaters" would be a good name for a band, don't you think?

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