Back due to popular demand! However, I've decided to instead make this a series of oneshots, and occasionally do a multichapter story. I think this is the best format for something with Deadpool, anyway. And by the way, this particular oneshot has no prior explanation, so for those who are wondering why he's hangin out the with Gaang and Iroh and Zuko, it's just cuz I wanted to. Don't look for anything to deep here, this is purely for comedy! And of course the inkling of drama that goes in, what would we do without drama? Now, I present to you Deadpool in The Tales of Ba Sing Se!
The Tale of Zuko
"So, how do you like the city so far?"
"It's okay." came the hesitant reply. Suddenly the boy's eye's twitched, as if being forced to endure something annoying. He muttered something under his breath, and pressed his hand on his ear.
"I'm sorry?"
"Nothing!" Lee said a little too quickly, "I have a…ear infection, and it's really bothering me."
Despite the obvious hastiness behind the excuse, Jin seemed concerned, "Do you need to see a healer?"
He shook his head. "No, Uncle took care of it. It will go away soon." Anger dripped from the last word, and seemed to be directed at someone besides Jin, which incredibly confused her. Suddenly he flinched, and Jin could've sworn she could hear a light buzzing from his right ear.
"Are you okay?" she asked. Her worry at his distress was not lost on Lee, who stared blankly. Then, with a look of incredible fury, he reached into his right ear. After pulling out a small, sleek object, he threw it with as much force as possible to the other side of the street.
"Hey, there's my favorite playboy Prince! So how'd the date go?"
Zuko responded by punching Deadpool right in the gut. Leaving the mercenary gasping for breath on the floor, he went into his room and slammed the door shut.
Iroh didn't move to help Deadpool. Instead, he asked, "Why is angry with you this time?"
"Well," wheezed the man, "I said I'd offer my advice for his date, and, well, I used my comm. thingies to talk to him during it."
"And what did you tell him?"
"Well, every time she said something, I told him that she was begging to touch his body and that he should take her to a dark alley and make hot dirty love to her right there."
Iroh blinked. For a moment he just stared at Deadpool, processing what he just told him.
"BWUAHAHAHAHA!"
The old general laughed so hard that he was on the ground clutching his stomach.
The Tale of Iroh
"It is usually best to admit mistakes when they occur, and to seek to restore honor."
Loud smashing noises startled everyone, and they turned to look through the recently destroyed window. A large man was peering back at them, with a furious expression on his face.
"When I'm through with you kids, the window won't be the only thing that's broken!" he bellowed.
"Don't worry guys," reassured Deadpool, "I got this!" From seemingly out of nowhere he flung out a massive .50 caliber rifle and aimed it at the man.
"No!" ordered Iroh, "Run, kids! That means you, too, Deadpool!"
"Awwwwww!" whined the Merc with a Mouth as they ran out of the alley and through the street, "Come on! I gotta kill somebody today…"
"We're in a city," chastised the old General, "Your wild antics would only give us unwanted attention."
"What 'wild antics'?"
"Crescent Island, the Pirate Fiasco," immediately answered Iroh, "the North Pole, the time you tried to have an ostrich-horse and komodo-rhino have a deathmatch…"
"Oh, come on! Don't you wonder who would win that fight? Personally I'd vote for the ostrich-horse, I mean, yeah it doesn't have any natural weapons, or protection, or ferocity, or all around coolness, but the underdogs have an annoying tendency to always win."
By now the two were resting in a small alleyway, panting heavily.
"You. Give me your money!"
The two men turned to see a scruffy-looking man dressed in rags pointing a wicked dagger at them. Before Iroh could say anything, Deadpool flourished his twin blades and stabbed the man through the chest. Crumbling to the ground in a bloody heap, he died instantly.
"Don't worry, General Iroh, I killed the foul villain before he could harm you!" yelled Deadpool.
"Why did you do that?!" roared Iroh, "You know he couldn't harm me!"
"Yeah, well, he's a street rat, no one cares about them. And besides, did you see his stance, it was bloody awful! He deserved that!"
"But did you have to kill him?!"
"I already told you, I had to kill somebody today. This city is choking me to death, man! It reminds me too much of home. And be thankful I didn't go with the .50 cal, cuz then we'd have a big mess, not to mention people hearing it and police coming at us up the butthole…"
Iroh sighed, resigning to the fact that what's done is done, and he couldn't change that. He only wished that he could change Deadpool for the better. His bloodthirsty urges will be the end of him.
"Very well. Put the body to the side, then head back home. I have one last matter I need to attend to, and will be home shortly." At that, Iroh left Deadpool behind.
Deadpool, having no care for someone's privacy, naturally wanted to see what this 'matter' was, and followed Iroh through the streets. Well, Iroh was in the streets, Deadpool was actually hopping rooftops.
Iroh stopped when he reached a lone tree on a hilltop in the park. The sun was beginning to set, giving an orange hue to the world. Deadpool spied on the old General from a far rooftop with a pair of binoculars.
Iroh then rested on his knees and piled some rocks at the tree's base. Searching though his basket, he removed several things and placed them at the bottom of the tree. He pulled out a sheet of paper and looked at it for a few seconds, before placing it down as well. Finally he pulled two joss sticks, and lighted them with his fingers. A small picture of a young man rested on the rocks, but Deadpool couldn't recognize him. Then Iroh began to sing. Deadpool identified the song with the same one he sang to the kid earlier, but in a much sadder tone. The mercenary suddenly felt very uncomfortable.
When Iroh began to cry, Deadpool left.
The Tale of Aang
While Aang questioned the zookeeper, Deadpool took the time to look around the place. He had to admit that some the creatures here were pretty cool. The armadillo-lion was certainly a standout. The dragonflies that were actual dragons also caught his attention.
Unfortunately, the depressing atmosphere prevented the animals from doing anything other than lying around looking all sad.
Suddenly Aang appeared at Deadpool's side, a smile across his face. "Hey Deadpool! I got an idea!"
"Does it happen to involve explosions, beautiful women, or chimichangas?"
"Ummm, no."
"Then I don't wanna do it."
"We're gonna free all these animals and bring them to the Outer Ring!"
"Why?"
"So they can be happy!"
"Ugh, do I have to?"
"Uh, it can involve explosions if you want it to," offered Aang.
"Deal!"
After two seconds, Aang was seriously starting to reconsider his inclusion of Deadpool in this. The merc believed that he needed to put at least a little C4 on every lock in the zoo. Needless to say, Aang was concerned.
"Oh, come on, I put barely any on! Just enough to destroy the locks, I promise!" reassured Deadpool.
Two seconds later, the entire district was in chaos. Animals ran rampant through the streets, terrorizing the citizens. Deadpool somehow managed to get on top of a mandrelephant, which was trying to buck him off. Deadpool was quite enjoying himself.
"Haha, look at me! I'm riding a baboon-moose, bitch!"
"Mandrelephant!" corrected Aang, who was currently blowing dragonflies away from people.
"Monkey-rhino!"
"Mandrelephant!"
"Lemurpottamus!"
Aang sighed in frustration, but then got a brilliant idea. Taking the bison whistle, he took in a deep breath and blew as hard as he could.
As the Avatar directed all of the animals to the gates, Deadpool began to sing.
"I'm on a lemurpottamus, I'm on a lemurpottamus, hey everybody look at me cuz I'm riding on a lemurpottamus!"
The Tale of Katara and Toph
"No."
"Oh come on!"
"No!"
"Please!" begged Deadpool.
"No means no!" yelled Katara, "This is a girls day out, and you're not a girl!"
"Actually, Deadpool coming might make the whole thing much more interesting," offered a hopeful Toph.
"That's exactly why I don't want him to come! This trip is going to be relaxing, and Deadpool is anything but!"
"You know what, fine! Go off and enjoy your stupid day out! I'll just sit around here and rot!"
"Good, you could use the rest. We're going now."
Deadpool, however, refused to be beaten, and almost immediately ran after them.
As Katara and Toph were registering and paying at the sauna, Deadpool walked in. Katara glared at him while Toph secretly reveled. Completely ignoring the girls, he stood in line behind them and looked in the other direction.
"Why are you here?!" demand Katara.
"Why, I am just getting ready to enjoy the services of the Fancy Lady Day Spa, random-girl-who-I'm-not-talking-to-anymore."
"This is our day!"
"I am well aware of this, random-girl-who-won't-let-me-have-fun. The fact that we're going to same place is mere coincidence."
Realizing there was no to beat him, Katara finished registration and, with Toph, went to the ladies room to undress.
When they walked back out, they were welcomed by the shrieks of women. There Deadpool stood, without any clothes on save for a robe around his waist that covered his legs. Unfortunately, his misshapen skin was on full display, terrifying the servants. One managed to gain some composure, and said "S-sir, could you p-please leave? I'm afraid we can't work on you at the moment, w-we're booked. Your money will be returned to you of course."
Katara stuck her tongue at him, gleaming at her triumph. Deadpool growled at her and put his costume back on.
The Tale of Sokka
Deadpool looked on in admiration as Sokka engaged in a battle of wits against the lady on the stage. The Water Tribesman's hilarious haikus competed with the woman's intelligent insults. But when he noticed that all the pretty girls were focusing on Sokka and not him, he decided to join in.
"Three now play this game, for competition calls it, I shall win their hearts!" said Deadpool as he walked on stage. The woman scowled, the girls' giggled, and Sokka grinned.
"Very brave my good man, but it may be best to stop, for I am king here!"
"Surrounded by brutes, their hot heads will be their fall, savages they are." responded the lady.
"I ignore such things; I am wise and kind to all, for I am Deadpool."
Sokka laughed. "You think yourself kind? Kind and wise do not fit you, my favorite merc!"
The girls oohed at the insult. Before the woman could take her turn, Deadpool beat her to the punch.
"You know nothing, and your own faults come to mind, young Water Tribesman!"
"Pale to your errors, to be so sure of such things, I recall the pirates?" shot back Sokka.
"Who drank cactus juice? Who tasted the honey of vulture-bees?!" yelled Deadpool, abandoning the haiku rules.
"Who thought it'd be cool to see Appa tackle an elephant koi?! Who tried to distract Fire Nation troops by yelling 'Don't look to the southwest and focus on my pole-dancing!'? Who-AAAGGHH!"
The bouncer had chosen then to throw the two of them out, lifting each with one hand and sending them flying through the doors. As they lay on the floor, groaning, they stared at each other. Then they broke into laughter. After getting up, the two friends headed home, laughing all the way.
