First Gear - Walnut Whip Around

'Boss level?!' Ralph spun around sharply. 'You said this was an easy track!'

'Ah don't be such a big diaper baby! Just drive!'

Ralph didn't move, but after a second his angry glare began to evolve into one of concern. 'You sure you want to listen to King Candy? After all he did to you and your game?'

Vanellope set her mouth, and folded her arms. 'I'm not scared of that old faker. This is mygame, and I'm not letting him boss me about!'

'But you will let him direct us about, that right?'

'If you're wimpin' out on me just speak up, and I'll get Felix to come over and dry your baby tears away.'

'Fine!' Ralph turned back around, and slowly put the car into gear and set off. 'Which one of your work committee thought it would be a good idea to put his voice into a guide anyway?'

But before Vanellope could answer, Ralph stalled the kart and sent it juddering to a halt.

'Milk my duds, you do know what a clutch is for don't you?'

'Hey! Easy on the sneering there, puff pants. Do you want to be turned off?'

'Do you want me to direct you around this track?'

'No, not really!'

'But I do!' Vanellope pleaded. 'Try again Ralph. Please?'

Ralph sighed, and put the kart into gear again. In agitation he stomped down too hard on the accelerator and sent the kart flying forward.

'Yeah, that's more like it Ralphy! Fly like the wind!'

They sped forward, and climbed up a slope into a valley of hazelnut hills.

'Hoo-hoo, avoid the nuts there.'

'Really? You don't think I should steer right into them?'

'Hoo-hoo, avoid the nuts there.'

'That all you got?' Ralph gripped the steering wheel tighter. 'How about telling me how to avoid them?'

'See the gaps between them? Might want to try them first.'

'Oh ingenious; you must be the deluxe model that costs an arm and a leg.'

'Speaking of which, what do you call a guy with one arm and no legs who holds up your car?

'What?' Ralph glanced down at the sat nav and then sharply back up, as the shadow of a huge nut rock fell over them, forcing him to steer sharply around it. 'Give the dumb jokes a rest and tell me how to get out of here!'

'I'll give you a clue: It's not you. Clue…and you…hoo-hoo, that rhymes!'

Before Ralph could give an appropriate response to that, a dull sound like thunder crept into their ears. Ralph risked a glance up at the sky, but it was its usual brilliant blue. He risked another glance at Vanellope, who grimaced good-naturedly. 'Guess I forgot to tell you about the Big Boulder here.'

'Big Boulder?' Ralph swerved around another series of half-embedded nuts, and heard the rumble of thunder getting louder. 'This is no time for smirking kid, this is serious!'

'Ah don't sweat it! No-one ever gets squished by it; it's huge and brown and you can't miss it. And it only follows you to the end of the valley. Oh, and it only shouts at you if you're dumb enough to actually touch it.'

'Follows me? Shouts at me?' He looked over the side of the kart, where loose pebbles and dirt had begun to vibrate and bounce up and down on the ground. 'And who am I supposed to follow out of here? Mr. Sat Nav Stand Up?'

'Hoo-hoo, do you want another clue?'

'I want you to shut up and get us out of here!'

'…so you want me to be silent yet still give you verbal directions? Well now I've heard everything, and that includes Sour Bill singing.'

In exasperation Ralph banged his head on the steering wheel. He would have been almost content to leave it there, had a large stone not struck him on the back of his neck. He immediately sat up, shifted gear, and picked up the pace. A light shower of pebbles and dirt began to rain down on them, as the ground trembled ever harder.

'Which way do I go? There are rocks the size of houses here, and they- argh!' Ralph stomped on the brake and swerved sharply. '-like to spring up suddenly out of the ground, just like that!

'You're not paying attention to the joke: what do you call a guy with one arm and no legs who holds up your car?'

'I call him 'tell me where to go or you're getting chucked over the side!'' Ralph straightened the wheel and sped up, as the ground shuddered even harder.

'Well since you're clearly possessed of only limited intelligence, I'll put you out of your misery and tell you: it's Jack! Get it? Get it? Hoo-hoo!'

'That's it, I'm turning him off!' Ralph reached out to swipe the sat nav's screen, but the sight in front of him forced him to grip the wheel with both hands tightly.

A huge walnut boulder was trundling almost pleasantly in front of them, having just appeared from behind an especially large hazelnut. It was dark brown and looked tough and uncrackable, and effortlessly flattened everything in its path. It also had tiny blue eyes, a button nose and a wide mouth with one tooth in the middle of it. It looked down at Ralph and grinned widely, and began to raise an arm. In the arm was a bright pink nutcracker, with white flowers painted on it.

Ralph knew his mouth had dropped open into an incredibly unflattering gawp, but he couldn't do anything about it. In fact he couldn't do anything about anything, so transfixed was he with the bizarre sight in front of him. He sat paralyzed in the steadily accelerating kart, his foot on the accelerator and his hands wrapped around the wheel.

'Getting' a bit close there Racin' Rita,' Vanellope chuckled nervously. 'In fact you're getting a bit too close now, really, you might want to ease back a bit, or turn, or- Ralph watch out!'

Without meaning to, Ralph drove full tilt to smack straight into the boulder. The front of the kart crunched into it at nearly full speed, the wheels spinning fiercely but uselessly, kicking up clouds of ground nut dust into the air, as its passengers gripped onto anything they could to prevent themselves being thrown out of it. As if experiencing a delayed reaction, the Big Boulder leisurely glanced down at the commotion below it. It tilted its head in curiosity for a while, but then its previously smiling mouth first straightened into a line, then curled downwards into an angry scowl.

It then gripped the nutcracker hard, its eyes turned red, and it roared.

'Go Ralph go! You've touched it and now it'll kill you!' Vanellope gasped in genuine fear.

'What?! You said it would just shout at me!'

'It shouts as it hurts you! Put it into reverse, come on come on come on!'

Ralph crunched the gear stick as the Big Boulder slowly raised its arm, the heavy nutcracker glinting in the sun. Still with his eyes locked on the Boulder's angry red ones, Ralph pushed down hard on the accelerator. But the kart didn't move; the engine only whined and squealed as if in pain.

'Milk my soon to be dead duds! You really don't know what a clutch is for, do you? Stop messing about and put us into gear!'

'Arrrgh!' Ralph tore his eyes away, and concentrated on depressing the clutch and shifting the stick into reverse. 'Why can't the karts just be automatic? How hard would that be? I mean seriously, how friggin' hard?'

'Stop whining like a baby and driiiiiiiive!'

Ralph followed Vanellope's second instruction and reversed sharply, his knuckles white on the steering wheel. And it wasn't a moment too soon, because a split second after the kart shot backwards, a huge metal nutcracker crashed into the space they'd just left. The Big Boulder lifted the nutcracker out of the deep crater it had made and roared again.

Now that Ralph had started talking he couldn't stop, as terror threatened to overwhelm him. 'You said that boulder freak was only going to follow me out of the valley!'

'First of all you're a freak, not Big Boulder! That's just rude. And second of all he was gonna follow you, but only so he could wave you a friendly goodbye! Or so she could. We don't know if it's a guy or a gal or a something else, and you know why we don't know? Because we're not dumb enough to try and touch it!'

'Hey, I didn't set out to make an effort to touch it!'

'Yeah that's right – you just gaped at it like a fat fish out of water and kneecapped it!'

'Children, children, children! Shut up and get us out of here. I'm not programmed to listen to you two bicker all day.'

'No, you're just programmed to tell stupid jokes and not tell us where we're supposed to go!' Ralph took one hand off the wheel and pointed a finger at the sat nav. 'I blame you for this!'

'Well you can't blame me when you reverse into that huge hazelnut behind us! Hit the brakes!'

Ralph slammed the brakes on and twisted the wheel, missing the sharp nut rock behind them with only inches to spare. The Big Boulder began to stomp towards them, each huge step making the smaller rocks on the ground bounce up and down. Still moving, Ralph turned the wheel again to straighten the kart in order drive forwards. Another huge roar behind him gave him all the encouragement he needed to move quickly up the gears and pick up speed.

'That's more like it! Now how about we leave this valley?'

'Well actually I'd rather stay here and chat with our fossilised friend for a bit.'

'Really?'

'No of course not really!' Ralph glanced over his shoulder to confirm their pursuer was still there, and without slowing down he swerved around a series of jagged hills and half-submerged nut rocks. 'Now do your job and give me directions out of here!'

'Pretty sweet driving Sewerbreath!' Vanellope yelled in approval.

Ignoring her, Ralph aimed the kart through a narrow gap between two large rocks. They shot through it with not much room left on either side to spare, and shortly after heard the Big Boulder stride through them as if they were nothing more than crumpled tissues.

'Would you say his driving is as sweet as a nut? Get it? Hoo-hoo!'

'I get that you're about to have a long lasting career in the trash! Now which way out of here?'

'I'm only trying to entertain! A few last laughs before you die should be welcomed.'

'We wouldn't be about to die if you worked like you should!' Ralph released one hand from the wheel and smacked the sat nav on its side. It wobbled in its holder on the dashboard, and threatened to pop out over the side of the zooming kart entirely.

'Alright alright! Keep your hair on. Keep going until you see the rock with three dark stripes down its front. Then take a right and keep all the other black striped rocks on your left, and you'll come out of the valley and reach the base of Pecan Peak.'

'There, that wasn't too hard was it?'

Ralph followed the directions, carefully twisting the kart left and right amongst the seemingly random collection of sharp rocks, to finally come to a flat piece of land. To the left and right were trees as tall as skyscrapers blocking their way, their green covered tops only just about visible. Behind them was the hazelnut hill valley, where the Big Boulder was still stomping relentlessly towards them.

And in front of them lay the base of Pecan Peak, the huge brown mountain Ralph had glimpsed at the start of the track. Side-tracks rippled around its circumference, as what looked like the main path ate up its centre in a suspiciously straightforward looking way. Sheer drops surrounded the mountain, and a tiny bridge with no side rails swayed gently off of the summit.

'You have reached your destination!'

'What?' Ralph snapped incredulously, as he slowed the kart down. 'We're nowhere near the end of this track!'

'You have reached your destination!'

'You're useless!'

'You have reached your destination! Have some candy!'

'Have my fist in your face!'

Ralph made as if to punch the sat nav into pieces, but Vanellope stretched out an arm to stop him. 'Don't!'

'I can't listen to any more hoo-hooing without smashing something soon kid! That is if your boulder friend doesn't smash us first.'

'It's got two voice options don't forget – try out the second one.'

Ralph hesitated, as the temptation to destroy the sat nav and chance driving the track unaided whispered a strong case to him.

'Please? For an out-of-date eight-bit Wrecker you didn't drive too badly. And since we're technically not out of the valley yet, Big Boulder still wants to crack you somewhere you don't ever want to be cracked.'

With a sigh, Ralph clumsily poked the sat nav's screen until the two voice option buttons appeared. He jabbed the Voice 2 box sharply, and the sat nav twisted slightly out of place. A new voice came out of the machine, sounding mildly bored and more than faintly amused.

'Oh, I see you've finally decided to choose me, Turbo, the greatest racer ever! Now pay attention and let a real driver tell you what to do.'

'Oh, no.'