The Melancholy of Yuri Nakamura
The Angel Beats! You know and love with a Haruhi Suzumiya twist.
"Those Idiots!"
Launching himself up from his eternal slumber, Kyon wakes up to relies he isn't dead. He even goes to the trouble of checking if the whole in his chest is still there.
"It isn't there anymore… I really am dead and this really is the afterlife."
Burrowing his head into his hands, Kyon only now grasps his implications. He really is dead and this really is the afterlife.
"Why me, why me huh! What the hell did I do to deserve this! I was living happily… my life was happy, I had great friends… Nagato, Miss Asahina, that smug bastard Koizumi and even that idiot Haruhi."
A solitary tear ran through Kyon's cheek, it was rare for him to ever show any other emotion other than apathy. But this situation was a rare exception.
"Hey, you want one?"
Kyon rose from his sorrowful position on his hands to see who said that, to his surprise it was a familiar looking face, Yuri Nakamura. She was offering him a canned coffee and an ear to listen to.
"Yeah, sure thing Yuri."
Accepting the canned coffee, he opens it up and takes a sip. Subtly wiping the tears of his face at the same time.
Silence enveloped the room for a few minutes, it wasn't an awkward one but more of an "I don't wanna talk right now." Silence.
Kyon was the first to break the stillness of the room.
"Somethings never change, even canned coffee in the afterlife taste like absolute crap."
A small, but genuine laugh was shared between the two "dead" teens.
"Kyon…"
Yuri turned to face Kyon, her eyes glowing from the reflection of the afternoon sun.
"Are you OK? Do you want to talk right now?"
A troubled Kyon stares in the opposite direction, his eyes focusing on the setting sun.
"I don't want to talk about what happened, maybe later."
"Oh okay…"
Yuri seeing no further use in trying to console the forlorn Kyon, decides to leave the medical bay where Kyon "woke up" but as she is exiting the room, Yuri stops at the doorway.
"Hey Asshole!"
Kyon is snapped from his saddened daze and concentrates straight at Yuri.
"Who're you calling an…"
Before Kyon could finish Yuri interrupts.
"If you ever change your mind about joining the battlefront or talking about what happened, come see me and the rest of the guys in the principles room. It's not far from here just ask one of the NPC's where it is."
With that Yuri merrily skips her way back to when's she came.
"What a pain, she couldn't just tell me where it was. Instead I got to go through talking to people that don't even exist…"
Back to his aloof self once again, Kyon gets off the bed he was sitting on and makes his way out of the nurse's room. A tiny smile returning to his face.
"She such a pain in the ass."
Trying to find the Principle's room wasn't very hard at all, the NPC's were friendly enough and pointed out which building it was. Getting there was the real problem, it was on the other side of the school and he swore it took him an hour trying to get there.
"Why do all the schools I go to have to have such bullshit walking distances."
Drenched in sweat he had made it to the building where the principal's office was.
"Fracking finally, I swear to God if I have to go through that crap again…"
Kyon's line of thought was interrupted, somebody was standing right behind and he wasn't just some regular guy… twirling around a huge ass, battle axe like it was a cheerleader's baton. The stranger wore the same outfit Hinata did, so he was obviously a Battlefront member. Sporting purple hair, a sinister looking smile and an aggressive voice that could rival Tsuruya's. He introduced himself as well as his nefarious intentions.
"The name's Noda, and I hear a punk kid like you's been talking shit about Yurippe, saying you don't want to join the Battlefront. Well I'm here to teach a punk like you some manners.
Kyon stared down the hostile, hothead his eyes not backing away in this battle of wills.
"So what if I was talking bad about Yuri? What are you gonna do about it? We're already dead. Killing me won't do a thing!"
An evil laugh came from the battle axe wielding hot head, "Aww shit, this is just too good."
Flustered by the other boy's blatant disrespect, Kyon confronts him.
"What the hell are you laughing about!?"
Noda stops laughing and stares straight through Kyon, an act which puts panic through him.
"I guess Yurippe, hasn't told you yet…"
Rushing at Kyon at top speed, Noda swings his axe to the side. Aiming to hit his chest, just before he does Noda reveals a little secret to his victim.
"…it doesn't matter if you don't die, this shit still hurts!"
Paralyzed by this sudden realization, Kyon can only whimper in bated breath before his whole body is turned inside out by Noda.
"This is what you get for dissing Yurippe!"
As if this was a fighting game like Street fighter, Noda scores a hundred hit combination on Kyon. Each hit degrading the quality of Kyon's uniform. By the end of it leaving the thing in strips.
"Next time, I won't go easy on you…"
What was left of Kyon, was a gory mess too violent and sickening for a humble narrator like me to describe.
A few moments later…
"Ahghbshbxhbh….."
Waking up from his eternal slumber (again) Kyon wakes up to find his clothes in ruin and the sun getting ready to set.
"Note to self don't piss of hot heads with huge battle axes."
Making his way up to the principal's office which was replaced by a piece of paper to say, "Battlefront HQ"
"Now or never I guess..."
Just as he opens the door and gets a look at Yuri and the rest of the Battlefront a huge wooden hammer crashes it way to the side of Kyon, this action causing him to blast away like Team Rocket.
"Yuri didn't you tell him the password?"
Yuri in embarrassment can only shrug.
"Guess I forgot again."
"Ahghbshbxhbh…."
Waking up from his eternal slumber (again) Kyon wakes up to find himself surrounded by other members of the SSS as well as a few familiar faces like Yuri and that idiot Hideki.
"Finally awake, I see." Yuri says.
She offers him a hand up and Kyon readily accepts.
"How many times, am I gonna die here?"
Hinata answers his quarry.
"You'll die a shit ton of times, better get used to it now."
Kyon, with his signature sigh and face palm retorts with a very sarcastic.
"Great…"
Smiling that he's back to his old self, Yuri grabs Kyon by the collar and presents the rest of the Battlefront to him.
"Since you're in a good mood again, how about I introduce the rest of the gang to ya."
"You already know Hinata and how much of a dumbass he is."
"Yurippe, not this crap again!"
Out of nowhere a huge superkick, collides with Hideki's poor face, the impact of which knocks him out for a few hours afterwards.
"It's Yuri, not "Yurippe" you dumbass!"
"Is he going to be okay?" asked Kyon.
"Don't worry he may be stupid, but he's resilient…"
"This is so stupid."
"Now that he's out of the way, let me introduce you to Iwasawa, she's the lead singer of our distraction unit, Girls Dead Monster. Or "Girl De Mo" for short.
"Nice to meet ya… what's your name?"
"Oh my name's…"
Before Kyon could respond, he is yet again interrupted by Yuri.
"His name's Kyon and unlike the rest of us he's actually quite smart."
Sighing and face palming again, Kyon can't understand why this always happens whenever he tries to say his real name.
"This is so stupid."
"Over there is TK, he's well… we don't know much about the guy other then he can speak broken English and likes to dance a lot."
"This is so stupid."
"The goth over there saying "This is so stupid" is Shiinna.
"This is so stupid."
"Matsushita over there, is a fifth Dan in Judo. So we call him "Matsushita the 5th" in respect.
"Takamatsu, over there may look smart with his glasses. But he's really a dumb idiot like the rest of us.
"Yuri! Why you gotta say that to the new guy?"
"This is so stupid."
"Shut up you, I can say what I want when I want! This is my Battlefront after all."
"Anyways, Fujimaki over there is a good for nothing kiss ass."
"I got my eyes, on you punk!"
"Yeah, yeah like I haven't heard that before…"
"Whatcha say!"
"Calm down, this isn't the time or the place."
"You're lucky Yuri's here, Punk!"
"Here's Ooyama, he's got no discernible skills and is quite generic to the eyes."
"My, normality is my power!"
"I think that's everybody… Am I forgetting someone?"
Suddenly bursting into view is the axe wielding maniac from earlier, Noda
"You! Don't think I'm gonna let you live cause your buddy, buddy with Yuri! I'm gonna…"
The rest of the Battlefront, except for Kyon and Yuri shout "STOP!" But before he does a gigantic, wooden hammer blasts him to God knows…
An arrogant smirk enters the lips of Kyon.
"Serve's the idiot right."
Yuri's still upset over the fact she forgot to say stop.
"Well since you met Noda already, I got one last thing to ask from you Kyon. Will you join the Battlefront?"
Kyon ponders for a while, "Should I do this? What about the SOS Brigade, what about Haruhi…"
*Haruhi mental Image/delusion (or is it?)*
"Kyon you idiot!"
"Haruhi? Is that you?"
"Of course it's me the one and only, Haruhi Suzumiya!"
"It's you alright… but why?"
"WHY!? Have you forgotten the Brigade's reason for existence?"
"Huh?"
"To seek out and help with whatever supernatural occurrence happens!"
"Oh yeah that's right."
"This Afterlife Battlefront sounds like they need help and guess what there dead, that makes it a supernatural occurrence!"
"So as the leader/President/Empress/Glorious prophet, of the SOS Brigade. I order you, a low ranking third rate member of the SOS Brigade, to join the Battlefront!"
"Sure thing Haruhi…"
A smile came over Kyon, it had been so long since he last saw Haruhi. That it even gave him happiness when she bossed him around.
"What was that Kyon?" asked Yuri.
Getting back into reality, Kyon quickly straightens up and gives his answer.
"You know, I don't have anywhere to sleep, my clothes are ruined and I'm starving. I guess I can join the SSS, if only temporarily… I still belong to the SOS Brigade back on Earth."
"That sounds like a yes to me!" Yuri shouted
"Hey Hinata, show the kid around and get the others to talk to him."
"Ah Yuri, Hideki's dead."
"Oh that's right! Well then just get to know the rest of the members, I have philosophical implications to ponder about!"
The Battlefront bated out a collective "Eh?"
"Oh I'm just going to talk to myself, just wanted to sound really, really smart!"
The Battlefront bated out a collective "Oh! That's what that means"
As the group interacted with Kyon, Yuri stood back sitting in her chair pondering.
*Flashback*
"Haruhi? Is that you?"
"Haruhi? A name at least you remember your past, you must not have been traumatized in the head."
"The word "God' kinda remind me of an annoying Idiot I knew."
"Is it that Haruhi girl?"
"How did you know that?"
"From the way you shouted out her name, she sounded like someone close to you."
"Sure thing Haruhi…"
A/N: Another chapter in the bag, I'm really enjoying myself writing this story. Again if you have any constructive criticisms post a review.
….See you Space Cowboy
-All Day Tsundere
