Will and Mac spent a quiet weekend, not leaving the apartment except for a leisurely stroll through the park. While Mac was almost completely relaxed on Saturday she felt herself tense up more and more in the course of Sunday.
In the afternoon they were cuddling on the couch watching a movie, but Mac couldn't concentrate. All she could think about was that tomorrow she would have to be on the 44th floor again, back with all the meetings and reports and numbers... God, the numbers!
She had missed the newsroom already before, but since she had spent Friday's show in the control room it had gotten so much worse. She missed being part of the news, she missed the show, she missed the control room, she missed the team, she missed Will and she missed being in his ear.
How could she ever have thought that she was cut out to sit on the executive floor while the news were being done elsewhere?
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if she at least felt comfortable in her new job, but so far it was a daily struggle and it didn't even seem to get a little bit better. She actually dreaded tomorrow morning so much that she couldn't even enjoy her day off. She felt like she was suffocating just thinking about the next budget meeting and...
„Mac? Mac, are you alright? Say something..."
She startled and saw Will staring at her with a worried look on his face. „I'm sorry, Billy. I didn't hear you, I was just thinking." She touched his hand and smiled at him. „What is it?"
„Never mind. Are you alright? I was trying to get through to you for minutes. You are all tense and didn't hear a word I said. What's going on?" Will placed a kiss on her head before gazing into her eyes again.
„I'm fine, I was just thinking about something."
„Work?" She couldn't quite place the expression his face.
„Yes...no... kind of..." Mac sighed.
„Talk to me, Mac." She shook her head. „Please, I know something is bothering you. As long as it's not anything confidential, let me in? Please?"
She sighed again and then, to his and also her own dismay, out of nowhere, she suddenly started crying against his chest.
„Oh my God, Honey, what's going on? You're scaring the shit out of me here!"
Will wanted to pull her away from him to look at her again but she just clung to him and sobbed uncontrollably into his sweater. The only thing he could do was to hold her tight and whisper soothing words into her ear until the crying started to get less and finally stopped. She was still trembling, so he pulled a blanket over from the back of the couch and covered her up.
„Shhh, alright, Baby, everything is fine. You're okay, you're fine. Just talk to me, you can tell me anything, you know that...Shhh..."
He rather felt than heard Mac saying something into his chest. „I'm sorry, Honey, I didn't understand. You have to turn your head a little..."
After a moment Mac complied and repeated quietly „I don't think I'm cut out for the job..."
Will was stunned. „What... Where's that coming from all of a sudden? Sure you can do the job – You're Mac, you can do anything! And I'm so proud of you!"
As well-meant as his words were they just resulted in more tears running down Mac's cheeks. „I... I know you are, that's why I didn't say anything... but...I hate the job... Most of the time I don't even know what I'm doing!"
„Oh MacKenzie..." He cradled her for a moment. „Why didn't you tell me earlier? I knew you were stressed and exhausted, but I thought it was just until you settled in."
She sniffed and actually seemed to try to crawl into him.
„I thought it would get better over time, but so far it's only getting worse. I don't mind dealing with the people and their problems – well, except Pruit – but it feels like nine out of ten hours I have to look at numbers, I have to talk about numbers, I have to check and doublecheck reports only consisting of numbers... How the fuck can they make someone news director who has to subtract with her fingers?"
Will couldn't help but smile at that question, but he held her tight and soothingly ran his hand over her back. „I didn't know it was so bad, I'm sorry, Mac."
She sighed. „And what's gonna happen once I tell Pruit I'm pregnant? I can't hold that off very much longer and he's gonna be livid. I've been lucky so far that I don't feel it much yet, hardly any morning sickness and the exhaustion could be much worse, too, the doctor said... But what when I'm further along?
I'll have to go to the loo every five minutes, my feet will swell up, I'll probably get a pregnancy brain and I won't be able to work all these hours and cope with this workload for long anymore. The stress is probably already not good for the baby..."
She put her hand on her stomach protectively and began to stroke it absent-mindedly.
„So what do you want to do?"
Mac looked up at him. „Honestly, Billy? What I would love is to be back in your ear, but you have Jim and I can't take that away from him. And I can't just quit... I can't go down as a big failure and let Pruit have the satisfaction of being right about me..."
„You're not a failure, Mac, don't even think that!" Will protested. „You're trying your best under extremely difficult circumstances – Charlie's not here to guide you, you have to deal with a moronic new boss, you are pregnant - and my declaration of faith in you and the boat analogy probably didn't help with that either – no pressure my ass!" He paused for a second.
„Come to think of it we didn't even ask you if you want to do the bloody job in the first place... I just made the deal with Pruit and blurted it out in front of everybody at the funeral... I'm so sorry, Honey... Next time just tell me to shut up when I'm so fucking patronizing when you have doubts..." He pressed his lips to her hair and held her even tighter.
Mac snuggled closer to his chest. „You're sweet, but I don't think I would have said 'no' to Pruit; it was a pretty flattering offer... But it feels good to finally talk to someone about everything that's going on..." She took a deep breath to calm herself down.
„You know, the routine parts I will get over time, like working with the numbers; the tasks repeat themselves over and over. It's just not my world. I never wanted to do work like this. The few reports I had to go through as EP were enough already and now it's tons more... I knew theoretically what to expect – though I really wonder every day how Charlie has gotten all this work done... Did you ever see him actually do anything?" She looked up at Will.
„Not really, no" he replied with a stifled laugh. „So, again... What do you want to do? I'm here for you, for whatever you need."
They both contemplated for a while and finally Will spoke again.
„I understand that you don't just want to give up, but you said yourself the job is not what you want. And that's what's most important – at least for me... I want you to be happy, I need you to be happy and so does our baby. If you're already this stressed out now, how will it be in a few months and when our child is born...?"
„I know, it's really not ideal..." Mac agreed.
So... how about a kind of compromise?"
„What do you have in mind?" Mac sounded confused.
„Well, the other night you told me a little about the budget problems you have with Pruit." Mac nodded.
„Prove yourself. Get the budget you want or get at least as close to it as you can. Don't let Pruit get away with his shit. And if you can't get it done with the budget – you might not, you know you can't win every fight - chose something else that's important to you. Show him what you can do, and when you have done that everything from there on is your choice... Stay on the 44th floor because then you know you can do it, despite of everything. Or quit and come back into my newsroom..."
„I can't take it away from Jim, he deserves this chance. And you said he is doing a good job."
„Yeah, but he's not you...And I miss you... Nobody knows and pushes me as well as you do. I'm certain that some segments would have gone differently, would have been better with you in my ear... And I want to get up with you in the mornings, and I want to go home with you at night. I just like having you around."
„So not just my legs, eh?" she carefully nudged him with her head.
„Big part of what I miss, but no, not solely..." he grinned at her.
„No, seriously. We hardly saw each other in the last weeks... I'm not complaining, I know that you're settling in, but if there's not even a chance it will ever get better, we'd have to talk about it. You know it wouldn't be easy on our family life... Not to speak about the risk for your little tenant in there..." Will covered the hand on her stomach with his.
Mac stretched herself a little to place a kiss on Will's lips, then snuggled back into his chest. „I'll think about it, okay?"
„Okay... And next time you have a problem... Just talk to me?"
She nodded and cupped his cheek, stroking it with her thumb. „I'm sorry."
::::::::::::::::::
Mac kept her promise.
The following week was as busy as the weeks before, but whenever she had a spare minute she asked herself if she really was where she wanted to be. And although she wasn't having quite such a hard time with the numbers anymore, with every passing day she became surer that this career wasn't the right choice for her.
So she concentrated on showing Pruit that she was up to the job, just as Will had suggested. She didn't know what would come after that but for now she had a goal she could pursue, one that wasn't just surviving the day but an actual task with a result that could be measured.
Getting Pruit off his budget plans actually wasn't as hard as she had expected in the beginning. As it turned out the first time news station owner didn't have the slightest idea – and appearently not really knowledgable advisors either – about how much money was necessary just to cover the fix costs for a news division, let alone the additional amounts needed to create and process actual content.
It did take Mac some time to convince Pruit that the news weren't comparable with dayside shows talking about Hollywood gossip, the newest trend in gardening and cooking, where a large part of the content used was free promotional material or paid for by product placement. But in the end she managed to secure 93% of her initially planned budget which really wasn't bad if she took into account that most of the other departments were also being defunded.
But as important as this was, it wasn't her main objective.
Mac knew that if she really was to step down she had to ensure that the evening shows and especially the flagship Newsnight had to be protected from Pruit and anyone following her as news director.
She definitely wouldn't have any say in who her successor would be. Any recommendation of hers would most certainly just be ignored and Pruit would do anything to hire somebody who either shared his 'vision' or who he could bully into submission.
She did have an idea on the subject but she couldn't be certain it would work out so she had to try to save the news on ACN before she resigned.
Devising a strategy took some time. Mac knew the direction she wanted to go but hadn't quite figured out how to approach Pruit. However, luck was on her side and gave her the best reason to bring up the subject, so she asked Millie to set up an appointment with him.
When she entered his office he looked up and asked her to take a seat.
„What can I do for you, McHale?"
Mac smiled at him.
„I wanted to give you the good news in person: I have just been informed that Newsnight has been awarded the Peabody award for the coverage of the Boston Marathon bombing. Specifically for its – I quote – 'sensitive, balanced and cautious reporting based on actual facts and not influenced by social media activities.' A press release will be sent out this afternoon naming all winners."
She carefully studied Pruit's face to see if he understood the importance of this and the ramification it could have for his future plans for ACN. And sure enough after a moment she saw it dawn on him, after all he surely was a jackass but not stupid.
„Well... I guess congratulations are in order..." he slowly said.
„Oh, it's your news station, people will be congratulating you, Mr. Pruit."
Pruit got up and went up to the window front, turning his back to his news director. „This doesn't change anything."
Mac looked at him for a moment, slightly shaking her head, then she spoke to his rear.
„Let me quote for you: 'The Peabody Awards spotlight instances of how electronic media can teach, expand our horizons, defend the public interest, or encourage empathy with others... The single criteria for receiving a Peabody Award is excellence.'
Do you really want to go on that stage, accept a Peabody, the most prestigious award there is in television, and announce that you will change the format of the winning show to go on a rating's hunt and give in to social media? After being awarded that price for exactly not doing that? You'd be the laughing stock of the entire television industry..."
„So what do you suggest?" Pruit retorted sullenly.
„Appreciate and acknowledge that you do have a quality, award-winning program on your station. Tell people that you see the importance of social media and interacting with the audience and that you will have ACN do that on dayside. But news are the news and are too important to indulge in this. Your station will always be aware of the importance of informing the public, which is why the news shows will continue doing their work, with Newsnight being the flagship of ACN."
„And you've got me right where you always wanted to have me..."
„This isn't personal, Mr. Pruit. But I do admit that I am glad quality journalism is still being appreciated... I'm going downstairs to let the staff know, they shouldn't hear about it over the newsticker. Care to join me?"
„Thanks, I'll be down later."
Mac left his office with a nod towards him and walked to the elevators. She felt like walking on air; this had gone even better than anticipated. In your face, Pruit!
She couldn't keep the grin off her own face when she went down to the 25th floor and received a number of questioning looks. She didn't bother to stop in the newsroom though but went straight into Will's office.
He looked up and a wide smile spread across his face. „Hey stranger, I didn't expect to see you down here."
Before he could get up Mac had closed the door, walked over to him, sat down on his lap and put her arms around his neck, flustering him completely with this unusual behaviour.
„Uh, Mac? Office policy...?"
„That's been suspended for the next couple of minutes. I've got great, wonderful, outstanding news for you!"
Now Will looked even more bewildered. „You know the sex of the baby? We're gonna have twins? Wait... Did I miss a doctor's appointment?"
„Of course not. You, my wonderful, brilliant husband, you have won a Peabody for the Boston Marathon coverage."
Will could only look at her with his gaping mouth for a second before she leaned in for a hot kiss, but after a moment he pulled back. „What?"
„You... heard... me, my... Peabody... award... winning... husband..." she murmured in between a series of kisses, before she moved back a little and beamed at him. „I'm so fucking proud of you!"
„Well... I remember a lot of people having a lot to do with it... Eliot, Maggie, Jim, Don, you... Wow..." he ran his hand through his hair. „I certainly did not expect that..."
„Well, the show has won it, and you definitely earned it. Ours was the best coverage bar none. You can read the statement later, it should be coming in about an hour. You wanna tell the staff?"
„The honor's all yours – You're the boss." Will followed Mac outside, still shaking his head but just like her beaming all over. She took his hand and then called „Guys... guys... Listen up for a second!"
Everybody turned to them, clearly wondering about their happy faces and show of affection – Not that they minded, but it was rather unusual to see during work hours.
„You all know what great work you have done reporting on the Boston Marathon bombing, and I'm proud to tell you that Newsnight – and therefore all of you – has been awarded a Peabody for its coverage! I know..." The rest of what Mac had wanted to say was swallowed up in the deafening cheers erupting all over the room and everybody started hugging.
Will held Mac close to him, and they both enjoyed watching the young staffers celebrate for a couple of minutes before he tried to get their attention with a shrill whistle.
„Tonight – Hang Chew's – on me" he managed to shout, which caused another round of loud cheers.„You're coming, too?" He looked at Mac.
„Wouldn't miss it for the world." She placed a hard kiss on his lips and then grinned. „Have fun getting them to work again... By the way, you should ask Pruit if he wants to give a statement on the award for tonight's show."
She winked at him and with a squeeze of his hand she headed back to the elevators.
::::::::::::::::::::
Later at Hang Chew's Will leaned back into his seat and watched his team.
A group of young, dedicated journalists which had gone through hard times with him, the Genoa story only topping the list. He was exceptionally proud to be able to work with them.
Mac gave him a knowing smile. „Everything alright?"
„Great." He shook his head. „I still can't believe what Pruit said on the air... Being proud of the news division as it is and especially Newsnight? Did you have anything to do with that?"
„Let's just say, I might have given him a push in the right direction..." Mac winked at him.
„You are amazing, Mrs. McAvoy, do you know that?" He gave her a lingering kiss. "Let's go home."
::::::::::::::::::::
The next couple of weeks were still hard, but Mac was a little more relaxed. Will had been right, it was good to see that she could do the job and could even stand up to Pruit. Still, she was sure it wasn't what she wanted to keep on doing.
She hadn't quite figured out what to do after turning in her resignation, but then fate intervened again.
„Millie, could you ask Jim Harper to please come and see me?"
Five minutes later Jim knocked at her door, looking a bit confused, as he had never been called up to her office before. „You wanted to see me?"
She took a deep breath and waived him in. „Close the door and take a seat, will you?" Then she smiled at him. „We haven't really talked in a while, have we?"
Jim nodded. „Well, I guess we have both been pretty busy adjusting."
„For sure. How is it going downstairs? How are you settling into your new role?"
„It's... it's good. You've built a great team and I basically could just take over where you left it. I know I'm not you and I know Will misses you like hell, but we make it work somehow."
Mac smiled at him. „You've been doing some really good shows, you can be proud of that. And don't mind Will, he can see me at home. How's Tess doing as senior producer?"
„She's actually doing good. She had some minor glitches in the beginning, but she's getting the hang of it. And Jenna's also doing a nice job as AP."
„That's great." Mac smiled. „So how is it going with you and Maggie? Is this long distance relationship working?"
Jim sighed. „It's not as easy as I... we were hoping for. She loves DC but you know yourself that as a field reporter she has to be flexible. She already had to cancel three weekends and cut short a couple others because she had to cover a story and that probably won't be getting better anytime soon. Her being at the end of the food chain..."
„You miss her." Mac didn't ask a question but stated it as a fact.
„Sure I do... It has taken us long enough and now that we're finally together we hardly get to see each other..."
„Well... I have a proposition for you... Just know that it's completely up to you what you make of it. You're doing a great job and we love to have you here... But Steve, the EP of „Capitol Report" has resigned and will leave in four weeks. If you want, it's your job..."
Jim looked up and opened his mouth, but Mac went on. „I know it would be a small step back, CR is not quite what Newsnight is – yet – but within certain parameters you could create your own format. And you would be working from Washington, so seeing more of Maggie shouldn't be a problem anymore... On the other hand you know who your anchor would be..." She winked at him.
„Why don't you think about it and let me know in a few days?"
Jim seemed to be stunned and started to speak a couple of times before uttering „Wow... I didn't expect that... I will certainly talk to Maggie but I'm sure she'll be as thrilled as I am... But... what about Newsnight? Who would be Will's EP?"
„Don't worry about that."
Jim's reply sounded a little indignant. „Sure I worry about it. It's also my show and I don't want it to go down the drain again. I know what happened to Newsnight before you came back; Will not being able to work with any EP... I'm quite certain he only accepts me because you trained me..."
„Nonsense... I'm still here, you know? Do you think I would let him go back to those days?"
„Probably not, but still... Who would be his EP?" Jim insisted.
Mac sighed. „Well... can you keep a secret?" She looked down at her desk and only gazed up long enough to see Jim nod. „Maybe me..."
Now Jim was completely speechless and just stuttered. „But... but...?", gesturing at her desk and then around her office.
„Let's just say one of many reasons is that I miss the newsroom and I miss working with Will... I guess it makes me understand all the better how you and Maggie feel." Mac looked up. „But I need you to know that I didn't offer you the job in DC to get rid of you, that's why I didn't want to tell you. If you want to stay here, you'll stay, okay? It's not that I don't have a job."
„Okay..." Jim nodded. „I'm sorry, I didn't know you weren't happy up here. Will it be okay if I'll let you know in a couple of days?"
„Sure. And Jim... Will doesn't know about this yet, so please don't tell anybody?"
He smiled and headed for the door, but turned around once more. „I would miss working with you, though..."
Mac laughed. „You'd problably hear more from me than you do now – At least we would talk every weeknight to each other from our control rooms... Off you go, I have work to do."
::::::::::::::::::
On Saturday Mac and Will spent a lazy morning in bed, enjoying their coffee, reading the papers, occasionally hinting at a story that might interest the other.
When she was through with the NY Times Mac took off her glasses, stretched with a big yawn and then snuggled back into the pillows. Will looked at her.
„Are you about to go to sleep again?"
„No, not really. But come here for a moment, will you?" She patted on the mattress and Will obediently slid down to stretch out next to her. „What's up?"
Mac put her hand on his chest and started to draw unrecognizable patterns with her fingers. „I wanted to tell you last night already but I was too tired... I had a meeting with Pruit yesterday..."
„You told him...?"
She nodded. „I couldn't wait any longer, I had to tell him about the baby."
„You should have let me know, I would have come with you... How did he react?"
„Well, you could say he wasn't too happy about it, but the second part cheered him up again..."
„What second part?" Will asked confused.
Mac lifted her gaze from his chest to his eyes and smiled. „My resignation..."
„Your... what?"
„I resigned. Or better: I reassigned myself."
Will stared at her with wide eyes. „You reassigned yourself to...?"
Now she beamed at him. „To be the new executive producer of Newsnight with Will McAvoy."
„What? Are you fucking kidding me? What about Jim?"
„Jim is going to be the new EP for Capitol Report in Washington, Steve Bowers has resigned. That way he and Maggie don't have to live in a long distance relationship. And before you ask: If he had wanted to stay here, he could have and he would have."
Will could just look at her in amazement and then broke into a wide grin. „What the fuck... How did you manage that?"
„Well, you played a big part in it, and I got lucky... After our talk a couple weeks ago I started thinking about what I really want. And I realized that news director isn't the job for me. Then I took your advise to prove myself to Pruit... I couldn't tell you earlier, but I did get 93% of the intended budget for next year." She gave him a proud smile.
„Honey, that is great, good job!" Will leaned in for a kiss. „What then?"
„I tried to come up with a plan to save our show even if I wouldn't be news director anymore. Thanks to the Peabody it was easier than expected in the end; once Pruit had committed to our show I knew I'd go eventually. It won't be easy for him to back down from this... And then the EP position in DC became available. I gave Jim the choice and he took it, so now you were lacking an EP... et voilá – You're stuck with me."
„There's nobody I'd rather be stuck with..." Will let his hand run down her side. "God, this is great... And you've done all that quietly behind my back..."
„I told you a long time ago that I'm crafty." Mac winked. „Oh, and don't worry – Jim will be back here when I'm on maternity leave. EPing you would be too much for Tess, the senior producer in DC is much more experienced and he can handle CR for a couple months.
Will pulled her closer towards him and buried his head in her neck. „You never seize to amaze me... I'm so proud of you, Mac."
„So you're happy with this, Billy?"
„Don't even ask!" He covered her lips with his and started to explore her mouth while stroking her thighs. Mac immediately responded, moaning loudly and putting her leg over his hip.
Much later they were both dozing off, when suddenly Will opened his eyes and nudged her shoulder. „Mmmh...?"
"If you're gonna be my EP again - Who will be News Director?"
„Don't know yet... I cannot suggest anybody; Pruit would never go for it. But do you remember Penny Larson from CNN? I talked to her a while ago. She loves what we're doing with Newsnight, but was never allowed to do anything close to it so far. If she would apply... Pruit still has his women problem, so she might have a shot... But even if not: He has committed to Newsnight, so as long as we keep it up and get an award once in a while it shouldn't matter that much who is news director..."
„An award once in a while? So no pressure there, eh?" He smirked.
„Nope, we'll just do our job and then we'll see what happens... Together..."
Quote # 2 on the Peabody award from peabodyawards DOT com
The Peabodies are usually awarded in spring. I took the liberty to change that for this story.
I know some people probably don't like that I have Mac returning to her position as EP, but I myself just can't see her on the 44th floor, especially as she has told Nina before that she is doing exactly what she always wanted to do. And because she has waited long enough to be a real team with Will again.
So I wanted her to be back in the control room and there she is. Though I specifically took care not to simply have her quit, because that wouldn't be Mac either. ;-)
Hope, you enjoyed it and would love your comments!
