A/N: Umm, so... It's been a while ladies and gents. *dodges a rock* Anyways, this chapter kind of just happened and I am not happy with it, but here it is. 3 months of waiting has brought you:
Rangiku, Tousen, and Ulquiorra took their sweet time getting back to the single-wide mobile home. Rangiku liked to stop and chat with her various neighbors that lived within the confines of the Happy Trails Mobile Home Park.
With Tousen clinging to her leg and a bucket of fried chicken in one arm and a bag of mashed potatoes and biscuits hanging off of the other she stopped to talk with Yumichika about when he could fit her in so that she could have her hair cut and that sexy, man candy Renji who worked at the same construction site as Ikkaku, all the while Ikkaku was glaring possessively at Yumichika from their small porch. They were both giggling like giddy schoolgirls when Ikkaku had finally had enough of Yumichika talking about other men and dragged him into the house.
Rangiku and Tousen moved on to talk with Gin, Ulquiorra having disappeared somewhere when no one was paying attention. Strangely enough though, Gin wasn't outside today, but Rangiku knew exactly what he was doing, her ultra sensitive 'someone is gettin' lucky' senses tipping her off.
"Hey mommy, where is uncle Gin?" Tousen asked innocently.
Rangiku just replied, "Gin is busy talking to someone else right now, honey," wiggling her eyebrows suggestively as she said this. Tousen didn't get it.
Oh, but Ulquiorra did, having magically reappeared from wherever it was that he had been at. He snorted as he heard her say this, thinking, 'Oh, if only you knew who Gin was busy with.'
Izuru wasn't home for dinner that night.
When they finally arrived home, they were almost tackled by a starving Ichigo, who had put on jeans and a t-shirt and tied his long hair back into a ponytail, making him look at least a bit less feminine.
"'Bout damn time!" he griped with his sister, Orihime, standing right next to him with a look of pained hunger on her face. Ichigo made a grab for the bag that was dangling off of Rangiku's arm. But she was too fast for him.
That and she also had a tranquilizer gun for times like these, when her children were more like rabid animals than people. Loaded with enough sedatives to tranq a whale, it got the job done. It was one of her most prized possessions, having bought it at a flea market from an elephant hunter seven years ago. She had only needed to use it twice before the children finally figured out who was boss, but that is a story for another time.
As she reached to grab it from its holster strapped around her thigh, Ichigo backed away, his hands in the air. "That's what I thought," she said, eyeing him warily and giving him the 'I'm watchin' you' sign with her fingers.
She made her way to the kitchen, which was only about two steps from the front door, and set the food on the counter, piling up the first paper plate with the artery clogging goodness and holding it high up in the air above her children. She grinned.
"Fight for it!" She yelled, with a malicious glint in her eyes.
Ulquiorra took one look at his mother's expecting face and realized she was serious. He rolled his eyes.
"Screw this," he said and sulked over to the bedroom to finish writing of the tales of woe and misery that was his life.
Ichigo and Orihime glanced down at Tousen, but decided he wasn't a threat because he was so short, and then they glanced at each other.
In one quick, decisive movement Ichigo decided to take advantage of his twin's weakness and punched her square in the boob, hastily grabbing the plate out of his hysterically laughing mother's hand and heading to the table.
Orihime doubled over in pain, clutching her oversized chest. " God! That was a cheap shot you ass! What the hell was that for?!" she yelled angrily.
Ichigo looked at her nonchalantly and replied, "I was hungry," his words muffled because his mouth was full of food.
"You're just jealous 'cause I at least have boobs!" she yelled back at him.
He glared daggers at her for uttering his secret insecurity aloud, but said nothing and continued eating.
Tousen took advantage of Orihime's still doubled over state to grab the next plate that was offered by Rangiku and then he scrambled over to the table to get the seat next to Ichigo. Orihime groaned as she finally stood up straight again, grabbing the other paper plate from her mother and taking the other seat next to Ichigo, kicking him in the shin roughly as she sat down.
"Oww!" he howled. "What the hell was that for, you crazy ho-bag?!" Orihime just glared at him.
Noticing that things had quieted down somewhat, Ulquiorra glided out of the children's shared bedroom and walked over to his mother, holding out his hands for a plate.
"Nuh-uh," she said wiggling a finger at him. "You ran away from a fight. You won't get off that easy."
Ulquiorra slowly walked back into the bedroom and came back out holding Ichigo's favorite cherry red bombshell lip liner. Without a single expression overtaking his face, he easily snapped it in half, a surprised shriek emanating from the strawberry behind him. Rangiku shrugged and handed him the plate.
"Underhanded and dirty, but I like it," she grinned, patting Ulquiorra on the shoulder as he walked to the table with his food. Ichigo was infuriated.
"You bastard!" he yelled at the emo kid sitting across the table from him.
Ulquiorra didn't even respond to the outburst and just pushed the food around on his paper plate. Knowing only one way to get a rise out of the pasty white boy, Ichigo jumped up from the table and ran into the bedroom, coming out with Ulquiorra's precious eyeliner.
"Don't you dare Ichigo," he said, a hint of warning in his voice, but still no emotions on his face.
The strawberry just sneered and dropped the eyeliner to the cheap linoleum floor with a clatter, lifting his foot above it and then stomping down on it with a crack and a smear of the black make-up on the floor, all the while keeping eye contact with his younger brother. A glint of anger flashed through bright green eyes, but he made no move towards Ichigo, just reminding himself that he had a stash hidden away for occasions like these.
But the orange-headed boy was one step ahead of him, pulling his other hand from behind his back to reveal a handful of eyeliner. Ulquiorra's eyes widened.
"What now, emo kid?!" he sneered as he took a couple steps backward into the single bathroom.
"You asshole."
Ulquiorra was up in a flash, trying to tackle down the other, but he was too late. All of his precious eyeliner was in the toilet, no longer of any use to anyone.
This meant war.
Ulquiorra made a run for the bedroom to get the rest of his cross-dressing brother's make-up, but Orihime stood in front of the door to block him, Ulquiorra getting a face full of boobs.
"No!" she yelled, looking at him worriedly. "You can't destroy the rest of his make-up, I use it too! Remember?" she said, her eyes welling with tears at the fond memory of the now gone cherry red bombshell lip liner.
He growled. As much as he wanted to destroy the strawberry by brutally massacring his entire make-up stash, he didn't want to hurt his dear older sister. So instead he turned and grabbed a handful of uneaten mashed potatoes from his untouched plate and threw them at Ichigo, whose eyes widened in surprise at the method of revenge he was using.
Thankfully for Ichigo, right at that moment Toshiro was walking into the kitchen, right into the line of fire.
SPLAT.
Everyone froze, except Rangiku who was fighting throws of laughter at all of these shenanigans.
Toshiro stood stock-still. The fluffy white potatoes were almost the same shade as his hair. In one slick movement they slowly slid down his face and landed with a sickening plop on the floor, the place where they had hit Toshiro in the face was an angry red because of a slight burn that they had caused, the rest of his face slowly changing the same color with anger. This was all too much like the time that Toshiro had caught Kenpachi in the back storeroom with a playboy magazine and, yeah. No need to get into that story.
If he had a stick right now, he would have beaten Ulquiorra with it. But he didn't, so he had to go for the next best thing. Well, maybe not the next best thing, but it was the first thing that popped into his mind on such short notice.
"Damnit Ulquiorra," he growled angrily, reaching for a napkin to wipe off his face. "Guess where you're gonna be on Monday."
"Umm, at home…" he responded slowly, wondering what the hell kind of a question that was since clearly they didn't have school on Monday. Toshiro smirked evilly.
"Oh no. You are coming to work with me, for 'Bring Your Child to Work' day," he sneered.
Ulquiorra blanched, well any more that he could have behind all of the white make-up and his already very pale complexion. He quickly composed himself, but still looked slightly mortified and horrified.
"I would rather kill myself," he responded somewhat shakily.
"Well, you won't have the chance. Make sure to get plenty of sleep tonight." And with that, Toshiro stalked back into his and Rangiku's bedroom.
3 days earlier
Sosuke Aizen, owner of The Store: Food Chain and Bargain Discounts Galore, stood in front of the doors to the super market, just as the clock tolled closing time. Toshiro stood there impatiently waiting for brunette to move so he could get out of this hellhole just to go to another one.
He clapped his hands together and addressed the impatiently waiting crowd of employees. "Well, as you know, this coming Monday will mark the tenth year anniversary of the opening of The Store. So in order to celebrate, " he started, looking at all of the faces in the crowd. "We are going to have a 'Bring Your Child to Work' day!" he finished, grinning.
Toshiro leaned over to Momo and whispered, "Of course he would do something like that instead of, oh I don't know, cutting the huge prices for the customers. God, what a cheap ass."
Momo swatted him on the arm, "Don't be mean to Mr. Aizen!"
Aizen heard all of this with his magical super sonic hearing, and turned, smiling eerily at Toshiro.
Toshiro shivered a little. 'What a scary guy…'
"So yes," he continued, "Bring any one of your children to work with you on Monday," he said with a smile that would have killed a kitten.
"Which one?" Toshiro asked, trying to decide which of the little devils that were supposedly his offspring would cause him the least amount of trouble. But he didn't receive an answer.
Momo looked ecstatic. She turned to Toshiro and squealed for joy. "Yay! Now I don't have to pay for a babysitter for little Harribel now!" she exclaimed, looking as if someone had just told her that Santa Claus was actually real and he wanted her to be his new head elf.
"No babies," Aizen added quickly, Momo's face falling as if someone else had just told her that Santa got sniped by the tooth fairy.
"Oh, and try not to bring anything that will scare away the customers," he added, focusing his gaze on Toshiro as he finished that sentence.
'Well, there goes all of my options,' he thought with a bored look on his face.
As Ulquiorra watched Ichigo pull Izuru through their bedroom window into the trailer, he had one thought on his mind as he tried to drift off to sleep.
'Tomorrow is going to one long ass day.'
A/N: not the greatest chapter in the world, but it was necessary, because it sets up for next chapter which will be (hopefully) better.
On another note, REVIEW! They make me write faster. The more I get the quicker I update. If I don't get any, well, you get the idea X3
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