Snape's Turn
At breakfast time the next day, Harry, Ron and Hermione were eagerly awaiting the Daily Prophet. Yesterday's list had been so funny, and they couldn't wait to see what the new list would contain. They knew it was ways to annoy Professor Snape, but what ways would be included? When the paper arrived, Hermione unfolded it eagerly and turned to the Comics and funny pages section. There, just as expected, was the headline:
Top 10 Ways to Infuriate Severus Snape:
1: Call him Sevvie.
2: Be Harry Potter. ("Too true", Harry laughed. Snape gets mad at my very existence!) Failing this, be a Gryffindor. Hang around with Harry, if possible.
3: Fill his favourite cauldron with liquefied slugs/something disgusting.*
4: Ask him how the Dark Lord/Voldy is. Express genuine interest.
5: Offer him a bottle of shampoo for greasy hair. Suggest he use it daily.
6: Chant "Snape and Evans sitting in a Tree" at him. Laugh when he tries to hex you for it.
7: Tell him Sirius Black/Remus Lupin/[Insert name] thinks he's cute and wants to date him.
8: Enchant parchment to insult him whenever he tries to read it. Make the enchantment obvious, but hard to break. Laugh at his frustration when every piece of parchment he tries to read, including students essays, insults him.
9: Re-label his potions ingredients. Use as many nonsense words as you can.
10: Tell him he's got detention with Dumbledore, and he's really in for it this time.
Coming up tomorrow: Top Ten Ways to try Albus Dumbledore's Patience.
"I can't wait! Dumbledore's should be funny." Ron enthused. Look at Snape, he's livid. We'd best avoid him." Harry said, grinning. He had an excuse for skiving Potions; Snape would hex him on sight if he went, just because of the list. Professor Dumbledore approached the Gryffindor table at that point. "You students might want to avoid Potions today, Severus looks like he might hex Gryffindors on sight just for existing." He said, smiling at them. "Tomorrow's list should be funny, I'm looking forward to finding out what the Prophet thinks annoys me." The students smiled at him, before turning back to their breakfasts, chattering animatedly.
*Thanks, Anne Walsh. The liquefied slugs is a Dangerverse reference.
