Title: Dating Remus Lupin
Disclaimer: Brilliant Art Work Credits: kogepanM's siriusremus ( kogepanm. /art/ HP-siriusremus -15908325)
Warnings: Slight AU, Sillyness, Daft Sirius, Broody Remus
Rating: M
Chapter Two: Convincing Remus Lupin
By their first morning in Hogwarts, James realised that he was best mates with a complete and utter fool. Within the course of five hours, said best mate being Sirius Black, had spontaneously declared Remus Lupin as 'the one', concluded that he was madly in love, and also managed to scare away the poor Lupin boy with his antics because by dinner, Remus was no where in sight. When asked about Lupin's whereabouts, Frank had frowned and said that Lupin rarely attended dinner, and often didn't return until past curfew. Lily had also added that Lupin sometimes went down to Hagrid's hut to spend time with the animals or holed himself in the library. James didn't want to know how Lily knew so much about the Lupin fellow. He had a hankering that any answer she might give would lead to the castration of Remus Lupin, and then Sirius would be desolate and virginal for the rest of his life. Lupin was 'the one' after all…
Well, Lupin would be 'the one' if Sirius didn't manage to muck things up or get himself killed somehow before that. Not that James could speak much from experience, given that he had been chasing the girl of his dreams for what seemed only like forever, but even he knew that tact and discretion were probably important qualities in a seduction. Sirius, unfortunately, had neither. And this little fact hit James Potter, quite literally, hard in the face during breakfast the day after the Sorting…
'Look how gorgeous he is, James,' Sirius murmured, resting his chin upon his hand dreamily. His hand-eye coordination had gone completely haywire, and his spoonful of cereal was dangerously close to his right nostril. 'Look at those eyes. They're so big and…'
'Green…' James sighed, buttering the same piece of toast for the third time as he stared at the object of his eternal affections. Lily Evans had let her hair down today, and her long flowing curls were proving to be more of a distraction than usual for poor James who had been smitten with her since second year. 'Have you ever seen hair that shiny?'
Sirius frowned. 'Well, I do look in the mirror everyday…' His eyes roamed Lupin's entire form appreciatively. 'But rawr!'
Lupin, who was sitting only a few seats away and well within hearing range, rolled his eyes. Lily glared through her friends giggling. A few people around them even snickered, thinking that James and Sirius were up to their usual comedic antics again and that this was all part of another prank they were working on. Peter, who was sitting beside James, was too engrossed in his bacon to pay much attention to the other two Marauders' lovesick admirations.
'And his voice, Jamie-boy. His voice is about the hottest thing alive,' Sirius declared, spreading his arms wide and flinging a generous spoonful of cereal towards the staff table. 'With that lovely, lovely accent. I wonder what country he's from…'
'England,' Lupin muttered sarcastically.
James made an unintelligible noise that sounded a lot like 'sexy as hell'.
'You know, you're agreeing an awful lot with me,' Sirius muttered suspiciously, his gaze on Lupin growing slightly darker from possessiveness. 'You don't have a crush on him as well, do you? If you do, you'd better forget it now, mate. He's mine.'
James blinked owlishly. 'Huh?'
'Do you think we should go sit next to him?' Sirius asked, finally taking his eyes off Lupin to look at his best friend.
'But she hits me when I come so much as fifty feet within her,' James whined, looking back at Sirius. 'She throws a mean punch, you know.' He rubbed the still healing bruise on his jaw, remembering the incident with Evans on the train.
'Oi! You two over there!' Sirius yelled, completely ignorant to James's thoughts of anguish. 'Oi! Pudgy and Half-Pint! Switch seats with us, will you? I want to sit beside my Pumpkin!'
The two boys sitting next to Lupin glared. 'Been brewing again, have you, Lupin?' Pudgy sneered viciously.
Sirius hadn't heard it over his own yelling, but James's head swiveled in surprise at the comment. He looked at Lupin in indignance to see that the boy hadn't so much as glanced at the other two and continued to eat his eggs calmly as if nothing had happened. James didn't understand how Lupin could be so impassive and uncaring, but it seemed to work; Pudgy seemed disgruntled at not being able to garner a response.
'Come on, Jamie. The path to true love waits!' Sirius pulled James roughly by the elbow.
Now here's where the beauty of complex biology kicks in and Sirius's move would perhaps make more sense if it were to be seen rather than read. You see, in his haste to get to Lupin, Sirius pulled James's hand at an alarming one-eighty degree angle. This caused his shoulder to pop and twist, sending faulty signals down James's neck. These faulty signals read: drop James's head into his cereal bowl very, very hard. James's neck, not having much of a brain, bowed down in reverence to this faulty signal. One could say that it bowed down a bit too low, since James ended up with quite a face full (and quite frankly, some in his nose, too) of his breakfast.
Sirius huffed grumpily, completely oblivious to the semi-karate move he'd just pulled on his best friend. 'You could have told me you were hungry, mate,' Sirius grouched. 'Honestly, you make such a show of yourself.'
And then, to James's utter disdain, Black actually had the gall to march over to the other side of the table and pull Half-Pint off his seat by the collar, only to deposit himself beside Lupin with a Cheshire grin and a casual, 'Mornin', my Love Muffin.'
Merlin, Sirius needed help.
And so came the decision of James taking matters into his own hands. Asking was the key, James reasoned, every bleeding idiot in England knew that. When you wanted to date someone, you asked them. You did not readily assume that they were going to go along with your madness and get swept off their feet after being called Love Muffin and invading their personal space.
Even James, who could sometimes be a thick headed pillock, had picked up that much. When courting the beautiful Lily Evans, James would often thoughtfully say, 'Oi, Evans, I charmed Snivelly's underpants pink. Will you go out with me now?' It was courteous and humble, though James reckoned there was something a bit off about the way he was going on with things since Evans always said no. Now if only he could figure out what he was doing wrong…
Carrying on, James decided to take matters into his own hands before Lupin decided to break his code of pacifism and punch Sirius's front teeth out. Thus, during Care of Magical Creatures, James steeled himself and came up with the perfect excuse of talking to Remus Lupin: a Niffler. Yes, my friends, those furry little gold diggers that we all love so much…
James sighed and tightened his arms around his Niffler. It was truly starting to irritate him, as it clawed at his face in an attempt to get to his glasses. The things I do for you, Black. You're lucky this is the first class of the term. He stood in front of Lupin for a while, waiting and watching as Lupin petted and fed his Niffler with ease. Unlike James's animal, Lupin's was actually enjoying itself, basking in the attention it got and crawling on to Lupin's lap and playing between the folds of his robes. James figured that Lupin himself was caught up with the animal, since he didn't acknowledge James's presence. Either that or Lupin had quite an attitude problem.
James cleared his throat. 'Hey.'
Immediately, the Niffler in Lupin's lap came forth on its haunches and snarled, baring its teeth at James, who hadn't even known Nifflers had teeth. To his relief, it calmed down almost immediately after Lupin laid a gentle hand on its head. James wondered how in Merlin's name Lupin could control an animal that easily, when James's own was still wriggling in his grasp and fighting back viciously.
'Er…don't suppose you could help me with mine?' James asked weakly, receiving an inquisitive look from Lupin. 'Please?' James tried again. 'It's been clawing at me all day, and Professor Kettleburn's going to give me detention for sure if he sees this. He always thinks I'm up to no good.'
Lupin nodded, reaching out for James's Niffler. The animal, little bastard that it was, took a vengeful swipe at James's nose before moving into Lupin's arms and settling quite comfortably in the crook of his elbow. It was the oddest thing, thought James, because as soon as Lupin brought it down to the ground, the Niffler lay on its stomach and actually bared its neck in submission. Of course, James's mind was known to play tricks quite often – an after effect of prolonged exposure to anything Black.
'Er…thanks,' James said unsurely as he healed the cuts on his nose. 'That thing really hated me.'
'You were holding her too tight,' Lupin replied, and James saw what Sirius was talking about over breakfast. Lupin's voice wasn't sexy, as Sirius claimed, but there was a certain twang in his English that got you thinking. It was a very odd accent, not one James had ever heard and the Potters were spread well across the country. What really got to him though was the quiet intensity to the way Lupin spoke; it left James shivering from eeriness. It wasn't normal for a boy this age to be so quiet and stoic. It was as if he was…what had Sirius called Lupin again? A porcelain doll – smooth clean lines and an expressionless face save for the big, brown (or amber gold, as Sirius would argue) eyes.
'I guess. She seems to like you better anyway,' James commented finally, watching in disdain as the vile creatures played together on Lupin's lap, mock fighting with each other, until James's one (Tramp, he decided to call her) decided to go for a run and the other Niffler settled on licking the exposed areas of Lupin's skin clean as if he were a one of its own cubs. Female, James realised with disgust, because no matter what species, females were always the most confusing and irritating of the lot. Also, James got a good view of its hindquarters and unless Hagrid was breeding odd creatures again…
'Listen, can I talk to you…about Sirius, you know.' James fidgeted uncomfortably and decided it would make easier conversation if he were to sit down. 'Look, I know you don't really trust him, and I don't blame you, yeah? I mean, after last year…'
James looked upon Lupin guiltily, hoping he wasn't treading too far on sensitive issues. Lupin did not react any differently, much to James's relief and bewilderment, but kept on petting his Niffler calmly. When Tramp returned with what looked suspiciously like a Kettleburn's bloody gold tooth in her mouth and presented it as a token of affection, Lupin bent down to touch his nose to hers and then gave her a hands full of treats in return. Again, James was in awe at how Lupin seemed to know innately exactly how to handle every species of animal, which meant he was also probably adept at handling women. Inwardly, James wondered why a man with such superhero ability would want to be gay.
James shook his head to clear his silly thoughts and focus on his goal. 'Look, Sirius…he's a raving lunatic…but he's a decent bloke, you know,' James reasoned, cracking what he hoped was a convincing smile. 'He plays a lot of pranks and does a lot of stupid things, but he never means to hurt anyone. Not intentionally, at least and-'
'What do you want me to do?' Lupin interrupted, gazing at him with piercing amber eyes that made James want to look away. They were too dull…too lifeless…and yet, they had enough intensity to make James feel distinctly uncomfortable. 'You came to me for a reason, so don't bother stalling. It wastes my time and yours.'
'Give him a chance,' James replied shortly, feeling both intimidated and slightly offended at Lupin's brusque tone. 'Tactless as he is, I'm sure you've realised that he wants to take you out. Couple of dates, all right, that's all I'm asking. Sirius never hides anything he does, so you'll know he isn't playing around with you. If you don't like him by the end of all this, dump him. I won't say a word.'
'He's irritating,' Lupin said simply.
'Only if you say no,' James replied cockily. 'I've known him since we were little and I'll tell you this: he's going to drive you mad until you say yes. Sirius isn't the kind to give up easily, especially if its something he wants.'
It was the colour of the boy's eyes that was unsettling, and not so much the gaze. James didn't see why Sirius raved over them so much – they were too opaque, practically emotionless save for the slight bitter glint where the sun hit. The thick, dark eyelashes only served to highlight how peculiar they were, making them appear even lighter.
Lupin focused his attention back on the Nifflers, much to James relief. Tramp and her "ex-friend" were now fighting over who got to sleep on the boy's lap, and both animals were trying to push each other off in an act of possession. 'So what do you get out of this?' Lupin asked finally, adjusting both Nifflers to settle on each thigh. 'How do you benefit from this exchange?'
James blinked. It was a very odd question to ask. Why would James have to get anything? It was for his best friend…his brother…did there really have to be a reason? James shrugged. 'He shuts up about how great you are and societal peace is restored.'
'For societal welfare, then?' Lupin questioned, expression sardonic. The corners of his lips twitched slightly in a not-quite-there smile. It was almost as if he was humouring James just by talking to him; as if Lupin didn't quite believe a word James was saying about Sirius but playing along because he was bored.
It struck James then how Sirius was bargaining for more than he could chew. Lupin was not your average bloke; he was not impressed by Sirius's rebellious persona or his dashing good looks. He was cold, cynical, and was hiding too many things between a perfectly crafted face - much like the "porcelain dolls" in the Knockturne Alley boutiques. The kind that stared at you innocently until you came close to it, and it then suddenly grew a wart and shouted Avada Kedavra at you. The doll was quite popular among pureblood girls, which probably said something about Sirius's character and tastes.
'For societal welfare and a quiet night's sleep…' James said finally, putting his hand out for a shake and immediately retracting it when Lupin didn't take it. Sirius definitely had his hands full with this Remus Lupin chap.
Sirius lolled around on the loveseat in front of the fire, sucking carelessly on a Sugar Quill. 'I don't get it,' he told James through the Quill, 'you can get me a date with Remus, but you can't so much as come near Evans without getting kicked in the balls.'
James threw a pillow at his best friend. 'Shut up, you git.' He ruffled his hair, looking longingly at Evans. 'You could at least have the decency to thank me. I fucking got you that date, you know.'
'Psh. Would've gotten it regardless,' Sirius replied offhandedly. 'You honestly didn't think I'd give up on the love of my life this easy, did you?'
James grunted. 'I didn't know you liked Sugar Quills. Didn't you swear off them after last year's…incident.'
'These are special,' Sirius defended, not meeting James's eyes at the mention of 'the incident'. 'I stole them from Remus's bag during Charms, so they're divine candy. The boy's got a real tooth, you know. The back pocket's loaded with sweets.'
James rolled his eyes and look towards the opening portrait hole. 'Speak of the devil,' he muttered as Lupin, Peter, and a few other Arithmancy students made their way into the common room. He waved over to Peter, who promptly grinned and took the seat beside James. Surprisingly, he was wise enough to leave empty space for another person to sit right beside Sirius. Even little Peter knew not to come in the way of Sirius and his over the top declarations of love.
'Angel Cake!' Sirius cried, opening his arms wide for Remus as if actually believing that the boy would jump into his lap at given opportunity. 'I've been waiting ages for you! Look at my swollen eyes – I was having love withdrawals!' Sirius didn't so much as flinch as Remus's steely eyed gaze landed on him first, then James and finally on one of the unoccupied seats in the corner of the room. 'Come on, Poppet, don't be like that!' Sirius cried in over dramatic despair when Remus walked away. 'Sit with me, Pumpkin, in the warmth of this lovely fireplace, and we can share this delicious Sugar Quill.'
Remus closed his eyes as if warding off a very painful headache. 'That's my Quill and my name isn't very hard to pronounce, Black.'
'Neither is mine,' Sirius replied cheerily, getting up and slinging an arm over Remus to pull him closer. 'It's Si-ri-us. It even rhymes with your name. Maybe I should write a poem on our epic love. I could serenade you from the dormitory windows underneath the moonlight, sing arias and rhapsodies while the stars shine their heavenly light upon us and…'
'I can't believe Lupin's lasted this long,' Peter commented quietly into James's ear. 'Those names are horrendous. Even Evans is cringing.'
James grimaced. 'Let's just hope he isn't serious about the serenading. That's another night's worth of sleep ruined then.'
'Are you going to come watch me play next Tuesday?' Sirius asked, practically forcing Remus onto the couch. 'We have our first Quidditch practices and James made captain this year.' Sirius laid his head on Remus's lap, letting his legs falls haphazardly over the arm of the couch. Surprisingly enough, Lupin didn't push him away. 'I play Beater and its bloody brilliant, 'cause I get to-'
'Carry a club and speak in monosyllables,' Remus replied monotonously, earning a snort from James and a chuckle from Peter. 'Quite fascinating.'
Sirius's face fell to an extremely pathetic expression. 'You won't come to see me then?'
Remus didn't even humour Sirius with an answer, simply staring into the fire. James thought he looked very odd for a moment, a flicker of what almost seemed like emotion in his eyes; but it was gone as quick as it had come and James was left with the feeling that it was probably an illusion.
'It'll be really good,' Sirius whined in a needy tone. 'We're the best team Hogwarts has ever had and we'll probably win the cup this time.' Sirius's eyes grew impossibly large and watery, his eyebrows drooping pathetically and lips forming a well practiced pout. He even dared to make a needy whimper that sounded more canine than human. It was ridiculously charming, though one could never explain why.
'Lupin's never going to fall for the sad eyes,' Peter whispered again, watching with unmasked exasperation as Sirius cocked his head in a very doggish manner. 'Everyone knows Blacks don't cry. This is totally going to backfire.'
'I don't know,' James replied, looking at Remus curiously. The boy was looking quite intently at Sirius now, as if actually contemplating if Sirius was going to burst out crying. Sirius could be very convincing when he needed to be, and everyone knew he was a little unstable (nuts) in the head. 'Five galleons say Lupin gives in. Sirius has never failed before.'
Peter grinned.
'My mother's sick. I'll be going to visit her on Monday,' Remus said finally, and Sirius truly did look like he was about to cry. James didn't know if he was faking it or was genuinely upset. His best mate could be incredibly mysterious at times.
'Okay,' Sirius replied in a small voice, turning on his side and digging his face into Lupin's lap with a snuffle. 'I'll miss you, my love. I shall wait in this tower of loneliness until you return.' He took Remus's hand, kissed it, and then guided it to the crown of his head to rest there. The hand dropped, but Sirius didn't seem to mind as he fell into comfortable slumber.
James almost felt sorry for the Lupin bloke.
If you ever asked James Potter to write down a list of characteristics that defined Remus Lupin as he had done for his best friend, Sirius Black, you would have a very confused James Potter. He would explain to you as if explaining why green grass could also turn blue to a five year old, that Remus Lupin was an enigma. A mystery so complicated and impenetrable that it could not be defined on mere parchment with words alone. In truth, no matter how hard he tried, James could not figure out or categorise Lupin. He was in awe with the boy, just as Sirius was, though not in a 'your cock in my arse' sort of way. James wanted to know what secrets lay behind the cynicism, what fatalities lay behind that limp in Lupin's leg that seemed to come and go? He wanted to know what this Lupin character was, to satisfy his own curiosity and to protect Sirius whom James had adopted as his brother even before he could say 'Wizards Wireless Worries Warts With Wins' fifty times without breaking.
So, to cover up his lack of knowledge about Lupin, James decided to be romantic about the whole idea. He would say that Lupin was like a winter breeze – cold and biting, but once passed, you'd never be able to tell the temperature it was in or how it was created. Yes, that's Remus Lupin, James would say, and all the ladies would coo in admiration of his wit and poetic abilities. Remus Lupin was like a winter breeze.
Which is why it came as quite a surprise to James one Tuesday afternoon, during Quidditch practice, when he discovered that Remus Lupin was also quite deceptively kind…
'Sirius, I want you to the farthest right. Man the areas from there up till the fourth hoop, and Gideon can take charge of the rest. Fay…I don't want you to hover around in one place, expecting the Snitch to come towards you. Zip around. Think where the Snitch would go! Be the bloody Snitch!'
'Potter's gone mad!' Fabian Prewett exclaimed as he and Sirius kicked off from the ground. 'How am I supposed to be the Snitch?'
'James takes Quidditch seriously; you know that,' Sirius reasoned, watching as all the balls were released from the crate. 'I reckon we actually have a chance at that cup this time.'
'Hm,' Fabian hummed, hovering beside Sirius uneasily instead of following James's command to move around or at least 'act more like a Seeker and less like Sirius's own personal shadow!'
'Something on your mind, Fay?' Sirius asked, easily hitting the approaching Bludger towards the farthest stands. 'You seemed troubled and you keep looking at me like I murdered your owl or somewhat.'
Fabian Prewett bit his lip and seemed almost hesitant to speak. 'You know I'm all for pranks, Sirius,' Fabian started. 'Hell, me and Gid's played our fair share before the NEWTS decided to take over our lives. A good laugh is always welcome, but Gid and I…we don't really like what you're doing right now. It's…it's not right, mate.'
Sirius frowned in confusion, swerving to hit another Bludger away from the Chasers before coming back to Fabian. 'What are you talking about? We haven't started any pranks yet…'
'Lupin,' Fabian replied gruffly. 'Look, mate, it is one thing to play a joke and a whole other thing to play with someone's feelings. Bloke's done no harm. Merlin, he hardly even speaks.'
Sirius spluttered in shock and incredulity. 'Is all that red hair getting to your head, Fay?'
'Look, Sirius,' Fabian argued with a stern tone, looking slightly angry. 'If this is some kind of revenge on Orton's behalf or something, then as Headboy, I'm going to have to stand in the way. You've only been a year on the team, so you probably don't know much, but that story is absolute bullocks.'
'I-'
'Trust me,' Fabian interrupted, 'my sister, Molly, has played with love potions before, so I know what the hell I'm talking about. Orton's a lying-'
'Bastard, yes, I know,' Sirius cut in exasperatedly. 'Why does everyone think I'm playing a prank on Remus? It's so unfair.' Sirius hit the approaching Bludger with a little more force than necessary, feeling the need to channel his frustration somewhere. 'I really like him.'
'Oi, Black! Watch it! You nearly took my head there!'
'So…so you're actually dating?' Fabian cried in disbelief.
'Fay, are you fucking blind? That Snitch practically danced up your nostril for five whole minutes. Focus, damn it!'
Dating, Sirius realised. It had never hit him before this, but yes, he and Remus made a couple. They were going out, excusive, dating. 'We're dating!' Sirius exclaimed ecstatically in confirmation, eyes lighting up merrily and face breaking into a wide grin. 'And he's the fucking most brilliantly gorgeous person I've ever met! Don't you think so, Fay?' He looked at Fabian who seemed to be having an aneurism on his broom. 'You should hear him speak, Fay, he's so sexy, I feel like I'm melting every time he so much as looks at me. But-' Sirius's face fell instantly, his expression changing from happy to sad so quickly, it looked like a personality disorder. 'But he couldn't come today. Had to visit his mother apparently. Hmph, doesn't even spare me some time. I'm only asking for his constant, undivided attention. It's not that hard to give.'
Fabian's aneurism seemed to be bordering on mortally fatal, as he looked from Sirius to the pitch where there seemed to be a lone figure leaning against the stands, wearing a deep blue overcoat and white scarf around his neck. 'You might want to look again, Black. He's standing right there,' Fabian pointed out helpfully.
Sirius's smile was almost manic, as he whipped around to look at Lupin and started waving like there was no tomorrow. 'You came!' he screamed excitedly for the whole pitch to hear, many heads whipping around to see what the commotion was about. Sirius, unheeding to all the attention, whooped for joy and did an impressive little flip over trick with his broom. 'Jamie, look! He actually came to watch me play! My lovely Apple Pie came!'
'Black, this isn't the time to think about dessert!'
'Remus, my love!' Sirius yelled, ignoring his teammate's yells and Fabian's state of frightened shock. 'I'm here, Darling!' Sirius did an airborne cartwheel and upside down flip that could have put professional artistes to shame.
'Black, what the fuck are you doing, you stupid git!'
'Do you think he noticed me?' Sirius asked, turning towards Fabian with a goofy grin that threatened to fall of his face. 'You can't see very clearly from down there, can you?'
'I think everyone noticed you,' Fabian replied, looking quite horrified though Sirius couldn't tell why. 'You were screaming loud enough for – Merlin, watch out!' Fabian cried.
Sirius only had the time to turn and register that there was a rather large and solid Bludger hurtling towards his head at an alarming speed. 'Fuck,' Sirius was about to say, but unfortunately, the Bludger didn't feel like sparing time for obscenities and knocked him in the head and clear off his broom. Sirius was seen plummeting down towards the ground in breakneck speed.
'Oi, someone cast a cushioning charm for that falling idiot over there! I told everyone to fucking focus, not do circus tricks like a bleeding fool!'James punched the air angrily and dove for the ground, watching Sirius land comfortably into Lupin's cushioning charm. 'Damn it, he's such a fucking idiot, honestly.' James dismounted and gathered with the rest of his team around Sirius, who was moaning in pain in an utterly disgraceful fashion. 'Potts, how bad is it?'
Wendy Potts, one of James's prized Chasers was checking Sirius's head for serious injuries. She looked worried almost and James felt his irritation rise again at Sirius's carelessness. 'He's bleeding, James. That Bludger hit him pretty hard. We should get him checked at the Infirmary.'
James noticed that Lupin had joined their little circle, finishing the last of his cigarette calmly before putting it out under his shoe. The boy's attitude was very blasé, but James could make out dark bags of weariness underneath Lupin's eyes - as if he'd been missing out on several days' worth of sleep. There were tired lines around his mouth, and as he kneeled down beside Potts, James could see that Lupin was having difficulty with his leg again.
'He's too heavy to carry,' Wendy Potts suggested, as she lifted Sirius's head up gently so that Lupin would tightly wrap his scarf around the wound. The white quickly stained with red, spreading all around the back. 'We can levitate him there…'
At the mention of 'levitate', Sirius let out a loud, mournful moan. 'No,' he cried, clutching at Potts's knees in a desperate plea. 'No, don't! I'm scared of heights!'
James thought it was important mention that Sirius had 'spent an entire fucking hour on a broom, you bloody git!'
'No!' Sirius sobbed deliriously, now clutching Pott's robes, pulling so hard that everyone got a view of exactly what colour bra she was wearing today. 'No, I don't want to fly! I'll die up there! Mummy! I'm not going! You can't make me! Mum, save me!'
James groaned, slapping a hand to his forehead. 'Merlin's balls, he's crying for his mother. He must have hit his head harder than I thought!' James heaved a resigned sigh as Sirius kept on blubbering and moaning about how there were scary dragons in the sky. 'Alright, the rest of you continue practice, and Lupin and I can take this sorry lump to Pomfrey. '
Wilfred Higgs (Keeper and downright pain) snorted disdainfully. 'Like Lupin hasn't caused enough trouble already. You really have it in for Quidditch players, don't you, you little shite?'
'Higgs, if you can't watch your fucking mouth, I suggest you get out,' James shot back, already angry at Sirius and not in any mood for foul mouthing. 'Orton's not captain anymore, so I won't stand for any discrimination or fucking disrespect on my team. Am I clear?'
Higgs blinked in astonishment.
James walked up to Wilfred, practically spitting in his face as repeated himself, 'Am I clear, Higgs?' James knew everyone was staring at him in panicked silence. He wasn't the kind to usually lash out or lose his temper with other people. James Potter was funny, laidback, and sometimes obsessive about Quidditch and Lily Evans; but he was never a hothead. That was usually Sirius's forte, but James was quite frankly, tired of hearing unnecessary insults being shot towards Lupin.
'I need a hand, Potter.' Lupin's voice broke through the tense silence, and all of them turned to see Lupin with Sirius's arm across his shoulders, supporting him so easily that Lupin was only a step away from pretty much carrying Sirius. He didn't look like he needed a hand at all, if James were to be honest.
'My head hurts…'
Sirius's whining broke James out of his reverie and with a final glare at Higgs, he joined Lupin in his noble cause of transporting a whining Sirius to the Infirmary. 'Look, mate, I'm sorry about that.' James apologised, once he and Remus had managed to carry Sirius off the pitch. 'Higgs has always been a bit of a bastard. You shouldn't listen to him.' If James was expecting Lupin to say thank you, or even express his gratitude in someway, he was sadly mistaken.
'That tree is staring at me funny, Jamie,' Sirius complained from between the two of them. 'Make it stop. It's creepy! Make it stop!'
'Sirius, there aren't any trees here. We're in the castle.'
'There is!' Sirius insisted, struggling against their hold. He looked at James, his expression first pleading and desperate, then changing to confused and curious. 'Jamie, there's a gold crown on your head,' Sirius stated with all seriousness and then burst out giggling. 'You look like the Queen.'
James rolled his eyes. 'You're the only queen here, you bastard.'
Sirius frowned. 'That's right. I am,' he confirmed, and then promptly broke into song. 'God save our gracious Queen. Long live our noble Queen.
God save the Queen.'
'Oh Merlin.'
'He has quite the singing voice,' Remus commented, not so much as cringing when Sirius rested his head against his and continued to sing the national anthem in the highest volume imaginable.
'Frustrate their knavish tricks…'
James plugged his ear with his free hand. His left ear might have been permanently damaged, but there was still hope left for his right. Left for his right. James sniggered and then quickly stopped himself when he realised he was acting a bit too much like Sirius. 'You're lucky you don't share dorms with him. He gets like this when he's drunk all the time.'
Thy choicest gifts in store; on her be pleased to pour.
'Does he crack his head open every time he's drunk as well?' Lupin was about to make another snarky comment, when one of his eyebrows cocked in disbelief and he looked at Sirius as if he were surveying a particularly exasperating and dim two year old. 'Black, your hand is on my arse.'
Sirius grinned, going slightly cross eyed and tilting dangerously forward. 'And what a fine arse it is, Darling. Very proportionate on both sides.' He gave the 'very proportionate sides' of Remus hindquarters a squeeze each. 'Shh…don't tell anyone, but James was born with his right cheek bigger than his left,' Sirius whispered so loudly that it echoed all the way up the staircase.
James fought against the rising flush of embarrassment. 'You're lucky you're bleeding your brain out now, mate, or I would have smashed your head in by now.'
Sirius's lower lip trembled, looking as if he was about to cry. 'You're so horrible!" he cried melodramatically, his expression so pathetic that he was only short of a few crocodile tears. 'I hate you! We're not brothers anymore!' Sirius dislodged from James's grip and forcefully flung himself into Lupin's arms, causing the boy to nearly overbalance. 'I love you, my darling Fruit Cake. You and you alone. We'll run away together into the hills and get married like in those Muggle movies.'
'Remind me to book a dress for the occasion,' Remus deadpanned, adjusting Sirius's weight carefully and then flinging him over his shoulder like a rag doll. James's jaw nearly touched the ground. Lupin was carrying a boy at least twice his weight and making it look effortless, like a walk in the park or baking a cake and those other truly easy things that even fools can do.
'Sirius, get off. You're going to kill Lupin like this,' James urged in a worried tone, trying to get Sirius to focus and pull him down at the same time. 'Honestly, who knew a Bludger to the head could get him this delusional. Sirius!'
'It's fine,' Remus said shortly. 'We're nearly there.'
'Jamie, everything's upside down!' Sirius supplied gleefully, his feud with James apparently forgotten. 'Look, I've even got full view of Remus's arse! It's so pretty…'
'Lupin, you're going to break something like that!" James insisted. 'Just let Sirius down. We'll take him together. There's no need to indulge in him like that!'
'It's fine,' Remus repeated, and James noticed that one of his legs were shaking under the pressure. The same leg that gave him that damn limp.
'Remus Lupin! I told you not to put stress on that arm! I can't believe…' Madam Pomfrey came rushing towards them once they'd entered, fussing over all of three and starting on her usual tirade that James had long learned to tune out. Something about how horrible Quidditch was, and how Lupin had injured himself badly last night and shouldn't be using that arm for another two hours, and how careless students were nowadays about their health. It was pretty much the same speech most of them heard, give or take a few modifications. It didn't really occur to James to ask about the arm – he was so focused on Lupin's leg and how Remus had to sit on the bed for ten whole minutes before it stopped trembling.
'Well, Mr. Black's going to be fine now,' Pomfrey concluded after a thorough check up of all of them and a last adjustment to Lupin's arm. 'Just make him drink some of that green potion over there. It'll give him a good kick start.'
'So will I, once he's sober,' James muttered, looking at the green bubbling liquid that the Matron had shoved into his hands before hurrying to tend to her other patients. 'Looks vile,' he commented, feeling himself go green at the smell of rotten eggs emanating from the bottle. 'Glad I don't have to drink it.' He quickly poured the liquid down Sirius's throat, moving away slightly in case Sirius started vomiting.
Sirius's cloudy grey eyes sharpened almost immediately, before he went into a coughing fit, cringing from the aftertaste of potion in his mouth. 'Ow…' he groaned, rubbing his head gingerly. 'Fucking ow…it's like a bloody hangover…'
'Well, try not to get sodding hit next time,' James griped, bending down to place the empty vial back in the lower cabinets where he'd seen Pomfrey take it from. 'I'll ban Lupin from the field if I see that happening again. I mean it, Sirius, I'll-'
'Do straighten up, Potter,' Remus interrupted from the bed behind him. 'Your arse is a bit crooked.'
Sirius burst out laughing
And so comes the second installment. First of all, thank you everyone for being so wonderful and reviewing. I went crazy when I saw the great response. Love you all for that and I hope I've replied to each one of you. Also, I think I should clear a few things first. This fic isn't going to be an insanely long epic like Momentum. It's more like a fun, sort of over the top humour fic about the pups. Also, Sirius and Remus aren't going to be like James and Lily, where Sirius chases Remus until the last chapter where they finally get together and shag. As you've noticed, both of them are already dating from here forth. Oh, and I should mention that God Save the Queen is not a figment of my imagination; I didn't actually write it. Lol…so that's about it, and feel free to put up any ideas or funny bits you've thought of. Always love some inspiration! Cheers!
Oh and for the lovely anonymous reviewers:
Ainek: Guess I surprised everyone with this new fic. Lol. Yeah, I decided to take a less conventional characterisation for the pups. They're still them, but sort of in an exaggerated sense. Besides, Sirius and his little elves are too cute to pass up. Too lazy to sign in: Lol. Thanks. I guess that's about all I can say and hope you enjoyed the second chapter! Miranda:lol. I love the new Moony too. Well, he's not actually that new. He's still got his sarcasm…but he's just a little bitter. That beating with the cane thing got me laughing. My gramps used to do that, so hope you don't mind if I use it sometime in the later chapters. :) scoot: I hope you didn't have to wait for long and that the second chapter is better than what you expected. Also thanks to Bernie and Topoe! Cheers luv and see you soon!
