Title: The Way I Feel

Pairing: Booth/Bones

Rating: T

Summary: Escape is often the easier route to take, escaping yourself however, is often one of the hardest things to do.

Disclaimer: I do not own, so please, do not sue.

AN: This is the second part of the story. This one goes out to everyone who requested a continuation. Also, thank you to all of you for you feedback to the first chapter! And, I cannot forget, I have to give a special thank you to my dear friend, That Old Black Magic for putting up with my craziness, and for her unwavering encouragement! Enjoy!


She lay on her couch, spoon in one hand, Ben & Jerry's in the other, starring at the far wall as she dug to the bottom of the tub. The events of the night were unfolding for the umpteenth time in her head, as once again, her inner scientist scrutinized every word, sound, even every moment of silence – but to no avail. She couldn't for the life of her understand how it was that Booth had let it get this far. Didn't he understand that she wasn't looking for, "love." She was, and had only been looking for satisfaction, and he'd known that. Hadn't he?

She sat up now, her inner detective curious now, ready to set its magnifying glass on another aspect of the situation at hand.

Hadn't he understood that they'd had an unspoken agreement? Didn't he realize that this had just been sex?

She scoffed at the thought, as she put another spoonful of ice cream in her mouth. No one could be that ignorant, Booth wasn't a lot of things, but he was extremely perceptive. He had to have known that telling her that he loved her would bring absolutely no good. He had to have realized that his proclamation would send their unspoken arrangement into a red-hot pit of angry flames.

Anger welled up inside of her at this thought. Had he done this on purpose? Did he think that she was incapable of handling the truth, that she was too sensitive or something equally girly? She handled dead bodies in all sorts of states that normal people would find completely and totally disgusting after all.

Her blue eyes flashed dangerously as she grabbed her keys, leaving her ice cream and ration behind as the front door slammed shut.


It wasn't too long after, that she was stomping towards her partners' door, and then banging her fist against it, not caring if he was sleeping. Who the hell did he think he was, she didn't need his pity, and she didn't want it for that matter.

It was a few seconds until finally she heard rustling behind the door, then the sound of locks being opened, and then the face of her partner.

"Bo – Sorry, Dr. Brennan, what are you doing here?" Booth asked, his eyes wide as he processed the fact that she was standing in front of his door.

She simply rolled her eyes. "Do you really think I'm that stupid Booth? You couldn't just be honest with me? I'm not a child; I am a grown woman, who I thought you respected enough to at least be truthful with."

Booth's expression became one of complete and utter confusion mingled with shock. "What the hell are you talking about? What truth?"

"You know exactly what I mean Booth. You told me that you loved me, to scare me off, instead of being the normal dominant alpha male that you are, and telling me like it is. If you wanted to stop our little late night events all you had to do was say so." She retorted, her patience with the man in front of her wearing thinner and thinner as she took in his confused expression.

"Okay, let me get this straight. I told you the truth and then you basically punch me in the gut, and now, you're here telling me that I'm basically ridiculous for not telling you the 'truth,' right?" She watched as he looked down at her for confirmation, she nodded. "You should call Sweets."

"Excuse me? My mental health is perfectly fine."

"You know what, I'm not going to stand here and argue with you. I told you that I loved you, and I meant it. Fine, I get it, you don't love me back, but don't come here, and try to rub that fact in my face. And for the record, what happened between us was not just some, 'late night event,'" he told her, using air quotes, verbally throwing her words back at her. "But it's nice to know that it meant so very much to you." He told her dryly. "So if we're done here, I've got a few more alcoholic beverages calling my name, I'll see you at work." And with that, he closed the door.

The words shocked, stunned, surprised, flabbergasted, and astonished came to mind as she watched his door close in her face quickly followed by a strange tug somewhere in her chest. She leaned back on the wall behind her as her speedy brain processed what Booth had just said. She had collected the evidence, and now, she had the facts: Booth without a doubt was in love with her and she without a doubt had broken his heart.

But she shouldn't care, should she?

The line she'd drawn in the sand for herself, the walls protecting her heart, blocking all emotion, period, it was all becoming fuzzy as she questioned herself. This was all so strange for her. Why now? Why was she all of a sudden so unsure of herself?

She gathered herself, shaking away all of her insecurities for the moment as she began her trek back to her car. She needed advice, she needed a friend, and in short, she needed Angela.


"Sweetie, hi," Angela said, Hodgins standing behind her a little uncomfortably, sleep still in his eyes. "Are you okay? What happened? Come in, come in."

"I'm guessing I'm not needed here. I'm going back to bed." Hodgins said, making an exit before he got pulled into the, 'girl talk,' that he was certain was about to ensue.

"He gets a little cranky when he's woken up at ungodly hours, don't mind him. Anyways, what's going on?"

"Booth told me he loved me." She replied simply.

Angela's face went from one of concern to absolute delight, finished with a mega-watt smile. "Okay. Full story, from start to finish!" she all but squealed.

It was about five minutes later and Angela's face had fallen when Brennan was finished, all traces of her smile gone. "Sweetie, I mean this in this best way possible, as your friend and all, but you're an idiot! He told you that he loved you! I know you okay; you're not as unattached as you try to be. Why else would you go to Booth to get your freak on with? You feel safe with him. Despite everything that's been going on lately sweetie, you need to let it go, it's hard, but you have to. None of it was your fault. If you keep holding on to the bad, you won't be able to hold on to the good. And trust me when I tell you this, Booth is definitely good."

"I went to him because he understood me. It had nothing to do with safety. I could take down just about anyone. He knew that I didn't want anything real with him, that's why I went to him." She said, uncertainty swimming in her eyes.

Angela shook her head at her friend. "Oh sweetie, don't you understand, you and him are real. But you've hurt him sweetie, and I'm not sure that he's going to be there when you finally realize that you want to fix things."

Her mouth opened and closed several times before she spoke again. "But, how am I supposed to know if I want to fix things if I don't even know if I really care about what he said."

"I can't tell you to care, and I can't answer the question about whether or not you do either. Only you have the answer to that question." Angela told her friend. "But, at the same time, would you really be sitting here, trying to figure it out if you didn't? Just think about it." She said with a small smile.

"I don't know." She replied, giving her friend a blank stare.

Angela stood up from the comfortable sofa, "Hot chocolate?" she asked, and after receiving a nod, she set about making the drinks.


She sat in her car, turning it on, switching on the radio in the process, before she went to put her seatbelt on.

No it never crossed my mind
You might try to hide from me
You would set the place on fire
With your long and broken wrecking shriek

A slow beat filled her car, followed by a gentle voice, the sincerity of it captivating her as the words of the song entered her.

Always aiming for the truth
Sometimes missing just one word
Something real is shaken loose
Look around to see the cities burn

She closed her eyes, the events of tonight replaying her head as she did. Trying her best to rifle through her mess of thoughts and find some kind of meaning, some kind of answer. That was what she did, right? Find answers to impossible questions – and right now, this kind of question, about feelings and the like, were impossible for the great Dr. Brennan.

It's just the way I'm feelin'
Lost without the meanin'
The love has disappeared without a trace
It's just the way I'm feelin'
You're gone and now I'm leavin'
I'm holding back the tears
That hide my face
It's just the way I'm feelin'

Her eyes flew open as the words of the song had begun to wrap around her, the heavy truth behind them crushing her. He was gone. Wasn't he? She had turned him down, her best friend and her partner, stared him in the face and threw his words back at him.

You were never forced to choose
I tried to keep you safe from harm

He'd always been there for her, helping her despite her best attempts at shunning him away, at trying to keep her heart hidden and safe. But now, it seemed it had all been in vain. She'd never once, asked him to help her, to bully his way into her life, and more importantly past the protective walls of her heart.

Now it was her turn to help him, wasn't it?

And now there's nothing left to lose
You've gone and torn my world apart

She reminisced on the beginning of their friendship, their partnership. Never had she imagined that this man – albeit he was good-looking, and most certainly a good life mate – would make her question herself so much. That he would take her so far away from everything that she knew. He was all heart, all feeling whereas she would run from that as fast as she could, she was objective, rational, and factual.

Why the hell, of all the people in the world had he chosen to fall in love with her? She was everything he disliked, and he'd made that perfectly clear when he'd come grudgingly to the Jeffersonian, "squints," he'd called them. He felt that they were beneath him, just the stepping stones to the real path of glory.

But now, none of that mattered, none of it. She'd been foolish enough to give the final push, to keep away the one person who cared enough to keep trying to get through to her when everyone else had given up. Angela was right, she was an idiot.

All that's left for me is you
A shadow of my former self

After what had happened with Zack, she'd lost her inner battle to keep her distance with people. The further they are from you, the more unattached you are to them, the less pain it causes you. She couldn't willingly put her heart on the chopping block anymore, it was too painful, and it was too damn hard.

But now, it didn't even matter, because despite everything, she was feeling it now. She was slowly realizing that all she wanted was to be back in that bed, curled up with Booth, his arms wrapped around her.

But it was too late now.

It's just the way I'm feelin'
Lost without the meanin'

She was who she was – she was an objective, logical anthropologist and woman. These questions were those of weakness, she couldn't put her heart through that again, especially if there was a very good chance that she could get burned.

It wasn't worth the risk, and he wasn't worth the pain. In a moment, she knew she was wrong. He was worth it, it was just that she had realized it too late.

And once more, like a candle in the wind, the glimmer of hope that she would escape her shadows, her inner demons disappeared.

The love has disappeared without a trace
It's just the way I'm feelin'

Like a switch, she turned her heart off, as she drove off into the night.

It was over now.


AN:

I hope you liked it! The song is called, "The Way I Feel," by Paul Oakenfold ft. Ryan Tedder, if you've got a moment give it a listen! Thanks for reading!

-angel6