?!?: I just realized that during this story, I don't have much to say...Oh yeah! No yuri or essence yet, no LeonxAshely (damn right!), and one yaoi pairing...(keep going) Stop interrupting me!

Luis: Hey, don't look at me!

?!?: That's all.

President: Since its Halloween, can I have candy?

Luis: Halloween was over 5 days ago, and why are you asking us, you're the president! *?!? whispers to him*

Luis: Ohhh, so he's a dee dee dee! We're having a long day.

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Chapter 2: Chips Ahoy Arrival!

After singing the chorus of Pony for nearly the 20th time, Leon reached the shore.

"Damn am I sore...I wish I had a pony to kill and eat." /I'm never singing that song again.../

Although it was almost pitch-black, Leon spotted a rock. But not just any rock. "Why the hell is blood on this rock, a big one splash too, maybe someone really killed a pony..." He walked off in the left direction of the rock. "What the hell, why would someone use .22 caliber bullets to take down a pony?" This island is weird alright.

He started walking through the thick plants and vegetation and crap. Unexpectantly, he came across a mansion like villa, Scarface lives here?!? Maybe not, but Leon walked up to the door anyways.

A giant man with an equally sized beard came to the door. "What do you want?" He commanded of Leon. "Hello, uh, my name is Leon Kennedy and I kinda fell off a boat a little ways from here," The man just stared. Leon continued. "Listen, I'm starving, cold, and wet. Is it alright if I come in and-" "Mr. Cheese, please let our guest in," said a smooth voice beyond the door."

A little man appeared. He looked like a reject child of Ben Franklin and Leprechaun had a child. Damn, that's f^cked up. "Chips Ahoy new comer!" Leon didn't know why he said Chips Ahoy, neither did he care. He was hungry. "Dear Mr. Kennedy, forgive Mr. Cheese's impudence, for you see, he's a dee dee dee."

???"No-no problem." "Won't you come in, get you out of those wet clothes." Awkward. "Alright...But what's your name?" The short man chuckled. "Just call me Salazar..."

*&*

Leon came out of his over comfortable bedroom overly dressed in a black tuxedo overly hungry. He reached the dining room, after almost getting lost twice. He was greeted by Salazar.

"Ohh, yes. It fits you perfectly." "I hope you don't mind me asking, why do you have clothes in my size?" Salazar only laughed at his question. "Please, sit. The first course should be coming soon, for now we have appetizers." Hold on, I think they had some filet mignon and expensive wine, yeah let's fast forward.

"You know, I've read all about you. How you save peoples lives from the living dead..." I think that is an oxymoron. "Really?" Leon was surprised how everyone knows him but himself. "Why, yes! They even had a video game staring you. It's called Resident Evil 4, or Biohazard 4." Creepy. "You've inspired me in your work actually. I now know what I truly find my happiness in." "Video games?" /Oh Lord...Another game freak.../ "Well, you could say that. Ah, here comes Isabel and Maria!" Two women, one in blue and the other yellow came in with silver covered trays of food. Another man whose name was probably Esteban, assisted them.

Leon just looked at them funny. They seemed Undead like the ones he fought so much of. "So what's on the menu ?" Salazar asked. "Whootbadadayolh!" ..."What 'bout a day old-Oh! Yeah, yesterday we had meatloaf." And it was. Meatloaf. The two women just sort of hissed and left out. "Nice people," Salazar commented. /At to hell with it!/ Leon attacked the food, probably could of matched a rabied racoon. Racoon City ha,ha.

But Leon still had that question on his mind. "Salazar you never told me what you're true happiness was in?" What was with this guy? Salazar laughed again. "You'll find out soon enough." It had better not be Leon screwing. "Well Mr. Kennedy, my happiness is in hunting..." Do not past Go, do not collect $200. "But only a certain animal I am concerned in the sport," He sipped on his little red wine. Leon thought the sentence over carefully. "Human beings. You hunt human beings!!! What the hell is wrong with you!!!" ", I was going to say hunting for t.v. shows." Oh. His bad. "Sorry Salazar, I'm just tired I guess."

"Yes I love action. I have everything I need for my show, isn't that right ," whom of which appeared out of the shadows. "But I haven't completely found my favorite episode, if you know what I mean..." *gasp* "What if I don't want to be on your 'personal' t.v. show?" Leon sneered ready to fight.

"Well the decision is yours. Either survive the entire 3-day saga, or survive Mr. Cheese's saga. The large dee dee dee swelled up, anticipating for Leon to bust a move. "But I'll give you more than enough time to settle in your environment. Along with a few pets as well," He stopped to see the look on Leon's disturbed face. "What's wrong Mr. Kennedy, I beleive I treated you better than the others. There is one other man, Luis Sera. How annoying is he? Maybe you'll find the Spaniard, if he doesn't die first. Shall we be going then?" He smiled dead in Leon's face. /Well at least I won't die of suicide be Ashely.../ "Fine, I'll do as you say," Leon said flatly.

"Naw that's my man," Awkward(again...).

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?!?: Aw man, I'm twisting this story terribly. Salazar sounds like a perv!

Salazar: Damn mortals like you!

?!?: Leon's a mortal, too bad he couldn't be immortal like other Capcom characters.

Leon: Go suck a lemon.

?!?: After you sensei, you're the master at sucking.

Luis: Whoa,whoa,whoa! What did I just miss? Back that conversation up!

President: I rename myself Carrot Strips. Isn't it funny? The first part works with the last. I'm so SMART!!!

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Everyone else: No comment