Garrus Vakarian could not have said when it began, only that it crept into his life, gradual and inevitable, so subtly that he did not realize what had happened to him until it was too late to turn back.

It was the gun that opened his eyes.

"Go ahead, open it," said Sidonis, mandibles flared in a grin. They were all there, all of his squad, in their heavily barricaded base, throwing back drinks to celebrate their latest success.

"What's this?" Garrus murmured, as a big and heavy package was thrust at him. It was covered in some kind of shiny colorful paper, with a large bow on top.

"We all pitched in and got you a present," said the batarian, in a tone that sounded like he was threatening a disobedient vorcha, but Garrus knew that was his 'happy' voice.

"This is wrapping paper," said one of the humans sitting near him. "It's to decorate gifts. But don't worry, you can tear it right off."

"Wrapping paper?" said Garrus. He regarded the package with some suspicion. "You guys shouldn't have gone to all this trouble for me."

"Look, just open it," said the batarian, scowling. "Before we decide to take it back."

Tentatively, Garrus slid a talon across the colorful paper, shredding it away to reveal a plastic case. His breath caught as he undid the clasps and opened the case. Within it, lying on a folded black cloth, was the most beautiful sniper rifle he had ever seen. Its make was clearly quality, though somewhat unfamiliar, and he could swear he'd never seen this particular model advertised before.

"It's not on the market just yet," wheezed the volus sitting nearby. "But you can get anything on Omega."

"I…I don't know what to say," said Garrus, his talons never leaving the smooth surface as he regarded the men before him. His men. His team. "Thank you. This is…amazing."

"Gonna name it Angel?" said one of the humans, the one Garrus suspected was responsible for his unfortunate nickname.

He shook his head and smiled. There was only one name for a rifle this beautiful.

Jane.

He lay in bed that night, watching the rifle gleam in the light pouring in from the street. It was always dim on Omega, but never truly dark, always twilight. Just like his life had been for the past year and a half, ever since…

It still hurt, just as much as it always had, to think of her. But in a way, he was glad for the sudden stabs of pain, glad to see they hadn't faded with time into a dull ache. It seemed like a betrayal to him, to let her memory fade and fill the huge gap she'd left behind.

He knew better, but he still couldn't stop from feeling betrayed on her behalf as all of their friends moved on with their lives. Tali went back to the Flotilla, Wrex to Tuchanka to unite his people, and Alenko, Alenko who should be carrying this torch, had worked his way quickly up the Alliance chain of command.

Alenko, who'd let her die.

The rational part of him knew, it was nobody's fault, no one could have saved her. But it did not keep him from feeling as though he should have been there, that if he'd been by her side, he might have saved her.