Torture of Silence

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

AN: Sorry for taking so long to update. I've had stuff going on. I lost inspiration. I forgot how to write. I lost my drive. Don't worry, I'm back with a vengeance. Without further ado, R&R please.


Over It by Anneliese Van Der Pol

"How could you know

That behind my eyes a sad girl cried

And how could you know

That I hurt so much inside

And how could you know

That I'm not the average girl

I'm carrying the weight of the world"


"Tenten?" Sakura knocked on the doorframe, the door wide open. Hinata stood shyly next to the pink haired woman. "Come meet your roommate."

Tenten came out of the shadows of the room. She looked about Nii-san's age, Hinata thought. She had brown hair in a pair of buns and large brown eyes. Her bare arms were crossed over her chest, but Hinata saw a few, faint scars, pale white against her peachy skin.

"Who's this?" The way Tenten spoke reminded Hinata of a teenage boy. Almost.

"This is Hinata," Sakura explained. "She's Neji's cousin."

"What's wrong with her?"

The question made Hinata feel very uncomfortable. The way everyone in this place just threw that question around. What's wrong with her? Maybe nothing was wrong with her. Maybe it was everyone else who was wrong.

Sakura sighed the sigh of people who think they've got better things to do then answer such 'simple' questions. "We're not quite sure. We're thinking depression."

Sakura loved the way 'we're' just slipped off her tongue. We. Her and Sasuke. We. Sasuke and her. "She doesn't speak. I've got to go. Dinner's in half an hour. If you're on good behavior tonight, we'll reevaluate your punishment."

"I'll be good." Sarcasm was heavy in her voice.

"Of course you will be." Sakura met Tenten's sarcasm and left.

Tenten retreated back into the room. Glancing over her shoulder, she said, "You can come in. I won't hurt you. They confiscated all my weapons, anyways."

Hinata entered the darkened room, her eyes on the floor. Cautiously, she glanced around the room. It was a plain room, with wood floors and pale blue walls. There were two beds on either side of window, which was situation on the far side of the room. There was a dresser near the foot of each bed. Hinata sat down on the bed with her suitcase. Tenten was sprawled across the other bed.

"So, your name is Hinata?"

Hinata barely nodded.

"Oh yeah, you don't speak. Why's that?"

Hinata picked at the bedspread. It was a deep blue, not dark enough to be called navy, but not light enough to be straight blue. In her mind, she tried to come up with the right proportion of white and blue and black.

"Neji's your cousin. He's pretty nice." Tenten's tone was softer and gentler. More like a girl confessing something. Hinata realized with a jolt that this girl must like her cousin.

"Anyways, you've probably already heard the worst about me. Yep, I'm a cutter. Big deal. It's just how I cope…." Tenten trailed off, lost in her own thoughts.

Hinata watched the clock numbers change slowly. The green numbering burned into her eyes, following her even as she blinked. The numbers made no impression on her mind. Hinata wasn't seeing them together as a whole, but separate pieces. Everything was safer when it was broken up.

Tenten glanced at the clock, situated on a little table between their beds. "Come on. Time for dinner."

Hinata followed Tenten out the door and down the hall. Tenten was talking, but Hinata wasn't listening. Or rather, she couldn't listen. There were words, but they flew by her ears, not lasting long enough to leave an impression. It was like watching a television program in a foreign language.

Dazed, Hinata mimicked Tenten's actions, picking up a tray as they stood in line. The room was set up very much like a high school cafeteria, from the trays to the long, rectangular tables. Only difference was that the floors and walls were completely white, no designs to mar the blank perfection.

"Are you all right?"

Startled, Hinata looked up at the speaker. It was the painfully thin girl from earlier. She was placing a nearly empty tray next to Hinata. Dazed, Hinata nodded.

"You know that Sakura's not going to be happy with that intake," Tenten said, opening her container of milk.

"Well, Sakura wasn't happy with your cutting. She won't notice what I'm eating while she's trying to make sure you don't kill yourself," Ino retorted.

To Hinata's surprise, Tenten smiled. "Maybe I'll help you out. How much damage can I cause with a plastic fork?"

"What's this I hear about a plastic fork?" Temari asked, setting down her tray next to Tenten. Her brother, the murderous one, slumped in his seat next to her.

"Nothing," Tenten said, a look of feigned innocence on her face.

Temari rolled her eyes. "As I've said before, my brain is not—"

"Completely wasted," finished Shikamaru, Choji, and Lee. Naruto and Shino followed behind them.

"Is that everyone?" Ino asked, standing up. She appeared to be counting heads. "Yes, this is all of Chidori."

Choji asked, between bites of food, "Where's Sakura?"

"Sakura is right here," the woman in question said, appearing at the table. "Ino, you need to eat more than that."

Ino glared at Sakura before grabbing her tray and slinking back to the line. By the time she had returned, Sakura had walked around the table, interrogating them all. Except for Hinata.

The meal passed quickly, but not quick enough for Hinata. A second seemed to drag on. Hinata didn't remember any of the walk back. All she remembered was collapsing onto the bed. She remembered hoping that she would not dream tonight, but knowing that the nightmares would come.

And they would be worse.

-

There was a sharp rap at the door. Sasuke slowly opened his eyes and lifted his face from the open book. He had fallen asleep, trying to figure out what was wrong with that new girl. Sasuke glanced at his watch as he stretched. 10:16. There was something he had to do. But what?

There was another knock on the door. He was supposed to be talking to Tsunade! He had completely forgotten. He jumped up and flung open the door. There stood the director of the mental hospital.

"Gomen nasai, Lady Tsunade-sama. I was caught up—"

"Sleeping?" Tsunade didn't seem upset. She seemed amused. "You need your rest."

Sasuke nodded and took his seat behind the desk. Tsunade took the center seat. A seat, which Sasuke noted, had been occupied by the new girl only a few hours ago. She had been scared out of her mind, but a dangerous air had existed around her. A hardened shell. He didn't know what she had done, what had happened, what she could do, or what had caused it. He didn't even know how to categorize that girl. She had everything going for her, it seemed. According to what Neji had told him, she had been a good student. She had thought of going to an artistic college. She had been a nurturing sister. Her beauty was striking. Her eyes were so unique and different. But, so hurt.

"Sasuke, did you hear a word of what I just said?"

"Hn."

"I was just saying that your wing has been doing well. Your decisions are very well thought out. One thing, though, I think you should add in another session of group therapy. You've got the morning session, which I think is excellent. But, I think a session in the evening, with you there, would be beneficial. What do you think? Will you do it?"

"Hn."

"I'll take that as a 'yes.' All right, that's just about everything. One thing, though….It doesn't concern your wing. I just thought I'd share this with you."

Sasuke was silent.

Tsunade flipped through some papers. "A prisoner is getting moved here. He's on trial to see if he….if he's going to be killed by lethal injection. His attorney's trying to use insanity to get him off. He'll still have to serve for life with no parole. We're evaluating him. Seeing if this is a real claim."

Sasuke felt frozen. He tried to say something, but he couldn't. She couldn't know. Could she?

Tsunade watched him, seeing him tense up. Maybe she shouldn't tell him. But, it would be worse if their paths crossed unexpectedly. "This is the man who seventeen years ago murdered his parents and all of his relations. Except for one. He left his little brother in a burning house, his little brother who was only seven. The little brother survived. His name is Sasuke Uchiha. You."

"How did you…." Sasuke's voice was barely above a whisper.

"It wasn't easy. They shielded your name from the newspapers, as they kept your parents' names from the newspaper." Should she tell him that his brother had told her? That Itachi was so obsessed with his little brother. Itachi wanted to explain his actions, supposedly. Tsunade knew that Itachi wanted nothing more than to wrap his hands around Sasuke's neck.

Sasuke didn't know how to react. Tsunade wasn't sure of what to say next. Luckily, both were saved by scream. Sasuke ran from the room, expecting the worse. Tsunade was on his heels, her papers abandoned on the floor. The lights were all turned on, strange because almost all the lights were turned off promptly at 9:30.

"What's going on here?" Sasuke asked, his voice carrying over the din. All of the patients were in the hallway, as were several of the doctors and aides. "Who screamed?"

"I did," said Tenten, blushing only very slightly.

"What's going on?" Tsunade asked, finally catching up. "Sakura?"

"I'm not entirely sure myself," the pink haired doctor answered. "I was walking down the hallway, checking on everyone. And when I got to Tenten and Hinata's room, someone screamed. I guess it was Tenten. I turned on the lights and Hinata ran out of the room. Tenten was sitting in bed screaming. Then, everyone came running out of their rooms to gather here. That's when you showed up."

Sasuke mulled this over for a split second before turning to Tenten. "Why were you screaming?"

Tenten shrugged. "I don't know." She glanced over at Hinata. "I had a nightmare, I guess."

"You guess? What are you? Schizophrenic?" Naruto asked, smiling in an eerie way.

"Shut up, Naruto," Tenten said.

"Why should I? You're the one who woke us all up with your big mouth," Naruto retorted, placing his hands on his hips in a very feminine fashion.

Sasuke held up his hands. "That's enough. Hinata, I don't suppose you have anything to add to Tenten's story?"

Everyone was silent. Hinata kept her eyes to the floor and didn't move.

Mentally, Sasuke sighed. "All right. Everyone, go back to bed. Tenten, do you want to talk about your nightmare?"

"No. Sorry everyone."

The group dispersed. Tsunade placed a hand on his shoulder and told him to go home and get some rest. She'd watch Chidori overnight. Sasuke didn't argue. It was when he looked up from thanking Tsunade that he saw something that drove even the prospect of his brother coming to Konoha from his mind.

Hinata, looking at him with those large, beautiful, broken eyes.

-

Once Tenten was sure that no one was in the hall, she whispered, "Hinata, what happened? Did you have a nightmare?"

Tenten had heard Hinata hitting the wall and thought it had been a burglar. More precisely, she had thought it was her father, who had molested her and then killed her mother once he was convicted. Killed her in the court room, in front of Tenten, who had been only eleven at the time. She heard someone stand up and the shadow fell over her. Just like his used to. She screamed.

Now, Tenten had pieced together what had really happened. Hinata had been having a nightmare and must have been thrashing in her sleep, resulting in her hitting the wall. She must have woken up, frightened, and stood up. Still unused to the room, Hinata must have taken a few steps too many, having her stand over her (Tenten's) bed. Tenten had taken all the blame, because she pitied the silent girl.

"Knock once for yes. Twice for no—" Tenten heard one tap. "You feeling all right? Well, better anyways." One tap. "It gets better." Another tap. "It's safe here."

Two taps.

-

Hinata sat in front of Sasuke, avoiding his eyes. There was something too scary about looking someone in the eyes. It was as if they could see into her head, see her thoughts. She preferred people looking through her.

She'd gone to a group therapy that morning. It was there that she had met the psychologist of Chidori, a man named Kankuro who had purple designs on his face. Nii-san had also been there.

She had learned that Lee really was bipolar, despite his bad imitation of it when she first met him. Part of his problem was he projected his emotions by over exaggerating his disorder. Or something of that effect. Ino had been in six hospitals before coming to Chidori. Temari had gotten arrested and they had put her here. Shikamaru was thought to be untreatable. Chidori was his last chance. Tenten had tried kill herself, but had been found. Gaara had also been arrested, much like his sister, and they put him here to be with his sister. For Choji, this all had been chance. Naruto had been in several mental institutes before this.

Chidori, it seemed, was a place for misfits and last chances.

Hinata knew she wasn't a misfit, so she assumed that this was her last chance. She wondered what had happened to all of her other chances. Had she wasted them living out her life? Had she wasted her chances painting? Had they been wasted not crying for her mother's death? Had they been wasted as she stood in the dark woods surrounding home, wondering what had gone wrong?

What had gone wrong?

"Hinata," Sasuke said, eyes watching her. "How are you today?"

Unsurprisingly, Hinata did not respond. He saw her trying to disappear.

Hinata was expecting him to start talking. She did not expect to feel his hand under her chin, forcing her to look him in the eyes. Sasuke wasn't rough; no, he was gentler than any man she had ever known. She realized that she had not heard him stand up or move.

Looking him in the eyes frightened her as much as it put her at ease. But, that only scared her more. She jerked her head down. Sasuke leaned against his desk, hands in his pockets. His face was downcast, Hinata saw when she chanced a glance.

After what might have been five seconds or twenty minutes, Sasuke spoke. His voice was so quiet and so gentle.

"You're in pain. You're hurt. You're afraid to let someone know what happened to you, because you think it's your fault. Well, it's not your fault. You know that, but you're lying to yourself to stop the hurt.

"You're crying on the inside, aren't you? You're afraid to let out what you're feeling because then it would be too real. Dealing with your feelings is too painful. You'd rather just lock it up and pretend that you don't hurt.

"The hurt's getting too much, so you try to harm yourself. It eases the pain a bit. You're so confused. Everything's happening too fast for you to concentrate. Numbness is setting in quickly. You're dissociating all the time, but you're trying to pretend that everything's fine.

"You can't let anyone know what's going on, because if they knew, they wouldn't love you anymore. They wouldn't care about you. They'd leave you. You're afraid to be alone, even though you're already alone. You don't want that confirmation. So, you keep playing the game, hoping it will get better but knowing it won't."

Hinata's eyes were wide by the end of his speech. How could he know? How could he know?!

Her reaction let Sasuke know that he was right in suspicions. A traumatic event triggered depression, insecurity, and fear which in turn triggered the self-injury which triggered the eating disorder. All of that combined was a textbook syndrome.

Only thing he didn't understand was the lack of speech. How could he help her if she wouldn't tell him anything?

How could she get better if she wouldn't say it all out loud and confront it?

Was the truth that painful?

I can't say anything, Hinata thought. That's against the rules. Don't say a thing and you won't hurt.


AN: Well, I think it's a fairly good chapter. I got in what I needed to, but I don't like the ending. It bugs me. I couldn't hit the right chord, but I ended it all the same. Anyways, the song might not be your favorite, but the lyrics work the best. Sorry about that. Review if so inclined.