Disclaimer: Once again, I do not own any of Sega's Characters, Sega does. I do not own Dane Cook's "Legendado or The Elevator" Acts, Dane Cook does. I own Flash the Cat.
Sonic: OK! He's back and ready for more! So here is Flash!
(Applause)
Flash: Ok, so I'm by myself, I'm alone on the elevator. I'm standing there, and the doors open up. When they opened up, I saw 15 horrified looking people just horrified looking. They were all looking at this one guy who just started screaming "FINE! KISS MY A**! KISS MY A**!" So he backs into the elevator, he pushes a button, the doors close, and I'm alone with this guy.
(Laughter)
Flash: I was just standing there, like I was frozen in Fear. The dude looks over to me and he goes "BULLS***!"
(Laughter)
Flash: And I was just so scared, all I could say was "Yeah. Whatever you're saying man, I agree. You are right."
(Laughter)
Flash: And you know, when you are in one of those situations, how ideas come buzzing through your head? Like bzzzzzzzz. Well one thought that actually came into my mind for a second was "Ok. Maybe if I act more upset than this guy, it would kind of diffuse the whole situation."
(Laughter)
Flash: Maybe when he turned and said "BULLS***!" I would be like "YOU GOTTA CALM DOWN! ARRRGGHHH!" And maybe he would be like "Dude, It was me, I'm fine." "ARGGHHH! ARGGHHH!" "Dude, it's cool, I'm sorry."
(Laughter)
Flash: Everyone wants to have something they leave behind. Something that people will remember them by. Everybody wants to have a legacy. And you are probably saying "Flash I don't know tell me what to do." Well I will tell you. You don't have to do some grand huge thing. It can be something that you do on a daily basis. For example, I was walking down the street, and I saw a kid eating an ice cream cone. I ran up to him, and smashed it in his face. I said "YOU REMEMBER ME FOREVER!" and I ran into the woods.
(Laughter)
Flash: You wanna affect lives, then you do this. Next time you are at a party, everyone is having a good time, dancing and drinking, doing heroin, and everyone is having a blast... This is what I want you to do. Go into the room where they put the coats, you know, they just throw them on the floor, this is what I want you to do. Go to the bathroom on the coats.
(Ooohhhhh)
Flash: You will affect lives cause you know that at some point in the future, someone is going to come out of that room and say "SOMEONE S*** ON THE COATS!"
(laughter)
Flash: We all want to achieve things. And then we all want to be a part of someone else's achievements, Or maybe not Achievements. For example, what I have always wanted to see, from when I was just a little tot and I grew up, even up until now, something I got to see three weeks ago. Something I was so thrilled to see. I saw somebody get hit by a car.
(Laughter)
Flash: It was a blast. *WHAM!* *SPLAT!* This guy he got cracked, and he went flying through the air, like a techo character when somebody doesn't know the combos and just hits all of the buttons. It was fantastic. Here is how it went down. This guy is walking down the street, he's got his headphones on, walking like a queer, which I don't know what makes you walk like that, is it Maracas? He starts crossing the street, and he's got a "Not a very good time to cross" signal, and as he starts to go I see the car VROOM! Starting to come, and instantly, I'm like "YES!"
(laughter)
Flash: *POW!* This guy gets clocked, he's flying through the air, His Shoes flew off, I'm laughing.
(laughter)
Flash: This was how the guy landed, My favorite part of the story. He comes down, he flips over, he lands on his feet, he jumps up, and then he starts to walk around embarresed.
(laughter)
Flash: He's trying to play it off like he didn't just get hit by a car. Amazing.
(laughter)
Flash: People around him are like "OMG! Dude are you okay?" and he's like "Yeah, I'm fine, seriously, I'm a little bit hungry, but other than that I'm fine." "No dude, you need to sit down, you are bleeding from the ears." "I know, I do that, I empty the blood out of my head every three weeks, it's a tradition in my family. Has anybody seen my shoes? I kicked them off in a fit of joy."
(laughter)
Flash: We all want to experience these things, but there is another thing on my list. Love.
(laughter)
Flash: I want to be a part of love, I want it to wrap me up, to hug me.
(giggles)
Flash: I was with a girl for a little while. (making fun of him and Fiona) We broke up. Clack. We broke up. One of the reasons we broke up, is she exaggerated everything. "Hey Flash, there was a fire at my house, and there was like, a thousand fire fighters outside my house." "No. There were not a thousand fire fighters. That would be way to many. They would be like "What are we all doing out here? There is like a F***ing Thousand of us!" "What do we do?" "I don't know maybe make a line there is like a thousand of us!""
(Laughter)
Flash: The second reason we broke up, is they wanted to bring our pet cat ( The domestic kind) to the dog park. We don't want cats in our dog park. Why? Because dogs have cool names. Like "Beast!" "Titan! Titan come here!" Nobody wants to hear "Captain Majestic! Captain Majestic! Simple Sensations! Come here!"
(Laughter)
Flash: What is love Flash? What can I explain to the crowd how it feels? Well I got it. I know how it feels. When you don't have love, and everybody you know is in love, it's like a party is going on, and everybody was invited except for you! And you just happen to be walking by that house in the rain! (pretends to wipe tears from eyes and walks away depressed.)
(laughter and aws)
Flash: It is sad, but that is how it feels. But once you're in love, that's like being inside that party, going "Where the F*** is my Jacket I want to get out of here. I've been at this party for 60 years, and I want to see other parties, where is my jack- SOMEONE S*** ON THE COATS!"
(laughter and applause)
Flash: I've gotta get out of here, going on a date with Erm... someone. Tell your mom I said hi!
Sonic: Ok, please review!
Me: Oh, and my mom said I have to cut off my private messaging, cause she doesn't like getting emails about them, cause she gets them a lot, so I will talk Via Reviews now (by logging out and leaving messages as reviews and putting my name in so people know who I am.)
